I like what you say about love. I was always dead set against any religion. But in my mid twenties I went to prison. I had hit a guy and he was brain damaged. I was in jail and very frightened and worried and sad. I was worried about what I had done and he couldn't work anymore and his girlfriend left him. I was also really frightened that somebody would hurt me, and I just really paranoid.
I found a book on Buddhism and I wanted to learn meditation as a way to relax as I couldn't really cope. Also Buddhism is quite fascinating and challenging to get your head around, so it offered something like freedom from all suffering, for everybody, not just me. There is a practice called Tonglen... You imaging the sickness of other people coming into you and your wellness going into them. It is especially helpful if you are already sick, then you can try to receive the sickness from everybody so you suffer for them.
Anyway, when I was in prison, even though I didn't believe, I found it strangely comforting to read a Good News Bible that was in the cell... It had this section for getting advice if you were lonely or frightened or guilty and that sort of thing.
Also, in one prison they had a nun you could talk too, and she was very nice and kind. I think my mental health was very fragile at the time.
When I got out of prison I had therapy and meditation and Buddhism seemed to work well with that... However, Buddhism isn't all philosophy, it also talks about other realms, and different sorts of spiritual beings, demons, Maras, dakinis, ghosts etc. so it is not at all as atheistic as I had first thought.. gradually over time I have got more open minded about that. After a long time in therapy, I trained as a psychotherapist myself at an organisation that incorporated spiritual ideas into the training. Although you are free to have any belief or none, we also learned some ideas from Universal Sufism... So I find many of those ideas useful.
Christianity is a hard one for me... I am more open to believing in the possibility of a God these days, but find Christian attitudes to homosexuality out of place and disturbing in a religion that is otherwise so forgiving...
I go to online services with a Unitarian chapel and I'm curious about the unprogrammed Quakers. I pray the Catholic rosary.
I practice Vajrayana Buddhism.
I like the loving, forgiving, welcoming teachings of Jesus.
Love is really the most important thing for me. Love and connection and not forgetting anybody.
We all deserve love and help.
But, I feel a little bit lost at the moment... Might Christianity be the truth?
Hello again Tellyontellyon, reading your story. It reminds me of my own mistakes of hating my own mother, lying and manipulating of my own girlfriends that were had in life. Stealing money from my mother, and abusing drugs, and inappropriate contentography in my own life. Hated my family and hated other people too.
A lot of that came from being lonely, insecure, fragile, hateful, uncaring, and unloving all around. Everyone is like this in life at one point or another.
God forgives us friend, Jesus Christ said he was the way, the truth, and the life. He is the truth Christ is our Truth and always will be our truth. He loved us so much He made the decision to die for us because of his love that we would have forgiveness of all the past things we did in our lives my friend.
Here is some scripture to prove it to you.
Psalm 86:5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.
Romans 2:4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (This chapter is talking to people who judge other people)
John 3:16 For God so loved the world (everyone), that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Mark 11:25 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Hebrews 8:12 “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”
Proverbs 17:9 “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.”
John 14:6 Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.