hello my name is Josh and I'm in need of desperate interpretation of an event that happened. First it started with my abusing a prescription medication called vyvance. I have an acquired brain injury and the medication is the only drug that treats brain damage. I have become addicted to it though and abuse it for sexual pleasure(it gives approx 7x the sex effect of normal sex) it also gives increased intelligence, increased focus, increased performance, increased euphoria, Heightened music, heighteneddance, and many other effects. Back to the day it started with me for the first time giving up on religion I(as I type this a wave of mild to moderate euphoria overcame me which is a sign that The Lord wants my attention). I was told that all girls will always hate a guy like me(I am a good guy, who is intimate, sensual, slow paced, seductive) and prefer the aggressive guys. The way I was told this hit my core personality (wow The Lord is actively communicating with me as I type this he wants everyone to know his presences amazing) right to the center and caused me to give up on religion. I threw my Bible my special bible off the balcony of my condo and hate negative hateful spiteful comments to God/The Lord (The Lord is actively telling me this(s happened to balance out how extreme my reaction is)and religion in general for the very FIRST time. I took 3 vyvance which altered my personality making me an sexually aggressive male whose only priority on that earth was to seek out hardcore wild rough sex which is not the normal sex I am into. I instantly became what I was so hateful of which is a rough sexual alpha male and became my inner most desires persona. (The Lord is telling me as I type this for the first time why this happened as I type this I am actively communicating with The Father.) Ohh I forgot to mention the "snap". Jesus snapped his fingers a few seconds after I gave up on him and instantly that's when my personality was changed. as soon as he snapped his fingers I became my inner most desires. I was temporally pleased with this new personality and immediately boarded a train to Toronto with the intention on a massive sex binge of escorts massage therapists swingers hookers what ever and how much ever more than I ever could have had in my intire life. I was at my sexual peek.
Now one of the side effects of vyvance is psychosis,delusions,paranoia(persucution complex). When I go to Toronto by taxi and on the cab up I was so sexual I had a hands free [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to explain how intense my sex drive was it was torture quite literally. I checked into a motell and began watching lots of inappropriate contento as the massage place was closed(it turns out I was lost and could not find it). about 2 hours later I went outside my room to get a drink to replish my fluids and saw a police suv. The paranoia effect of vyvance set in and I through the police were after me to kill me for a related paranoid thought(unsure as of now if thats true because that though is in reality) I left my room and boarded the first mode of transit I could find which was a bus. I began talking to myself in a paranoid delusion and got kicked out of the bus. It was freezing 3-4am and I boarded another bus eventually (as I type this i am getting active answers from The Lord himself he wants everyone to see the truth behind my story as I tell it with out seeing it in the eyes of The Evil one) I go out at the subway junction and this is where everything went down
At the subway junction The Lord himself appeared to me not visually but spiritually. This was the second time I had a appearance of The Lord l When The Lord appears to you automatically know That it's The Lord. You feel this overwhelming sense of Love like you will never feel in life. You are transcended to a higher pain of excistance of cosmic love. He told me things about my life that only he would know the answers too. one of The Things he told me was that in heaven I will beg him to kill me when I find out the truth behind all The girls I've been with. How they never (as I typed this very word my mouse wheel automatically went to a inappropriate content site by accident which has never happened)loved,liked,respected,desired,were pleasured in anyway by me every girl. The truth of that was so powerful/is so powerfull I can't tolerate it and want to be put out of misery instead of facing my pain(wow my tv automatically unpaused itself from Netflix amazing). This is in line with how my personality is and I believed it. I argued with The Lord that if my choice is that (suicide essetionallity) than it should be my choice no mater what and that its for me to make. we argued/debated back and forth for 20minutues while I warmed up in the bus terminal/subway junction. afterwords this feelings came across me which is designed to make you kill yourself. This feelings only purpose is to make you commit suicide and if i lasted longer than the 20 seconds I felt it for I would have immidetially killed myself having NEVER thought of suicide in my entire life.
I ask why did I feel this feeling? is it balance to what happened? punishment? attoment? mercy? something higher? what are your thoughts mind you I am leaving alot out
Now one of the side effects of vyvance is psychosis,delusions,paranoia(persucution complex). When I go to Toronto by taxi and on the cab up I was so sexual I had a hands free [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to explain how intense my sex drive was it was torture quite literally. I checked into a motell and began watching lots of inappropriate contento as the massage place was closed(it turns out I was lost and could not find it). about 2 hours later I went outside my room to get a drink to replish my fluids and saw a police suv. The paranoia effect of vyvance set in and I through the police were after me to kill me for a related paranoid thought(unsure as of now if thats true because that though is in reality) I left my room and boarded the first mode of transit I could find which was a bus. I began talking to myself in a paranoid delusion and got kicked out of the bus. It was freezing 3-4am and I boarded another bus eventually (as I type this i am getting active answers from The Lord himself he wants everyone to see the truth behind my story as I tell it with out seeing it in the eyes of The Evil one) I go out at the subway junction and this is where everything went down
At the subway junction The Lord himself appeared to me not visually but spiritually. This was the second time I had a appearance of The Lord l When The Lord appears to you automatically know That it's The Lord. You feel this overwhelming sense of Love like you will never feel in life. You are transcended to a higher pain of excistance of cosmic love. He told me things about my life that only he would know the answers too. one of The Things he told me was that in heaven I will beg him to kill me when I find out the truth behind all The girls I've been with. How they never (as I typed this very word my mouse wheel automatically went to a inappropriate content site by accident which has never happened)loved,liked,respected,desired,were pleasured in anyway by me every girl. The truth of that was so powerful/is so powerfull I can't tolerate it and want to be put out of misery instead of facing my pain(wow my tv automatically unpaused itself from Netflix amazing). This is in line with how my personality is and I believed it. I argued with The Lord that if my choice is that (suicide essetionallity) than it should be my choice no mater what and that its for me to make. we argued/debated back and forth for 20minutues while I warmed up in the bus terminal/subway junction. afterwords this feelings came across me which is designed to make you kill yourself. This feelings only purpose is to make you commit suicide and if i lasted longer than the 20 seconds I felt it for I would have immidetially killed myself having NEVER thought of suicide in my entire life.
I ask why did I feel this feeling? is it balance to what happened? punishment? attoment? mercy? something higher? what are your thoughts mind you I am leaving alot out
