Michael Hawk

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My wife and I would like to adopt a special needs teenager who is wheelchair-bound and needs 24/7 care. He has been without parents for almost 7 years because no one wants to adopt him. Covid made this worse as there we workers who tested positive and the building went into lockdown. He was isolated in a room for 21 days, my heart cried when I heard this.

We qualify for everything in the adoption except for the funds. My brother is very well off and has offered to support us while he is in our care. The only way we can adopt him though is if my brother and his wife become the legal guardians even though we would be taking care of him.

I understand this is a grey area, but then I remembered what Jesus said about helping others, even if they are breaking the law. Matthew 12:11-14

We have exhaustedly looked at all other options and these are the only 2.

Thoughts on this issue? I sometimes think that empathy is really a curse and wish I could just walk away from this.
 

Of the Kingdom

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The only way we can adopt him though is if my brother and his wife become the legal guardians even though we would be taking care of him.

Michael, I am pleased to hear your willingness to take care of the boy. If you feel you can work with your brother on this, then I would suggest you be honest with the adoption agency about your willingness to care for the child, and your brother's willingness to pay for it.

I know of one case where a child was adopted with a grant to assist with the care. The adoptive parents were reluctant to take the assistance, but agreed when they were told it would be easier to pay some of the money back than to ask for it again later.

I hope you, your brother, and the adoption agency can work out a reasonable solution, insuring there is enough money for the boy's care, and also a good understanding between you so that the care will be present regardless of any future change in circumstances.

I will be praying for a good outcome for all of you.
 
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Michael Hawk

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Michael, I am pleased to hear your willingness to take care of the boy. If you feel you can work with your brother on this, then I would suggest you be honest with the adoption agency about your willingness to care for the child, and your brother's willingness to pay for it.

I know of one case where a child was adopted with a grant to assist with the care. The adoptive parents were reluctant to take the assistance, but agreed when they were told it would be easier to pay some of the money back than to ask for it again later.

I hope you, your brother, and the adoption agency can work out a reasonable solution, insuring there is enough money for the boy's care, and also a good understanding between you so that the care will be present regardless of any future change in circumstances.

I will be praying for a good outcome for all of you.

If we are 100% honest, the adoption agency won't let us adopt him, that is our situation. It is very hard to get into the details and has been an exhausting back and forth process.

Our options are,

1) Let my brother and wife adopt him and we take care of him.

2) Or tell them what we are doing and they will 100% not let either of us adopt.

That is why I brought up Matthew 12:11-14, is this a case where doing something good outways legalism?
 
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jamesbond007

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If we are 100% honest, the adoption agency won't let us adopt him, that is our situation. It is very hard to get into the details and has been an exhausting back and forth process.

Our options are,

1) Let my brother and wife adopt him and we take care of him.

2) Or tell them what we are doing and they will 100% not let either of us adopt.

That is why I brought up Matthew 12:11-14, is this a case where doing something good outways legalism?

If I understood you correctly, it's lying by omission? Only you can decide what is right for you, the child, and the guilt. IOW, you have to be comfortable with your decision. We know God can forgive your sins if you repent. That's true.
 
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NerdGirl

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My wife and I would like to adopt a special needs teenager who is wheelchair-bound and needs 24/7 care. He has been without parents for almost 7 years because no one wants to adopt him. Covid made this worse as there we workers who tested positive and the building went into lockdown. He was isolated in a room for 21 days, my heart cried when I heard this.

We qualify for everything in the adoption except for the funds. My brother is very well off and has offered to support us while he is in our care. The only way we can adopt him though is if my brother and his wife become the legal guardians even though we would be taking care of him.

I understand this is a grey area, but then I remembered what Jesus said about helping others, even if they are breaking the law. Matthew 12:11-14

We have exhaustedly looked at all other options and these are the only 2.

Thoughts on this issue? I sometimes think that empathy is really a curse and wish I could just walk away from this.

Why would your brother have to be the legal guardian?
 
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NerdGirl

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If we are 100% honest, the adoption agency won't let us adopt him, that is our situation. It is very hard to get into the details and has been an exhausting back and forth process.

Our options are,

1) Let my brother and wife adopt him and we take care of him.

2) Or tell them what we are doing and they will 100% not let either of us adopt.

That is why I brought up Matthew 12:11-14, is this a case where doing something good outways legalism?

If you would have to do something illegal and/or dishonest to make this happen, then no. I don't believe God would be guiding you to do that.
 
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Michael Hawk

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If you would have to do something illegal and/or dishonest to make this happen, then no. I don't believe God would be guiding you to do that.

Yeah, I was thinking the same.

I guess glass-half-full, he has been at the adoption agency so long he is probably used to it now anyway.
 
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SPF

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Maybe I'm missing something here, but if your brother and his wife are willing to go through everything necessary to be approved to adopt this child, and are willing to take on responsibility for him, then there is nothing wrong that.

If your brother and his wife are only willing to do it because they know that you and your wife are going to be there to support him and his wife with the helping and support of the child, then there is nothing wrong with that either.
 
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jamesbond007

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If you would have to do something illegal and/or dishonest to make this happen, then no. I don't believe God would be guiding you to do that.

If it is illegal and dishonest, then I would agree. I thought he said if he were 100% completely honest, then both would be rejected. I think it's okay to put our best foot forward such as in an interview, i.e. we do not have to mention any rough spots unless asked.

I see his dilemma. I think he has to have his brother and wife adopt the child for him and then he and his wife takes care of him. To do it himself and his wife, they do not qualify as they do not meet the financial requirements.
 
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NerdGirl

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Maybe I'm missing something here, but if your brother and his wife are willing to go through everything necessary to be approved to adopt this child, and are willing to take on responsibility for him, then there is nothing wrong that.

If your brother and his wife are only willing to do it because they know that you and your wife are going to be there to support him and his wife with the helping and support of the child, then there is nothing wrong with that either.

My understanding (and OP, please correct me if I'm wrong), is that the OP would have his brother legally adopt the child, but then place the child in his own home (without informing the adoption agency, as the OP would be denied the adoption).
 
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NerdGirl

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If it is illegal and dishonest, then I would agree. I thought he said if he were 100% completely honest, then both would be rejected. I think it's okay to put our best foot forward such as in an interview, i.e. we do not have to mention any rough spots unless asked.

I see his dilemma. I think he has to have his brother and wife adopt the child for him and then he and his wife takes care of him. To do it himself and his wife, they do not qualify as they do not meet the financial requirements.

But if anything (God forbid) should happen to the boy in the OP's care, the brother and his wife would be legally and financially responsible.

Why not draw up a contract between yourself and your brother, to provide the necessary funds each month, and then present that to the adoption agency?
 
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NerdGirl

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If we are 100% honest, the adoption agency won't let us adopt him, that is our situation. It is very hard to get into the details and has been an exhausting back and forth process.

This is what confuses me. You said the denial would be based solely on your finances (I assume you don't make enough money for their requirements). What are these hard details you mention?
 
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jamesbond007

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But if anything (God forbid) should happen to the boy in the OP's care, the brother and his wife would be legally and financially responsible.

Why not draw up a contract between yourself and your brother, to provide the necessary funds each month, and then present that to the adoption agency?

That's getting personal. I wouldn't want to sign a financial agreement because what if I lost my job and couldn't pay him back for an operation (something like $20,000). I think under the circumstance, the OP has made a good decision.

ETA: It didn't have to do with a relationship with God either imho.
 
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NerdGirl

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That's getting personal. I wouldn't want to sign a financial agreement because what if I lost my job and couldn't pay him back for an operation (something like $20,000). I think under the circumstance, the OP has made a good decision.

ETA: It didn't have to do with a relationship with God either imho.

The OP seems distraught at the thought of not being able to adopt this boy. I was offering a suggestion. I'm not saying it's something I would do. I wouldn't.
 
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disciple Clint

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My wife and I would like to adopt a special needs teenager who is wheelchair-bound and needs 24/7 care. He has been without parents for almost 7 years because no one wants to adopt him. Covid made this worse as there we workers who tested positive and the building went into lockdown. He was isolated in a room for 21 days, my heart cried when I heard this.

We qualify for everything in the adoption except for the funds. My brother is very well off and has offered to support us while he is in our care. The only way we can adopt him though is if my brother and his wife become the legal guardians even though we would be taking care of him.

I understand this is a grey area, but then I remembered what Jesus said about helping others, even if they are breaking the law. Matthew 12:11-14

We have exhaustedly looked at all other options and these are the only 2.

Thoughts on this issue? I sometimes think that empathy is really a curse and wish I could just walk away from this.
Sounds like you would be taking on a responsibility for someone that you do not have the financial resources to support. I would caution against relying on others to provide for your financial needs. Things may very well change in their lives. Since the child requires 24/7 care your financial options are limited as far as working outside the home. You might also want to talk to someone to see if the child is entitled to government benefits now that he would not be entitled to if you adopt him, maybe being a foster parent might work out best.
 
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