How can I NOT be bitter and resentful?

What do you do for a living currently?

KingFisher97 said:

It was the best time of life until I was medically disqualified for a condition that I don’t even have.

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Is there a way to get this appealed somehow?

KingFisher97 said:

Usually yes but they denied my waiver. I've gone through every loophole I can.

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The universal waiver is the most commonly used form in the military. But if they don't need you...no waiver. I was waived into the Army way back when. I had a minor misdemeanor on my record (and that was false) that was misinterpreted by the recruiting personnel as something more serious. Upon my explanation it was 'waived' without further investigation. I guess they needed more bodies at that time.

What you need to understand in your grumpy self is that you need to stop being like that and be saved from it by Christ.

That is the only way to change!

In your grumpy self, where you are bitter, angry, resentful, envious, etc draw in the presence of the Lord, and let His loving truth guide you from there, to dying to being like that, and coming to newness of life instead.

i struggled with sin all my life before i realised that in my sinful selves i needed to be saved, not think i was saved because i believed in the Lord at other times.

You have to make Jesus your Hero in ALL of your life. He will become that if you let Him change you from being the bitter resentful person you have become to becoming loving, thankful, joyful and supportive of other people going through a hard time.

In repentance lays your chance for change. Letting go of the right to be who you have become - e.g laying down your life for Christ, dying to the old nature, and coming to life in the new.

Peace.

Colossians 3:1-17
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.


Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.


Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

KingFisher97 said:

Usually yes but they denied my waiver. I've gone through every loophole I can.

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OK. What do you do for a living currently?

KingFisher97 said:

I work in finance at a university. I am grateful to God for my job but its not where I want to be.

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Could you train for police or the fire department?

KingFisher97 said:

Possibly. That is my backup but truthfully nothing will fill the hole that the military had. FD yes but police maybe. The issue is that I would have to practically take a year off frim work as the fire and police academies require nearly full time attention.

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I take it the reserves are out of the question?

A friend who told a story many times about how her dad mistreated her a few times (not sexual nor beatings). She was about 70 yrs and had been a dedicated believer for decades but she hadn't dealt with this. She absolutely needed God's help to "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:" (Eph 4:31) I don't know if she ever did but she suffered daily from physical pain 'A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones," (Pro 17:22). (Not saying that everyone that's in pain has bitterness though).

Our society doesn't seem to be very good at mourning. Death or illness maybe, but lost dreams and hardships, particularly private ones tend to be squelched. Perhaps your wife, trusted friend, or spiritual advisor could join with you in a ceremony of letting go the dreams of your youth. Or it could be you alone with God, letting out your sadness and even anger that he did not allow you this yearning. Even something as simple as a small prayer that you keep in mind to say when the pain and resentment surface can be helpful.

Are chaplains held to similar standards? Have you considered the possibility that God has different intentions for the desire you hold?

Yours in His Service,

~bella

KingFisher97 said:

My only life passion and dream has been to serve in the military. As a kid all the way through college I lived and breathed the the military and joined ROTC. It was the best time of life until I was medically disqualified for a condition that I don’t even have. Now... the woman I ended up marrying ended up joining the military.. But she hates it and complains about it with every breath she has. To hear her be able to work my dream career and not be grateful for it is the hardest thing for me to deal with coupled with being a male military spouse. I love the Lord and have sort of made an idol of the military. The issue is I just can’t shake my bitterness with how this all turned out. This has made me the most miserable, grumpy, terrible excuse for a Christian I’ve ever seen. I’ve asked God time ans time again to remove this idol from my heart and reshape my heart for Him but to no avail. Frankly this has made me a depressed, angry, joyless, and unpleasant person that I don’t want to be the way that I am. How do I fight this bitter and resentful attitude that I have?

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You have one foot in the world and one foot in the bible and are straddling a barbed-wire fence. Its a painful way to live, it would make any man restless, irritable and discontent. You answered your own question but what you are struggling with is resolution and acceptance, or a lack there of.

Problem: Idolatry, and resentments. One step deeper is (character defects)

"I’ve asked God time and time again to remove this idol from my heart and reshape my heart for Him but to no avail."

He hasn't removed it because that's your job, not his. You are hyper focused on the symptoms of a problem instead of the solutions.

"My only life passion and dream has been to serve in the military."

As a christian you have put a worldly aspiration above God and Christ. Your priority's are skewed. It needs to be God first and everything else second... You must re prioritize your standards and motives. Have you ever considered that God closed that door and opened another for you but you have refused to go through it? Now he has been standing there waiting for you to walk through it for how many years now??

"To hear her be able to work my dream career and not be grateful for it is the hardest thing for me to deal with coupled with being a male military spouse."

Thats an expectation, expectations are pre-meditated resentments. Listen to yourself, you are saying I am going to be upset because someone is not reacting to something the way I think they should react to it...Chew on that... The character defect is "selfish and self centeredness"

"It was the best time of life until I was medically disqualified for a condition that I don’t even have."

Or better stated, I was wronged and did not forgive so now it is a resentment. So now you lost something you were hanging onto with a death grip and are now trying to live out that life vicariously through her and are angry with her because she is not meeting those selfish expectations. Think on that one for a while, with a guiding insight of the saying: "If I'm not the problem there is no solution"

You are in a viscous cycle of replaying the resentments in your head over and over and reacting to them in the same manner, with anger. "The truth shall set you free" Is by far the single best thing for good emotional health. After you finally come to the realizations of what YOUR part in this is and ONLY your part then will you be able to start healing. Click on the link "Helps to emotional stability" In my sig line and read it once a day for 60 days. Put the concepts into practice, live and let live. If you want to shoot me a PM for working solutions to help to free you from resentments and character defects dont hesitate. God bless brother!!

KingFisher97 said:

But she hates it and complains about it with every breath she has. To hear her be able to work my dream career and not be grateful for it is the hardest thing for me to deal with coupled with being a male military spouse.

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Regardless of how you process the rest of this situation and what path your journey will eventually take, you need to ask your wife to stop complaining to you about the military because it bothers you. Each time she mentions her complaint it withdraws love units from your bank. Your acquiescence to the path the Lord has for you does not need to include dings in your marital joy.

I will tell you that I have a lot of children in the military and they all were disenchanted pretty quickly by the inefficient behemoth that it was. Your ideal of the military is not the reality of it. My first son had a similar idealism as I hear in your writing when he shipped off to basic training, as gung ho as a person could be. The instructors saw that in him and spent 8 weeks squashing it out of him. They did not want individuals excelling - they want uniformity in a team.

My second son learned from that experience and went into the military with a mindset of not calling attention to himself, homogenizing himself to the middle of the crowd, and that went much better for him.

((hugs))

Well I am going to offer some Frank advice that may seem tough to take but in the long run might be very useful.

The truth is your disappointment about not joining the military, might not ever go ever. Might not, but only time will tell.

There is a false hope that if a Christian prays long enough that God will eventually hear the prayer and yield to the request, but we can see from the Apostle Paul this is not the case

2 cor 12
And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.


That thorn in the flesh, Paul prayed repeatedly to God to have it removed and the answer was Grace was sufficient, in other words, no the thorn will remain. And the apostle Paul is probably the most valuable Christian God has ever called to his ministry, the beloved still received a firm no to his request. So perhaps it will just be an ongoing disappointment that you have to reconcile yourself with.

God has already blessed you with marriage, a different type of job and the Christian belief, he may have added a thorn as a personal trial as well. Or maybe it will pass. Time will tell.

Hope that helps and gives some more insight.

KingFisher97 said:

don’t want to be the way that I am. How do I fight this bitter and resentful attitude that I have?

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I am sorry that your dream career has been denied you.
I don't know how recently this happen, but you need time to grieve over what you have lost.
You also have to accept that it has happened.

Only when you accept it can you throw off your bitterness and start living again. You have to accept that it is over, as you do so God will supply the strength and grace to accept it and to move on.

KingFisher97 said:

she hates it and complains about it with every breath she has.

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Why does she hate it?

KingFisher97 said:

My only life passion and dream has been to serve in the military. As a kid all the way through college I lived and breathed the the military and joined ROTC. It was the best time of life until I was medically disqualified for a condition that I don’t even have. Now... the woman I ended up marrying ended up joining the military.. But she hates it and complains about it with every breath she has. To hear her be able to work my dream career and not be grateful for it is the hardest thing for me to deal with coupled with being a male military spouse. I love the Lord and have sort of made an idol of the military. The issue is I just can’t shake my bitterness with how this all turned out. This has made me the most miserable, grumpy, terrible excuse for a Christian I’ve ever seen. I’ve asked God time ans time again to remove this idol from my heart and reshape my heart for Him but to no avail. Frankly this has made me a depressed, angry, joyless, and unpleasant person that I don’t want to be the way that I am. How do I fight this bitter and resentful attitude that I have?

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Remember what the Lord Jesus said on the Cross: "Father let this cup (of suffering) pass from Me; nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done" His Father-God left Him on the cross to pay the price of our redemption; and the Lord gave praise to His Father for it all afterward. Read the four Gospels in your Bible and learn to appreciate how to approach our God: noting John 3; John 14; Romans 8; Galatians 2:20; etc. Let us never speak against our Creator, but learn to know Him and surrender our will to Him. He may have a great work for you yet, and with peace and joy. Can you say: "nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done"? A real Christian will turn from self and surrender all to the Lord. God says: "He that has the Son, has life; and he that has not the Son (of God) has not that life". This is something to think about.

Look up, friend, and learn to put the Lord Jesus first in your life as your best Friend (not the military, a career, or anything, though you might well begin making some plans ---like as a firefighter to serve all mankind, as one suggested to you already). Write me personally if you wish, friend. -1watchman