I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't want it

Isilwen · Feb 7, 2021

coffee4u said:
God designed the family and best of all is the child who is raised in a loving Christian home with both parents being involved in his or her raising.

This is ideal, but as we all come to find out, this world isn't ideal.

I take offense to anyone who claims that I am less than because I was raised by a single mother. I take offense for all single parents out there raising their children because the world isn't ideal.

coffee4u · Feb 7, 2021

Isilwen said:
This is ideal, but as we all come to find out, this world isn't ideal.

I take offense to anyone who claims that I am less than because I was raised by a single mother. I take offense for all single parents out there raising their children because the world isn't ideal.

I know the world isn't ideal, but a mother and father who have given their life to Christ who are involved and supportive to their child is the very best situation. Every step away from this becomes less and less ideal. It's a spectrum from the very best to the very worst. The very worst could be a single or two parent family. Far better to be a single parent and away from an abuser.

Acknowledging the best does not mean ragging on single parents. But saying oh it doesn't matter if a child has just a dad or just a mother and I can do it all, is letting both the child and themselves down. The very best single parent should understand that they can only be either a mother or a father not both, and plan for ways to bring in role models of the other gender to attempt to balance out the missing parent. If the father has gone or is dead, a grandfather could fill that role or a close friend, but it is important. The same goes for single dads. No one is saying that you are less, but the point is you were missing a father and that is not the ideal situation.

splish- splash · Feb 7, 2021

grumix8 said:
well no one will take you seriously ;D she decide what to do, prayer is the best help. I pray for her and you laughing isn't helping her. Think things again ;D.

I wasn't laughing at Yana or anyone. I dragged their comments along by accident. But its your comment that i was after. You know the " men are that way " part . I mean, actually no, not all men are that way... I do agree however, that we should pray for our dear Sister.

Hazelelponi · Feb 7, 2021

Isilwen said:
This is ideal, but as we all come to find out, this world isn't ideal.

I take offense to anyone who claims that I am less than because I was raised by a single mother. I take offense for all single parents out there raising their children because the world isn't ideal.

Your not less than anyone.. but being a single parent is hard. I know, I've been one.

Not only is it more difficult financially, but statistically children who have father's that are active parts of their lives are far more likely to finish high school, attend college and have more promising futures overall.

Are there exceptions to the statistical rule? Of course, but they are definitely in the minority... two parents in the home engaged with their children in a positive manner is the ideal for any child.

We can't always provide that, life happens, but if you can provide that for your child it's best.

Macchiato · Feb 7, 2021

coffee4u said:
It isn't to do with how well you as a single parent cope or provide for your child, you could be the most wonderful parent in the world. It's about what the child needs, and a child needs a mother and a father. God designed the family and best of all is the child who is raised in a loving Christian home with both parents being involved in his or her raising. Having other loving relatives around is also very helpful. Every step away from God's family model is a step of greater risk to the child growing into the person that God desires them to be. But certainly a mother and a father is central as each brings something unique that the child needs. A mother is not a father and a father is not a mother. It's been shown even as infants that fathers interact differently with their children and this continues. For girls, how a father interacts with her teaches her how she should expect men to treat her, for boys a father teaches them how to be male and how to treat women. It is vital from about 6 on that boys have good male role model to look up to who can affirm them, so if there is no father around to take on the role there needs to be another man in his life. A mother is not a male role model no matter how she might wish she could be.

Well life isnt linear. There are situations where a spouse dies and they become a single parent--should they then run into anyone's arm just to say they have a man or woman and remarry just to so that other person could replace their spouse? Also a male role model doesn't have to be a father--it could be an uncle or grandfather just as long as it's a positive male influence. I had to talk a friend out of a physically abusive situation bc she didn't want to be a single mother but that ended up being not only a better option but safer one for her and her child. No one should settle for less than just to say you have a male/spouse or should want to.

God understands

Macchiato · Feb 7, 2021

Hazelelponi said:
Your not less than anyone.. but being a single parent is hard. I know, I've been one.

Not only is it more difficult financially, but statistically children who have father's that are active parts of their lives are far more likely to finish high school, attend college and have more promising futures overall.

Are there exceptions to the statistical rule? Of course, but they are definitely in the minority... two parents in the home engaged with their children in a positive manner is the ideal for any child.

We can't always provide that, life happens, but if you can provide that for your child it's best.

I grew up in a 2 parent household, it was toxic. I didn't finish school --My dad was physically present but emotionally gone also just really mean. My childhood friend's dad passed she has her masters and is married. So statistics don't mean too much--you're life is what you make of it.

Macchiato · Feb 7, 2021

Hazelelponi said:
Adoption agencies will let you vet the parents and decide who you prefer to raise your child...

Yeah but vetting is more than just what's on paper. it truly takes a life time or at least years to get to know someone.

grumix8 · Feb 7, 2021

splish- splash said:
I wasn't laughing at Yana or anyone. I dragged their comments along by accident. But its your comment that i was after. You know the " men are that way " part . I mean, actually no, not all men are that way... I do agree however, that we should pray for our dear Sister.

Don't put things with smiley like that and pray for her. that's all.

Michie · Feb 7, 2021

Poppyseed78 · Feb 7, 2021

Rescued One · Feb 7, 2021

coffee4u said:
It isn't to do with how well you as a single parent cope or provide for your child, you could be the most wonderful parent in the world. It's about what the child needs, and a child needs a mother and a father. God designed the family and best of all is the child who is raised in a loving Christian home with both parents being involved in his or her raising. Having other loving relatives around is also very helpful. Every step away from God's family model is a step of greater risk to the child growing into the person that God desires them to be. But certainly a mother and a father is central as each brings something unique that the child needs. A mother is not a father and a father is not a mother. It's been shown even as infants that fathers interact differently with their children and this continues. For girls, how a father interacts with her teaches her how she should expect men to treat her, for boys a father teaches them how to be male and how to treat women. It is vital from about 6 on that boys have good male role model to look up to who can affirm them, so if there is no father around to take on the role there needs to be another man in his life. A mother is not a male role model no matter how she might wish she could be.

Is it your way or the highway? Which Bible verse says we have to give our children up for adoption? Do you sit in judgment on single moms?

Another family at her church can step in and help the child. True Christians help each other.

Are you anti-police? A policeman might be killed before his child is born. Is God wrong for allowing that?

Macchiato · Feb 7, 2021

Isilwen said:
This is ideal, but as we all come to find out, this world isn't ideal.

I take offense to anyone who claims that I am less than because I was raised by a single mother. I take offense for all single parents out there raising their children because the world isn't ideal.

Right! I take offense too. I'm raising my son and he's happy no one will love my boy the way I will. No one.

Rescued One · Feb 7, 2021

Hazelelponi said:
Your not less than anyone.. but being a single parent is hard. I know, I've been one.

Not only is it more difficult financially, but statistically children who have father's that are active parts of their lives are far more likely to finish high school, attend college and have more promising futures overall.

Are there exceptions to the statistical rule? Of course, but they are definitely in the minority... two parents in the home engaged with their children in a positive manner is the ideal for any child.

We can't always provide that, life happens, but if you can provide that for your child it's best.

We have opinions and plans but our opinions aren't necessarily God's. How can we be sure our thoughts are the same as God's?

Macchiato · Feb 7, 2021

Old Lady said:
Is it your way or the highway? Which Bible verse says we have to give our children up for adoption? Do you sit in judgment on single moms?

Another family at her church can step in and help the child. True Christians help each other.

Are you anti-police? A policeman might be killed before his child is born. Is God wrong for allowing that?

Strongly agree with everything you said. there's no bible verse against single parenting at all and honestly I feel it should be required for those that are pro-life to put their money where their mouth is. If you truly believe every child is a blessing; help those that need it. If the single parent needs diapers,clothing or just an hour to themselves do that, help them. Don't just talk that's always the easiest thing to do--if you truly believe what you believe your actions will follow. As you stated real christians help each other.

coffee4u · Feb 8, 2021

Macchiato said:
Well life isnt linear. There are situations where a spouse dies and they become a single parent--should they then run into anyone's arm just to say they have a man or woman and remarry just to so that other person could replace their spouse? Also a male role model doesn't have to be a father--it could be an uncle or grandfather just as long as it's a positive male influence. I had to talk a friend out of a physically abusive situation bc she didn't want to be a single mother but that ended up being not only a better option but safer one for her and her child. No one should settle for less than just to say you have a male/spouse or should want to.

God understands

These days as soon as anything even hinting that single parenthood isn't something wonderful, it gets jumped on.

I already said all of that.
I mentioned single mothers, single fathers, grandparents and friends. I even mentioned abuse and how being a single parent and away from abuse would be better. No where did I mention getting married for the child's sake either.

Macchiato said:
Right! I take offense too. I'm raising my son and he's happy no one will love my boy the way I will. No one.

You take offense at me saying a two parent family with parents who love Christ is the best situation? Seriously. So if that isn't the best situation what is?
Of course no one else will love your son like you do. I am not criticizing your parenting. But you are not a man and as he gets older he will need good male role models. That is all I am trying to say.

coffee4u · Feb 8, 2021

Old Lady said:
Is it your way or the highway? Which Bible verse says we have to give our children up for adoption? Do you sit in judgment on single moms?

Another family at her church can step in and help the child. True Christians help each other.

Are you anti-police? A policeman might be killed before his child is born. Is God wrong for allowing that?

I will repeat what I am saying and put it more concisely because it appears you are all having some knee jerk reaction to the word ' single parent'

1) That the very best situation to raise a child is where two parents love Christ and love their child.
2) Anything below this is not the ideal.
3)Anyone in a situation that is less than ideal would be smart to acknowledge that and take steps to make up for what is lacking if they possibly can. For some this might be adoption. For others it might be family and friends or even an organization like Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Big Brothers Big Sisters Australia

How is this my way or the highway? Where did I say you must give up your child for adoption? Nowhere is where. You are reading into my post what isn't there.

coffee4u · Feb 8, 2021

Hazelelponi said:
Your not less than anyone.. but being a single parent is hard. I know, I've been one.

Not only is it more difficult financially, but statistically children who have father's that are active parts of their lives are far more likely to finish high school, attend college and have more promising futures overall.

Are there exceptions to the statistical rule? Of course, but they are definitely in the minority... two parents in the home engaged with their children in a positive manner is the ideal for any child.

We can't always provide that, life happens, but if you can provide that for your child it's best.

Yes this.

We have a friend who is a single dad. His other half is still alive she just isn't interested in her child and his daughter knows this. When told she is going to see her mum she cries and she often acts out in ways that are more like a 2 year old would act.
This is a child at risk. Hopefully things will get better, might be better if the mother stopped being in her life altogether instead of having her once a month and ignoring her. So its not always absent fathers.

Rescued One · Feb 8, 2021

coffee4u said:
I will repeat what I am saying and put it more concisely because it appears you are all having some knee jerk reaction to the word ' single parent'

Your post came across as "Put the baby up for adoption to a married couple," which is not a biblical commandment or admonition.

coffee4u said:
1) That the very best situation to raise a child is where two parents love Christ and love their child.

We know that.

Many, many converts to Christ marry berfore they are brought to Christ. If those converts weren't raised as Christians, how do they know how to choose a mate? If they were raised by a Christian and non-Christian, do they know who is a Christian? Do they know the definition of a Christian? Do they know how to identify a Christian?

2) Anything below this is not the ideal.

1 Samuel 16:7 NIV
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Mortality isn't ideal --- no thanks to Adam.

coffee4u said:
2) Anything below this is not the ideal.

So the ideal is something most people haven't experienced.

coffee4u said:
3)Anyone in a situation that is less than ideal would be smart to acknowledge that and take steps to make up for what is lacking if they possibly can. For some this might be adoption. For others it might be family and friends or even an organization like Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Big Brothers Big Sisters Australia

How is this my way or the highway? Where did I say you must give up your child for adoption? Nowhere is where. You are reading into my post what isn't there.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Only the Omniscient Lord sees people's hearts.

I don't think we intentionally read anthing into your post what isn't there. Your communication wasn't clear. I wasn't trying to make you angry. Please forgive me. Some of us imperfect humans neglected to ask you what you are trying to say. I know that I have trouble communicating. Let's try to understand one another.

God bless and thank you for clearing things up a little.

coffee4u · Feb 8, 2021

Old Lady said:
Your post came across as "Put the baby up for adoption to a married couple," which is not a biblical commandment or admonition.

I never said that.
I responded to one poster who said they could not ever adopt a child out and I responded to them by saying "I couldn't either, but if she truly doesn't have the means to care for a child, having someone adopt them is the loving thing to do."

We know that.

Seems like many people these days don't know that.

Many, many converts to Christ marry berfore they are brought to Christ. If those converts weren't raised as Christians, how do they know how to choose a mate? If they were raised by a Christian and non-Christian, do they know who is a Christian? Do they know the definition of a Christian? Do they know how to identify a Christian?

Again absolutely nothing to do with what I wrote. I made no hints to any of that. I don't know what you are reading but it certainly isn't my posts

Again, I was trying to say that children from single parent families are at greater risk -denial on this is not helpful to a single parent. A wise parent not only acknowledges this but takes active steps to try to negate the risk. We all need help at times and not seeking it when its needed is called pride. Well we all know what comes after pride.

2) Anything below this is not the ideal.

1 Samuel 16:7 NIV
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Mortality isn't ideal --- no thanks to Adam.

That quote is how the Lord looks upon the heart of a man not how he looks. Again absolutely nothing to do with what I was saying.

And yes no thanks to Adam, but I fully believe whoever God created, it would have gone the same way.

So the ideal is something most people haven't experienced.

Out in the world no, but this is a Christian forum on a Christian only section and hopefully the number here is considerably larger.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Only the Omniscient Lord sees people's hearts.

Yes of course. Yes again this has nothing to do with children of single parents being at greater risk or single parents being wise to address the issues. Which is what my posts are and were about not appearances.

I don't think we intentionally read anthing into your post what isn't there.

It certainly feels that way.

Your communication wasn't clear. I wasn't trying to make you angry. Please forgive me. Some of us imperfect humans neglected to ask you what you are trying to say. I know that I have trouble communicating. Let's try to understand one another.

God bless and thank you for clearing things up a little.

I'm not angry, somewhat frustrated and a little upset. I'm a mother of 3, 2 earthy and 1 heavenly and as a mother I know how hard it is. Being a single parent would be extremely tough and I wasn't trying to criticize anyone but giving some advice. Sorry if what I wrote wasn't clear, I may not always be the best with words.
Of course, please forgive me too.

Rescued One · Feb 8, 2021

coffee4u said:
I never said that.
I responded to one poster who said they could not ever adopt a child out and I responded to them by saying "I couldn't either, but if she truly doesn't have the means to care for a child, having someone adopt them is the loving thing to do."

Seems like many people these days don't know that.

Again absolutely nothing to do with what I wrote. I made no hints to any of that. I don't know what you are reading but it certainly isn't my posts

Again, I was trying to say that children from single parent families are at greater risk -denial on this is not helpful to a single parent. A wise parent not only acknowledges this but takes active steps to try to negate the risk. We all need help at times and not seeking it when its needed is called pride. Well we all know what comes after pride.

That quote is how the Lord looks upon the heart of a man not how he looks. Again absolutely nothing to do with what I was saying.

And yes no thanks to Adam, but I fully believe whoever God created, it would have gone the same way.

Out in the world no, but this is a Christian forum on a Christian only section and hopefully the number here is considerably larger.

Yes of course. Yes again this has nothing to do with children of single parents being at greater risk or single parents being wise to address the issues. Which is what my posts are and were about not appearances.

It certainly feels that way.

I'm not angry, somewhat frustrated and a little upset. I'm a mother of 3, 2 earthy and 1 heavenly and as a mother I know how hard it is. Being a single parent would be extremely tough and I wasn't trying to criticize anyone but giving some advice. Sorry if what I wrote wasn't clear, I may not always be the best with words.
Of course, please forgive me too.

Okay, have a nice day.

I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't want it

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