How do I deal with my 13 year old gay grandson?

Aussie Pete · Oct 8, 2020

Nigel Malka said:
Why are so many Christians not doing what Jesus taught! It is I'm sure rejection and stoning such a person is the teaching that Caiaphas would have taught.

Read what Jesus taught In Matthew 19:11-12
J.B. Phillips “It is not everybody who can live up to this,” replied Jesus, “—only those who have a special gift. For some are incapable of marriage from birth, some are made incapable by the action of men, and some have made themselves so for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. Let the man who can accept what I have said accept it.”
KJV But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

This is then followed by
KJV Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence.

A 13 year old child need Love, understanding not hate and rejection.
I am not gay but I know of people who have been damage by this world and cannot trust others and have turned away from what God designed us to be. But Jesus tells us to understand them, love them and care for them no matter who they are.

YES A GAY PERSON CAN AND WILL BE LOVED BY JESUS! and our rejection of such people will turn them away from accepting his love. SHOW THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR YOU TO EVERYONE YOU MEET!

A 13 year old is not a little child. By all means love the child, but it is not "loving" to ignore and pander to sin. This kid is in the rebellious adolescent age range and has turned his back on God. He is at the age when he knows the difference between right and wrong. He is accountable. In Australia, some 13 year olds are sex offenders who cannot be prosecuted, violent car thieves, violent burglars, shoplifters and general pests. They mock the "revolving door" legal system. Maybe when a bleeding heart's home is broken into, her car stolen, the car used to commit crimes and kill other motorists, then set on fire when the kids (usually a gang) get bored (if the car survives that long), just maybe some real attempt to end this reign of terror will be made.

No, I do not believe every 13 year old is a criminal. Neither are they innocent little children.

ByTheSpirit · Oct 8, 2020

Strong in Him said:
Maybe he is.
None of us choose our sexuality. Sure, God created male and female, but sexuality and gender has become fallen and corrupted just as much as everything else in this fallen world. I have read magazine articles about girl toddlers playing with boys' toys, wearing jeans, hating it if they were forced into girls' clothes and later transitioning so they became male. It seems they have known from a young age that they were not what their bodies said they were.
As a Samaritan I have listened to calls from people who have been forced to suppress their sexuality for the sake of appearances or in order to be accepted by their own families. Is it right that a person should be forced to deny who they are?

If he'd been born with Down's syndrome, would you try to change what he was?

I don't think this is a good way to approach sexuality. Perhaps what you say is correct that sexuality is fallen and corrupt and thus people can't "choose", but all of human nature is corrupt is it not? Yet we are to war against that corrupt nature and be holy in all areas, especially our sexuality.

I don't think the OP should conform, even for a family member. People have to take stands on principle. Boys are boys, girls are girls and that's the line. If someone wants to pretend they are something they are not, they can pretend all they want. But they should never be allowed or encouraged to force others into accepting that also otherwise you just have mass chaos and order never comes from chaos. If this child's mother refuses to teach basic life lessons on biology and gender, then someone needs too.

About the name? People change their name, I see no issue with someone wanting to be called a different name. But a girl can't wake up one day and decide I'm a boy and then expect the world to just agree with that. And like it or not, homosexuals (even if they can't choose their sexual preferences) are sinning when they commit sexual acts with the same gender because God said so, not man.

Redwingfan9 · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
I need help please. My grandson who is 13 wants me to call him Nova - not Noah - anymore and to use pronouns like they/them when I am talking to him. I told his mom no. She supports him 100%. She is not a Christian. He went to church with me for 10 years or more and then decided he did not want to go anymore. That was fine. I understood. Do I call him those names now? I told them no and I was adamant but I dont know what to do now - as I have pushed them away. Our daughter holds us a grudge too for the past and seems very angry with us. Im at a loss now. Please help me with advice.

It's not your job to participate in his delusional fantasies. He is a boy, he has a name. Keep using it.

Judith Works · Oct 8, 2020

Kenny'sID said:
The following is where you are at right now due to your faith:

Luke 12:53
"They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."

And what is sad, it wasn't supposed to be like this for you. We should all be able to stay tight nit as a family and grow old that way..together.

This is costing you your joy.

Yes I am in a season of loss. Yes my joy seems stolen. Yes.

Sparagmos · Oct 8, 2020

ByTheSpirit said:
Boys are boys, girls are girls and that's the line. If someone wants to pretend they are something they are not, they can pretend all they want.

I suggest you read up on gender dysphoria, both from a medical perspective and from the perspective of someone experiencing it. Like any medical condition, it is something that happens to people, not something that they pretend. In laypersons terms, wires are crossed in the brain. A person may have the body of a woman, but the brain of a man. This causes real anguish as they have to “pretend” to be something different than what their brain tells them they are.

Brightmoon · Oct 8, 2020

mkgal1 said:
What do you think it would harm if you called your grandson by the name he prefers? It obviously is harming your relationship to refuse to do so. At 13....your grandson is learning to set personal boundaries and begin to control what he can. I found notes from my childhood a few years ago....and I also wanted to change my name for a short while. That's pretty common at that age (do you know for sure this is even about his sexual orientation?).

I agree with that totally . I never went through that much just changed the spelling of my nickname, but my cousin at the same age wanted to be called Chloe which she mispronounced as Shh-low

Norbert L · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
I need help please. My grandson who is 13 wants me to call him Nova - not Noah - anymore and to use pronouns like they/them when I am talking to him. I told his mom no. She supports him 100%. She is not a Christian. He went to church with me for 10 years or more and then decided he did not want to go anymore. That was fine. I understood. Do I call him those names now? I told them no and I was adamant but I dont know what to do now - as I have pushed them away. Our daughter holds us a grudge too for the past and seems very angry with us. Im at a loss now. Please help me with advice.

Here's a webpage by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield who has a lot of experience with numerous issues involving homosexuality. She is a lesbian Christian who ministers to families who face the problem of same sex attraction. Why is important? She married a Christian man despite her continued attraction to women and has had children with him James 2:18. I believe her life has given her some godly insights about how to deal with issues such as yours. It's well worth going to her webpage and browsing its' contents.

How were you converted out of homosexuality? — Rosaria Champagne Butterfield

Nigel Malka · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
I need help please. My grandson who is 13 wants me to call him Nova - not Noah - anymore and to use pronouns like they/them when I am talking to him. I told his mom no. She supports him 100%. She is not a Christian. He went to church with me for 10 years or more and then decided he did not want to go anymore. That was fine. I understood. Do I call him those names now? I told them no and I was adamant but I dont know what to do now - as I have pushed them away. Our daughter holds us a grudge too for the past and seems very angry with us. Im at a loss now. Please help me with advice.

Judith
Advice:- Give your grandson a really big hug,
Tell him you love and let it come from your heart
Call him what he wants to be called - That is his decision and at 13 he can make that choice
Give your daughter an even bigger hug and tell her you love you then tell her Jesus loves her too.
Treat him as an individual who will grow into an adult knowing that he is loved and can always come to you for kindness and help. Plus able to talk over his thought, troubles and joys.
Do not cause a rift in the family, time will show you Noah and your daughter that love is the way to treat the issue and that in time it will be dealt with in an adult way by adults.
Please do not drive him away.

Judith Works · Oct 8, 2020

SO I sent him an apology about getting mad because I didnt want to call him Nova. Actually I still thought I was nice - but they said no. Anyway - I told him I would call him Nobo (which was his nickname when he was a child and his dad calls him that now) and told him I love him always and nothing could change that. I responded in love. He rejected that and told me no. I told him fine and that is his choice. So that ended for now. I will wait to see what he says in the future - if he texts me or not. I will wait. I will pray. I will believe God is going to work in his life and mine. Right - im not in control. I know Who is. Thank you for all of your comments and love. I agree with all of you - I need to love. I am not the parent. I see that. Much love to you all.

Strong in Him · Oct 8, 2020

ByTheSpirit said:
I don't think this is a good way to approach sexuality. Perhaps what you say is correct that sexuality is fallen and corrupt and thus people can't "choose", but all of human nature is corrupt is it not? Yet we are to war against that corrupt nature and be holy in all areas, especially our sexuality.

Some people are gay, bi, transsexual or whatever; that is a fact.
But this forum is for advice so we can't debate it.

ByTheSpirit said:
I don't think the OP should conform, even for a family member.

I've no idea whether she should or not.
But by her own admission she is pushing way her grandchild.

mkgal1 · Oct 8, 2020

Brightmoon said:
I agree with that totally . I never went through that much just changed the spelling of my nickname, but my cousin at the same age wanted to be called Chloe which she mispronounced as Shh-low

That's another great example....that's very much an out of the ordinary way to pronounce Chloe. And I think as children of that age...what they're exploring is is their own creativity and expression and whether the people they're surrounded by will still accept them if they become someone other than who they've been told by others about who they are.

Kenny'sID · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
Yes I am in a season of loss. Yes my joy seems stolen. Yes.

FWIW, take solace in the fact you are on the right side of this. That may not seem like much of a consolation but every little bit helps.

Judith Works · Oct 8, 2020

I would give them big hugs but I live in another city 400 miles away. There are other things in our lives that our daughter holds against us - we have apologized profusely - we are Christians now - we cannot change the past. I will move forward now in Jesus. I will give it to Him. He is able. Again thank you guys for all your advice.

Hazelelponi · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
SO I sent him an apology about getting mad because I didnt want to call him Nova. Actually I still thought I was nice - but they said no. Anyway - I told him I would call him Nobo (which was his nickname when he was a child and his dad calls him that now) and told him I love him always and nothing could change that. I responded in love. He rejected that and told me no. I told him fine and that is his choice. So that ended for now. I will wait to see what he says in the future - if he texts me or not. I will wait. I will pray. I will believe God is going to work in his life and mine. Right - im not in control. I know Who is. Thank you for all of your comments and love. I agree with all of you - I need to love. I am not the parent. I see that. Much love to you all.

Sorry he didn't accept your offer of reconciliation... but he's still a kid, you all will get through it.

I'll put you on my prayer list, and aak that you try and keep us updated as time goes on...

it's near Christmastime, maybe getting him a gift he'll enjoy (send it in the mail if need be) then will help thaw the freeze... you'll probably need help from your daughter or son-in-law if you don't know his likes and dislikes as much...

Just keep praying... God will help you through.

Hazelelponi · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
I would give them big hugs but I live in another city 400 miles away. There are other things in our lives that our daughter holds against us - we have apologized profusely - we are Christians now - we cannot change the past. I will move forward now in Jesus. I will give it to Him. He is able. Again thank you guys for all your advice.

We have all made parenting mistakes, and have all had our differences with our children.

We pick up and move on. There's no rule book on parenting, we just do our best for our kids that we can, and pray thats enough to get them through their adulthood....

it'll be okay...

Brightmoon · Oct 8, 2020

Nova is a cool name . It could mean new or it could mean one of those exploding stars (they were new lights in the sky) . I guess I don’t see why you have a problem with this . It doesn’t sound like a specifically girl’s name to me . It sounds more like a superhero alias Batman is Bruce Wayne and Noah is Nova! Make him a logo to put on his superhero costume

Norbert L · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
I will wait to see what he says in the future

One thing about the future, it's hard to predict. Who knows if alienating your grandson will actually lead to his salvation or not? Look at what happened when the apostle Paul alienated the man who was having sexual relations with his father's wife. It all worked out for the better too. So the advice of alienating your grandson is a wrong thing to do will only be an uneducated guess.

Strong in Him · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
I would give them big hugs but I live in another city 400 miles away. There are other things in our lives that our daughter holds against us - we have apologized profusely - we are Christians now - we cannot change the past. I will move forward now in Jesus. I will give it to Him. He is able. Again thank you guys for all your advice.

Hope it works out for you all. :hug:

Rachel Rachel · Oct 8, 2020

Judith Works said:
I need help please. My grandson who is 13 wants me to call him Nova - not Noah - anymore and to use pronouns like they/them when I am talking to him. I told his mom no. She supports him 100%. She is not a Christian. He went to church with me for 10 years or more and then decided he did not want to go anymore. That was fine. I understood. Do I call him those names now? I told them no and I was adamant but I dont know what to do now - as I have pushed them away. Our daughter holds us a grudge too for the past and seems very angry with us. Im at a loss now. Please help me with advice.

Rachel Rachel · Oct 8, 2020

My grandson told me when he was 18 that he is gay. I love him unconditionally but I pray for him every day that God will lead him on the right path. I don't think rejection is the way to go.
Just keep loving and praying for him.
As for calling him Nova....that's a tough one. I'd probably keep calling him Noah.

How do I deal with my 13 year old gay grandson?

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