Deeply tired of living in mental anguish, need prayer to find some peace inside, if only for a day..

Elfkind

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.
 

PeterJames0510

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.

There are almost 800,000-900,000 suicides per year ... no one here wants you to become one of them because you are very much so loved by God.

Of course, no one person on these forums has the answer - God has the answer. I wonder if you might consider reading this book: Free Restored PDF | Freedom in Christ Ministries

Also do you have the national suicide hotline phone #? 800-273-8255

Are you in the US, do you need a number from another country?
 
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PeterJames0510

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Here are phone numbers for Norway:

  • 112 and 113 is the national emergency numbers for police and ambulances in Norway
  • Mental Helse Mental Helse (Mental Health). Can be reached at 116 123 and is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Mental Helse does also provide an online mail service at http://sidetmedord.no where users can write messages anonymously and get answers within 48-hours. A chat-service is also provided. It is open Mondays from 19.00 - 22.00 and Wednesdays: from 19.00 - 22.00. The chat-services may not always be open in July and on public celebration days or Sundays.
Norway: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: +4781533300

  • Kirkens SOS Kirkens SOS (The Church SOS). Can be reached at 22 40 00 40 and is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The line is free to call and confidential. Kirkens SOS does also provide an anonymous message service (which replies within 24-hours) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and a chat open 7 days a week at 18.30 - 22.30.
 
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Aussie Pete

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.
Thank you for your honesty. Some of God's greats suffered depression as believers. Charles Spurgeon was one. I'm not Spurgeon by any means, but I know what you are going through.

It's not an easy thing to overcome. However, it starts with spiritual knowledge. You need know the truth and reject the lies.

Many sincere believers get caught up in the "Romans 7" kind of experience. They know what they should be but they fail constantly. That will get anyone depressed! We need to accept that we cannot please God, we cannot obey God and we cannot quit sinning in our own strength. However, Romans 8 follows Romans 7. If we will quit looking at who and what we are outside of Christ, and look at who and what we are in Christ, our thinking will begin to change. Satan has you in a mental prison. There is a key, but you have to stick it in the lock and turn it. The key is the Truth. (John 8:32). I used to think that being truthful was to hammer myself for all my failures and imperfections. I thought that I was being humble. Not at all. True humility is forgetting about who we are and embracing all that Lord Jesus did for us through His death and resurrection.

Start resisting the devil. Use God's word and declare that your will is to be free. Ask God to strengthen your will also. Every time you resist, you are that much stronger. Every time you give into Satan's lies, you are that much weaker.

I'd also suggest that you get a copy of "War on the Saints". It will be a great help.
 
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disciple Clint

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.
Alv, no storm lasts forever, there are better days ahead. Remember that everyone is important, everyone is linked to other people even if they do not know it, those people need you to be there for them. This is a difficult time for us all but we can make it through it. Be strong for yourself and those around you. I bet you have people who care about you that you do not even know about, we all do, we do not think about how important we are to others and how we affect their lives. Hang in there you have made it this far you can ride out this storm until the blue sky and sunshine returns in your life. Blessings
 
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Rescued One

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My love and prayers are with you. Many are prescribed anti-anxiety medications because of stress; talk to your doctor. God truly cares.

Everyone has regrets --- our help comes from God. Satan is real and he puts depressing thoughts into our minds, but God is stronger than Satan!

I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else! God is our help in every need. Turn your back on those negative thoughts that are coming from Satan. Thank God for all the times He has forgiven you and for all the blessings you've received and have trouble remembering.

I think I'm going to start a thread called Blessings because each one of us needs more awareness of them.

Thank You, LORD, for this site which is a place to come for encouragement, prayer and friendship. Pour Your love and blessings on Alv right this moment and whenever the need arises. In Jesus' name, Amen!
 
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HIM

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.
Prayers for you friend.
I know for me the battle starts in my mind. I have to be careful what I feed and allow to nurture there. I become or have become what I entertained. These temptations, from despair, worthlessness, depression, to pride and selfishness. Or even lust and covetousness. What ever the ill is that separates us from all that God would have us be. All start in the mind and heart. And that my friend is where they need to be put to rest. They need nipped as soon as they rear their ugly head with a thus saith the Lord. When depression and despair hit, smile and say get behind me Satan, I have been given all things in Christ Jesus. In Him I am more than a conquer. I am Happy and blessed, I am Healthy and whole. For it is God that works in us both to will and do His good pleasure. God is Love and as He is so are we in this world. So love my friend because you are Loved. And God being for us, who can be against us.

Seek help. Talk to your Pastor and your medical provider.
 
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Dan1988

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.
It sounds like you're carrying a very heavy cross there. All I would like to do, is encourage you to endure this affliction to the end.

I'm reminded of the Apostle Paul's proclamation, that the sufferings of this life are not worthy to be compared with the blessings we will have in the next life.

I'm not trying to minimise your current suffering, I have no doubt that it's serious and very difficult to endure. But please remember that God will bring it to an end, at His appointed time so please wait upon the Lord patiently. You have already endured it for so long, so it would be a shame to give up now.

My brother gave up the fight with his depression and took his own life. It left all of us who loved him deeply hurt.

The only thing that helped me get through depression, was prayer. My Doctor did prescribe antidepressants, but they seemed to make matters even worse so I stopped taking them and fully relied upon the Lord to sustain me and help me endure the affliction.

Life is very short as it is, so we can take comfort in the fact that our suffering will come to an end before we know it.
 
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NBB

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Use your extra time to pray to God, i too passed some very dark times, and things are not looking too nice now either except God started to help me after myself got to the worst point and started crying out to him with perseverance. So maybe it works for you too.
 
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AK1982

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.

I’ve been there. I understand every bit of suffering you explained and also the large part of pain that can never be articulated. Depression is so hindering to our body, mind and spirit.

Well, I think it’s the thorn we have to live with until HE comes or calls us home. But, I’m learning that His Grace is very much sufficient to help us maneavour back each time we hit the rock bottom provided we patiently keep doing all that is in our power.

- Be in touch with His Word always. Read Bible even if you don’t feel like or enjoy reading which usually happens when you are depressed. Studying and pondering upon His word is great healing to the body and soul.

- God knows how we feel. He made us. He knows the wrath sin has brought on to our bodies and minds. He knows every weakness of ours that incapacitates us from feeling His presence and the joy of life. He knows, so take comfort!

- During the moments when you are feeling better, feed your soul with all the good things God has done in your life. Talk to yourself in detail about all your past life moments God revealed Himself, shown His mercy and faithfulness all the good that happened to you which wouldn’t have happened without Him. This way, create some spiritual reserve inside of you which will help you during your depressed times.. the times when you are incapable of thinking/processing anything positive. Pray for strength for your possible future depression episodes, in the periods of your right mind.

- Mostly there are some trigger points/ beginning points from where we spiral down into deep depression. Think back and try to identify those issues or aspects or relationships or sinful tendencies or thinking patterns. Try to address those trigger points, try to change your perspectives or the way you look at them. So, basically you will try to prevent before the intense thoughts trigger and get you down.

- Do not isolate yourself. Depression only gets worse that way. However compelling you might feel to lock yourself up in a room, just come out. Come out into the nature. At times, nature is a great healer and mood lifter. But you must place yourself in it.
Also, keep in touch with your hobbies.

- You are not alone. Satan is after all of us in many different ways and as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. Depression is one easy battle for him to win. But as for us, It’s OK to lose some battles. Rest assured, we won’t lose the war .. It’s ours sealed in our favour by Jesus on the cross. This is the truth and when we remember this, it liberates us in many ways. Do not beat yourself up. His grace is sufficient to take us home victorious. Remember, we are travellers and God is our home?? Our life here might suck. But, we will be there with our Father one day.

Hang in there. Do not quit. Your life matters to God.

- Its OK to feel how you feel. God is loving and faithful and He delivers. Even if He doesn’t His grace is sufficient. His right hand is mighty enough to carry us throughout. Remind yourself this truth always even if it doesn’t make any sense to your depressed mind and heart.

- Take help of the resources God placed around you .. doctors, medications and foods etc.,

- You said in your post “I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.”

He will reward the love you have for HIM. Hang in there @Alv Vatzdal!
 
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Psalm 27

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.
Thankyou for being honest. Numbers 6:24-26
 
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musicalpilgrim

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I pray for you to be released from the chains of Satan and rediscover joy in the Lord.
He is your Saviour and loves you so much.
May the Lord bless you richly in Jesus precious name.
 
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mikeforjesus

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Please don’t I would miss you and it would upset me as you would die as one who does not fear the Lord. If you have ability to control yourself you must because then you would be taking the place of God to judge what is acceptable and justifying the unrepentant for the bible says he who bears fruit and endures to the end will be saved. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. How would you give account of your actions to God? Everyone is responsible for themselves.
Suicide I think is unacceptable if one would do so because he does not want to face the trials of this life
 
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Sage50

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Have been thinking a lot of suicide lately, are really tired of feeling trapped in anxiety and deep depression, despite staying on heavy medications. I've ended up completely isolated and just sitting alone all the time, where it's a challenge just to exist from day to day, having a kind of meat grinder inside my mind, crushing hope quite mercilessly. It's been like this for years, or even decades and don't remember what reality was like or what living felt like. I'd ended it all long ago, if not for being so fearful of not being welcome to God.

Could really need some uplifting words, and/or sincere prayers. To get some rest from myself, and able to break out of the spirit that push life out of all hope and any joy, and the constant gnawing anxiety.

Sorry for such a pessimistic post.
Your life was created and you have a purpose God has put into your life. The evil one fights against you. I want to pray for you that the Purposes of God be made more and real to you than ever before.
He created you for his own Glory, by the fact you are made in his likeness to reflect Who He is ... mental torment I know much about that. I suffered with a lot of trauma (years of nightmares, self harm, isolation, truly cursed back then) but I have found a friend whom I can now walk with, Jesus is so good. He delivered me from bad habits, and strongholds of the evil one that had been grounded into my spirit. I was set free, scripture prayers work a lot of wonders. For scripture prayers i prayed daily produced real hope on a daily basis, as I prayed God's words back to Him, hope was daily given and lit. This hope was something that helped me through so much.

You are a person, created in the Likeness of God and based on that fact alone, you are of infinite worth and value.
the plot of the evil one is to ruin all Gods purposes in your life, by this torment you have been in and under. That is not the will of your Creator, but he wants to be in a real relationship with you.
I will pray for you! Reach out to those near you and call those who can help you.
 
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Elfkind

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Thank you all for prayers and advice full of wisdom and kindness. I feel a bit ashamed of so often be asking for prayers, but I really do feel it help, so when I get desperate it is a place I turn to.

I had a wonderful day yesterday, where I felt all troubles drain away from me, since I was allowed to see my son, that's living at foster home at my brothers place, and we went to a movie and out for pizza after that. Hours really flied past, and soon it was dark outside and he had to go home again, and so when I too had to go home, I started feeling all those things that had drained away from me bit by bit come crawling back, as I got off the tram and walked home uphill to my silent home, where I sit most days with no company and nowhere to turn.

I've at least had a long nights sleep untroubled for once by nightmares.

Thanks again for prayers. I should comment on some of the posts, because there's an abundance of good advice, but it would take me hours and then I'd feel as I had to ignore some of them, so I only mention that I noticed and that I'm thankful.
 
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AK1982

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I had a wonderful day yesterday,

Praise God Alv Vatzal!

I pray that you have countless wonderful days such as these, full of life and that you overflow with hope and joy ... you are in my prayers.
 
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