Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (59)

public hermit said:

I don't know why, but intelligent woman are just attractive to me. Honestly, I think librarians are hot.

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I am more indifferent I guess. I suspect women on average value intelligences in their partners than vice versa. As far as our evolutionary history is concerned both men and women selected for traits that resulted in more intelligent beings.. just that women's is more mental and men's morphological.

MehGuy said:

I am more indifferent I guess. I suspect women on average value intelligences in their partners than vice versa. As far as our evolutionary history is concerned both men and women selected for traits that resulted in more intelligent beings.. just that women's is more mental and men's morphological.

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Great, I'm an evolutionary anomaly. I knew something was up.

What do you mean by "morphological"? I'm thinking "shape"?

public hermit said:

Great, I'm an evolutionary anomaly. I knew something was up.

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Nah.. it's all a spectrum.

Honestly it might be a guilty thing.. but dumb women can be appealing themselves. More that it gives off a caring and protective vibe.

What do you mean by "morphological"? I'm thinking "shape"?

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Yeah, skull and skeletal shape. Neoteny mainly. Humanity is pretty much becoming more feminine in a sense. The east Asians being ahead of the curve in that sense. I also read a Chinese study that the han Chinese brain is the largest in the world.. although such a study might be biased.. lol.

MehGuy said:

Honestly it might be a guilty thing.. but dumb women can be appealing themselves. More that it gives off a caring and protective vibe

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That makes sense. Like, motherly perhaps? My mother (God bless her) was a bit overbearing and tended to smother me. So, I don't need nor want that, lol. Maybe that's what I see in intelligence. Intelligence is a sign of independence, and won't revert to being needy and codependent? Hmm.

MehGuy said:

, skull and skeletal shape. Neoteny mainly. Humanity is pretty much becoming more feminine in a sense. The east Asians being ahead of the curve in that sense. I also read a Chinese study that the han Chinese brain is the largest in the world.. although such a study might be biased.. lol

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I've seen you reference neoteny several times, but I don't know much about it. It means we, as a species, are tending more towards the feminine?

I have a crush on a married man who is twice my age. Ugh.

Anyone have tips on getting rid of a crush? I don't get them very often, so usually I just wait it out till I don't have to see him anymore and then it fizzles out on its own. But this time it's a coworker, so I can't go no contact. It's especially embarrassing because I could swear he knows.

public hermit said:

That makes sense. Like, motherly perhaps? My mother (God bless her) was a bit overbearing and tended to smother me. So, I don't need nor want that, lol. Maybe that's what I see in intelligence. Intelligence is a sign of independence, and won't revert to being needy and codependent? Hmm.

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Well fatherly might be more apt. You can see this portrayal in classic media like the cartoon of Betty Boop or the persona of Marylin Monroe. Men simply feel masculine and satisfied when they have a partner they feel they need to take charge and watch over.

Most modern men are probably too phased out by mass media to realize this. Despite a few booms in tradcon wives you see with millennials and some zoomers.

The thing is people need to understand that while biology is important socialization can keep urges hidden and twisted around.. the key is what is mentally healthy. From what I see men and women are growing further and further apart romantically.

I've seen you reference neoteny several times, but I don't know much about it. It means we, as a species are tending more towards the feminine?

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Wikipeida has a great article on human neoteny. Most probably wouldn't phase it the way I did.. but that's pretty much what I see.

Funny.. Bette Boop is often used as an example of hyper neoteny.. both physical and mental. Anime characters are often also drawn with hyper neoteny in mind as well. Might explain some of the demented men who have anime "girlfriends" and some who even (although I doubt legally) marry fictional anime characters.

While it would be hard to do such a study.. it would be interesting to find out if couples in the 19th century and before rated higher in romance intensity and satisfaction compared to modern relationships.. even many stated traditionally conservative ones.

SarahsKnight said:

What's stopping you from going?

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Nothing.

I went w/ my friend to his church

Isaiah 2:22 said:

I have a crush on a married man who is twice my age. Ugh.

Anyone have tips on getting rid of a crush? I don't get them very often, so usually I just wait it out till I don't have to see him anymore and then it fizzles out on its own. But this time it's a coworker, so I can't go no contact. It's especially embarrassing because I could swear he knows.

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It's probably more his characteristics and not him necessarily. There's billions of men on this planet, chances are you'll meet plenty more guys just like him that are younger and single.

Age doesn't equal maturity anyway. If you're 25 and ahead of your years, and you meet a man who's 40 and a bit behind, no one is really going to notice nor care.

ReesePiece23 said:

It's probably more his characteristics and not him necessarily. There's billions of men on this planet, chances are you'll meet plenty more guys just like him that are younger and single.

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Oh absolutely. I think that's kind of what a crush is, no? You barely know the person, but what you do know about them you like, and your brain fills in the rest to the point where you're infatuated with a phantom. Annoyingly, I can't do either of the things I would usually do to get rid of the infatuation. The first would be to cease all contact and wait it out. The second would be to get to know him really well so that reality and fantasy do not match up. Though of course the second could backfire drastically. lol

Isaiah 2:22 said:

Though of course the second could backfire drastically. lol

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No, it probably won't. It's more often than not the uncertainty and the intrigue that people usually have a crush on. Knock the polish off of that and you just have a normal guy like the rest of us.

No one is ever THAT special that it should debilitate you.

ReesePiece23 said:

No, it probably won't. It's more often than not the uncertainty and the intrigue that people usually have a crush on. Knock the polish off of that and you just have a normal guy like the rest of us.

No one is ever THAT special that it should debilitate you.

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Yeah, it's true. I'm more worried that it would be inappropriate to get too personal, because he's married. Especially since it's possible that he knows I like him. I'm not very good at hiding my feelings.

If it weren't for the stupid pandemic this crush would have been directed towards someone more appropriate. But as it is I've had actual conversations with literally only like 5 new men since last March.

Bleh, my parents aren't going to church for a couple weeks still. Boy, God really doesn't seem to want me to meet this girl!

These days, I have a crush on absolutely no-one.
I have no desire for relationships. I work hard, and love the freedom and space of living alone.
When I hit the sack every night, my only companion is teddy. I often grumble at teddy for hogging up all the available duvet space, but every time I grumble, complain and tell teddy to "get stuffed", I get no answer, since teddy is already crammed with polystyrene and can't talk.

DragonFox91 said:

Bleh, my parents aren't going to church for a couple weeks still. Boy, God really doesn't seem to want me to meet this girl!

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Couldn't you go without them? Hitch a ride with someone or something if you don't have a car. You are blessed that your church is open. We're in our third provincial lockdown here and live church services have been forbidden in my county for nearly a year.

Isaiah 2:22 said:

Couldn't you go without them? Hitch a ride with someone or something if you don't have a car. You are blessed that your church is even open. We're in our third provincial lockdown here and live church services have been forbidden in my county for nearly a year.

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That'd be going just to meet a girl. I'd really like to meet her, but I think if God really wants me w/ her, there'll be a better time to meet her then a sudden whim.

There are a couple other churches I attend when I don't go w/ my parents. (A church I go to w/ a friend, & then when he's not available & my parents aren't either (which happens more than it should) there's a third one I go to)
It's a long story -> at my parents church, there really isn't a group for people my age range (20s & 30s), so I'm not always inclined to go w/ (or w/out) them, so it seems like a poor idea to just go alone. And my friend works weekends a lot, so he's not always available to go to his church.

DragonFox91 said:

That'd be going just to meet a girl. I'd really like to meet her, but I think if God really wants me w/ her, there'll be a better time to meet her then a sudden whim.

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Ah, good point. Maybe not the right motive. lol

Okay, so I had a dream last night that I was in a relationship...

Never before have I been MORE glad to wake up single! Oh, it was awful - like one of those dreams you have about drowning, only worse.

The woman in the dream was cripplingly codependent and wouldn't even so much as let me go for a walk on my own, let alone rekindle the solo exploration era I went though and cherished so much. She forced 'couply' selfies on me, then would proceed to post the aforementioned selfie on social media and follow it up with a great big spiel about how perfect and lovely I am - to which her friends and family commented "aww" and "how sweet."

I'm not joking about this either, it was a HIGHLY distressing dream. I'm actually experiencing mild PTSD from it.

A 'crush' could be a while, I think 'my type' has never been more clear. Passion focused, romantically subtle and comfortable when left alone for extended periods of time.

.Mikha'el. said:

Oftentimes, the only way to really be rid of them is to find someone else to be interested in.

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Or don't.

Eventually there does come a point when you need to break the rinse and repeat cycle of superficial 'crushing' in order to full in love properly. Because I don't think it's possible to full in love with a crush, it's like ASMR vs love making. The two aren't related at all.

Or...

Have a nightmare, as per the above. That'll put you right.