Nothing happened to me. What did happen is that I studied the bible earnestly to make sure I had a good basis for my beliefs so I could better tell people why it is true. What I found was that the Bible is not coherent, is immoral and is unsupported by sufficient evidence to believe it is from a God. My threshold for belief changed as I learned to skeptically think for myself. The question still stands, Why did God not convince me He exists? All I was and still am asking for is sufficient evidence. God knows what that would be.
Then you have the answer you want.
As long as you believe what you think, instead of YHVH, you're not going to see the truth.
I've been studying the bible for 42 years, and I've found the bible to be quite coherent, very moral, and supported by copious evidence to believe it's from YHVH.
There's a statement in Psalms 18:26---
With the pure You will show Yourself pure;
And with the devious You will show Yourself shrewd.
Another translation states---
He who is holy will see you are Holy. But to the one whose way is not straight, you will be a hard judge.
Yet another states.....
To the pure you show yourself pure. But to the morally bankrupt, you appear to be perverse.
So, your own words state that God is not who he said he is, and his word is not what he said it is.
Psalm 19 states--
7 The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple;
8 The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;
9 The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.
10 More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11 Moreover by them Your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward.
I based my belief on the bible specifically the gospels. I believed they were eyewitness accounts and were reliable, I had a couple dreams that I attributed to God, I felt Gods presence often when singing and reading the bible, I saw a healing and heard stories and "proof" of my friends healing.
Sounds like God had previously provided you with what you asked..... did this take place before this point at the 18 year mark?
Why did what took place change? According to Malachi 3:6, and Hebrews 13:8--- neither God, nor Jesus change. They remain consistent. So, if they remain consistent, then how did God change?
I did above. I am always reluctant to do so because all an individual christian has to do is find one thing they disagree with and they will write me off as if I never believed. Even when Christians cannot agree on what it takes to be saved.
Well.... it reads to me that you wrote yourself off.
It reads to me that by your own words--- you wrote yourself off.
I was a real christian. As I said above all you have to do is find one thing you disagree with in my story and presto I was never a christian.
Do you know what this is based on? there's actually a number of passages which allude to this, but there's one passage in particular which explicitly states--- if they left, they did so because they were not actually one of us to begin with. 1 John 2:19.
So, I'm more than a little curious why you think you deserve special treatment when we're all in exactly the same boat.... If I walk away from Jesus, it just demonstrates that I was never following him in the first place. Do you think I like that idea? I guarantee that I don't like it at all....
Jesus then talks about a builder who was going to build, but got half way through, and found he didn't have the resources to finish. He then talked about how those who saw him mocked him because he started and failed to finish. Bringing to bear the idea---- we really need to count the cost before we get started.
I'm sure you saw that passage numerous times-- based on your statement of having studied the gospels.
Nope. I did not want something I didn't think I had. I knew God existed just like you. But I soon realized everything I based my belief on was insufficient for belief.
Yet you left.... It leads me to the question of--- did you understand what biblical faith actually was?
If you know God existed, yet you wanted some special revelation beyond what he already gave you, what did you think had changed about God?
Another translation of Psalms 18:26---
With the pure you will show yourself pure, and with the obstinate you will show yourself stubborn.
Israel saw God's reality throughout the Exodus. They were fed, given water, their clothing did not fail, their sandals survived for 40 years, they watched a pillar of cloud by day, and a pillar of fire by night, guide them from Egypt to the promise land. They saw God fight against their enemies..... 10 specific activities, which made God's reality irrefutable, and unquestionable. Yet, they did not believe him, and as such, excluded themselves from benefiting from God's Grace, and as a result, experienced God's Judgment. Numbers 14, and Hebrews 4:2.
God has demonstrated himself exactly as the bible describes him.
To the pure, he's demonstrated himself pure.
when I was stubborn, and opposed, he opposed me.
He's faithful to what he's said in the bible.
I've found in my 43+ years of learning to follow Jesus, the proverb which says---
3 Let not mercy and truth forsake you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart,
4 And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and depart from evil.
8 It will be health to your flesh,
And strength to your bones.
is quite true.
Just as true as where Jesus said---
23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. 24 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. 25 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?
We've been invited to come follow Jesus. The gift he gives is eternal life. Living in a world where evil is all around us, where beauty, joy, sorrow, sadness, pain, heartache, hope, despair, etc..... ad infinitum, surround us, he told us--- life will get far worse, and be a nightmare. He also gives us the gift of himself to be with us, throughout our lives..... Just not how we think.
It's taken me over 20 years of being married before I understood what Jesus said about living under the same roof as me.... John 14:23.
If you keep my teachings, you will show you love me, and you will be loved by my Father, and we will come and make our home with you.
Living as a married man, for 30+ years now, I've come to understand that God's presence in my life is both subtle, and profound. Simple, and like a deep river, is calming, and sure.
I believe because I know he's real, and I know he's knowable.
I think you were a believer. And I think God really did come make his home with you. I also think you got deceived as to what it means to follow Jesus, and trusted your own understanding, more than you did God's Wisdom. He's right where he was when you left.
All he's asking is for you to turn to him, from your sin, and place your trust in Jesus.