Talking to a girl for 6 months now.

God is good777 · Sep 30, 2020

So I have been talking to a girl for 6 months, actually we got to talking on this forum come to find out she lives really close to me which blew my mind, anyways we met each other for the first time last Saturday and it went really well, she has told me before that she likes me and has feelings for me and thought about me as possibly the one at times, we get along amazing talk easily and just idk all of our views are compatible and she has met all of my standards i had for a girl who I would consider dating, we are both Christians as well obviously. So the day after we met she told me she felt like she needed to make a decision right there if I was the one or not and I told her she didn't need to do that so soon, she calmed down and said i was right i shouldn't worry about it right now. So then the next day it got brought up somehow and I told her I think she is the one, she told me it made her very happy i told her that but for now she wants friendship. Which im completely fine with because we do need to get to knowing each other better.

To me it feels like this is meant to be and God set this up i don't know the chances of us meeting on this forum and being so close if it wasn't God setting it up, her family also likes me alot and ive asked her if she sees any reason we would not work out, she said she does not and she is just not ready to be more than friends for a while. She just isn't sure how long It will take. Also im 18 and she is 18 as well so we are both young, i guess I feel somewhat anxious since she mentions that in time she will know if im the one or not, and im not sure why it does. I've told her im willing to be patient and wait and not to rush things, she had a guy who did rush things and it caused alot of hurt when she had to tell him she never saw him in that way period. And she said she just doesn't want to casue me the same pain, she's also shy and doesn't have the most self confidence at times.

So anyways I know super long message but what do you all think ?

ReesePiece23 · Sep 30, 2020

God is good777 said:
actually we got to talking on this forum

Right, so she'll be reading this then...

Unofficial Reverand Alex · Sep 30, 2020

Sounds like a good start! Being able to talk easily & openly with someone is a very good sign of a relationship, be it friends or romantic partners. Matching Christian beliefs is important; they say you need to find somebody who shares your values, and religion certainly falls under that. Families liking each other is very good. You both seem okay giving some time to get to know each other better, and this may be key; even when something feels so perfect, our understanding of these feelings is imperfect. There may still be issues out there, and there's no problem giving it time to see if anything comes up. Especially being 18, giving it some time is a wise idea. Do either of you plan on going to college? Or living somewhere different? Long distance is something that not everyone can handle; I have a friend who lives in southern Indiana, going to college in northern Indiana, about 5 hours away. He had to break up with his high school girlfriend, because the distance was too much. It sucks, but practical matters can create serious difficulties.

I've heard that there's 4 things that couples need to mesh with for marriage to work; this may be a good guide to use. Regardless of whether you answer these questions on this thread, they are good things to consider.

Faith: You both seem to have this covered. Pray together, go to Church together, do good spiritual things as partners.
Family: How many kids? Do your families like each other? Adoption? What will you do in case of infertility?
Finances: How responsible are you/is she with money? Spending habits need to mesh, or there will be endless fighting.
Intimacy issues: These are best discussed in a longer term relationship, as such issues may be awkward earlier in the dating process. Is birth control something you both believe or don't believe in? Sexual life is something that tends to come with marriage, so this needs to be discussed beforehand. This can be especially important if one or both of you come from a history of sexual abuse; they may have so many bad memories of sexual episodes that sex may be out of the question indefinitely.

Overall, I do think this all sounds like a good thing to pursue. You're already aware of the importance of taking your time, and that will serve you well. I offer you prayers, I offer God praise, and in case such a chance meeting can happen again, are there any female Catholic singles around the age of 22 in the Joliet area.... ^_^

You're doing good, man. God honors those who honor Him! I will leave you with the best piece of dating advice I ever heard, from a Jason Evert talk I heard a few years back:

Imagine that, at the end of your date, your girlfriend drops dead. Pick her up, give her to God, and say, "Here you go--I took care of her." Whatever you did for her, does it help lead her to eternity? Human relationships are wonderful, but nothing is more important than helping her reach Heaven. Be Christ's living presence & you will not be disappointed.

God is good777 · Sep 30, 2020

ReesePiece23 said:
Right, so she'll be reading this then...

Haha funny nah she doesn't really get on the forum anymore i thought about that tho lol.

God is good777 · Sep 30, 2020

Unofficial Reverand Alex said:
Sounds like a good start! Being able to talk easily & openly with someone is a very good sign of a relationship, be it friends or romantic partners. Matching Christian beliefs is important; they say you need to find somebody who shares your values, and religion certainly falls under that. Families liking each other is very good. You both seem okay giving some time to get to know each other better, and this may be key; even when something feels so perfect, our understanding of these feelings is imperfect. There may still be issues out there, and there's no problem giving it time to see if anything comes up. Especially being 18, giving it some time is a wise idea. Do either of you plan on going to college? Or living somewhere different? Long distance is something that not everyone can handle; I have a friend who lives in southern Indiana, going to college in northern Indiana, about 5 hours away. He had to break up with his high school girlfriend, because the distance was too much. It sucks, but practical matters can create serious difficulties.

I've heard that there's 4 things that couples need to mesh with for marriage to work; this may be a good guide to use. Regardless of whether you answer these questions on this thread, they are good things to consider.

Faith: You both seem to have this covered. Pray together, go to Church together, do good spiritual things as partners.

Family: How many kids? Do your families like each other? Adoption? What will you do in case of infertility?

Finances: How responsible are you/is she with money? Spending habits need to mesh, or there will be endless fighting.

Intimacy issues: These are best discussed in a longer term relationship, as such issues may be awkward earlier in the dating process. Is birth control something you both believe or don't believe in? Sexual life is something that tends to come with marriage, so this needs to be discussed beforehand. This can be especially important if one or both of you come from a history of sexual abuse; they may have so many bad memories of sexual episodes that sex may be out of the question indefinitely.

Overall, I do think this all sounds like a good thing to pursue. You're already aware of the importance of taking your time, and that will serve you well. I offer you prayers, I offer God praise, and in case such a chance meeting can happen again, are there any female Catholic singles around the age of 22 in the Joliet area....

You're doing good, man. God honors those who honor Him! I will leave you with the best piece of dating advice I ever heard, from a Jason Evert talk I heard a few years back:

Imagine that, at the end of your date, your girlfriend drops dead. Pick her up, give her to God, and say, "Here you go--I took care of her." Whatever you did for her, does it help lead her to eternity? Human relationships are wonderful, but nothing is more important than helping her reach Heaven. Be Christ's living presence & you will not be disappointed.

Thank you for the reply I appreciate it alot, yes we do talk pretty openly about things and have asked some questions about what we each want in a marriage, we agree on just about everything so that is really good as well. Yes our beliefs are identical we are both very much on the same page their. Yup we both like each others family as on Saturday my parents and I met her parents and her siblings, we all got along great. Yes i agree I just have to be patient and im willing to be just that so I agree giving it time is definitely a good thing. No to the college question and moving she said she is completely fine staying where she is or moving if it is to do with marriage later in life, no i wouldn't call it long distance about a 2 hour drive give or take which is not bad as im very used to longer drives than that.

Yup we are good on faith agree fully on it.

The only thing we have not brought up is infertility thats the only thing we have not discussed everything else we have and Agreed on.

We both are very responsible with money and we have talked about that a good amount.

Soo we haven't talked on that, i know both of us are aginst birth control so there is that but besides tho not alot of talk there, will bring that up later on tho casue it would be awkward.

Thank you so much i appreciate it i believe it is a good thing as well, I know she mentioned she doesn't want to have to date more than one person so I think she is hesitant about that as well right now as she doesn't want the hurt to happen. But in time when we know each other much better we will see what happens.
Lol ill let ya know.

Thanks man i appreciate it and thank you for the advice we definitely both honor God and we both have prayed about our situation as well.

That is a very good bit of advice Thank you for that, I can say we both have strengthend each other's faith already as well which is a very wonderful thing. And I think we will continue to do that.

ReesePiece23 · Sep 30, 2020

Okay, well I'll say this - and THIS is advice that should be carried around with you into every relationship you pursue. Whether it be romance, business or otherwise.

NEVER think yourself into scarcity. I know it's hard NOT to do that - especially when your personalities line up and everything just seems to slot in perfectly, but DO try to avoid thinking that she's sent by God and designed JUST for you - at least not in the early stages. Because you'll honestly just stifle your ability to enjoy the initial dating period. (Which SHOULD be fun, you really don't want to be stressing, EVER, at any point.)

If you feel her suddenly pull away at any time, R E L A X and allow her that space. Acknowledge that some people need to withdraw to allow for their heart to line up with their heads. (I'm one of them, and ALL of my previous girlfriends were too - it doesn't mean anything.)

Apply ZERO pressure to her and keep the dates lighthearted and fun - allow your body language to tell her that you're into her, and for goodness sake DON'T make the mistake of writing her poems and showing up at her house with flowers. If she has form with a previous guy being overly emotional and TOO forward, then she'll really appreciate you keeping it cool with her (but don't play it TOO cool, that was always my mistake.)

Above all, enjoy getting to know her. If God wants her to be 'the one' for you, then she will be. So you just focus on having a good time for now. (And don't stress, even in times when it looks bleak. There are other girls.)

And if you ARE reading this Mrs 'whatsherface', we're NOT talking about you. Alright?

NerdGirl · Oct 6, 2020

God is good777 said:
So I have been talking to a girl for 6 months, actually we got to talking on this forum come to find out she lives really close to me which blew my mind, anyways we met each other for the first time last Saturday and it went really well, she has told me before that she likes me and has feelings for me and thought about me as possibly the one at times, we get along amazing talk easily and just idk all of our views are compatible and she has met all of my standards i had for a girl who I would consider dating, we are both Christians as well obviously. So the day after we met she told me she felt like she needed to make a decision right there if I was the one or not and I told her she didn't need to do that so soon, she calmed down and said i was right i shouldn't worry about it right now. So then the next day it got brought up somehow and I told her I think she is the one, she told me it made her very happy i told her that but for now she wants friendship. Which im completely fine with because we do need to get to knowing each other better.

To me it feels like this is meant to be and God set this up i don't know the chances of us meeting on this forum and being so close if it wasn't God setting it up, her family also likes me alot and ive asked her if she sees any reason we would not work out, she said she does not and she is just not ready to be more than friends for a while. She just isn't sure how long It will take. Also im 18 and she is 18 as well so we are both young, i guess I feel somewhat anxious since she mentions that in time she will know if im the one or not, and im not sure why it does. I've told her im willing to be patient and wait and not to rush things, she had a guy who did rush things and it caused alot of hurt when she had to tell him she never saw him in that way period. And she said she just doesn't want to casue me the same pain, she's also shy and doesn't have the most self confidence at times.

So anyways I know super long message but what do you all think ?

You JUST met in person.
You're only 18 years old. You're still teenagers!
Slowwwwww it down. Stop with all the "ARE YOU THE ONE?!" conversations right now.
Enjoy being young! Enjoy getting to know each other face to face, hanging out, being friends.

Soyeong · Oct 6, 2020

God is good777 said:
So I have been talking to a girl for 6 months, actually we got to talking on this forum come to find out she lives really close to me which blew my mind, anyways we met each other for the first time last Saturday and it went really well, she has told me before that she likes me and has feelings for me and thought about me as possibly the one at times, we get along amazing talk easily and just idk all of our views are compatible and she has met all of my standards i had for a girl who I would consider dating, we are both Christians as well obviously. So the day after we met she told me she felt like she needed to make a decision right there if I was the one or not and I told her she didn't need to do that so soon, she calmed down and said i was right i shouldn't worry about it right now. So then the next day it got brought up somehow and I told her I think she is the one, she told me it made her very happy i told her that but for now she wants friendship. Which im completely fine with because we do need to get to knowing each other better.

To me it feels like this is meant to be and God set this up i don't know the chances of us meeting on this forum and being so close if it wasn't God setting it up, her family also likes me alot and ive asked her if she sees any reason we would not work out, she said she does not and she is just not ready to be more than friends for a while. She just isn't sure how long It will take. Also im 18 and she is 18 as well so we are both young, i guess I feel somewhat anxious since she mentions that in time she will know if im the one or not, and im not sure why it does. I've told her im willing to be patient and wait and not to rush things, she had a guy who did rush things and it caused alot of hurt when she had to tell him she never saw him in that way period. And she said she just doesn't want to casue me the same pain, she's also shy and doesn't have the most self confidence at times.

So anyways I know super long message but what do you all think ?

I think that there is a rush of excitement that can cloud our thinking, so I think that it is good not to rush into things, and that it is good to get married to someone with whom you've already established a friendship, so there is no need to rush into thinking that she is the one. In fact, I think that it can be easier to focus just on building a friendship when there isn't romantic pressure.

I would encourage open communication about the status of your relationship so that you are in the same page and are clear about your intentions. It's good to discuss what's going good and whether there are any problems that either of you might have with your relationship rather than assuming that everything is going good because she hasn't mentioned any problems. For example, I'd much prefer a woman say something like that she is having certain problems with something that I've said or done or with something that she is or isn't feeling that are leading her to consider withdrawing from the relationship and seeing whether you can resolve those issues together than her stewing over a problem that she is having without telling me and then abruptly to call it off because she decided that it was too big of a problem.

I think that any couple that is committed to following Christian principles can have a successful marriage and that love is ruining marriages. If two people love each other, then they don't need to get married for love because they already have it, so marriage is about something more significant than love. If a couple marries for love, but they later fall out of love and think that means that they should get a divorce, then they were married to the love and not to each other, and in that respect marrying for love is no better than marrying for money. We shouldn't consider someone important based on whether or not there are things about them that conform to what we love, but rather we should love someone because they are important. Intimacy is about belonging to each other and letting no thing get in the way of that. A wife belongs to her husband, so she is important to him, and if he treats her as being important to him, then he will love the things about her, and the things that he finds about her that are difficult to love, he will see as a challenge to learn how to love when it is difficult. God said that man was very good because who He had created man to be before man had done anything to try to be good enough, so trying to make the things about us to be good enough for God is backwards thinking, just as is trying to base your relationship on having enough love.

God is good777 · Oct 10, 2020

Don't worry

NerdGirl123 said:
You JUST met in person.
You're only 18 years old. You're still teenagers!
Slowwwwww it down. Stop with all the "ARE YOU THE ONE?!" conversations right now.
Enjoy being young! Enjoy getting to know each other face to face, hanging out, being friends.

Thank you for the advice and don't worry I am. As I said im not rushing things based on that id like to be friends for 2 years before dating as well, im not in A rush and I just to make sure I don't rush things, but I appreciate you saying that and don't worry ill enjoy being 18 still thank you again.

God is good777 · Oct 10, 2020

Soyeong said:
I think that there is a rush of excitement that can cloud our thinking, so I think that it is good not to rush into things, and that it is good to get married to someone with whom you've already established a friendship, so there is no need to rush into thinking that she is the one. In fact, I think that it can be easier to focus just on building a friendship when there isn't romantic pressure.

I would encourage open communication about the status of your relationship so that you are in the same page and are clear about your intentions. It's good to discuss what's going good and whether there are any problems that either of you might have with your relationship rather than assuming that everything is going good because she hasn't mentioned any problems. For example, I'd much prefer a woman say something like that she is having certain problems with something that I've said or done or with something that she is or isn't feeling that are leading her to consider withdrawing from the relationship and seeing whether you can resolve those issues together than her stewing over a problem that she is having without telling me and then abruptly to call it off because she decided that it was too big of a problem.

I think that any couple that is committed to following Christian principles can have a successful marriage and that love is ruining marriages. If two people love each other, then they don't need to get married for love because they already have it, so marriage is about something more significant than love. If a couple marries for love, but they later fall out of love and think that means that they should get a divorce, then they were married to the love and not to each other, and in that respect marrying for love is no better than marrying for money. We shouldn't consider someone important based on whether or not there are things about them that conform to what we love, but rather we should love someone because they are important. Intimacy is about belonging to each other and letting no thing get in the way of that. A wife belongs to her husband, so she is important to him, and if he treats her as being important to him, then he will love the things about her, and the things that he finds about her that are difficult to love, he will see as a challenge to learn how to love when it is difficult. God said that man was very good because who He had created man to be before man had done anything to try to be good enough, so trying to make the things about us to be good enough for God is backwards thinking, just as is trying to base your relationship on having enough love.

I agree with everything you have said and we actually have the same view on it, Me and the girl im talking to, neither of us want to rush things and I want to be her friend for id say 2 years before dating, no no dont worry im not rushing into the Romantic stuff definitely not that would be bad.
I want to take it slow and enjoy it, not be in a rush and see where it goes. I also agree with what you said on marriage that is very very good advice thank you.

Also we are very open and she has told me if there is a problem she will tell me and I told her the same thing i wont hide the problem and let it ruin things because I didn't talk about it.

GOD Shines Forth! · Oct 10, 2020

God is good777 said:
So anyways I know super long message but what do you all think ?

I think it sounds great and would be awesome if you both turn out to be each others' "one"! May God bless you both.

bèlla · Oct 15, 2020

Recognition is the first step in any connection. Whether we're addressing friends or companions. You see something in the other that resonates. Sometimes it's inexplicable. But you hear the inner 'yes' and 'me too' resounding loudly. That's good.

Testimony occurs on many levels: mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual connections.

You can experience a 'me too' in the mind but lack the same in other areas. And vice versa. Emotions play a part. But they shouldn't influence life choices. Especially marriage. 'The One' is heavily impacted by your maturity and preferences. Obviously, the person you are at 18 looks quite different at 30. You'll evolve and the definition will grow in turn.

For the moment, the best course is enjoyment and fellowship. You must develop your own opinions about marriage and family. You'll retain some things you've learned and add others. Knowing is a necessity for wise decisions.

The goal is saying, "I know she's the one and here's why." You fill in the blank. Time and experience will provide the clarity you lack. You won't need to ask. She'll embody the qualities you esteem. That testimony along with others will be your answer.

I encourage to pray with one another and for the other. When God is the bedrock of our connections; we yield better fruit. The aim of securing His best should be your goal. Whether you're united or led to others. Pray for His will throughout.

May the Lord bless and keep you both.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

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Talking to a girl for 6 months now.

God is good777

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ReesePiece23

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Unofficial Reverand Alex

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ReesePiece23

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