Am I divorced?

miamited said:

I'm not sure that final bit of advice is correct. Jesus said that whoever leaves their marriage is an adulterer and makes the other party an adulterer, also.

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You missed out the part 'save for the cause of fornication'.

miamited said:

Hi tim,

I'm not sure that final bit of advice is correct. Jesus said that whoever leaves their marriage is an adulterer and makes the other party an adulterer, also.

God bless,
Ted

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In two passages in Matthew, Jesus makes an exception in the case of adultery ...

Matthew 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

timothyu said:

You missed out the part 'save for the cause of fornication'.

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Hi tim,

No, I didn't miss that part. That part isn't excusing adultery as a valid cause for divorce. It is saying that if one leaves their spouse they cause them to be an adulterer. However, Jesus is clear that, in the case of adultery, then the spouse has already been an adulterer because they have already slept with their spouse who has already committed adultery and then causes the spouse to be an adulterer, not by virtue of the divorce, but by virtue of their adultery..

God bless,
Ted

Well, this is gonna go downhill fast now...

A_Thinker said:

In two passages in Matthew, Jesus makes an exception in the case of adultery ...

Matthew 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

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Hi thinker,

Yes, read that very, very carefully. If the spouse had already committed adultery, then it is their own adultery that makes them an adulterer. However, so that everyone understands that all cases of broken marriage creates an adulterous situation in God's eyes, Jesus is making the point that even in a case where adultery is not the issue, the spouse is still making the other an adulterer.

God bless,
Ted

updated to change who I'm addressing.

miamited said:

Hi tim,

No, I didn't miss that part. That part isn't excusing adultery as a valid cause for divorce. It is saying that if one leaves their spouse they cause them to be an adulterer. However, Jesus is clear that, in the case of adultery, then the spouse has already been an adulterer because they have already slept with their spouse who has already committed adultery and then causes the spouse to be an adulterer, not by virtue of the divorce, but by virtue of their adultery..

God bless,
Ted

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Whatever that means, ... it is clear that Paul did not consider Jesus' words to preclude freedom for the betrayed partner, ... as he counseled that those whose unbelieving spouse leaves them ... to be unbound (i.e. not bound) ...

Jon G said:

Thank you. Can you point me to the scripture?

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It is in the Torah. Christ spoke of this allowance. It would not be wrong of you to remarry as she has left you in adultery. Be at peace friend, you did no wrong here and the divorce has been done not by your hand.

miamited said:

Hi tim,

Yes, read that very, very carefully. If the spouse had already committed adultery, then it is their own adultery that makes them an adulterer. However, so that everyone understands that all cases of broken marriage creates an adulterous situation in God's eyes, Jesus is making the point that even in a case where adultery is not the issue, the spouse is still making the other an adulterer.

God bless,
Ted

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Then you are not really talking about sin (in every case) at all.

For instance, your position is that the spouse of an adulterer ... who sleeps with their adulterous spouse (even unknowingly) ... is made an adulterer.

But there is no sexual sin involved in sleeping with one's spouse, ... so the faithful spouse of a adulterous spouse in not acting in sin.

A_Thinker said:

Whatever that means, ... it is clear that Paul did not consider Jesus' words to preclude freedom for the betrayed partner, ... as he counseled that those whose unbelieving spouse leaves them ... to be unbound (i.e. not bound) ...

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Hi thinker,

Oh well, then divorce is ok in any circumstance and for any reason, so long as it's the 'unbeliever' who wants to leave. Paul's instruction doesn't even touch on the reasons an unbelieving spouse might want to leave. However, Paul doesn't then give any freedom to the left behind spouse from the words of Jesus. He merely instructs that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave, the believer should let them.

God bless,
Ted

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are divorced in God's eyes and I'm sure His heart has broken for you in these circumstances. My mum left my dad (no cheating occurred) and he was devastated. She left her faith behind. He remarried after three years of grieving for her and they've been together 25 years and counting. It's understandable you feel a soul tie with your ex-wife! You can find support in counselling for Christian divorcees I'm sure.

miamited said:

Hi thinker,

Oh well, then divorce is ok in any circumstance and for any reason, so long as it's the 'unbeliever' who wants to leave. Paul's instruction doesn't even touch on the reasons an unbelieving spouse might want to leave.

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Correct ... Paul places no conditions on the divorce arising from an unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse, though I believe that you can make some general presumptions based upon their believing/unbelieving status.

miamited said:

However, Paul doesn't then give any freedom to the left behind spouse from the words of Jesus. He merely instructs that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave, the believer should let them.

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Paul says that the believing spouse left behind is not bound ...

Thank God that He has grace to cover us, because some of the people who go by His name would see some people bound to lonely torment for their entire earthly lives.

Leet said:

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are divorced in God's eyes and I'm sure His heart has broken for you in these circumstances. My mum left my dad (no cheating occurred) and he was devastated. She left her faith behind. He remarried after three years of grieving for her and they've been together 25 years and counting. It's understandable you feel a soul tie with your ex-wife! You can find support in counselling for Christian divorcees I'm sure.

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Wonderful post ...

Jon G said:

Thank you for your reply. But I am looking for biblical advice: in God's eyes are we divorced?

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Jesus said divorce was given to the people under Moses because their hearts were hardened, but from the beginning it was not so. Jesus advocated against divorce because of the destructive effect it has on the creation, and because in the beginning it was not so.

This principle of "from the beginning it was not so" is used adamantly against Same Sex Marriage. It's mind boggling why it isn't applied with the same consistent tenor to divorce.

Michael Collum said:

Jesus said divorce was given to the people under Moses because their hearts were hardened, but from the beginning it was not so. Jesus advocated against divorce because of the destructive effect it has on the creation, and because in the beginning it was not so.

This principle of "from the beginning it was not so" is used adamantly against Same Sex Marriage. It's mind boggling why it isn't applied with the same consistent tenor to divorce.

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And whose "hardness of heart" are we speaking of? Certainly NOT the OP.

Jon G said:

I signed the papers but I didn't divorce her in my heart. I was not going to fight with her any longer. We have a son together. We do have a nice relationship with each other. Heres the thing. She remarried and that marriage is potentially failing. My question is...could it be that because I only divorced her on paper and not in my heart that she is in fact living in sin with the new guy?

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My understanding is that a) you are indeed divorced, regardless of your feelings, and b) the problems she is having in her new marriage are probably because of her low view of marriage rather than your lingering feelings.

I think the best thing is to place your erstwhile marriage on the altar and let God deal with the situation. The primary thing is your and your son's wellbeing, and your ex-wife's repentance. If she were to repent she could start putting her life onto solid ground, and her marriage too if that is God's will. But you need to think of yourself and your son at this point.

True Counterphobia said:

And whose "hardness of heart" are we speaking of? Certainly NOT the OP.

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No debating in advice threads.

The wife would be stoned under levitical Law AND he would be free to remarry. Let's not forget that adultery is a sin worthy of death and it is not a sin to remarry after your spouse died.

I've always gone with what most here think on the subject, and may yet, but there is this one thing...

God setup our laws, and our laws allow for divorce and remarriage as in the sripture at the end. So take that and add it to what Christ said about a divorcee who remarries committing adultry, and do what you will with it.

Romans 13:1-2 says: "Obey the government, for God is the One who has put it there. There is no government anywhere that God has not placed in power. So those who refuse to obey the law of the land are refusing to obey God, and punishment will follow."

God says we can divorce and remarry, so now what? Those are just the facts as I see them.

The question of the thread. Are you divorced in the eyes of God?

In the eyes of God the invisible connections between you and the other person are still there.

So when you remarry, the invisible connections made with the new spouse will intermingle with the invisible connections of the previous relationship. The invisible connections that your spouse makes with the other person, will also intermingle. Intermingled connection networks like these are a foundation for witchcraft.

Since the invisible connections are still between you, God doesn't see a divorce.

Is there even a church ritual or sacrament to erase a connection?