Not attracted to my wife enough

HelpNeeded · Feb 21, 2021

Hi,

I hope someone can help. I have stupidly got my wife and I into a very regrettable situation.

We married over ten years ago, neither of us having had much sexual experience anywhere. I did, and still do, love my wife a lot. We have a lot in common. She is great in many ways. One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'. So I told myself that the more Godly thing would be to marry her, and because I got 'excited' easily anyway, sex shouldn't be a problem to deliver at any time.

Years passed, and I thought things were ok, because we did have sex (although rarely, due to various reasons). However, unknown at first to me, my wife sensed that I didn't have an overwhelming need for sex with her. I didn't think it was 'essential', as I still found her attractive, but it has proven to be very hurtful for my wife. We just had a conversation where I explained that I do enjoy her breasts when we are actually having sex together, but she asked me directly whether her breast size was sufficient for me, and I had to say no (and she knew anyway). She feels completely tricked and trapped. I certainly never meant to 'trap' or 'trick' her, but I cannot blame her for how she feels at all. She says she should have married one of her previous partners / friends who displayed a lot more desire for her. We have young children, an expensive mortgage, and only I am employed. She is still young and on the one hand would like to move on, as she feels the last ~10yrs has been stolen from her, but on the other hand doesn't know what to do Biblically. (Btw I do not watch inappropriate content and only got my first computer at 26, so it's just a preference I always had in there.

Hope you can help

Michie · Feb 21, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
Hi,

I hope someone can help. I have stupidly got my wife and I into a very regrettable situation.

We married over ten years ago, neither of us having had much sexual experience anywhere. I did, and still do, love my wife a lot. We have a lot in common. She is great in many ways. One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'. So I told myself that the more Godly thing would be to marry her, and because I got 'excited' easily anyway, sex shouldn't be a problem to deliver at any time.

Years passed, and I thought things were ok, because we did have sex (although rarely, due to various reasons). However, unknown at first to me, my wife sensed that I didn't have an overwhelming need for sex with her. I didn't think it was 'essential', as I still found her attractive, but it has proven to be very hurtful for my wife. We just had a conversation where I explained that I do enjoy her breasts when we are actually having sex together, but she asked me directly whether her breast size was sufficient for me, and I had to say no (and she knew anyway). She feels completely tricked and trapped. I certainly never meant to 'trap' or 'trick' her, but I cannot blame her for how she feels at all. She says she should have married one of her previous partners / friends who displayed a lot more desire for her. We have young children, an expensive mortgage, and only I am employed. She is still young and on the one hand would like to move on, as she feels the last ~10yrs has been stolen from her, but on the other hand doesn't know what to do Biblically. (Btw I do not watch inappropriate content and only got my first computer at 26, so it's just a preference I always had in there.

Hope you can help

If you both love each other why don’t you work it out? The breast size thing seems like an incredibly vapid excuse to break up a marriage. Maybe see a Christian counselor.

tturt · Feb 21, 2021

You know Scripture reveals God's standard, some of His wisdom, and He knows we have to have His help to follow Him and His Word - in every area of our lives.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" Eph 5:25 There aren't any conditions to this Scripture.

Jesus told them about how Moses handled these situations but "And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mark 10 Urge you to think about these Scriptures when you think otherrwise. That's renewing our minds with His Word which we need to do (Ii Cor 10:5).

Plus we're to keep our vows (Psa 15:4, Matt 5)

Asks the Lord to help you do what His Word says for you to do.. You can have a successful marriage with her because of God.

God is always the answer.

Oompa Loompa · Feb 21, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
Hi,

I hope someone can help. I have stupidly got my wife and I into a very regrettable situation.

We married over ten years ago, neither of us having had much sexual experience anywhere. I did, and still do, love my wife a lot. We have a lot in common. She is great in many ways. One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'. So I told myself that the more Godly thing would be to marry her, and because I got 'excited' easily anyway, sex shouldn't be a problem to deliver at any time.

Years passed, and I thought things were ok, because we did have sex (although rarely, due to various reasons). However, unknown at first to me, my wife sensed that I didn't have an overwhelming need for sex with her. I didn't think it was 'essential', as I still found her attractive, but it has proven to be very hurtful for my wife. We just had a conversation where I explained that I do enjoy her breasts when we are actually having sex together, but she asked me directly whether her breast size was sufficient for me, and I had to say no (and she knew anyway). She feels completely tricked and trapped. I certainly never meant to 'trap' or 'trick' her, but I cannot blame her for how she feels at all. She says she should have married one of her previous partners / friends who displayed a lot more desire for her. We have young children, an expensive mortgage, and only I am employed. She is still young and on the one hand would like to move on, as she feels the last ~10yrs has been stolen from her, but on the other hand doesn't know what to do Biblically. (Btw I do not watch inappropriate content and only got my first computer at 26, so it's just a preference I always had in there.

Hope you can help

How would you feel if she told you she was never satisfied and wanted to leave you because your penis was too small? Think about that and try to understand why she is hurt. Frankly, if you are wishing to divorce because of her breast, you don't deserve her. But you are on a Christian forum so I assume you would like a Biblical answer. So here it is. Biblically, unless she has an affair, you are stuck with her until death. Even if you get a divorce, spiritually you will still be bound to her.

Michie · Feb 21, 2021

Oompa Loompa said:
How would you feel if she told you she was never satisfied and wanted to leave you because your penis was too small? Think about that. Frankly, if you are wishing to divorce because of her breast, you don't deserve her.

Putting up a poll about your marriage which has children and allowing strangers to vote on it is pretty vile as well.

Oompa Loompa · Feb 21, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'.

Just wanted to add that this is also a shallow and "RIDICULOUS" reason to divorce her too.

Michie · Feb 21, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
Hi,

I hope someone can help. I have stupidly got my wife and I into a very regrettable situation.

We married over ten years ago, neither of us having had much sexual experience anywhere. I did, and still do, love my wife a lot. We have a lot in common. She is great in many ways. One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'. So I told myself that the more Godly thing would be to marry her, and because I got 'excited' easily anyway, sex shouldn't be a problem to deliver at any time.

Years passed, and I thought things were ok, because we did have sex (although rarely, due to various reasons). However, unknown at first to me, my wife sensed that I didn't have an overwhelming need for sex with her. I didn't think it was 'essential', as I still found her attractive, but it has proven to be very hurtful for my wife. We just had a conversation where I explained that I do enjoy her breasts when we are actually having sex together, but she asked me directly whether her breast size was sufficient for me, and I had to say no (and she knew anyway). She feels completely tricked and trapped. I certainly never meant to 'trap' or 'trick' her, but I cannot blame her for how she feels at all. She says she should have married one of her previous partners / friends who displayed a lot more desire for her. We have young children, an expensive mortgage, and only I am employed. She is still young and on the one hand would like to move on, as she feels the last ~10yrs has been stolen from her, but on the other hand doesn't know what to do Biblically. (Btw I do not watch inappropriate content and only got my first computer at 26, so it's just a preference I always had in there.

Hope you can help

I’m sorry for the harshness @HelpNeeded but sometimes it is called for. Your sensitivity and impression of what marriage is seems to be severely lacking. Prayers you get the help you need to get things in order.

WolfGate · Feb 21, 2021

Shallow, just super shallow. The solution is for you to mature, not any of the things you have listed.

Gregorikos · Feb 21, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
Hi,

I hope someone can help. I have stupidly got my wife and I into a very regrettable situation.

We married over ten years ago, neither of us having had much sexual experience anywhere. I did, and still do, love my wife a lot. We have a lot in common. She is great in many ways. One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'. So I told myself that the more Godly thing would be to marry her, and because I got 'excited' easily anyway, sex shouldn't be a problem to deliver at any time.

Years passed, and I thought things were ok, because we did have sex (although rarely, due to various reasons). However, unknown at first to me, my wife sensed that I didn't have an overwhelming need for sex with her. I didn't think it was 'essential', as I still found her attractive, but it has proven to be very hurtful for my wife. We just had a conversation where I explained that I do enjoy her breasts when we are actually having sex together, but she asked me directly whether her breast size was sufficient for me, and I had to say no (and she knew anyway). She feels completely tricked and trapped. I certainly never meant to 'trap' or 'trick' her, but I cannot blame her for how she feels at all. She says she should have married one of her previous partners / friends who displayed a lot more desire for her. We have young children, an expensive mortgage, and only I am employed. She is still young and on the one hand would like to move on, as she feels the last ~10yrs has been stolen from her, but on the other hand doesn't know what to do Biblically. (Btw I do not watch inappropriate content and only got my first computer at 26, so it's just a preference I always had in there.

Hope you can help

Brother, you chose her. That's a lot better than many Biblical people got to do. They had a wife chosen by someone else, and they made it work.

Then you stood before God and you made a vow to him. And there were witnesses. Don't you dare go back on your vow to God.

What if she had big boobs when you got married, then got cancer and needed a mastectomy? Would you feel justified in divorcing her for that? I hope you see how wrong that is. Be thankful to God that she has breasts.

Pray for God's help that you can obey this Scripture:

Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
May her breasts satisfy you at all times;
may you be intoxicated always by her love. Proverbs 5:18-19 (NRSV)

RedPonyDriver · Feb 21, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'.

Yup...shallow. That's like a "butterface" excuse. Seriously...grow up. I was cursed with a larger chest and as I've gotten older, well, gravity is real!!! You're looking for an excuse and her breasts are the one you've latched onto. You're honestly a shallow, callow, and yes, ugly human being. Repent and quick. If I were your wife, I'd unload you in a heartbeat.

Leet · Feb 21, 2021

Ugh!!!

topher694 · Feb 22, 2021

First post. Hasn't been back. Looks like a troll to me.

Leet · Feb 22, 2021

topher694 said:
First post. Hasn't been back. Looks like a troll to me.

I reckon it's a member here who made a sock account because he knew it wouldn't be well-received...

HelpNeeded · Feb 22, 2021

It's clear that most responders here have read my original post too quickly, missed what I'm saying, got angry, and then posted a reply.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough:

When I chose my wife, I chose to look at her spiritual, and other non-appearance based attributes like personality. I also find her visually attractive. One thing she did not have was the chest. However, I was almost totally inexperienced regarding sex, and as far as I thought, I would get turned on very easily, so I thought I was doing the right thing ignoring the chest issue, because I love her and that's all you need to enjoy sex.

Years later I still love my wife, but I often can't even 'perform' because of this original issue. I never imagined this happening. I HAVE NEVER WANTED A DIVORCE and have always told her that. I have always said 'let's just keep trying'. In fact, it is my wife who has talked about it a number of times. But, I can't blame her for it, although upsetting, because the whole thing seems so unfair on her. Maybe people take it for granted that a guy will have at least a little advice from their father or some guy. I never had a single word from anyone- not a word. OBVIOUSLY I know that people's bodies can and do change, and I knew enough to account for that when I got married. Weight change, post-baby body, saggy boobs, wrinkles, age- NONE of that kind of stuff bothers me or puts me off AT ALL. The problem is that I literally often can't 'perform' although I desperately want to. My wife naturally wants to feel that I absolutely must have her, so for me to be not even able to get it up, is terrible for her (and me).

I didn't like the 'poll' thing either, but it was there, and I though that's what I was expected to do.

PS: I honestly love Americans and America (a lot of people around the world don't), and I live somewhere where I mix with every nationality in the world all the time, but my goodness some of you guys really perpetuate the global reputation of Americans being rash, angry and aggressive.

Leet · Feb 22, 2021

<nuh, I just can't even with this.>

HIM · Feb 22, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
It's clear that most responders here have read my original post too quickly, missed what I'm saying, got angry, and then posted a reply.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough:

When I chose my wife, I chose to look at her spiritual, and other non-appearance based attributes like personality. I also find her visually attractive. One thing she did not have was the chest. However, I was almost totally inexperienced regarding sex, and as far as I thought, I would get turned on very easily, so I thought I was doing the right thing ignoring the chest issue, because I love her and that's all you need to enjoy sex.

Years later I still love my wife, but I often can't even 'perform' because of this original issue. I never imagined this happening. I HAVE NEVER WANTED A DIVORCE and have always told her that. I have always said 'let's just keep trying'. In fact, it is my wife who has talked about it a number of times. But, I can't blame her for it, although upsetting, because the whole thing seems so unfair on her. Maybe people take it for granted that a guy will have at least a little advice from their father or some guy. I never had a single word from anyone- not a word. OBVIOUSLY I know that people's bodies can and do change, and I knew enough to account for that when I got married. Weight change, post-baby body, saggy boobs, wrinkles, age- NONE of that kind of stuff bothers me or puts me off AT ALL. The problem is that I literally often can't 'perform' although I desperately want to. My wife naturally wants to feel that I absolutely must have her, so for me to be not even able to get it up, is terrible for her (and me).

I didn't like the 'poll' thing either, but it was there, and I though that's what I was expected to do.

PS: I honestly love Americans and America (a lot of people around the world don't), and I live somewhere where I mix with every nationality in the world all the time, but my goodness some of you guys really perpetuate the global reputation of Americans being rash, angry and aggressive.

This should not be an issue. Seek Christian Marriage Counseling brother. If you can't perform it is probably or could be a medical reason. See your family Doctor.

HelpNeeded · Feb 22, 2021

HIM said:
This should not be an issue. Seek Christian Marriage Counseling brother. If you can't perform it is probably or could be a medical reason. See your family Doctor.

Thank you

WolfGate · Feb 22, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
It's clear that most responders here have read my original post too quickly, missed what I'm saying, got angry, and then posted a reply.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough:

When I chose my wife, I chose to look at her spiritual, and other non-appearance based attributes like personality. I also find her visually attractive. One thing she did not have was the chest. However, I was almost totally inexperienced regarding sex, and as far as I thought, I would get turned on very easily, so I thought I was doing the right thing ignoring the chest issue, because I love her and that's all you need to enjoy sex.

Years later I still love my wife, but I often can't even 'perform' because of this original issue. I never imagined this happening. I HAVE NEVER WANTED A DIVORCE and have always told her that. I have always said 'let's just keep trying'. In fact, it is my wife who has talked about it a number of times. But, I can't blame her for it, although upsetting, because the whole thing seems so unfair on her. Maybe people take it for granted that a guy will have at least a little advice from their father or some guy. I never had a single word from anyone- not a word. OBVIOUSLY I know that people's bodies can and do change, and I knew enough to account for that when I got married. Weight change, post-baby body, saggy boobs, wrinkles, age- NONE of that kind of stuff bothers me or puts me off AT ALL. The problem is that I literally often can't 'perform' although I desperately want to. My wife naturally wants to feel that I absolutely must have her, so for me to be not even able to get it up, is terrible for her (and me).

I didn't like the 'poll' thing either, but it was there, and I though that's what I was expected to do.

PS: I honestly love Americans and America (a lot of people around the world don't), and I live somewhere where I mix with every nationality in the world all the time, but my goodness some of you guys really perpetuate the global reputation of Americans being rash, angry and aggressive.

Go back and read your first post. You clearly took what is a joint problem you and your wife have (differing levels of desire and performance issues) and laid the fault on her breasts. You blamed her; no wonder she wants to move on. If you really are serious and would prefer to save your marriage, the two of you need to go to counseling. Marriage is about being committed and unified. Recognize that if one of you has a problem, you both do. Realize you are responsible for changing what you can, which in your case appears to include the approach you take with blaming your wife for joint, and your own, problems.

RedPonyDriver · Feb 22, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
PS: I honestly love Americans and America (a lot of people around the world don't), and I live somewhere where I mix with every nationality in the world all the time, but my goodness some of you guys really perpetuate the global reputation of Americans being rash, angry and aggressive.

You come on here saying that you don't "love" your wife because her breasts are too small and you expect "nice"??? Dude...listen...get over yourself. IF you were my husband, you'd get the left foot of fellowship in a minute.

2PhiloVoid · Feb 22, 2021

HelpNeeded said:
Hi,

I hope someone can help. I have stupidly got my wife and I into a very regrettable situation.

We married over ten years ago, neither of us having had much sexual experience anywhere. I did, and still do, love my wife a lot. We have a lot in common. She is great in many ways. One problem though, was that I was never satisfied at all about the size of her breasts, but I thought, 'That's a RIDICULOUS reason not to marry- how shallow'. So I told myself that the more Godly thing would be to marry her, and because I got 'excited' easily anyway, sex shouldn't be a problem to deliver at any time.

Years passed, and I thought things were ok, because we did have sex (although rarely, due to various reasons). However, unknown at first to me, my wife sensed that I didn't have an overwhelming need for sex with her. I didn't think it was 'essential', as I still found her attractive, but it has proven to be very hurtful for my wife. We just had a conversation where I explained that I do enjoy her breasts when we are actually having sex together, but she asked me directly whether her breast size was sufficient for me, and I had to say no (and she knew anyway). She feels completely tricked and trapped. I certainly never meant to 'trap' or 'trick' her, but I cannot blame her for how she feels at all. She says she should have married one of her previous partners / friends who displayed a lot more desire for her. We have young children, an expensive mortgage, and only I am employed. She is still young and on the one hand would like to move on, as she feels the last ~10yrs has been stolen from her, but on the other hand doesn't know what to do Biblically. (Btw I do not watch inappropriate content and only got my first computer at 26, so it's just a preference I always had in there.

Hope you can help

I guess if you're still around I'm up for a brief chat about your preference difficulties, not that I have a solution for them really.

But if you're legit, let's chat.

Not attracted to my wife enough

Should we divorce?

Stay together even though the wife will never feel sexually needed. (Good for the children, bad4us

Stay together until the children grow up (no freedom for my wife, but better for the children

Divorce, even though it will be very tough, on us and the children.

New Member

Well-Known Member

Senior Veteran

Against both police brutality and cop killing.

Well-Known Member

Against both police brutality and cop killing.

Well-Known Member

Senior Member

Ordinary Mystic

Professional Pot Stirrer

Active Member

Go Turtle!

Active Member

New Member

Active Member

Friend

New Member

Senior Member

Professional Pot Stirrer

Get my point, Web-Maker ???

Similar threads