hopelessly same sex attracted

Jeshu · Dec 22, 2020

The best is to admit your sin and in your sinful self go to Jesus for transformation. i fought sexual sin all my life before i realised i needed to go to God when i was in the mood for sin, not before or afterwards.

Once i dared face God in my sin He gave me grace - time and again. i learned to love Jesus for His grace and as His love grew in me my love for sin started to die.

Amazing what happens when we learn to love Jesus a sinful person. Sin begins to die. Not because we must, or should, or ought, but because we love to change for Jesus.

Be of good courage Jesus loves you a lot. He loves to save you from your sin and show you mercy.

NBB · Dec 22, 2020

I like women but i'm autistic so, when you have this you are bad at socializing which means it has been more than 20 years since i had any sort of girlfriend, you need to cut all ties with this, Jesus is worth all the sacrificies, also sex is not a 'big deal', i learned this, really is not worth to have 'illegal' sexual pleasure and ruin your relationship with God, if you friends are tempting you all the time, you should cut ties with them, the same christians say an alcoholic to avoid bars and 'party' friends.

There is rewads in this earth and heaven and your desire to please Jesus is worth a lot.

Sunflower Garden · Dec 22, 2020

Lost4words · Dec 22, 2020

Offer up your 'suffering' to Jesus. Lay it all at His feet. Surrender totally to Him.

The devil wins many battles in our lives but, be determined that he aint ever going to win the war! Never!

Everytime you fall, be it in the mind or in the flesh, get right back up and run to the open, loving, merciful arms of God. He knows your struggles.

Remember, Jesus is carrying you, while you carry your cross. Persevere in prayer. Continue to turn your mind to God.

I know how hard it is to deal with lust. Impure thoughts. Sinful desires.

Its only through Jesus, by giving everything to Him, that we can slowly get onto the right path that Jesus has laid out for us.

Be strong. God bless and protect you. May He guide you in your persuit of a pure heart, mind and body.

A_Thinker · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I'm a lesbian and I hate it. I've known since I was like 11. I want to be a Christian and follow Jesus and be celibate so bad but I give in to my flesh and desire every single time it pops up, and the more often it happens the less guilty and concerned I feel.

I'm a virgin (thank God) but I'm scared one day I'm going to give in to my feelings and sin in the worst possible way of this I could. What people say get to me. "You're in denial. You can't run away from this. You can avoid it all you want but you're still a lesbian. You hate yourself. Stop hiding. I feel bad for you. I pity you. You've become just like the homophobes who hurt you, who hurt us. You want it. I know you do. Don't ignore your true feelings."

I hate it. I know it's wrong. But I want it so bad. But I'm losing the conviction of sin. I feel like a ticking time bomb who's going to sin and give up on God. I feel if the temptation was right in front of me right now, and I had an option to say no, I wouldn't say no. I just feel overwhelmed with desire. The more I avoid it the more I want it. The more it festers in me.
But I want to love God. I want to follow Jesus. I'm scared I'm not born again. If I loved Jesus I wouldn't willfully give in to temptations and willfully sin multiple times.

I hate being a homosexual, it's making me hate other homosexuals, sometimes I think about hurting myself or indulging in substances just to deal with the crippling sense of cognitive dissonance. I don't want it to be my identity, but I've thought of myself as "lesbian" for such a long time it's hard to shake off. I hate it. I just want it gone. I want it gone.

It's coming to the uncomfortable question of "if a girl kept pressuring you, flirting with you, or even worse, would you try to flee? or would you give in?" I fear it would be the latter. Because even though I don't want it, my carnal self, my flesh, does.

I don't even feel worthy to repent to God, because I've repented of the same thing tons of times. God isn't fooled by my crap, and it's probably gonna happen again. I hate myself too much to talk to God. He's probably ashamed of me.

And please, I don't want any comments telling me to hold out the hope for a straight marriage and children. I don't want to be married. I don't want kids. I don't want to lose my virginity. I am not attracted to anything about men.

I simply just wish I can be chemically castrated or something. To be removed of all sexual desire. That way I can be a celibate and never deal with same sex temptation ever again. It'll be so much easier to serve God that way. I don't see myself losing faith that way.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Prayers? comfort? advice? I just hate myself. I want to stop being gay. I want to stop wanting it.

Accept yourself ... as you are, because God does.

God knows that we are broken ... and that we cannot fix ourselves. That's why He came to rescue us.

Put your situation in God's hands. Let Him work it out.

Understand that you are not responsible for your orientation. You just need help to manage it.

I made a similar decision as you in my young adulthood, and God has been faithful to bless me with a life that I could never have dreamed.

Hang in there. Such a life will always keep you in touch with God's forgiveness, and He will be faithful to forgive. He knows that it's hard ... and He also knows that we are dust. You can't expect too much from dust.

What is important ... is to stay in touch with Him. Let Him lead you ... into the life He has for you.

Be blessed, my sister. I will be praying for you.

paul1149 · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I'm scared I'm not born again. If I loved Jesus I wouldn't willfully give in to temptations and willfully sin multiple times.

Sunflower Garden said:
I don't even feel worthy to repent to God, because I've repented of the same thing tons of times. God isn't fooled by my crap, and it's probably gonna happen again. I hate myself too much to talk to God. He's probably ashamed of me.

You most certainly do not sound like a lost reprobate who doesn't care about sin. You sound like someone with a functioning conscience who wants to serve God but is being sorely tempted by sin.

God hasn't rejected you. He loves you and wants the best for you. Jesus told us to forgive 70 x 7 times (Mt 18), so surely He will do at least that much for us when we go to Him and confess our sins. He will listen to us when we admit our weaknesses and how sorely we are being tempted.

As long as you cling to the Cross, its mercy and grace are efficacious in your life. We should never want to sin, but if in weakness we do, if we repent we will be forgiven.

It would be good to commit yourself to a positive course of action. Meditate on the Word daily. Be in an attitude of prayer, as positive and faith-filled as you can manage. Do what you can to serve the Lord in a positive way. Trust that Jesus will bring you out on the other side, changed and victorious.

My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. - 1Jo 3:18-20

Sabertooth · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
"You're in denial. You can't run away from this. You can avoid it all you want but you're still a lesbian. You hate yourself. Stop hiding. I feel bad for you. I pity you. You've become just like the homophobes who hurt you, who hurt us. You want it. I know you do. Don't ignore your true feelings."

You need to get new friends. You become like those you hang around.
These USA churches are better at dealing with this sort of thing,
God does not hate homosexuals. He hates how surrendering to sin (including homosexuality) and rejecting Jesus keeps a person out of Heaven.

com7fy8 · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I hate being a homosexual, it's making me hate other homosexuals

Jesus wants us to love all people.

Sunflower Garden said:
I don't want it to be my identity, but I've thought of myself as "lesbian" for such a long time it's hard to shake off.

But that was put in your head by others. Other people do not decide what our identity is

Sunflower Garden said:
I don't even feel worthy to repent to God, because I've repented of the same thing tons of times. God isn't fooled by my crap, and it's probably gonna happen again. I hate myself too much to talk to God. He's probably ashamed of me.

If you know something is wrong, we can be thankful that we do know. And if we have failed to change, this is all we need to know > what we have tried did not work because it is not what works. God is able. And God is not ashamed of His Son Jesus. This is what matters. Jesus is our Father's beloved Son, in whom our Father is well pleased. So . . . possibly . . . you can feed on who Jesus is and how He is so that He is pleasing to our Father. He is worth your attention, more than what people and you think about your identity. Your label is not what really matters, is it?

Sunflower Garden said:
And please, I don't want any comments telling me to hold out the hope for a straight marriage and children. I don't want to be married. I don't want kids. I don't want to lose my virginity. I am not attracted to anything about men.

Trust God and discover what He wants.

Sunflower Garden said:
I simply just wish I can be chemically castrated or something. To be removed of all sexual desire. That way I can be a celibate and never deal with same sex temptation ever again. It'll be so much easier to serve God that way. I don't see myself losing faith that way.

This sounds a little bit like how certain people have tried to force gay people to change to straight. I would not build your plans and hopes on what failures have tried.

Sunflower Garden said:
relationships aren't a big deal. I know I can live without one. I see a celibate life as a happy life.

In Jesus, we who are celibate have various relationships with other Jesus family people.

Perhaps you need to simply share with Christians who help you see how to share in love. And read the Bible, including where God's word tells us how to relate in His love.

Valletta · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I'm a lesbian and I hate it. I've known since I was like 11. I want to be a Christian and follow Jesus and be celibate so bad but I give in to my flesh and desire every single time it pops up, and the more often it happens the less guilty and concerned I feel.

I'm a virgin (thank God) but I'm scared one day I'm going to give in to my feelings and sin in the worst possible way of this I could. What people say get to me. "You're in denial. You can't run away from this. You can avoid it all you want but you're still a lesbian. You hate yourself. Stop hiding. I feel bad for you. I pity you. You've become just like the homophobes who hurt you, who hurt us. You want it. I know you do. Don't ignore your true feelings."

I hate it. I know it's wrong. But I want it so bad. But I'm losing the conviction of sin. I feel like a ticking time bomb who's going to sin and give up on God. I feel if the temptation was right in front of me right now, and I had an option to say no, I wouldn't say no. I just feel overwhelmed with desire. The more I avoid it the more I want it. The more it festers in me.
But I want to love God. I want to follow Jesus. I'm scared I'm not born again. If I loved Jesus I wouldn't willfully give in to temptations and willfully sin multiple times.

I hate being a homosexual, it's making me hate other homosexuals, sometimes I think about hurting myself or indulging in substances just to deal with the crippling sense of cognitive dissonance. I don't want it to be my identity, but I've thought of myself as "lesbian" for such a long time it's hard to shake off. I hate it. I just want it gone. I want it gone.

It's coming to the uncomfortable question of "if a girl kept pressuring you, flirting with you, or even worse, would you try to flee? or would you give in?" I fear it would be the latter. Because even though I don't want it, my carnal self, my flesh, does.

I don't even feel worthy to repent to God, because I've repented of the same thing tons of times. God isn't fooled by my crap, and it's probably gonna happen again. I hate myself too much to talk to God. He's probably ashamed of me.

And please, I don't want any comments telling me to hold out the hope for a straight marriage and children. I don't want to be married. I don't want kids. I don't want to lose my virginity. I am not attracted to anything about men.

I simply just wish I can be chemically castrated or something. To be removed of all sexual desire. That way I can be a celibate and never deal with same sex temptation ever again. It'll be so much easier to serve God that way. I don't see myself losing faith that way.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Prayers? comfort? advice? I just hate myself. I want to stop being gay. I want to stop wanting it.

Prayer is important. Establish a relationship with Jesus. God will answer your prayers, don't expect instantly. Always remember God loves you.

chevyontheriver · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I'm a lesbian and I hate it. I've known since I was like 11. I want to be a Christian and follow Jesus and be celibate so bad but I give in to my flesh and desire every single time it pops up, and the more often it happens the less guilty and concerned I feel.

...

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Prayers? comfort? advice? I just hate myself. I want to stop being gay. I want to stop wanting it.

Don't hate yourself.

I recommend Courage, an organization for people with same sex attractions. It is a Catholic group, which may not fit for you as a Lutheran. But it is a group of faithful same sex attracted people who endeavor to live chaste lives. They have chapters all over the country and the world. Their web site is Courage

Aussie Pete · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I'm a lesbian and I hate it. I've known since I was like 11. I want to be a Christian and follow Jesus and be celibate so bad but I give in to my flesh and desire every single time it pops up, and the more often it happens the less guilty and concerned I feel.

I'm a virgin (thank God) but I'm scared one day I'm going to give in to my feelings and sin in the worst possible way of this I could. What people say get to me. "You're in denial. You can't run away from this. You can avoid it all you want but you're still a lesbian. You hate yourself. Stop hiding. I feel bad for you. I pity you. You've become just like the homophobes who hurt you, who hurt us. You want it. I know you do. Don't ignore your true feelings."

I hate it. I know it's wrong. But I want it so bad. But I'm losing the conviction of sin. I feel like a ticking time bomb who's going to sin and give up on God. I feel if the temptation was right in front of me right now, and I had an option to say no, I wouldn't say no. I just feel overwhelmed with desire. The more I avoid it the more I want it. The more it festers in me.
But I want to love God. I want to follow Jesus. I'm scared I'm not born again. If I loved Jesus I wouldn't willfully give in to temptations and willfully sin multiple times.

I hate being a homosexual, it's making me hate other homosexuals, sometimes I think about hurting myself or indulging in substances just to deal with the crippling sense of cognitive dissonance. I don't want it to be my identity, but I've thought of myself as "lesbian" for such a long time it's hard to shake off. I hate it. I just want it gone. I want it gone.

It's coming to the uncomfortable question of "if a girl kept pressuring you, flirting with you, or even worse, would you try to flee? or would you give in?" I fear it would be the latter. Because even though I don't want it, my carnal self, my flesh, does.

I don't even feel worthy to repent to God, because I've repented of the same thing tons of times. God isn't fooled by my crap, and it's probably gonna happen again. I hate myself too much to talk to God. He's probably ashamed of me.

And please, I don't want any comments telling me to hold out the hope for a straight marriage and children. I don't want to be married. I don't want kids. I don't want to lose my virginity. I am not attracted to anything about men.

I simply just wish I can be chemically castrated or something. To be removed of all sexual desire. That way I can be a celibate and never deal with same sex temptation ever again. It'll be so much easier to serve God that way. I don't see myself losing faith that way.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Prayers? comfort? advice? I just hate myself. I want to stop being gay. I want to stop wanting it.

Thank you for your honesty. God knows your heart and He very much wants to help you. However, He will do it His way and on His terms.

Please don't approach the problem from the wrong direction. Don't imagine that you have to change yourself in order to be acceptable to God. He loves us as we are. He has provided the total freedom that you want already. The answer is found in Christ, not in yourself.

When you receive Christ, you receive new life. This life is spiritual life. We get a new, born again spirit. Lord Jesus comes to live in your new spirit. If we let Him, He will begin to change us from the inside out. We need to accept Him as Lord, which means to give Him control of your life. He will set you free. It may take some time, but for sure it will happen. All He needs from us is our willingness. Usually the grosser sins are dealt with first. The power of sin in our lives is broken immediately (Romans 6) but that needs to be worked out in experience.

Be assured that God loves you. If you are not sure, look at what Lord Jesus did for you on the Cross. He has the power to deliver you, evidenced by His resurrection. There is a lot to know, hopefully we can encourage you to get into the truth that will set you free.

returntosender · Dec 22, 2020

Take heart, my daughter turned her need around from this and became a Christian and never went back. I am not sure what made her change her life but I sure was happy and am sorry I didn't praise her more for it. It can't be an easy fete. I did fight her all the way on it and hope that my love for her and my fight for her salvation had a little to do with it.
God bless and Don't give up. Jesus is worth it and so are you!

NBB · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I know it's not worth it. I know Jesus is so much more important and that acting on these feelings will hurt my relationship with Him.

Thing is I agree with you, relationships aren't a big deal. I know I can live without one. I see a celibate life as a happy life. Which just makes the urges all the more annoying because I didn't ask for them nor do want them. I feel so stuck and trapped.

My friends aren't pressuring me either. It's just stuff I hear people say to others like me, people who forsake their desires for Christ. And it hits me personally so hard. I hear it in my head all the time.

Don't abandon Jesus, say to God you want to change, God has lots of patience, but if you stop trying and praying and get dissapointed because you can't win easily you are going to waste a lot of time just living away from him, even if you fail keep trying and praying to get close to God.

"Fight the good fight for the faith"

I meant sex, is not a big deal compared to having communion with God, sexual sins can ruin this.

NBB · Dec 22, 2020

So, some time ago i cut watching inappropriate content, it was highly addictive for me, i hated myself a lot for this.
I had this crazy 'sex drive'...

Thing is, i was able to stop doing it because of 'deliverance'.

Sexual sins creates 'spiritual bindings' to sin. We are a slave to this basically.
So you may need lots of prayer, or some deliverance, or ministration from God with or without the help of someone, but don't give up, we can change.

DiscipleHeLovesToo · Dec 22, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I'm a lesbian and I hate it. I've known since I was like 11. I want to be a Christian and follow Jesus and be celibate so bad but I give in to my flesh and desire every single time it pops up, and the more often it happens the less guilty and concerned I feel.

I'm a virgin (thank God) but I'm scared one day I'm going to give in to my feelings and sin in the worst possible way of this I could. What people say get to me. "You're in denial. You can't run away from this. You can avoid it all you want but you're still a lesbian. You hate yourself. Stop hiding. I feel bad for you. I pity you. You've become just like the homophobes who hurt you, who hurt us. You want it. I know you do. Don't ignore your true feelings."

I hate it. I know it's wrong. But I want it so bad. But I'm losing the conviction of sin. I feel like a ticking time bomb who's going to sin and give up on God. I feel if the temptation was right in front of me right now, and I had an option to say no, I wouldn't say no. I just feel overwhelmed with desire. The more I avoid it the more I want it. The more it festers in me.
But I want to love God. I want to follow Jesus. I'm scared I'm not born again. If I loved Jesus I wouldn't willfully give in to temptations and willfully sin multiple times.

I hate being a homosexual, it's making me hate other homosexuals, sometimes I think about hurting myself or indulging in substances just to deal with the crippling sense of cognitive dissonance. I don't want it to be my identity, but I've thought of myself as "lesbian" for such a long time it's hard to shake off. I hate it. I just want it gone. I want it gone.

It's coming to the uncomfortable question of "if a girl kept pressuring you, flirting with you, or even worse, would you try to flee? or would you give in?" I fear it would be the latter. Because even though I don't want it, my carnal self, my flesh, does.

I don't even feel worthy to repent to God, because I've repented of the same thing tons of times. God isn't fooled by my crap, and it's probably gonna happen again. I hate myself too much to talk to God. He's probably ashamed of me.

And please, I don't want any comments telling me to hold out the hope for a straight marriage and children. I don't want to be married. I don't want kids. I don't want to lose my virginity. I am not attracted to anything about men.

I simply just wish I can be chemically castrated or something. To be removed of all sexual desire. That way I can be a celibate and never deal with same sex temptation ever again. It'll be so much easier to serve God that way. I don't see myself losing faith that way.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Prayers? comfort? advice? I just hate myself. I want to stop being gay. I want to stop wanting it.

there is a way; it's simple, but difficult because of the universal desires of the flesh - and we've all got flesh.

you see yourself through your flesh; but God sees past that - right down into your soul. when God looks at you, He sees who you will eventually be. since you are seeking to know Jesus, God is drawing you to Him - otherwise you'd be fine with the way you are; so He does not see you as a lesbian - He sees you as you will be - His Daughter, who was made righteous in His eyes by your faith in the sacrifice of His sinless Son in your place to pay the price for all your wrong thoughts, words, and actions - past, present, and future.

you simply need to agree with Him.

this is where the difficulty begins; because your flesh does not agree with God (no one's flesh agrees with God); so there's going to be a battle for your mind between God's Word and your flesh. the only thing that is powerful enough to silence the desires of your flesh in your mind is His Words about how He sees you. so the battle comes down to what you are mindful of; if you can shift your focus to His Word, you can discipline your flesh, and change your view of yourself from what you said in your opening post to what He has said - His righteous-by-faith Daughter.

the first thing you need to agree with Him about is salvation; you have to dare to believe that His Word can change you instantly, and give you control over your flesh over time; and you have to receive Him into your heart as Savior, and as Lord - have you?

GDL · Dec 23, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
But I'm losing the conviction of sin.

Losing a functioning conscience is not the way, as I can see you already know.

1. One of the things I see missing in advice is how to deal with the temptations at the mental level. We're not left to our own efforts.

NKJ Hebrews 4:14-16 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

A little explanation:

- Our God & Great High Priest understands everything any of us can go through and more than any of us can know.

- 4:16 is actually a command to go to Him for "help in time of need" and the "need" under discussion is in the context of our weaknesses and temptations.

- These weaknesses and temptations are obviously at the level of our thoughts.

- We're thus commanded to go to Him for help when we are struggling at the thought level.

FWIW, I can tell you that this has worked for me in ways it's difficult to explain. There may be a mental struggle involved as part of you attempts to reject His help, but just keep asking for the help. You want the thoughts to go away. They will and they do. And you cannot exhaust Him. Don't let go of this provision of His help.

Also utilize the acknowledging of sin provision per 1 John 1 to receive His forgiveness & cleansing and remember that Jesus taught us that sin is also at the mental level. If you have to go before Him for this many times a minute (!), do it. And remember to draw on His help per the above to break the cycle.

2. IMO, after many years of extensive study and contemplation, the orientation to obeying Him is key to our Faith in Him and Love for Him. The level of struggle you're expressing seems like you inherently know this. You're thus way ahead of the game (so to speak) even if you don't know it. Tell Him you want to obey Him, to do what He says is Life. Understand the verses above present one of His commands to us. Do what He says and utilize the resources He provides to those who are His. He says those who keep His commandments are those who love Him (John 11). Tell Him you want to love Him in the way He defines love for Him.

3. Do your part to avoid being in situations or exposing yourself to what tempts you. Use His assistance (per Hebrews above) to help you do so, but again, do your part. You're not unique in this effort. We all have weaknesses. Some of us who've been fighting for longer can tell you they can be defeated to ever-increasing degrees. We collaborate with Him to accomplish our salvation from sin as He works in us to both desire & do what pleases Him (Philippians 2:12-13).

4. Read our Text. Ask for His assistance in illuminating your understanding. Don't be deficient in prayer.

5. Don't listen to Rodan6.

Rodan6 · Dec 23, 2020

There are two things that GDL lists that are of great value. The first is the value of a functioning conscience and the second is the value of prayer. Both of these things will help you sort through the great confusion you are going through now.
Not helpful is the suggestion that there is something inherently wrong with being who you are. This bigotry comes from the (sincere) effort to blend all scripture with the powerful and more enlightened teachings of Jesus Christ. Perhaps the greatest obstacle for spiritual progress for many modern Christians is the need to let go of their bigotries and prejudices. Jesus devoted a great deal of time to this cause as he dealt with the prejudices of His own Apostles. We need to recognize that before God, there is no difference in standing among people--regardless of race, sex or sexual orientation. Today, Christianity stands at the dawn of a great awakening. A time is near when the teachings of others found in scripture are revealed as subordinate. A time where Jesus' teachings are no longer contaminated by inferior doctrines and teachings. To follow Christ and grow in spirit it is necessary to put the teachings of Jesus FIRST. Then, apply the teachings of the Master to the writings of others to evaluate their value.

PaulCyp1 · Dec 23, 2020

Having a psychosocial disorder doesn't mean you cannot follow Jesus. The Church He founded, to which He promised the fullness of God's truth, has many homosexual/lesbian members in good standing. They live their lives as God calls them to live, just like the heterosexual members, and through His Church they receive the grace to do so. Sexual orientation is not a moral issue. Sexual behavior is a moral issue, regardless of one's orientation.

InnerPhyre · Dec 23, 2020

Sunflower Garden said:
I simply just wish I can be chemically castrated or something. To be removed of all sexual desire. That way I can be a celibate and never deal with same sex temptation ever again. It'll be so much easier to serve God that way. I don't see myself losing faith that way.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Prayers? comfort? advice? I just hate myself. I want to stop being gay. I want to stop wanting it.

Your post broke my heart. I can see how much pain and anguish you are in struggling desperately against who you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You aren’t sick. You don’t need to be fixed. You are worthy of love and acceptance. Don’t let anyone make you hate yourself. God bless you.

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