Advice Needed

@Jaedan, hello sir, I read everything you posted.

Sometimes I hate the things that I have done in my own life.

Just 4 days ago, used drugs, and drugs lead me to inappropriate contentography. It led me to hating the things that my flesh is capable of, when there is a spirit that lives in me to over come these things.

In my life, many times have I abused drugs, lied to people, manipulated people, used inappropriate contentography, been selfish, greedy, shown no love towards others, caused strife and fighting, in the whole course of my life.

Reading scriptures had helped me learn who Jesus Christ was, but when becoming a Christian the first time, judging others was my forte'. (This is no longer as much of an issues due to spiritual maturity)

Over the course of 4 years however of learning scripture and building on faith which comes by hearing the word, my life has been changed by the spirit even though 4 days ago was my recent mess up in my own life, which hurt me a lot.

When my flesh messes up I tend to get angry at myself, though in the back of my mind I know God has forgiven me when we make mistakes, and my part of this is to make effort to make the walk back towards Him, and what he desires me to do.

Which is to live by the spirit which brings forth fruit, of love, kindness, forbearance, and forgiveness of myself, and also of others.

After reading what you posted, I understand. God has forgiven me and you both for our mistakes we have made in this life, the only option we have is a choice.

Where does your heart lie? Do you really desire to be closer to God, by walking in the spirit?

Do you really desire to live by your fleshly desires and ways, that only leads a person down to broken relationships, and in the end death?

May the grace, peace, mercy, abound in your and your families life from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Take care friend.

We will never be free from sin on this side of the veil. You're being too hard on yourself. Seeking forgiveness for our sins is an ongoing process; not a one-time event. You are actually doing quite well by being so aware of your sins.

If you're waiting to do things "correctly", you'll never get there.

Thankfulness, Prayer, Fruitful, Knowledge of God, Grace, Gospel, Faith, Redemption

Here is a link that might be also helpful. Though not entirely sure. Thecolorsblend is right, if we never make the effort in our lives to change we will never get there.

Farewell.

Jaedan said:

Hi.

I am really ashamed of how confused I am (I have spent countless time laughing at my stupidity. It's just really funny now). I am starting to hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to understand what to do. I am just exhausted. One minute, I think I understand something, the next minute, I am bombarded with confusion. There has been no spiritual growth. I haven't changed (Note, I gave my life to God when I was 13-14 (about 2-3 years ago).

I have reached the point where I no longer want to ask God for forgiveness (specifically for one of my habitual sins). Because at the end of the day, I know that I am going to commit that sin again. (Constant loop of me asking him to forgive me for committing this sin, then sinning again like some ignorant moron who is talented at abusing his grace)

I have been waiting for God to rebuke me in some extreme way so I can finally walk the walk correctly. There must be something I am doing wrong. Now, I do want to say; I am a "victim" (God is the victim of this mess!). I take full responsibility for the place I am currently in. At where I am right now, I should have it figured out. I can't seem to understand Jesus on a personal level. I can spend hours praying or reading the gospel, trying to know him and love him (asking him to help me do this not with my strength but with his). But this doesn't seem to work. I am getting tired of knowing about Jesus. I want to know him personally.

To be honest, I have been praying to God to hurt me or kill me because I don't really know what else to do. I hate what I do. I hate what I desire. I hate what I feel. Some people say that God didn't create us to act like robots. But honestly, I wish this was true. I wish I were God's robot. I wish I could be a vessel that God could work through without having to deal with any hindrances or malfunctions if that makes sense.

Overall, I just want to know why I can't seem to figure this out. Why can't I do this correctly? Why can't I walk the walk correctly? What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

God understands the struggles that young unmarried people go through. I am assuming your sin is sexual in nature, I will spell some out, masturbation, or inappropriate contentography.

I was 35 before I was married and for most of the years prior to marriage I had trouble with the big M word. But you have to realise God still used me over those years, He did not point out my stuffing up, He always encouraged me, to keep pressing forward. Now that I am married I have no issues, with controlling Materbation, although it has happened once or twice, and I have had no issue with inappropriate content since being married.

Personally I advise people to not worry about Materbation as an unmarried, but always to try to avoid inappropriate content. We should practice purity as much as possible, without crushing all desires.

What I would say is push as hard as you can towards purity, but don't beat yourself up if you fail.

If I have miss read your circumstance sorry. Just hope your sin in not ax murdering.

Oh and btw on a serious note, as a key to overcoming sin. Jesus states in the word "pray that you enter not into temptation for the Spirit is willing but the flesh weak", this means the more time you spend in prayer the stronger you will become. Left to our selves with no prayer we will become weak.

Jaedan said:

Hi.

I am really ashamed of how confused I am (I have spent countless time laughing at my stupidity. It's just really funny now). I am starting to hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to understand what to do. I am just exhausted. One minute, I think I understand something, the next minute, I am bombarded with confusion. There has been no spiritual growth. I haven't changed (Note, I gave my life to God when I was 13-14 (about 2-3 years ago).

I have reached the point where I no longer want to ask God for forgiveness (specifically for one of my habitual sins). Because at the end of the day, I know that I am going to commit that sin again. (Constant loop of me asking him to forgive me for committing this sin, then sinning again like some ignorant moron who is talented at abusing his grace)

I have been waiting for God to rebuke me in some extreme way so I can finally walk the walk correctly. There must be something I am doing wrong. Now, I do want to say; I am a "victim" (God is the victim of this mess!). I take full responsibility for the place I am currently in. At where I am right now, I should have it figured out. I can't seem to understand Jesus on a personal level. I can spend hours praying or reading the gospel, trying to know him and love him (asking him to help me do this not with my strength but with his). But this doesn't seem to work. I am getting tired of knowing about Jesus. I want to know him personally.

To be honest, I have been praying to God to hurt me or kill me because I don't really know what else to do. I hate what I do. I hate what I desire. I hate what I feel. Some people say that God didn't create us to act like robots. But honestly, I wish this was true. I wish I were God's robot. I wish I could be a vessel that God could work through without having to deal with any hindrances or malfunctions if that makes sense.

Overall, I just want to know why I can't seem to figure this out. Why can't I do this correctly? Why can't I walk the walk correctly? What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

You said you '...want to know Jesus personally'. Does He know that? Are you speaking to Him daily and walking with Him? We cannot have the sealing of the Holy Spirit unless we have the Lord Jesus in our heart and talking with Him always. The Father will then be with one always and we can commune with Him. Make the Lord Jesus your best Friend, beside Savior of your soul. I will pray for you.

Jaedan said:

Hi.

I am really ashamed of how confused I am (I have spent countless time laughing at my stupidity. It's just really funny now). I am starting to hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to understand what to do. I am just exhausted. One minute, I think I understand something, the next minute, I am bombarded with confusion. There has been no spiritual growth. I haven't changed (Note, I gave my life to God when I was 13-14 (about 2-3 years ago).

I have reached the point where I no longer want to ask God for forgiveness (specifically for one of my habitual sins). Because at the end of the day, I know that I am going to commit that sin again. (Constant loop of me asking him to forgive me for committing this sin, then sinning again like some ignorant moron who is talented at abusing his grace)

I have been waiting for God to rebuke me in some extreme way so I can finally walk the walk correctly. There must be something I am doing wrong. Now, I do want to say; I am a "victim" (God is the victim of this mess!). I take full responsibility for the place I am currently in. At where I am right now, I should have it figured out. I can't seem to understand Jesus on a personal level. I can spend hours praying or reading the gospel, trying to know him and love him (asking him to help me do this not with my strength but with his). But this doesn't seem to work. I am getting tired of knowing about Jesus. I want to know him personally.

To be honest, I have been praying to God to hurt me or kill me because I don't really know what else to do. I hate what I do. I hate what I desire. I hate what I feel. Some people say that God didn't create us to act like robots. But honestly, I wish this was true. I wish I were God's robot. I wish I could be a vessel that God could work through without having to deal with any hindrances or malfunctions if that makes sense.

Overall, I just want to know why I can't seem to figure this out. Why can't I do this correctly? Why can't I walk the walk correctly? What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

When you pray ask God what you can do for him. We, myself included spend to much time asking what he can do for us. I feel it should be the other way around. I want to serve him not him serve me.

Jaedan said:

Hi.

I am really ashamed of how confused I am (I have spent countless time laughing at my stupidity. It's just really funny now). I am starting to hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to understand what to do. I am just exhausted. One minute, I think I understand something, the next minute, I am bombarded with confusion. There has been no spiritual growth. I haven't changed (Note, I gave my life to God when I was 13-14 (about 2-3 years ago).

I have reached the point where I no longer want to ask God for forgiveness (specifically for one of my habitual sins). Because at the end of the day, I know that I am going to commit that sin again. (Constant loop of me asking him to forgive me for committing this sin, then sinning again like some ignorant moron who is talented at abusing his grace)

I have been waiting for God to rebuke me in some extreme way so I can finally walk the walk correctly. There must be something I am doing wrong. Now, I do want to say; I am a "victim" (God is the victim of this mess!). I take full responsibility for the place I am currently in. At where I am right now, I should have it figured out. I can't seem to understand Jesus on a personal level. I can spend hours praying or reading the gospel, trying to know him and love him (asking him to help me do this not with my strength but with his). But this doesn't seem to work. I am getting tired of knowing about Jesus. I want to know him personally.

To be honest, I have been praying to God to hurt me or kill me because I don't really know what else to do. I hate what I do. I hate what I desire. I hate what I feel. Some people say that God didn't create us to act like robots. But honestly, I wish this was true. I wish I were God's robot. I wish I could be a vessel that God could work through without having to deal with any hindrances or malfunctions if that makes sense.

Overall, I just want to know why I can't seem to figure this out. Why can't I do this correctly? Why can't I walk the walk correctly? What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

Do you have a desire to share the Gospel with others? Or do you view a relationship and faith in Jesus, just benefits you only? One thing that helped me, when I went through a period of years, like you are describing now for yourself, is that serving God helped me continue to seek him, even when I was spiritually dead, or felt that way.

A sincere Saint (real believer in 'Jesus, the Christ of God', will be walking and talking with Him daily. That is how we can have real communion ---not just preaching gospel messages. If we ignore Him the Father may ignore our hopes ---though our Father-God will always keep safe a TRUE "born again" believer (note John 3 and John 14 and Romans 8.

Jaedan said:

Hi.

I am really ashamed of how confused I am (I have spent countless time laughing at my stupidity. It's just really funny now). I am starting to hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to understand what to do. I am just exhausted. One minute, I think I understand something, the next minute, I am bombarded with confusion. There has been no spiritual growth. I haven't changed (Note, I gave my life to God when I was 13-14 (about 2-3 years ago).

I have reached the point where I no longer want to ask God for forgiveness (specifically for one of my habitual sins). Because at the end of the day, I know that I am going to commit that sin again. (Constant loop of me asking him to forgive me for committing this sin, then sinning again like some ignorant moron who is talented at abusing his grace)

I have been waiting for God to rebuke me in some extreme way so I can finally walk the walk correctly. There must be something I am doing wrong. Now, I do want to say; I am a "victim" (God is the victim of this mess!). I take full responsibility for the place I am currently in. At where I am right now, I should have it figured out. I can't seem to understand Jesus on a personal level. I can spend hours praying or reading the gospel, trying to know him and love him (asking him to help me do this not with my strength but with his). But this doesn't seem to work. I am getting tired of knowing about Jesus. I want to know him personally.

To be honest, I have been praying to God to hurt me or kill me because I don't really know what else to do. I hate what I do. I hate what I desire. I hate what I feel. Some people say that God didn't create us to act like robots. But honestly, I wish this was true. I wish I were God's robot. I wish I could be a vessel that God could work through without having to deal with any hindrances or malfunctions if that makes sense.

Overall, I just want to know why I can't seem to figure this out. Why can't I do this correctly? Why can't I walk the walk correctly? What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

Praying and reading scripture isn't going to be enough. Remember, Jesus calls us to do more than just read the scripture and pray. Go help the poor. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or food pantry. Go visit the elderly. Pray with them and spend time with them. Let them know that they are loved.

Our Lord is love. If you want to know Him, then go where He is. He's where those who need Him the most are waiting. He is love, and through love, you will always find Him.

As for your habitual sin, cut yourself a break. You're going to sin. You're going to mess up. The more you do it, the more unworthy you feel. Trust me. I know. It's entirely possible we struggle with the same thing. If you want to break that habit, then you have to immerse yourself in Him. You do that in the same way I described above.

If you really want to know Jesus, praying and reading your Bible won't be enough. You have to get to know Him by walking with Him. Go where He is needed and spread His love through your actions. I promise you will feel His love. Feel free to message me if you need more feedback. I'm not good with advice, but I'll help if I can.

I'm praying for you.

Jaedan said:

At the moment, I don't often. To be honest with you, I am always scared to (I really hate myself for this). I know God is not pleased when I don't. So yeah, I do want to start sharing the gospel.

The only strong desire I have is to share the "gospel" is through my art and writing. However, I dislike this desire too. I think its really selfish.

Click to expand...

Not selfish at all! I am also a writer. Show Christ in your writing and art. Sharing the Gospel isn't just accomplished through preaching. You show the Gospel through love and service. Go help the poor at a soup kitchen or pantry. Visit the elderly. Pick up trash on the side of the road. Volunteer at your church. The important thing is to give of yourself to help others. You'll find Jesus is there waiting on you.

Jaedan said:

Hi.

I am really ashamed of how confused I am (I have spent countless time laughing at my stupidity. It's just really funny now). I am starting to hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to understand what to do. I am just exhausted. One minute, I think I understand something, the next minute, I am bombarded with confusion. There has been no spiritual growth. I haven't changed (Note, I gave my life to God when I was 13-14 (about 2-3 years ago).

I have reached the point where I no longer want to ask God for forgiveness (specifically for one of my habitual sins). Because at the end of the day, I know that I am going to commit that sin again. (Constant loop of me asking him to forgive me for committing this sin, then sinning again like some ignorant moron who is talented at abusing his grace)

I have been waiting for God to rebuke me in some extreme way so I can finally walk the walk correctly. There must be something I am doing wrong. Now, I do want to say; I am a "victim" (God is the victim of this mess!). I take full responsibility for the place I am currently in. At where I am right now, I should have it figured out. I can't seem to understand Jesus on a personal level. I can spend hours praying or reading the gospel, trying to know him and love him (asking him to help me do this not with my strength but with his). But this doesn't seem to work. I am getting tired of knowing about Jesus. I want to know him personally.

To be honest, I have been praying to God to hurt me or kill me because I don't really know what else to do. I hate what I do. I hate what I desire. I hate what I feel. Some people say that God didn't create us to act like robots. But honestly, I wish this was true. I wish I were God's robot. I wish I could be a vessel that God could work through without having to deal with any hindrances or malfunctions if that makes sense.

Overall, I just want to know why I can't seem to figure this out. Why can't I do this correctly? Why can't I walk the walk correctly? What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

Hello Jaedan,
if you want to know why you can’t seem to figure this out, listen to this:

For the MIND that is set on the flesh is HOSTILE to God, for it DOES NOT SUBMIT to God's law; INDEED, IT CANNOT. -Romans 8:7

So the question is what everyday or every time you set on your mind to ?

You must understand every time you set your mind on the things of the flesh that make you hostile to God or in other words, you made yourself the enemy of God. That is why it is important to repent ! So you come back under the grace of God. Otherwise, the wrath of God remains on you. Why ? because you are being disobedient. Why ? This is what we have heard :

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him. -John 3:36

Do you see the dot and coma?
It is saying that whoever believe in the Son has eternal life, likewise whoever doesn’t obey the Son SHALL NOT SEE LIFE but the wrath of God remains on him.

When you set your mind on the flesh, your mind is NOT SUBJECT to God’s law of Spirit of life but you are subject to the law of sin and death. That is why it is said in Roman 8:5: INDEED, the mind that is set on the things of the flesh CANNOT be subjected to God’s law of Spirit of life.

Then what are we called to do ?
For those who IDENTIFY according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who IDENTIFY according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. -Romans 8:5 CJB
For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit IS LIFE AND PEACE. -Romans 8:6

So if you don’t want to be confused, set the desire of your mind on the things of the Spirit and you will have life and PEACE.

Perhaps, you may ask me what are the things of the Spirit?

This is what we have heard our Lord have spoken:
It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The WORDS that I have spoken to you are SPIRIT and life. -John 6:63

ALL SCRIPTURE is BREATHED OUT by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, -2 Timothy 3:16

The things of the Spirit is breathed out by God the Father and are in all scripture, that is, the words that our Lord Jesus Christ have spoken.

Perhaps, you are asking how you set your mind on the things of the Spirit.

Let us ask for wisdom, and our Heavenly Father give us without reproach.

This is the wisdom that we have heard in proverbs:

By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and BY THE FEAR OF THE LORD one TURNS AWAY FROM evil. -Proverbs 16:6

By God’s steadfast love and His faithfulness that raised Jesus Christ from the dead, your iniquity is atoned for. And ONLY FEAR OF THE LORD that you can turn away from your shame, confusion, the abuse of grace, hindrances and malfunctions that you spoke of.

What is the fear of the Lord? How you can understand and have this fear of the Lord?
Listen to our Heavenly Father:

MY SON, if you RECEIVE my WORDS and TREASURE UP MY COMMANDMENTS with you, -Proverbs 2:1
making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; -Proverbs 2:2
yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, -Proverbs 2:3
if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, -Proverbs 2:4
THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE FEAR OF THE LORD and find the knowledge of God. -Proverbs 2:5

So you CANNOT JUST UNDERSTAND this fear of the Lord because you are just scared of God. Listen to what our Heavenly Father have spoken that you are to receive His words and treasure up His commandments, and other things that He mentions.

You have said you have read the gospel but have you received His words in your heart and have you treasured up His commandments in your mind ?
Have you THEN UNDERSTAND the fear of the Lord and FIND the knowledge of God ?

What are the one of the things mentioned about the fear of the Lord ?

The fear of the LORD is HATRED OF EVIL. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate. -Proverbs 8:13

So, when you hate what you did, desired, felt, that is, of the flesh — it is RIGHT to hate what the Lord is spoken of as evil.

When you felt ashamed, and guilty of abusing grace, that is Holy Spirit in you that convicts you of sin.

Therefore, it is right for you to respond to hate what doesn’t align with God’s words.

Perhaps, you are still thinking how to be strong and overcome this loop of sin.
Listen to what apostle John have spoken:

I write to you, YOUNG MEN, because YOU ARE STRONG, and THE WORD OF GOD ABIDES IN YOU, and you HAVE OVERCOME the evil one. -1 John 2:14

Apostle John perceived about this young men that they are strong because the word of God abides in them. These young men having the word of God abides in them, they have overcome the evil one. So likewise we can !

So if you want to overcome sin/the evil one/the enemies, listen to what our Heavenly Father have spoken, that is, receive His words and stored within you.

So if you want to rely on God’s strength to fulfill what He has commanded you in the all the scripture, let your mind, your heart, your soul and your strength set on His words of grace, that is, His words of love or the truth of His love.

Yes, the truth of His love can set you free.

By His grace, He gives us His strength!
For we have heard what our Lord Jesus Christ have spoken:

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. -John 6:63

Therefore, by the words of grace of our Lord Jesus Christ that are Spirit and life; By His words of grace that are Spirit who gives us the strength to live a godly life.

By the words of His grace that our Lord sanctify us, having cleansed us BY THE WASHING OF WATER WITH THE WORD, so that our Lord might present us to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that we might be holy and without blemish. [according to Ephesians 5:26-27]

So if you find yourself that you cannot do anything, remember what our Lord have spoken:

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, FOR APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING. -John 15:5

so if you are want to be united with the Lord,
listen to what the Lord have spoken:

If you abide in me, and MY WORDS ABIDE IN YOU, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. -John 15:7

Jaedan said:

Hi.

I am really ashamed of how confused I am (I have spent countless time laughing at my stupidity. It's just really funny now). I am starting to hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to understand what to do. I am just exhausted. One minute, I think I understand something, the next minute, I am bombarded with confusion. There has been no spiritual growth. I haven't changed (Note, I gave my life to God when I was 13-14 (about 2-3 years ago).

I have reached the point where I no longer want to ask God for forgiveness (specifically for one of my habitual sins). Because at the end of the day, I know that I am going to commit that sin again. (Constant loop of me asking him to forgive me for committing this sin, then sinning again like some ignorant moron who is talented at abusing his grace)

I have been waiting for God to rebuke me in some extreme way so I can finally walk the walk correctly. There must be something I am doing wrong. Now, I do want to say; I am a "victim" (God is the victim of this mess!). I take full responsibility for the place I am currently in. At where I am right now, I should have it figured out. I can't seem to understand Jesus on a personal level. I can spend hours praying or reading the gospel, trying to know him and love him (asking him to help me do this not with my strength but with his). But this doesn't seem to work. I am getting tired of knowing about Jesus. I want to know him personally.

To be honest, I have been praying to God to hurt me or kill me because I don't really know what else to do. I hate what I do. I hate what I desire. I hate what I feel. Some people say that God didn't create us to act like robots. But honestly, I wish this was true. I wish I were God's robot. I wish I could be a vessel that God could work through without having to deal with any hindrances or malfunctions if that makes sense.

Overall, I just want to know why I can't seem to figure this out. Why can't I do this correctly? Why can't I walk the walk correctly? What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

Hello Jaedan,

If you are getting tired of knowing about Jesus, you want to know Him personally;

This is what we are told to consider:

Consider Him (Christ) who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may NOT GROW WEARY or FAINT HEARTED. -Hebrews 12:3
In YOUR STRUGGLE AGAINST SIN you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. -Hebrews 12:4

How to understand what you are going through and not be tired ?

You need to understand that we are all predestined to be adopted to Abba Father as sons through Jesus Christ and that is according to the purpose of His will.

what does that mean ?

In order for us all to see the Heavenly Father and enter God’s rest ; while on earth, we need to be chastened by our Heavenly Father in order to share His holiness ; in this way we are richly provided an entrance to the Kingdom of our dear Lord Jesus Christ.

What is the purpose of this entrance ?
It is so that we are blessed in the Beloved Christ Jesus, our Heavenly Bridegroom.

For this glorious wonder that we who were sinners and offenders whom the Lord has redeemed by His precious blood and have received mercy and being set free from sin and is given this valuable promise in union with our Lord; it is unfathomable riches that our Lord’s Good News have this profound mystery, that is, the truth of His love.

Therefore, our Heavenly Father have spoken:
MY SON, DO NOT despise the LORD's discipline or BE WEARY OF HIS REPROOF, -Proverbs 3:11
for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. -Proverbs 3:12

Jaedan, don’t be weary of our Heavenly Father’s reproof !

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. -Romans 8:14
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you HAVE RECEIVED the Spirit of ADOPTION AS SONS, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" -Romans 8:15

so, we are all subject to the Father of spirits and are told to live according to the Holy Spirit wants.

What the Holy Spirit wants ?
Listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying:

The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come." And let the one who hears say, "Come." And let the one who is thirsty come;
let the one who desires take the water of life without price. -Revelation 22:17

Why you have grewn tired ?
Consider David in Psalm 63

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my FLESH FAINTS for you, AS IN A DRY AND WEARY LAND WHERE there is NO WATER. -Psalms 63:1

So you understand that you have grown tired because you are in a dry and weary land where there is no water !

You want to know Jesus personally and listen to what He have said , "If anyone thirsts, let him COME TO ME AND DRINK.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" -John 7:38