Besides the deeply personal, intermingled things, I would say everything. The mere thought of God at the moment. And it's keeping me away from thinking and worrying about the really important things in my life right now, like school. God doesn't give you good grades. Neither does he get you into medical school...
Additionally, it doesn't help when I do have honest questions about God, and then (hypothetically speaking), the only thing I hear from people is to "be quiet," or "repent." I just do not care to question anymore. And I don't think I should be thinking about these questions anymore.
(Moreover, I especially do not need to deal with the painful self-harm and suicidal thoughts that sometimes arise when I'm really frustrated with those thoughts.)
I'm sorry but, I just do not need to be juggling my academics (or anything important in my life for that matter) with trying to maintain what you guys call a "godly" life. I have tried, but living an agnostic life right now seems like the best option