I don't know what else to do. Before this whole quarantine thing started I thought I was seeking the Lord. I was reading the Bible often. Watching preachers on youtube. Going to church. But everyday I went to sleep with the thought of "What if I'm not saved? What if I'm just deceiving myself. Anyway a couple months go by of me being stuck in constant sexual sin, hate, rage and I found myself in a constant cycle of sinning, asking forgiveness, sinning again etc. And every night I would ask God to save me again. Over time my heart just grew colder and harder than it already was and a horrible truth hit me. I wasn't saved at all. Ever. I had no godly sorrow, no repentance. I was just trying to work for my salvation because it was the only thing I felt I could do. I thought I had faith, I thought I believed but I was just manufacturing my own "good works" to deceive myself. Now my heart has hardened and I honestly fear I may be beyond repentance because I no longer seek the Lord. I no longer even try to do "good" or stop sinning, even if it was superficial. I fear I have become reprobate and am well beyond salvation. And I fear this because I don't even care. I have no concern for righteousness, my soul, or for the Lord. I have no concern for Jesus. Just like the Bible said I only have a fear of my future judgement which is driving me to the brink of insanity just thinking about it. I have worldly sorrow. I am Judas. I have become all of the worst things in the bible wrapped up into one being. This causes me to fall deeper into darkness, trying to avoid the truth with my own evil. Trying to block out the pain of my own condemnation. And even if God hasn't given up on me, I don't know if I could do what is required to be saved. I have no godly sorrow, meaning no repentance, meaning only hell awaits me when I die. And I don't even care... Can anyone please help me...
Greeting
you just need understanding and love
A little History
What is the meaning of true faith, in our hearts? The heart at birth in which the soul, faith is born. It is the heart that is reborn in faith in my regeneration of the Holy Spirit.
Above all, taking up the shield of faith, beyond and above all measure.
The Roman soldier and warrior of ancient times had two types of shields. One smaller round shield, called aspis, was used mostly for display and was about the side of a round large table lamp, the aspis shield is hooked to the loin belt and was in parades held after the victory of the war.
Aspis Victory Shield
The aspis measured at least 0.9 meters (2 ft 11 in) in diameter and weighed about 7.3 kilograms (16 lb), and it was about 25–38 millimeters (0.98–1.50 in) thick.
The Scutum shield was a 10-kilogram large rectangle curved shield made from three sheets of wood glued together and covered with canvas and leather, usually with a spindle-shaped boss along the vertical length of the shield. The best surviving example, from Dura-Europos in Syria, was 105.5 centimeters high, 41 centimeters across, and 30 centimeters deep, with a thickness of 5-6mm. some source prove it weighed about 5.8 kg to 6.8 kg
A battle formation that made excellent use of the great scuta was the testudo or tortoise formation, in which soldiers would gather close and align their shields both in front and on top. This protected the group from frontal attacks and projectiles launched from above.
Ephesians 6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
it is about faith within you
What are spiritual fiery darts? Meaning a burning mind or idle mind?
The Prince of the atmosphere
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but
against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
John 14:30 I will not talk much with you: for
the prince of this world comes and hath nothing in me.
Satan subject the mind sudden the thoughts of an individual, or stronghold, fortified the mind, you must fortify your mind from spiritual fiery darts? Meaning a burning mind or idle mind the adversary shoots into the mind a type of strongholds, those are your fiery darts.
Setting the imagination to spiritual fiery darts? Meaning a burning mind or idle mind with a mental image most common sexual activity burning the mind, or whispering words burn into the subconscious mind, mental activities, you are overwhelmed by the burning sensation in one of your members, which is the law of sin. Image into your thoughts pouring into your mind, You must cast down the image out of your mind, and then you can be successful, how into deep prayers in the Spirit, this deflected the fiery darts with your shield of faith, protect your heart.
Proverbs 4:23-27
Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put perverse lips far from you.
Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left; Remove your foot from evil.
Luke 11:13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"
John 16:23-24 And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you,
whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you.
Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
2 Corinthians 10:15 Not boasting of things without our measure, that is, of other men's labors; but having hope, when your faith is increased, that we shall be enlarged by you according to our rule abundantly,
Defense
Matthew 4:7-10 Jesus said to him, "It is written again, 'You shall not tempt the LORD your God.' "
Away with you, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve.'
Mark 4:40 But He said to them, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have
no faith?"
Matthew 8:26 But He said to them, "Why are you fearful, O you of
little faith?" Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.
Romans 4:19 And not being
weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah's womb.
Matthew 8:10 When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, "Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such
great faith, not even in Israel!
Mental attacks from Satan
2 Timothy 1:6-8 Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands.
For God has not given us a
spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me, His prisoner, but share with me in the
sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God,
1 John 2:16 For all that is in the world--t
he lusts of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the
pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world.
Matthew 5:22 But I say to you that whoever is
angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hellfire.
Acts 10:38 how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing good and healing all who were
oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.
1 John 3:20-22 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.
Beloved, if our heart does not
condemnation us, we have confidence toward God.
And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.
Proverbs 18:20-21 A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth, From the produce of his lips, he shall be filled.
Death and life are in the power of
the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
