Rapidly losing faith. I almost don't care.

Neostarwcc said:

I won't say the specifics but a 3 year old argument has e believing God is trying father but the devil. Im wicked, im evil, and I lie constantly. So much, I don't know what the truth is anymore so much I do it to protect the people I love so much, that I could be the very antchrist and not a child of God. If I was, I would have completely remained in the faith.

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Have you recieved His Holy Spirit?

You are not evil I think you are a good servant of God struggling hard. We have to persevere in the faith. We should encourage each other to seek Christ. It is our duty to be abiding in Him and some need Christ more than others. So if we are lacking wisdom of His will we have to seek Him.

Neostarwcc said:

I lie constantly. So much, I don't know what the truth is anymore

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May I ask why you believe you have to lie to protect those you love?

People are strong enough to take the truth, it will be unpleasant telling them you have lied to them and telling them the truth.
There will be shouting, tears etc that will pass.
Those you love deserve the truth so tell them it.

Praying for you to receive the grace of God that you need to overcome the issues you have that are limiting you. It sounds like you are perhaps blaming God for something that happened three years ago? Many of us blame God to some extent, but it seems like you are holding some misplaced bitterness and do not have God's perspective on the matter. Remember it is the devil that steals, kills and destroys, not God. God is just in all his ways and you have to find a path to healing in this area. You have to reach down and recommit. Look squarely at the issues that have brought you off course and ask God to fill you with his wisdom and understanding on that. Begin to trust God again for issues that you may never understand. God has demonstrated His love through the cross so think about that for a moment. If He would give his son up for you, it is wrong to think he would not care or give you love and healing in your situation. So please we ask to remove the walls, that bind your heart from receiving. In doing this may the lying and other sins be removed and cast away. I pray you perseverance and see this battle through, that you have hope and rekindle your faith. That you receive the wisdom and teaching that you need to bring about complete restoration Though the scripture below shows two possible outcomes, you are going to make it to the healing that you need. In Jesus name.
Hebrews 12:12-13 (NASB)
12 Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble,
13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.

Neostarwcc said:

I won't say the specifics but a 3 year old argument has e believing God is trying father but the devil. Im wicked, im evil, and I lie constantly. So much, I don't know what the truth is anymore so much I do it to protect the people I love so much, that I could be the very antchrist and not a child of God. If I was, I would have completely remained in the faith.

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There is no reason to lie, to protect people. The truth is protective. Just stop lying, it is not that hard to do.

Jas 4:8-10 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye doubleminded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall exalt you.