Social Awkwardness

LaBèlla said:

How can Christians support socially awkward brethren?

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Perhaps there needs to be a paradigm shift in how people look on each other.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view (2 Corinthians 5:16).

God Bless

In my experience people with physical disabilities and learning difficulties and other difficulties can feel left out in church social events, sometimes the church needs to make conscious and sacrificial choices to include them. God Bless

I think the answer is for us to realise that the world would be an incredibly dull place if we were all exactly the same.

If we all looked the same, spoke the same and thought the same, then our lives would not be as enriched as they are today. Many have described Albert Einsteen as being socially awkward, yet he turned out to be a complete genius.

Whenever we look at our environment we are often attracted to things that are unusual or quirky, as they remind us that our world is a vast and beautiful place. Many of us have "bucket lists" of places we wish to visit and discover because we want to broaden our horizons and discover something a little different to what we consider to be the norm.

If we can have admiration for places and things that are unusual or different, then why can we not have this for our fellow human beings?

LaBèlla said:

For those struggling with social awkwardness, what do you wish others understood about your behavior?

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Imo, We tend to tread cautiously in regards to the things we say and do in public. Because we are a empathetic/sensitive type and offending others is one of our biggest concerns. We would strive to treat others as we would like to be treated, with compassion and respect using a careful selection of words. But, there are alot of people out there who do not hold such values to the same degree. Hence a socially awkward person can very easily pick up on another person's level of verbal 'consideration'. And if too 'forward/inconsiderate', will avoid them like the plague ^^"

Some people are socially awkward because they lack social skills. Maybe they're culturally dissimilar, or weren't exposed to the same things that we were. We may need to be more explicit about what we mean, and occasionally check to make sure that we're being understood. Communication is a two-way street.

Others can experience social awkwardness because they feel out of step with the status quo. Try to be more open-minded about the variety of personalities and talents that people have. Most differences don't make somebody a bad person. Not everyone follows professional sports, for instance, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just like there's nothing wrong with following sports. Life would be boring if everyone had the same interests. The human experience is diverse.

There are also people who are on the autism spectrum or have other issues. We should be understanding of that, and focus on the things that we have in common rather than emphasizing the differences.

It can be helpful to try to *understand* others, rather than jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. When people are comfortable, when they don't need to worry as much about how they're perceived, they're less likely to experience awkwardness.

Years ago, I used to do 'befriending' meditations - well, to be more precise, it was REALLY just me pulling tricks on my own mind. I thought IF the anxiety could trick ME into thinking that everyone was going to reject me (or whatever) then why couldn't I pull a trick on IT and fool it in thinking that everyone within the vicinity loves me and wished me well?

Funnily enough, as soon as I started doing this, everyone seemed to be smiling - but not only that, they genuinely looked happy to see me. They probably always did, but the anxiety only ever zoomed in on the frowns.

I probably still use this trick subconsciously in social situations now, but it works. I went from agoraphobic to heavyweight globe trotter within six months.

Find what works, and keep doing it. You'll meet difficult people, but it's easy to rationalise them.

LaBèlla said:

The OP isn’t about me. Respond to the topic please.

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I think learning about how things work may be a strength, rather than a weakness. Take Thomas Edison for example. He worked into the night testing filament materials for his light bulb. He had a cot in his lab. He became wealthy with his patents. The Henry Ford family built a large house next to his home. The two families were friends as they were both successful inventors. Edison had a large yard. His wife collected botanical specimens and grew them.

LaBèlla said:

I would like to broach the subject lovingly.

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Indeed, you're pretty good at doing that, Bella.

LaBèlla said:

On the other hand, socially awkward people often:

• See things differently
• Tend to 'nerd out' about the things they love
  
• Are obsessed with understanding how things work
• Discover genetic inheritance (50% boys and 38% girls)

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Boy if the first three of those don't describe me to a fault ....

kaijo said:

Imo, We tend to tread cautiously in regards to the things we say and do in public. Because we are a empathetic/sensitive type and offending others is one of our biggest concerns. We would strive to treat others as we would like to be treated, with compassion and respect using a careful selection of words. But, there are alot of people out there who do not hold such values to the same degree. Hence a socially awkward person can very easily pick up on another person's level of verbal 'consideration'. And if too 'forward/inconsiderate', will avoid them like the plague

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That is a good observation, kaijo.

LaBèlla said:

You are very kind. But I have much to learn.

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Don't we all?

They need patient loving kindness until they get more experience and comfortable.

Ive always been socially awkward but the friends I do have are close ones and are awesome.

I suffer through social awkwardness at times too. Even though I tend to know how others act and how to act myself. Social anxiety can still freeze me up.

LaBèlla said:

A recent post inspired this thread. I would like to broach the subject lovingly.

Socially awkward people feel out of sync with those around them. The consequences of social awkwardness include:

• Rejection
• Unkind remarks
• Self-doubt (wondering if you've done something wrong)
• Difficulty making friends and dating
• Frequent difficulties in social situations

On the other hand, socially awkward people often:

• See things differently
• Tend to 'nerd out' about the things they love
  
• Are obsessed with understanding how things work
• Discover genetic inheritance (50% boys and 38% girls)

Questions

How can Christians support socially awkward brethren? For those struggling with social awkwardness, what do you wish others understood about your behavior?

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

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This describes me all over.


What I wish people knew about me is that am not selfish just shy. I find it hard IRL to meet or make small talk with others. I am often told am intense and been suggesting I might have high functioning Aspergers but that has been ruled out by professionals who say it is caused by trauma and related emotional issues.

That I need some alone time and I hate people.cAlling in unexpectedly. It just the way I function.

Please don't ask me to pray aloud!!! I hate it..I can also only prY deeply bible's it is tongues anyway. I can't do it in english. I love to write but am not as articulate when I speak

MehGuy said:

I suffer through social awkwardness at times too. Even though I tend to know how others act and how to act myself. Social anxiety can still freeze me up.

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I

I have bad anxiety around others even my friends. Part of being a complex trauma survivor also borderline personality disorder. I freeze up a lot and couldn't make eye contact until my mind 20s.