Discouraged by Christianity

The OP's post history suggests that the primary referent here is a clearly abusive spouse. That may be relevant in shaping advice.

Itsahappyday said:

I said I am so so so tired of Christianity that doesn't look like it.

Its gotten me so so down.

Christians who can quote the Bible, or have been saved a long time, even preach etc.... and yet they show little fruit of the spirit or only show it when there's an audience. Some of them say hurtful comments, are jealous, or walk in pride or are mean at times out of the blue. Or everything is about them, with Jesus or God name to make it Christian. Or quoting in their own words life coaches sayimgs with Jesus mentioned to make it kosher. Some are even in competition with me....why???

Not all are like this. Its discouraging

Accomplish a lot for Jesus, yet in private can't manage their temper or tongue.

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If your church does community service projects, join them. No time or place for egos when there are people to help. You need to serve alongside those who serve wholeheartedly. Serving with other believers who are like that is good medicine for the soul.

Itsahappyday said:

I said I am so so so tired of Christianity that doesn't look like it.

Its gotten me so so down.

Christians who can quote the Bible, or have been saved a long time, even preach etc.... and yet they show little fruit of the spirit or only show it when there's an audience. Some of them say hurtful comments, are jealous, or walk in pride or are mean at times out of the blue. Or everything is about them, with Jesus or God name to make it Christian. Or quoting in their own words life coaches sayimgs with Jesus mentioned to make it kosher. Some are even in competition with me....why???

Not all are like this. Its discouraging

Accomplish a lot for Jesus, yet in private can't manage their temper or tongue.

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"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Luke 18:13-14

Nadia Bolz-Weber (ELCA) founding pastor of House of All Sinners and Saints church in Denver, Colorado, use to welcome seekers to her church saying something like, "Welcome to All Sinners and Saints. We are the church and we will disappoint you." I've always like the honesty of that greeting. We are all flawed and not always at our best, which is why we need Jesus and need to continue to answer the call to repentance.

Itsahappyday said:

I said I am so so so tired of Christianity that doesn't look like it.

Its gotten me so so down.

Christians who can quote the Bible, or have been saved a long time, even preach etc.... and yet they show little fruit of the spirit or only show it when there's an audience. Some of them say hurtful comments, are jealous, or walk in pride or are mean at times out of the blue. Or everything is about them, with Jesus or God name to make it Christian. Or quoting in their own words life coaches sayimgs with Jesus mentioned to make it kosher. Some are even in competition with me....why???

Not all are like this. Its discouraging

Accomplish a lot for Jesus, yet in private can't manage their temper or tongue.

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Many Christians fall in their journey to , in fact I have never come across any Christians myself included that alway wal in Spirit.

Itsahappyday said:

I said I am so so so tired of Christianity that doesn't look like it.

Its gotten me so so down.

Christians who can quote the Bible, or have been saved a long time, even preach etc.... and yet they show little fruit of the spirit or only show it when there's an audience. Some of them say hurtful comments, are jealous, or walk in pride or are mean at times out of the blue. Or everything is about them, with Jesus or God name to make it Christian. Or quoting in their own words life coaches sayimgs with Jesus mentioned to make it kosher. Some are even in competition with me....why???

Not all are like this. Its discouraging

Accomplish a lot for Jesus, yet in private can't manage their temper or tongue.

Click to expand...

Hi, it is a hard journey being a Christian and we are told it will be so in scripture. I struggle too with many things in the world and that includes other professing Christians. We are going to go through trials tribulations and hardships but that is our journey and we will be tested along the way that we can be sure of, it might be our neighbours, our Christian friends, our families, our spouses that test our walk but we will succeed if we are faithful. Remember even Christ seemed to struggle with His Disciples at times

Itsahappyday said:

I said I am so so so tired of Christianity that doesn't look like it.

Its gotten me so so down.

Christians who can quote the Bible, or have been saved a long time, even preach etc.... and yet they show little fruit of the spirit or only show it when there's an audience. Some of them say hurtful comments, are jealous, or walk in pride or are mean at times out of the blue. Or everything is about them, with Jesus or God name to make it Christian. Or quoting in their own words life coaches sayimgs with Jesus mentioned to make it kosher. Some are even in competition with me....why???

Not all are like this. Its discouraging

Accomplish a lot for Jesus, yet in private can't manage their temper or tongue.

Click to expand...

Hi, it is a hard journey being a Christian and we are told in scripture, that it will be. We are also told too look out for other Christians, which seems to be a failing by many at the present time.

"We no longer look to be served. We look to serve and give our lives for others. No longer fight for privilege, influence and status. We esteem others better than ourselves and put their interests above our own".

I struggle too with many things in this ungodly world, many things are getting worse every year and that includes some professing Christians. We are going to go through trials tribulations and hardships but that is our journey and we will be tested along the way, that we can be sure of, it might be our neighbours, our Christian friends, our families or even our spouses. Even Christ seemed to struggle with His Disciples and others at times for their ungodliness and lack of faith.

As Christians we are told that there will be tares among the wheat but we do not know which ones they are. Some people believe they do know the tares by their jobs, their appearance, their incomes, their sufferings in life etc but none of their judgements are righteous, only GOD knows which people are truly HIS.

I see many Christians who believe all the wealth, houses, cars, etc they have and their easy lives come from GOD, I find this quite strange as none of the apostles had any of these things and did not seek them out. I think the Apostles knew that the more you have and the closer you are to the world the further from GOD you will be. I only know that some Christians are Christians because they say they are as I cannot tell the difference between the Christian and the unbeliever, their lives are indistinguishable.

Remember you are not alone, you have GOD, Christ and sadly some of us not so perfect Christians. Take care my friend and may the peace of GOD always be in your heart.



God from the beginning chose you for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him

Peace be with all those in the body of Christ

Redwingfan9 said:

There is no such thing as a good person apart from Christ. Seemingly good people are in fact wicked rotten sinners destined for Hell. It is only through saving faith in Jesus Christ that someone is made good and even then it is only Christ that is good.

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I agree completely with this. In fact, even the apparent good that the lost do is only good in that God uses it for good, and tempers the bad. In a manner of speaking, the lost cannot even think or want anything good, such as love for a child or the good of mankind, apart from the fact that God is the one who directs all things whatsoever come to pass. None of us are good in and of ourselves.

Being Catholic, I don't understand the whole "I'm saved" thing as we are all sinners. However I believe if we truly accept the Lord into our lives, then our lives should reflect that belief (or best to our ability, as we all fall down from time to time) by living a Christian life.

By their fruits you shall know them. Matt 7:16

If possible cut these people out of your life, find new friends, a different church etc but do not give up on the Lord ( he never abandons his people).

God bless.

Itsahappyday said:

I said I am so so so tired of Christianity that doesn't look like it.

Its gotten me so so down.

Christians who can quote the Bible, or have been saved a long time, even preach etc.... and yet they show little fruit of the spirit or only show it when there's an audience. Some of them say hurtful comments, are jealous, or walk in pride or are mean at times out of the blue. Or everything is about them, with Jesus or God name to make it Christian. Or quoting in their own words life coaches sayimgs with Jesus mentioned to make it kosher. Some are even in competition with me....why???

Not all are like this. Its discouraging

Accomplish a lot for Jesus, yet in private can't manage their temper or tongue.

Click to expand...

The modern Church is jammed, I believe, with what the apostle Paul called "false brethren," people who share in the life and ministries of the Church, who seem, on the surface, to be born-again disciples of Jesus but whose hearts are far from God. Jesus called them "tares." You can thank the "Seeker-sensitive church" and a generally juvenile understanding of the faith among modern adherents to Christianity for this high percentage of false brethren being in the Church. They were present in the Early Church but not, I think, to anywhere near the great degree they are today. I'd guess that upwards of 80% (perhaps more) of the population of the modern Church is not actually saved. And so, you have the sort of experience you have, where carnal, un-Christlike behaviour is common - even (and, sometimes, especially) among the leadership in the Church.

It's at least in part because other people will let us down in some way, at some time, that Scripture tells us to fix our eyes upon Jesus (Hebrews 12:2-3). The Saviour is perfect, never failing us, never dealing with us badly or hypocritically. And the Bible tells us that as we keep our attention carefully oriented on Christ, beholding his glory, the Spirit will move in us to conform us to him. (2 Corinthians 3:17-18) The wretchedness of others is just a distraction, really, from Jesus. The more we can be made to look away from Christ to dwell upon the failings of fellow sinners saved by grace, the less we will be conformed to him.

Paul has some really good advice:

Philippians 3:12-14
12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

aiki said:

... I'd guess that upwards of 80% (perhaps more) of the population of the modern Church is not actually saved...

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My, oh my, that is a pessimistic view of the state of Christianity as well as possibly being an underestimation of the love and grace of God. I guess we'll see in the end, won't we?

seeking.IAM said:

My, oh my, that is a pessimistic view of the state of Christianity as well as possibly being an underestimation of the love and grace of God. I guess we'll see in the end, won't we?

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Hmmm...pessimistic? Maybe. I think, though, my view is merely realistic. The apostle Paul wrote to believers to examine themselves whether they be in the faith, implying that to some to whom he wrote, at least, this was in doubt. (2 Corinthians 13:5)

When I look into Scripture, there is very explicit, straightforward criteria by which one may judge whether or not one is in the faith. Paul didn't apply this criteria only to himself, as Christians are so often today told to do, but wrote of false teachers and brethren in the Church, warning his readers of their presence and dangerous influence.

When I do as Paul did (I'm an Elder and discipler in my church) and examine the lives of professing Christians against the biblical criteria describing a genuine born-again believer, I discover a profound failure rate.

Here is just a short list of what the Bible defines as the normal Christian life:

1. A love of the brethren.

1 John 3:14
14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death.

2. A hunger for the Word of God.

1 Peter 2:1-3
1 Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, 2 as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby,
3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.

Jeremiah 15:16
16 Your words were found, and I ate them, And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; For I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.

Psalms 119:174
174 I long for Your salvation, O Lord, And Your law is my delight.

3. The inner witness of God's Spirit.

Romans 8:16
16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God...

1 John 5:10
10 He who believes in the Son of God has the witness in himself; he who does not believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed the testimony that God has given of His Son.

4. A love for God expressed in obedience to His commands.

1 John 2:3-6
3 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments.
4 He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.
5 But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him.
6 He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

5. An increased sensitivity toward sin.

John 16:7-8
7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.
8 And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:

6. The chastisement of God.

Hebrews 12:5-8
5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks unto you as unto children, “My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when you are rebuked of him.
6 For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives.
7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chastens not?
8 But if you are without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards, and not sons.

7. The development of the Fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

Ephesians 5:8-10
8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light
9 (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth),
10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.

Many Christians that I offer this list to are surprised that such a list actually exists. And they are disturbed, as they consider it, to see that what the Bible says marks a genuine child of God is not true of them. This is why I say that it is realism, not pessimism, that provokes my comments in this thread. It was, after all, Jesus himself who said,

Matthew 7:13-14
13 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.
14 "For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

aiki said:

Hmmm...pessimistic? Maybe. I think, though, my view is merely realistic...

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If I thought 80% of the people in my church were in error, I think I might be shopping for a new place to worship.

It's not my policy to forsake those who are in desperate need of truth and godly influence. Jesus came to aid the spiritually sick and lame, not the righteous and spiritually healthy. I ought, I believe, to do likewise.

seeking.IAM said:

If I thought 80% of the people in my church were in error, I think I might be shopping for a new place to worship.

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In Revelation 2-3, Jesus speaks to seven churches and lays out their faults. He does not tell the people to leave the church, but to overcome the problem in their own lives. Then He offers astonishing rewards to those who comply.

Itsahappyday said:

Christians who can quote the Bible, or have been saved a long time, even preach etc.... and yet they show little fruit of the spirit or only show it when there's an audience. Some of them say hurtful comments, are jealous, or walk in pride or are mean at times out of the blue. Or everything is about them, with Jesus or God name to make it Christian. Or quoting in their own words life coaches sayimgs with Jesus mentioned to make it kosher. Some are even in competition with me....why???

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The salvation Jesus offers is not intuitive. That is, no one will logically figure out that Jesus wants them to walk by faith in Him, to live according to His grace. They will do what they have learned from the world. Do good and you'll be good. Do good and people will praise you. Do good and God will call you good and praise you. Do good and you'll be able to please people. Do good and you'll maybe be able to please God.

We can't plumb the depths of God's love and grace. Again, it isn't intuitive. Until it actually happens to us, we can't imagine God changing our lives apart from our effort. I still remember when I told the Lord to take me out of kung fu because I loved it too much to get out myself. I thought He would have to break my leg or something drastic to stop me from continuing the class. After several months of praying, giving Him permission to work, I went to class as usual, but something was different. I just wandered around, wondering why I was there. It all felt empty.

God had changed my heart.

I had never experienced that before. I suspect the others without fruit had never felt the touch of God's grace, the work of the Spirit within, either. Like me, they had no expectation of something like this. So it's not intuitive to think that there will be fruit apart from our efforts. So we botch it up and give a poor testimony to the world.

But God can change your heart.

Our hope is in Christ alone not man. Follow Christ. Look at his example. Many do follow Christ without the issues you see, many do not. Christ is our shepherd not a man nor a minister. Follow Christ to be like Christ.