This is a bit of a long and complicated story. I am 22 years old, I live in Florida.
I met my husband a little over a year ago. At that time I had just found Christ again and was trying to start being a good Christian. I had given up adultery and did not want to have physical relations until marriage. When I met my husband, he told me he was a Christian also, but his actions didn't always show it. Well, I was very young in Christ and so I closed my eyes on most things thinking that I'm not perfect either. No matter how many times I told him that I do not want to do anything until marriage, it still would happen.
Well, we did get married. So that issue left. But when we got married, he didn't tell his father about it. He is from Nigeria, and his father was in Nigeria at the time with my husband's younger sister. My husband's mother died about 7 years ago.
I really wanted him to tell his father, but he didn't want to, so I let him do what he himself thought was right. But I didn't like the fact that he would lie to his father because it scared me that he would also be able to lie to me like that.
Well, eventually his father did find out. At the time we were both working for my parents and I was also studying. He wasn't studying, but he would work sometimes with me. Honestly, we didn't really do much. We were trying to work on his documents for him to get a green card, but we also didn't really put much effort into that either.
Well, a little before his father found out, I had convinced my husband for us to give our lives to Christ together and try to be good Christians. Specifically, I wanted us to pray more, to stop drinking and smoking, to read the Bible every day, and more things like that. At first, he didn't want to, but eventually, he agreed. So we did that. Then his father found out, or more that he guessed and my husband told him the truth.
So my husband would start smoking and drinking in secret, and I would find out by seeing bottles and stuff. I decided to start doing it with him because that would have been easier than knowing that he goes behind my back and lies to me. I really wanted to keep doing the right things, but the pain of him lying to me was very scary.
Well, about a week or so after that his father passed away. As soon as my husband found out, I borrowed money from my father to get him tickets to go to Nigeria to take care of everything. He said he doesn't know when he'd be coming back, that it could be years because he needs to take care of his sister and something with his father's business. So I decided that I would get a Visa and go to him as soon as I can.
Three weeks later I was in Nigeria and I even made it to the funeral.
Unfortunately, the very first day I arrived, his sister screamed at me saying that it was my fault that her father died.
Then things got worse. My husband didn't want us to tell anyone that we are married since his father didn't know and didn't tell anyone and it would hurt his father's honor, so he didn't even want us to wear our rings. He paid very minimal attention to me. He would want to get physical at night but during the day it was like I didn't exist most of the time. I tried to do everything I could, but people didn't even treat me with respect, and he didn't help me figure anything out, and I left it thinking he has a lot on his mind and it will be okay later.
It never got okay, it got worse. He never wanted to help me in any way and assumed that I should be okay just riding along with whatever was going on, even though I didn't know what was going on because I didn't speak the language and did not understand the culture. Things got worse after one time he left me on the street alone at night and drove away. The next day I figured that I am done and tried to get out. I got a covid test and was ready to go, but he came back and we talked and made up and he even started acting okay.
But a few days later we spent the whole New Years' with his sister, and then at like 3 am he went to spend it with me at the hotel so that we could celebrate the US New Years' with my parents. The next day I was supposed to leave, but I decided not to since he seemed very sad and he wanted me to stay.
His sister got mad the next day that I didn't leave and so I decided the next day that I would leave and went to stay at a hotel for a while since his sister didn't want me in the apartment. I had to get a covid test again and was positive.
A few days after that he was mad at me again for a reason I still don't understand. He started calling me a demon, he said that his father was right and that I am a demon, and I got very mad and I slapped him, which was wrong. But then he slapped me back really hard, which broke my glasses and left a scar on my nose, and my nose hurt for a while. I'm still not sure if he slapped or hit me, to be honest. He then kicked me out of the car and left me on the street again. I went to a hotel and stayed there for a while. I was trying to figure out how to leave even though I had Covid.
After a few days, he messaged me saying that he knows that I cheated on him. I never cheated on him and I told him that. But he kept saying that I did. I agreed to talk to him and we met and I told him that I didn't cheat at any point and he apologized, sort of, for hitting me, and that was about it.
A few days later, I learned that I was pregnant. I told him, at first he said that he will come to the US to help and everything. I wouldn't ever get an abortion because it is wrong and I simply cannot murder my own child.
But after a few days, he started saying that he doesn't want the child, that he never wants to see my family again, that he is not going to come to the US, all of that. I didn't pay much attention to it thinking that he must be tired or confused or something and that he wouldn't just drop me like that.
Well, so eventually I left. Once I arrived back in the US, it was okay for a few days, but then he told me he is definitely not coming back and he is not going to help me financially at all. I asked him when is he going to come back and he said in two years. I asked what is he gonna do in two years and he said he's gonna study for his Ph.D. I asked, what about your family? And he said, My sister is coming with me. I said, but what about your wife and your child? He said, I don't want a child. I asked what about me? And he said, well, you're included in the plans, but you're gonna have a child, so he doesn't know. Then he basically dropped the call and we haven't really talked since.
I asked him why he's not talking to me and he said it's because we disagree.
I don't know what to do. Right now I am just trying to work as much as possible so I can save money for the child and not focus on this. But it is always in the back of my mind.
I don't know what to do and I'm really scared. I'm scared of doing this alone. I'm scared of the fact that he is disowning his child and me. I'm scared that he is or will be cheating on me. I'm scared that he is just doing what is convenient right now and leaving me to do all of this alone, and not even ever worrying about me or the pregnancy or even talking to me.
I am scared of everything.
I pray constantly, I ask God to help me, to change his heart, but I am still feeling all of this.
And I honestly do not know who he is anymore. I really thought I knew who he was, but I don't anymore. I can't trust anything he says, even if I try, it doesn't work. It was hard before too, when I found girls on his Instagram, or when I felt that he wasn't repentful of his past, it always made me go crazy. But now this is different. I am also mad because I cannot comprehend at all how a human being can just drop a pregnant wife like this and not even worry about what's going on or to talk to her. I am afraid of what all of this means.
I am just looking for honest opinions here. I am trying my best, but I need to talk to someone about this. I want to know what other Christians think. I know I have done many things wrong, and maybe I deserve all of this, but I need to know what I am supposed to do here. I just want to be a good Christian but I don't want to be in this pain anymore.
