First post, opinions needed.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

Hello,

My name is James and this is my first post on the forum. I have been a christian for almost a year now.

I have to say that i have signed up so that i could receive some help with a problem i am facing.

I have a job working for my fathers business. I know that if my Dad was not the boss, then i would not be working there, and would not last there if i did.

My co-workers do not like me. I have worked there for over two years and they did not like me even before i turned to God, so this is not the reason that they do not like me.

I have for the most part been okay with their dislike and have been able to- mostly- brush of their 'attacks' on me; however, recently a young ish lad ( a family friend) started working for us, and in the beginning he was often with me and we got on quite well; however, recently he has been working with the other two lads whom really dislike me and i have begun to notice that he is becoming increasingly disrespectful towards me.

I have been torn over how to handle this.

As i grow in the faith, i become stronger in Gods word, and feel as though, i could stand up for myself through Christ.

However, no one else in the business is saved, and i feel like becoming vocally righteous against them would create a lot of tension; which would in turn put stress onto my father whom would have to take a side; and i do not want to be a reason for his business being affected negatively.

As i said, in the past, i have been content to go along with things and not add to drama or create drama; however, it is becoming harder and harder.

For example, can i just smile and go along with the pretense of 'friendship' when i have genuine cause to be angry with them? Or do i take a stand, risk isolating myself, and cause difficulty and ill-feeling throughout the work force?

So should i go along with them? or make a stand against them, regardless of the cost?

Any thoughts and advice would be welcome,

Many thanks,

James.

kingsdaughter85 · Feb 16, 2021

Welcome James . I hope you get some thoughts and advice you are looking for here. God bless you and your family

Ophiolite · Feb 16, 2021

I'm not a Christian, so you might want to ignore what follows.

Consider that there may be other options. Can you not have an open discussion with them? State that you are troubled by the tensions that exist. You would like to resolve differences so that, even if you never become friends, you can work together with mutual respect and courtesy. You are willing to do what it takes and seek their input.

That's one option. Others may occur to you if you open your mind to the possibilities.

At any rate, I wish you well with dealing with the situation.

returntosender · Feb 16, 2021

WELCOME!

Being a new Christian you might be giving an impression that you are above them. Often people feel intimidated by new Christians feeling inferior or that you are judging them.
JMO. Ask in a nice Christian way why they are feeling the way they do toward you. Start with the person you were friends with.

Sophrosyne · Feb 16, 2021

You can't make people like you, you can only be a good witness to God working in your life and let the chips fall where they may. If people "know" that you are a Christian then things someone change when dealing with them and not always for the better as those who are also Christian (or say they are) may treat you better and be a bit less raunchy around you while others may actually get more raunchy and attack you just to see if you "flinch".
When dealing with people that are "encouraged" to bad behavior by peer pressure and immoral "logic" you almost always end up losing. It is sort of like dealing with someone in a religious cult as these people get some of those around them sucked in such that when you try to reason with them they back off a short while till they talk things over with the other guys and then come back at times almost a different person someone that was nice and liked you becomes means and attacks you. Typically these types of people sooner or later will continue pushing things till they cross a certain line that gets them in trouble with the person who signs their paycheck.
My advice is as long as this doesn't affect the work getting done and you aren't being physically assaulted or any vicious rumors being spread just be yourself and endure.
I've had jobs where I was picked on big time by someone, and lived with a roommate for years that went totally nuts over attacking me. When he got a girlfriend she put a stop to his thinking so maybe pray he gets a God fearing girlfriend that gets a dose of his attitude from work and puts it to him stop it or you're history.
Anyway My roommate backed off but since he never apologized for actions way way beyond picking on me I didn't attempt to restore our broken friendship as I could not trust him as a friend to fall prey to peer pressure and do nasty things again. The best thing to do is to find people that are the best workers that have the best standards and hang with them and ignore these people. The whiners and gripers and rabble rousers in life either have to grow up or be constantly abandoned in the work place.

Basil the Great · Feb 16, 2021

Welcome to the forums and may you stay safe and well in these difficult days.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to read my message and reply to it.

I appreciate your advice, but I think the problem that i have is that i have let it go on too long, and have always avoided conflict.

i dont think that i would be able to sit down and talk to them in that way, as i am too proud - which i know i shouldn't be- and they have never given me the respect of talking to me in a measured way such as this.

After posting, i did find a youtube video:

, which (at the beginning) says that it is okay to hate and be angry over beahavior, as long as i/we do not hate the person; and that using my anger over their behaviour could help them.

I think that i am going to wait for the next snide comment and then confront them over it- in a measured way, hopefully- and see what happens.

bèlla · Feb 16, 2021

Why are they comfortable being hostile towards you while working for your father? Most people would reign in their behavior for that reason.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

St_Worm2 · Feb 16, 2021

Hello @jameshjr, first off, WELCOME TO CCHAT :wave:

As for the predicament that you've found yourself in with your co-workers, if Christianity is not the source of their dislike of you, what is?* You mentioned that you are not good at your job. Is that the problem? Also, does your father feel the same way about your work that you (and possibly) your co-workers do?*

*(if you'd prefer not to go into part or all of that, then don't, of course)

Like you, I worked for my father's business when I was kid. I worked hard and had no trouble getting along with my co-workers 1. because I did, and quite frankly, 2. because of who I was (so I find it a bit odd that you are having so much trouble).

Is there anything that you can do to turn their opinion of you around? (though I realize this may possibly require quite a bit of humility on your part, I believe that is the course you should take, now that you are a Christian).

One thing that you should ~not~ do is become "vocally righteous against them", as beating people over the head with your Bible never works

We are to "speak the truth", but we are always to do so .. "in love" .. e.g. Ephesians 4:15; 1 Corinthians 13:1-8.

Praying for you!

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - have you talked to your pastor about all of this yet? If not, that's the first thing that I would do, both for his counsel, and so that he will know how to be praying for you as well.

1 Thessalonians 5
23 May the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body
be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
24 Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

kingsdaughter85 said:
Welcome James . I hope you get some thoughts and advice you are looking for here. God bless you and your family

Thank you for your welcome, and may God bless you and your family also.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

alllivesmatter said:
WELCOME!

Being a new Christian you might be giving an impression that you are above them. Often people feel intimidated by new Christians feeling inferior or that you are judging them.
JMO. Ask in a nice Christian way why they are feeling the way they do toward you. Start with the person you were friends with.

Thank you for replying to my post. I haven't told them i am a christian, but other people know, so they would probably know through the grapevine, and to be honest, their behaviour towards me has not changed too much.

I feel like i already know why they act the way they do towards me in that i am not as good at the job as they want me to be. Though, writing this out, it would be better to know exactly why they dont like me from them.

pescador · Feb 16, 2021

jameshjr said:
Hello,

My name is James and this is my first post on the forum. I have been a christian for almost a year now.

I have to say that i have signed up so that i could receive some help with a problem i am facing.

I have a job working for my fathers business. I know that if my Dad was not the boss, then i would not be working there, and would not last there if i did.

My co-workers do not like me. I have worked there for over two years and they did not like me even before i turned to God, so this is not the reason that they do not like me.

I have for the most part been okay with their dislike and have been able to- mostly- brush of their 'attacks' on me; however, recently a young ish lad ( a family friend) started working for us, and in the beginning he was often with me and we got on quite well; however, recently he has been working with the other two lads whom really dislike me and i have begun to notice that he is becoming increasingly disrespectful towards me.

I have been torn over how to handle this.

As i grow in the faith, i become stronger in Gods word, and feel as though, i could stand up for myself through Christ.

However, no one else in the business is saved, and i feel like becoming vocally righteous against them would create a lot of tension; which would in turn put stress onto my father whom would have to take a side; and i do not want to be a reason for his business being affected negatively.

As i said, in the past, i have been content to go along with things and not add to drama or create drama; however, it is becoming harder and harder.

For example, can i just smile and go along with the pretense of 'friendship' when i have genuine cause to be angry with them? Or do i take a stand, risk isolating myself, and cause difficulty and ill-feeling throughout the work force?

So should i go along with them? or make a stand against them, regardless of the cost?

Any thoughts and advice would be welcome,

Many thanks,

James.

Welcome!

Since it is your father's business then it is his problem to resolve. Regardless of your relationship to him no business owner should tolerate the unacceptable behavior of his employees.

I'll pray for you that God's will shall prevail in this situation.

Sophrosyne · Feb 16, 2021

jameshjr said:
Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to read my message and reply to it.

I appreciate your advice, but I think the problem that i have is that i have let it go on too long, and have always avoided conflict.

i dont think that i would be able to sit down and talk to them in that way, as i am too proud - which i know i shouldn't be- and they have never given me the respect of talking to me in a measured way such as this.

After posting, i did find a youtube video:

, which (at the beginning) says that it is okay to hate and be angry over beahavior, as long as i/we do not hate the person; and that using my anger over their behaviour could help them.

I think that i am going to wait for the next snide comment and then confront them over it- in a measured way, hopefully- and see what happens.

You cannot help people who don't respect you, they have to learn the hard way by someone who they do respect. Hating what people do likely will only make you bitter and want to lash out at them in a way that is unprofitable in the end. The best thing to do with people that spread rumors and attack you is prove them totally wrong to everyone else but them and do that often and well and these people's gripes will start to both fall on deaf ears and start to irritate people who then realize the truth.
Be the best and the rest will fall in line in time.

returntosender · Feb 16, 2021

jameshjr said:
Thank you for replying to my post. I haven't told them i am a christian, but other people know, so they would probably know through the grapevine, and to be honest, their behaviour towards me has not changed too much.

I feel like i already know why they act the way they do towards me in that i am not as good at the job as they want me to be. Though, writing this out, it would be better to know exactly why they dont like me from them.

That makes sense. You being the owners son they may feel you are being favored. I am not sure why you don't think you do very well but if you are portraying that it would explain their thinking you are favored. It is sad to think you feel that way about your work. I hope you are wrong. Can you do anything to improve your production? Remember that you are there because God put you there and do your best job for him. You should also set a good example for them being you are the bosses son. Its hard for us to know getting only one side but it sounds like you are thinking it through and on the right track.
God bless you and be proud of yourself. Its important to find the goodness in yourself.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

jameshjr said:
Thank you for your welcome, and may God bless you and your family also.[/QUOT

Sophrosyne said:

You can't make people like you, you can only be a good witness to God working in your life and let the chips fall where they may. If people "know" that you are a Christian then things someone change when dealing with them and not always for the better as those who are also Christian (or say they are) may treat you better and be a bit less raunchy around you while others may actually get more raunchy and attack you just to see if you "flinch".
When dealing with people that are "encouraged" to bad behavior by peer pressure and immoral "logic" you almost always end up losing. It is sort of like dealing with someone in a religious cult as these people get some of those around them sucked in such that when you try to reason with them they back off a short while till they talk things over with the other guys and then come back at times almost a different person someone that was nice and liked you becomes means and attacks you. Typically these types of people sooner or later will continue pushing things till they cross a certain line that gets them in trouble with the person who signs their paycheck.
My advice is as long as this doesn't affect the work getting done and you aren't being physically assaulted or any vicious rumors being spread just be yourself and endure.
I've had jobs where I was picked on big time by someone, and lived with a roommate for years that went totally nuts over attacking me. When he got a girlfriend she put a stop to his thinking so maybe pray he gets a God fearing girlfriend that gets a dose of his attitude from work and puts it to him stop it or you're history.
Anyway My roommate backed off but since he never apologized for actions way way beyond picking on me I didn't attempt to restore our broken friendship as I could not trust him as a friend to fall prey to peer pressure and do nasty things again. The best thing to do is to find people that are the best workers that have the best standards and hang with them and ignore these people. The whiners and gripers and rabble rousers in life either have to grow up or be constantly abandoned in the work place.

Click to expand...

Hello, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

I'm sorry to hear that you have had worse experiences than me with this kind of thing.

I agree that when someone does not join in with others' bad behaviour it immediately separates that person, which will as a result be the subject of gossip, and consequently excluded from that group.

but its exactly like you say, the young lad was polite, friendly, and respectful and after spending more time with the other two, he is the opposite, and what makes it worse is that the others at least hide their dislike he is wearing it on his sleeve.

I take your point, that i should stick to the good apples and keep away from the others' asmuch as is possible.

but i have to say that i am becoming increasingly convinced that i need to say something, when attacked(verbally), and that it is the right thing to do.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

Basil the Great said:
Welcome to the forums and may you stay safe and well in these difficult days.

Thank you for your welcome,i hope that you and your family stay safe and well also.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

bèlla said:
Why are they comfortable being hostile towards you while working for your father? Most people would reign in their behavior for that reason.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

Hello, thanks for writing backto me about this.

They know that i wont say anything about it.

bèlla · Feb 16, 2021

jameshjr said:
Hello, thanks for writing backto me about this.

They know that i wont say anything about it.

How is your relationship with your father?

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

St_Worm2 said:
Hello @jameshjr, first off, WELCOME TO CCHAT

As for the predicament that you've found yourself in with your co-workers, if Christianity is not the source of their dislike of you, what is?* You mentioned that you are not good at your job. Is that the problem? Also, does your father feel the same way about your work that you (and possibly) your co-workers do?*

*(if you'd prefer not to go into part or all of that, then don't, of course)

Like you, I worked for my father's business when I was kid. I worked hard and had no trouble getting along with my co-workers 1. because I did, and quite frankly, 2. because of who I was (so I find it a bit odd that you are having so much trouble).

Is there anything that you can do to turn their opinion of you around? (though I realize this may possibly require quite a bit of humility on your part, I believe that is the course you should take, now that you are a Christian).

One thing that you should ~not~ do is become "vocally righteous against them", as beating people over the head with your Bible never works We are to "speak the truth", but we are always to do so .. "in love" .. e.g. Ephesians 4:15; 1 Corinthians 13:1-8.

Praying for you!

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - have you talked to your pastor about all of this yet? If not, that's the first thing that I would do, both for his counsel, and so that he will know how to be praying for you as well.

1 Thessalonians 5
23 May the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body
be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
24 Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

Hello, thank you for getting back to me on this. I don't think that i am bad at the job;maybe not as good as they are,but they certainly think i am bad at it- but then again, they think that everyone who is not them is bad at their job.

and if it were true that i am bad at my job, i read these two passages from the bible earlier about this:

I have applied all these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, brothers, that you may learn by us not to go beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up in favor of one against another. 7 For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive?

1 Corinthians 4:6-13 ESV)

Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble.
Isaiah 35:3

I think that they are showing pride, and an unwillingness to use their gifts for the befit of others. so the thing is, they are not Christians, and therefore i cannot expect them to act in the ways that God dictates they should.

As for my fathers opinion, he has not expressed any dissatisfaction over my performance, but has remarked that i lack confidence at work.

i mean if i do stand up to them, i have to root what i am saying in what God says about how we should behave with one another, and i am sure that being disrespectful to one another is not how he wants us to treat each other.

About speaking to my pastor about this, it is not something i have thought of doing until you suggested it- i tend to sit at the back of the church and leave when it finishes (something i will work on, when we are allowed back in there).

Than you for your prayers, and i will pray for you also.

jameshjr · Feb 16, 2021

Sophrosyne said:
alllivesmatter said:

That makes sense. You being the owners son they may feel you are being favored. I am not sure why you don't think you do very well but if you are portraying that it would explain their thinking you are favored. It is sad to think you feel that way about your work. I hope you are wrong. Can you do anything to improve your production? Remember that you are there because God put you there and do your best job for him. You should also set a good example for them being you are the bosses son. Its hard for us to know getting only one side but it sounds like you are thinking it through and on the right track.
God bless you and be proud of yourself. Its important to find the goodness in yourself.

Click to expand...

That could be true, and to be fair it might be true that i am favored and is something that i should think about and speak with my father about.

I'm sure that i could be more productive by being more confident an putting myself forward more. however, i am not going to change and be a way that they think i should be if it is not in accord with Gods will.

I appreciate that you are just hearing one side and that i am no doubt editing it to make myself look as good as possible, though i have tried not to do that.

First post, opinions needed.

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