Hello! I go by Veronica and I am a 51-year-old mother of three daughters who are adults (26) (27) (29). My husband Jeff died (suicide) in 2001. Our youngest lives at home with me and is finishing her Master's Degree (her bachelor's degree was covered by grants, payment on my part and a few loans, now she's taken out loans on her own aauugghh!). She has also been working part-time and has always been very involved in our (Catholic) Church. She is by far the most "adult" of our daughters. Our middle daughter had her own academic and social struggles but she overcame them and has turned a hobby into a career which is just now getting off it's feet. My main concern is that she moved in with a friend almost before the ink on her Bachelor's Degree was dry and she's recently announced that she and her roommate are soon moving to a city six hours away.
Our oldest is my biggest concern and always has been. Her rebellion began almost immediately when she started college and peaked when she became pregnant at 19. Ultimately, it was decided that I would have temporary custody until our daughter got on her feet. Because there was no immediate danger, we all lived together for about five years - Priscilla did everything she would normally do for her daughter and I made the major decisions. At the time, we thought this was just a "blip" and we didn't want my granddaughter to know that anything unusual happened in her early childhood until she was old enough to be informed. When my granddaughter was two, our daughter regained custody and moved out. The rebellion started over again, she had as little contact with family and friends as possible, and she became pregnant five years ago. She placed this child for adoption and while she can have contact through a mediator, she largely chooses not to.
I have many problems and I have been trying to throw myself back into the Church for the past 10 years (I church-shopped for awhile there). I don't lack Faith in God but I tend to try to solve things on my own, especially the "little" things. I struggle with control issues (I'm told I have a "take over spirit") and finding fault with things I do not agree with (these things can be little or big). I do not think that I am better than anyone and in fact am usually too hard on myself. There is not much I can do to help adult children but I have a feeling that I may once again take custody of my granddaughter and I want to be prepared for that. My husband (Jeff's) suicide in 2001 still of course affects us, but it's an issue of itself. I apologize for the details, but my oldest was 10 when this happened and she was the one who got the most details first because I was in such a state of shock that I did not think to shield her from them. My middle daughter was eight and what stands out the most was that she was so unemotional and matter-of-fact and went through a stage where she wanted to erase every trace of her father that she came across. My youngest was seven and became very withdrawn, she kept her main worries to herself but her main worry was whether or not her father was going to Hell. That has always been an issue with her for many reasons - a fear that her loved ones are going to Hell. She knows that God is the one who decides that, but she still always had difficulty in that area.
I'm sorry to dump all that on everyone on my first post here. I came because there are things I feel strange telling people we know well and I don't know if I can get ideas/support that is more unbiased from people who are not emotionally involved. I also want to know if there is any more that I can be doing. Thank You!
Our oldest is my biggest concern and always has been. Her rebellion began almost immediately when she started college and peaked when she became pregnant at 19. Ultimately, it was decided that I would have temporary custody until our daughter got on her feet. Because there was no immediate danger, we all lived together for about five years - Priscilla did everything she would normally do for her daughter and I made the major decisions. At the time, we thought this was just a "blip" and we didn't want my granddaughter to know that anything unusual happened in her early childhood until she was old enough to be informed. When my granddaughter was two, our daughter regained custody and moved out. The rebellion started over again, she had as little contact with family and friends as possible, and she became pregnant five years ago. She placed this child for adoption and while she can have contact through a mediator, she largely chooses not to.
I have many problems and I have been trying to throw myself back into the Church for the past 10 years (I church-shopped for awhile there). I don't lack Faith in God but I tend to try to solve things on my own, especially the "little" things. I struggle with control issues (I'm told I have a "take over spirit") and finding fault with things I do not agree with (these things can be little or big). I do not think that I am better than anyone and in fact am usually too hard on myself. There is not much I can do to help adult children but I have a feeling that I may once again take custody of my granddaughter and I want to be prepared for that. My husband (Jeff's) suicide in 2001 still of course affects us, but it's an issue of itself. I apologize for the details, but my oldest was 10 when this happened and she was the one who got the most details first because I was in such a state of shock that I did not think to shield her from them. My middle daughter was eight and what stands out the most was that she was so unemotional and matter-of-fact and went through a stage where she wanted to erase every trace of her father that she came across. My youngest was seven and became very withdrawn, she kept her main worries to herself but her main worry was whether or not her father was going to Hell. That has always been an issue with her for many reasons - a fear that her loved ones are going to Hell. She knows that God is the one who decides that, but she still always had difficulty in that area.
I'm sorry to dump all that on everyone on my first post here. I came because there are things I feel strange telling people we know well and I don't know if I can get ideas/support that is more unbiased from people who are not emotionally involved. I also want to know if there is any more that I can be doing. Thank You!
