.

It depends on why the sudden change of mind. If it was God's sovereignty that caused the circumstances then I could accept that from His hand and make arrangements. But otherwise I would continue doing what God called me to do despite undue hardships that would be heaped upon me by my spouse. This is all hypothetical. And it's why I firmly believe in laying everything out on the table premarriage and spending time in premarriage counseling even. If that caused unmet expectations to occur then so be it. The way I see it is this: If there's an unbelieving or even Christian (albeit carnal) spouse. God will take care of that. He'll either align her/him with His will or take her/him out in premature death (chastening). (For the spiritual person) God never answers with nos. How can they when their lives are ruled by His word? 1 Corinthians 1:20

I typically just go with the flow when it comes to this sort of stuff, knowing what usually ends up happening to best-laid plans and so it's of benefit to develop a flexible mindset.

I am reminded of a rather humorous "story" though. A number of years ago, I was living in an apartment complex and there was a couple who lived across from me and they had a huge dalmation dog that needed to be regularly taken out, so I talked to them pretty frequently. Well they were fairly new to marriage and they informed me that they had been discussing the number of children they wanted to have. She wanted to have a couple of children and he decided he wanted EIGHT children!

Well they had a baby during the next year and I was talking to him once afterwards and asked him about the eight children. WELL he decided that two would be just fine after all LOL.

Bèlla said:

You're super chill though! Everyone can't be like you.

He'd have never gotten me to the altar!

It seems he came to his senses.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

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I had a good feeling she knew he would!

Theoretically, yes she could have a change of heart. But I doubt that will happen in any case that would be less than what God intends for both of us. I'm a firm believer that any change that involves loss or something that naturally looks like a step back is really a test to pass for something greater that the Lord wants to do.

Bèlla said:

Does that imply your spouse isn't able to have a change of heart or is your comment directed towards situations regarding your calling?

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

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Bèlla said:

How would you deal with your spouse's change of heart on significant issues?

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Sorry to learn of the predicament your friend is in Bella. It's great that she has an acquaintance like you to encourage her.

If I was in a similar situation with my spouse, I would try and negotiate a fair and equitable outcome with them. If they nonetheless wouldn't negotiate an acceptable compromise, or fulfil the original agreement, I would have to accept that outcome.

However, if the grief of not having my aspirations fulfilled was always near the surface, and unbearable, then I would consider separating from my spouse for a while for my own health reasons. That might seem extreme or manipulative to the other, but it might just cause them to stop and think about the impact their unfaithfulness to an agreement is having.

Unless there is an 'unacceptable' risk of spiritual, emotional, physical or financial distress associated with the outcome of an agreement, I personally feel it's pretty ordinary for anyone to opt out of a commitment they've made, particularly one of this kind.

In respect of changes in environment etc... a description of the wisdom of God comes to mind, which I hope to embrace and allow influence anything I do with any of my friendships/relationships. ie "...the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy".

There is a dimension in marriage relationships which should always be considered when any decision is discussed and taken within it... ie, that the couple are no longer two, but one in flesh. Everything we do in our marriage relationship should be looked at through the filter: What impact will that have on my spouse and children, will it be beneficial to them, or will I be treating them unfairly, and therefore unlovingly.

Bèlla said:

Sometimes we jump the gun to be partnered and invite a whole heap of problems by doing so.

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Yep, I've seen that happen more than once.

Best to accept who you are and be true about the type of mate that would be a truly good fit.

Same here with me, to a degree. Years ago church acquaintances thought I was being set apart to be a prophet of God. I resisted their suggestions, and felt I was happy to be merely me thank you.

However, given what has happened over time, it appears that was what God was training me up to be. It would not have been possible for me to go through this training, and keep a marriage intact.

You meld a person with a prophetic insight bent with the training and experience of a Vietnam Vet, you get a hard-headed individual that will never back away from a threat or a bully, no matter how big. I've concluded I am too difficult to live with, or so my cat keeps telling me.

Bèlla said:

I'm helping someone through a real life dilemma. The couple agreed to have a certain number of children. But he's had a change of heart. It has taken him years to admit it and the clock is ticking. She's crushed.

The situation provides a great talking point. I encourage you to consider the same. How would you deal with your spouse's change of heart on significant issues?

For example:

• Work: You expected to be at home and that's off the table.
• Children: Changes in family size including childless.
  
• Caretaking: For parents and loved ones.
  
• Location: Relocating beyond your comfort zone.
• Lifestyle changes: Reduction in income, etc.

I think its prudent for marriage minded singles to consider the probability of unexpected change. Particularly in areas of importance.

Question: How did you cope when your expectations went unmet? When promises were unfulfilled? What did you learn that will serve you well in the future?

Note: I'm not looking for advice for my friend.

I look forward to hearing your feedback.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

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Not one of these things above would bother me personally as they are all to with our wants, our desires and wordly things, not the things of GOD. The trouble with many, many Christians I have come across is they truly love their desires, the world and the things in it as much as any unbeliever and as a result, sin enters into their lives and causes heartache and pain.

What I have learned through many trials, tribulations and hardships is the things in this world are not important, they are only fleeting and many others things in it, are an illusion. You can pursue an illusion as so many do, but you will never attain it because it's not real. We are sold an illusion from the world, everyday in our lives.

The way to cope with your expectations when not met and promises that are unfulfilled is to not put your trust in the world or those in it from the start, only put your trust in GOD the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.


Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him

We no longer look to be served. We look to serve and give our lives for others. No longer fight for privilege, influence and status. We esteem others better than ourselves and put their interests above our own.

Peace be with all those in the body of Christ

Bèlla said:

Correct. I consider the same with prospects. Many like the idea of Bella. But they don't understand the reality of living with a high octane overachiever driven by God. Their idea of my world is a far cry from the truth. I don't ask them to compromise. I look for someone who can handle it and thrive in it and I in theirs.

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I've run into this issue numerous times in relationships and potential relationships. They like the idea of, or become fascinated with, my uniqueness, so to speak, but then given time it becomes "too much" for them and I really can't stand coddling people, and I'm even less inclined to do so now that I'm older.

Bèlla said:

I'm not too difficult.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

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'course not, me neither

'tis a bit of an enigma though. I yearn for the balancing influence of a gentle lady spirit in my life to counter my 'boof', but I fear my 'let's go' attitude (which can be erroneous if not self-managed properly), would overwhelm her. In the context of your OP, I can't let those situations happen. Maybe I'm just being ignorant and naive.

Tony B said:

'course not, me neither

'tis a bit of an enigma though. I yearn for the balancing influence of a gentle lady spirit in my life to counter my 'boof', but I fear my 'let's go' attitude (which can be erroneous if not self-managed properly), would overwhelm her. In the context of your OP, I can't let those situations happen. Maybe I'm just being ignorant and naive.

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minus any 'ignorance' or 'naivety' on yer part, go for the gold regardless. if she can't handle the heat she need not be in the kitchen. i say self-manage that in a way that harnesses that go get em attitude and take on the world! maybe God will send you someone to balance out the yen with the yang

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) said:

minus any 'ignorance' or 'naivety' on yer part, go for the gold regardless. if she can't handle the heat she need not be in the kitchen. i say self-manage that in a way that harnesses that go get em attitude and take on the world! maybe God will send you someone to balance out the yen with the yang

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Thanks for the encouragement, now to match up self discipline and maturity with that. Que Sera Sera