Jamdoc
Watching and Praying Always
- Oct 22, 2019
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- Faith
- Baptist
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- Single
Yes, know about depression in biblical figures. But it is not a way of life, it is a temporary state. And I hope it is that for you. I had to battle it myself, for I often felt as though I was in a hole, almost like a bottomless pit and I could not climb out of it. It took work, I had to train my mind to praise and thank God every time I got that way. I felt it was a way that Satan wanted to control me. So I prayed that it would be taken from me. Over time, they totally left me and was replaced with praise and thanksgiving. It was not easy, nor quick. My father was a molester, my 1st pregnancy and abortion at the age of 12, 2 more where his, I had plenty to be sorrowful about my childhood. I was never able to have children after all that. We all have our sorrows, they must not be what defines us. Without those experiences, I would not have been able to help others through their trauma. At -69 and in my condition---there will be no more boyfriends or marriages!! And yes---I did have 2 men that loved me, and have 2 stepchildren from 1st marriage. As they say---those who can do, those who can't----
reminisce! Besides, I have one gift God gave me that helped me through all this----I have a deep and weird sense of humor! I see humor in everything and I have a sarcastic streak a mile wide that has often gotten me into trouble, even on here with the mods! So, I hope your hole gets filled, or at least a cover thrown over the thing!
I also grieve at times for my beloved husky, Bear. However, get this: I gave him up in June of last year---I cried for a week, every day, all day. I had sent a letter telling all about him and my phone number for whomever got him. I got a call 8 days after I gave him to the shelter. This lady is a Native American and she calls God her creator. In Jan of that year she had gotten a word from her creator that she was going to get another dog, (she already had 2) and his name would be Bear. She got a name tag and collar and leash and everything for him and started looking, she had seen him in her dream. When she saw my bear---that was it, she knew it was him. She took him home. And she has continued to update me with photos telling me about him. It has been more like we are sharing him. What a huge blessing. I had prayed he would have another dog, he got 2, I had prayed he would get a doggie door (very important) he got one. She had just been waiting for me to give him up. I need not have spent that horrible week crying my head off! If God cares for a dog---how much more us??
Well, one thing that I do feel is that God will bury me in animals to take care of.
I feel like I missed my calling, that maybe I was supposed to go into veterinary medicine rather than humans. Because God told me "no not that" in a pretty resounding way when I went into the medical field for humans, even when I kept trimming back from wanting to be a doctor, He finally got fed up and gave me an autoimmune disease so I can't work in an environment with sick patients.
It's too late in this life to go back. I don't have the physical capability now and lack the resources for school even if I could.
But if I was meant to care for animals..
Would that bring me joy? Yes
but I would still feel holes in myself.
It's a little weird to think that animals will need to be cared for if they cannot die
but that's a feeling that I get that that was part of Adam and Eve's original job.
I know it's also kinda weird because every time someone talks about a calling it's like 99% it's to start a ministry and evangelize and teach people the gospel.
but I've never felt THAT calling. The calling I've always felt has always had to do with physical, not spiritual health. I did what I thought was right and I missed the mark.
But I know for certain I was never meant to be a pastor (not that I could, being single), or missionary or whatever ministry. I take it you've noticed, I'm not very good at communicating with people, in fact as a corpsman, my bedside manner was probably my biggest challenge. I can tell people truth but most of the time, I'm the last person they want to hear it from and I have great fears that if I do witness to people they reject Christ because of my own condition. In fact that has happened before when I've tried to witness. I feel like I've done more harm than good when I try to witness.
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