I am looking for spiritual help and guidance and answers to my questions. My request is for mature men and women of God only who have a true connection with Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. This is spiritual "meat" I say this because what I have to say may require God to speak through you to answer. That's my only reason for saying this.
Let's get started. I was baptized with the Holy Spirit when the heavens opened up and the Holy Spirit came down as a dove into me. I saw the Holy Spirit face to face.
I did not grow up in a religious home. I found Jesus on my own without church.
I was 16 at the time, I am now 27 years old. I have seen Jesus Christ probably about 9 times since the age of 16.
The problem I am having right now is this... I havent seen him or been with him in the last probably 3 years. Did I fall into a curse? No. Did I go my own way into a world of sin? No.
Ok so its been 3 years. Whats the problem? My problem is is I only know how to have a relationship with God if we're together. I dont know anything else.
I feel like me and God are in this long distant relationship like hes in another state. I call his phone, he dont pick up. I send him text messages he dont reply. I write him letters and he doesnt write back. I felt like this for years and years. And I disnt give up but right now I feel like I'm about to give up.
I wish I could just be a normal Christian who is content with just prayer and reading the bible and going to church. And is happy with just "feeling" his presence and thats it. I tried so hard to be like that.
But I cant its like its not me or for me to live like that with God. And I hate that so much because I just wanna be happy with God.
Another thing is, dont get me wrong I am not a satanist or some new age person. I know very well the dangers in all those things. I understand spiritual warfare very well. I even seen Satan face to face. The beast himself. In full natural form. As unnatural as that sounds...
But riddle me this, why is it so dang easy to see demons? I'm not kidding give me 24 hours and I'll have a story to tell.
But seeing angels? Super hard.
Seeing Jesus? Super hard.
Seeing devils? Easy.
Why is this? I mean if God is so available. Why is it so difficult? Its funny hearing this from someone who seen God 9 times huh?
This is where i am. Please help me because I'm at a place where if i dont truly have God in my life. It's either i have him or i dont have him. No middle spot is open for me. I want him supernaturally not in any other way. I dont wanna read my bible alone, I want to be with him as he teaches me the bible. I dont want to pray alone and never hear from him. I want to pray and God speak back. I want a relationship that is alive. Not where i am the only one that is communicating with him in everyday. But hes not doing anything with me.
You cannot see the face of the Holy Spirit for He has no face, as Jesus said the Holy Spirit is like the wind, you hear it but cannot see where it's come from or where it's going.
There was only two times the Holy Spirit ever took on an appearance, once in the form of a dove and once in the form of tongues of fire.
Both those symbols had deep symbolic meaning to Jews, whom were given these signs.
First; The dove was an acceptable sacrifice in Mosaic law and was a provision in law given to those who could not afford a more expensive sacrifice. It was also a symbol of purity and of truth, as well as a symbol of new life.
The Person upon whom rested that symbol, was also the one whom would baptize with fire. (Matthew 3:11) This means that sign will never be repeated.
So what does fire represent? Fire represents purification (Malachi 3:3) and it is this symbol that rested upon the apostles because they were baptized by the Holy Spirit which the Son sent...
The fact of tongues that day represented the Gospel message going out in every language on earth, to all peoples of earth. The Gentiles and Jews alike becoming of one fold, instead of two.
On Pentecost they heard the wind, they saw the flames of fire in the shape of tongues, and they saw and heard each of the 120 speak in a Gentile tongue... all of which had deep spiritual meaning.
So when you say the Spirit descended on you as a dove, are you claiming to be the Christ, sent as a pure sacrifice for sin speaking only truth?
Because that's the claim of the symbolism given. That was why we knew Christ was the Messiah, anointed by God - that symbolism showed it as much as the Father from heaven speaking.
The Holy Spirit sent by Christ is a refining fire, it purifies you. It takes the person you were, and begins changing you into the person God would have you be, it remakes the sinful man and makes him into the image of God... it needs no sign, is invisible to the eye but it's effects in the man are mighty because you are a new birth, a new child of God instead of the man born in sin and slave to it...
You cannot see the Spirit but you can see it's affect, it's quantitative and measurable. It's life itself.
So when you say you saw the face of the Holy Spirit I find myself doubting your account.
This is the first time you've been on the forum. Since you've been saved what have you been doing? Where are the measurable, quantitative effects of the Spirit being in your life?
Relationships with God in prayer are lovely, but without seeing the affects of the Spirit upon you in your life, it's difficult to measure since what you claim is contrary to what we know to be true... and that is the symbolism for your claims will never rest upon a sinful man, and the Spirit is an invisible force, not in the visible spectrum unless He's giving a meaningful sign...
I won't flatter you... I will only speak truth. But maybe, there's something else going on, other than what you think...