[MOVED] Married ... when to know if another women is trying to step into a marriage

Layla4444

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !
 

anna ~ grace

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Something feels weird there. I think you’re right. There’s no reason to go out of your way to hang out with someone’s husband. Trust your gut. Most people out there are very, very weak and have poorly formed consciences. Christians stumble constantly, too.
 
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Danigt22

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !
You should really keep an eye with that. You know him better than anyone else. Either way, ask the holy ghost to give you peace of mind. Our love for God is always first place, even if everyone else breaks our hearts or we end up losing them.
 
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NerdGirl

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !

If all happened exactly as you describe, then at best it seems like she doesn't have much understanding of how to respect other peoples' relationships. A single woman should not be seeking out the company of a married man so consistently. "Family" or not.

Don't be suspicious of your husband, though, unless he's given other reasons to be so. Men are often clueless as to the more subtle ways women function, communicate, lure, and persuade. If he's a good, honest man, then I would believe he truly thought nothing of this behavior.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !
Welcome ! If you trust your husband,you have nothing to worry about. Be blessed.
 
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Leet

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She's into him. Even based on this one post I can tell that and can also tell you're not the raving jealous lunatic type. Like most men, your hubby is oblivious to it. Is she likely to be spending time with you guys again? I'd be keeping a close eye.
 
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ewq1938

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Tolworth John

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his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people

Alarm. Bells ring for a reason. How close does she live to you, how often does she appear in family get togethers?
If she suddenly starts appearing you need to remind your husband of Billy Grahame policy, of never being alone with any woman other than his wife and at family gatherings take a back seat, deliver your food offering to the kitchen and go hang on your husband's arm.
 
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DiscipleHeLovesToo

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !

jealousy is a slippery slope; once you're on it, it can be easy to slip into envy and strife (James 3:13-18), seeing 'threats on every horizon'...

imagine yourself as a single mother. would you be less likely to fellowship with mothers who are married to the fathers of their children, since that would be a constant reminder of what you don't have? would they be less likely to fellowship with you for the same reason that this has come up in your thinking? would single women be less likely to fellowship with you? what about single men; would they be less likely to fellowship with you than with single women with no children? what about married men secure in their relationship with the mothers of their children? if you were shunned by mothers who are married to the fathers of their children, single women, and single guys; what group does that leave?

with that perspective, what would Jesus have you do?
 
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bèlla

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The first step is prayer. Take your concerns to the Lord and ask Him for wisdom. Pray for your husband and cousin. Her behavior may unintentional or not. But you should give it to Him nonetheless.

Objectively speaking, look at her life. That's the tapestry. How does she conduct herself with others? Do family members speak well of her? Does she have a history of good relationships or not? What was her upbringing like? In other words, you want to gauge her character and consider her behavior in light of it.

You mentioned she's a single parent. How is she coping? Is he involved or is she raising the child on her own? You're making this assessment to determine the necessity for boundaries and how to pray effectively about the situation.

Let's turn the tables. What compelled you to go away together? Was it a family gathering? How often are you in her company? Vacations are times for rest and replenishment. They're intimate. You may prefer to limit family interactions to different scenarios and leave the getaways for you and your spouse.

You posed the question to strangers. Did you ask your friends? Would you consider them wise women of God? I ask because I've known women who delight in male attention. It may never go further. But the behavior rears its head when men are present. Then there's others who'll cross the line. As gatekeepers of the home we must recognize both.

That requires discernment. You flank yourself with people who won't transgress your boundaries or welcome impropriety. I would pray for more discrimination in my connections to prevent future occurrences. Not only with her but others you may encounter.

If there's an attraction you can't minister to her. You're the wrong person. She needs a mature Christian for that role. The upside of all of this is awareness. It may be the catalyst for spiritual growth and greater vigilance for you both. Marriage is your precious possession. You have to guard it. :)

Yours in His Service,

~Bella
 
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NerdGirl

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And that tells you she is a lousy judge of character.
Wow, that is an incredibly unfair statement. I don't want to derail the thread, but would be happy to discuss further in a PM.
 
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NerdGirl

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jealousy is a slippery slope; once you're on it, it can be easy to slip into envy and strife (James 3:13-18), seeing 'threats on every horizon'...

imagine yourself as a single mother. would you be less likely to fellowship with mothers who are married to the fathers of their children, since that would be a constant reminder of what you don't have? would they be less likely to fellowship with you for the same reason that this has come up in your thinking? would single women be less likely to fellowship with you? what about single men; would they be less likely to fellowship with you than with single women with no children? what about married men secure in their relationship with the mothers of their children? if you were shunned by mothers who are married to the fathers of their children, single women, and single guys; what group does that leave?

with that perspective, what would Jesus have you do?

This is a wise angle to consider as well. I mean, the post right above, made by Tolworth John is just proving it's true. That single mothers are all too often outcast and exiled by their Christian 'brethren'.
 
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Tony B

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !

Prayer is good here Layla, ask God to protect your marriage.

Satan is hovering about all the time attempting to break up marriages, but greater is He that is in you then he who is in the world/the evil one.

Do you have a pastoring couple that you can discuss this with. They can be used by God to allay your fears if they unfounded, and irrespective help you work on a strategy to keep your marriage intact.

I'm all for listening to what a woman's intuition or sixth sense is saying, but I'm also aware how Satan can tempt marriage breakdown through inciting jealousy on one part and unfaithfulness on the other.

It was wise that you raised your concerns with your husband, so that he can be more circumspect with his interaction with the cousin.

I apologise if the following question hurts, but I think it needs to be asked. Have you felt that your husband's interest in you, and affection towards you, has waned at all over time?
 
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Kris Jordan

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !

Hi Layla4444,

If this is bothering you, your husband should address this person when (or if) it happens again. Whether he believes there are ungodly motives or not, his love and devotion for you should make him step up to the plate and deal with it.
 
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Kenny'sID

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My concerns are the same as others, but also it seems a bit odd your husband said he didn't notice. As a man, I would have noticed and would only act like I didn't notice If I liked hanging out with her.

Is he more or less inviting her by his actions towards her?

Don't run with that, but I do thinks it's worth considering.
 
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Anthony2019

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Hi.. just wanted opinions from other Christians .... so I have a cousin not really close to ... recently we went on a family vacation and During this trip I noticed on many occasions this cousin would go out of her way to hunt my husband down .. like say if he had walked off to get waters or walk off to venture off .... I would turn around to look for him ans when I’d see him coming back she was Walking back with him ...or look over ans there she was standing next to him talking to him ... or when I wasn’t around him she’d sit next to him .... it happened often .... when I would be with my husband she wasn’t anywhere around ..... idk I kept quiet because I was observing and don’t want to sound like the jealous wife .... when I brought it up to his attention he said he didn’t notice it until I had brought it up ... he said he had no idea why she would be doing that ... but as his Christian wife something inside me didn’t seem right.... yet another part of me was like maybe it’s just me making a big deal ... idk what her intentions would be ... all I know is the flesh is weak ... and I know slip ups can happen and do happen to people ..... just needed some input .. I’m trying to pray about this and my marriage ... because temptation is out there !
Hi Layla4444 and welcome.
Hope you will enjoy using the site and will get some helpful feedback from people here.
 
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