- May 19, 2019
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To believe in God is absolutely wonderful. It's a great feeling when you know that you have God on your side. If you have any issues then all you need to do is pray and it will be handled. It's truly a great thought...
But, suppose for a minute that you're too sad to feel anything. Assume that you're so upset that nothing sparks any interest in you and you feel dead inside and nothing you do works. Maybe you've done your favorite things in life and hobbies and you have talked to all of your friends or your family or whatever you do to get happy, but yet you feel nothing... This is me exactly.
I know that I believe in God, but I don't feel God. I've prayed for many years but I haven't felt one sense of anything the whole time I was praying. It makes the Jesus dying for me story feel not so great because I can't feel God living in me when I read it over and over again in the Bible. It's feels very empty. More so, it just feels like I'm reading any old book and not a divine work of God.
When I'm at church, I hear people rejoicing and being happy that God has answered their prayers. All around me they tell me that God has worked in their lives and done all sorts of things for them and they are happy. But there I am, not really feeling anything or having any sort of Godly experience. It feels a bit empty. You're promised that God will help and assist you if you believe in Jesus and what he did (and I have confessed this many times), but yet I see no results.
And to be honest, I've been empty like this for so long that I don't see things changing by the hand of God despite me wanting to believe in it, as desperate as I am. It would be nice if I had belief in immense power like that but depression has hurt me so much that there is no chance.
My conclusion? I can't pray depression away. I can't pray a mental disorder away. I can't ask God to fix it because I don't have enough belief because it's been years and I am still miserable and sad. It's said that you need to be happy to believe in God but I will never have any good luck with that. As far as I am aware, I'm just sad and I have nothing to look forward to. Even now, I pray but it is as quiet as a cemetery. I've cried out to God but there are no results.
In my past, I was baptized, I still go to church every sunday, and yet I've never once felt any God or Jesus or anything - my depression has always consumed me and (perhaps) blocked any type of feeling with God. My conclusion is that I can't pray it away, I never will. Does prayer even work at this point? I don't know. I'm starting to doubt it.
I sound awful for this also but I'm also starting to doubt God too. I'm starting to believe that you need to have a certain mindset or certain personality to believe in God and that is not me. I am living proof of what it means to be Christian in name only but not saved. Do I pray and God answers me and I just don't see it? Does he even bother with what I say? I have no clue. My depression makes my mind foggy and hazy and my memory is not that great it seems and my observation skills are bad because sadness has dulled them down and killed my inspiration. Maybe it's also my upbringing and how I didn't have Christian parents who told me about Christianity and I had to figure it out myself.
Even now, I'm doubting the denomination I chose. I was Southern Baptist going to a Southern Baptist church but now I'm Eastern Orthodox and I don't really know what to think. Is God dead? Has he died? If he's alive then I don't feel him. I think the last time I actually felt God was when I was little in 3rd grade maybe. I'm starting a job now and I am in my teens so that has been many years. I'd love to feel God again but it is a slim chance. I might as well just give my Bibles away and get used to how life is. It's as a friend of mine said "You can't fix life with 3 letters. That is G, O, D. It doesn't work because life is too complicated. There is no simplifying it."
Sadly, I'm starting to believe him... My depression is my evidence and God sure doesn't care.
This might sound funny as a next statement because all hope has been lost on my end, but...
...can anyone give me some advice...?
Maybe there is a slim chance that God or Jesus or one of the saints or Darth Vader or who knows what can reach out and please help me. Maybe he's listening to me type this? Maybe God has read this already and he knows? I'm so desperate it's not even funny. I'm almost to the point of a mental breakdown to be honest. It's not fun being me. Depression sucks... Like really, it does...
Thanks.
But, suppose for a minute that you're too sad to feel anything. Assume that you're so upset that nothing sparks any interest in you and you feel dead inside and nothing you do works. Maybe you've done your favorite things in life and hobbies and you have talked to all of your friends or your family or whatever you do to get happy, but yet you feel nothing... This is me exactly.
I know that I believe in God, but I don't feel God. I've prayed for many years but I haven't felt one sense of anything the whole time I was praying. It makes the Jesus dying for me story feel not so great because I can't feel God living in me when I read it over and over again in the Bible. It's feels very empty. More so, it just feels like I'm reading any old book and not a divine work of God.
When I'm at church, I hear people rejoicing and being happy that God has answered their prayers. All around me they tell me that God has worked in their lives and done all sorts of things for them and they are happy. But there I am, not really feeling anything or having any sort of Godly experience. It feels a bit empty. You're promised that God will help and assist you if you believe in Jesus and what he did (and I have confessed this many times), but yet I see no results.
And to be honest, I've been empty like this for so long that I don't see things changing by the hand of God despite me wanting to believe in it, as desperate as I am. It would be nice if I had belief in immense power like that but depression has hurt me so much that there is no chance.
My conclusion? I can't pray depression away. I can't pray a mental disorder away. I can't ask God to fix it because I don't have enough belief because it's been years and I am still miserable and sad. It's said that you need to be happy to believe in God but I will never have any good luck with that. As far as I am aware, I'm just sad and I have nothing to look forward to. Even now, I pray but it is as quiet as a cemetery. I've cried out to God but there are no results.
In my past, I was baptized, I still go to church every sunday, and yet I've never once felt any God or Jesus or anything - my depression has always consumed me and (perhaps) blocked any type of feeling with God. My conclusion is that I can't pray it away, I never will. Does prayer even work at this point? I don't know. I'm starting to doubt it.
I sound awful for this also but I'm also starting to doubt God too. I'm starting to believe that you need to have a certain mindset or certain personality to believe in God and that is not me. I am living proof of what it means to be Christian in name only but not saved. Do I pray and God answers me and I just don't see it? Does he even bother with what I say? I have no clue. My depression makes my mind foggy and hazy and my memory is not that great it seems and my observation skills are bad because sadness has dulled them down and killed my inspiration. Maybe it's also my upbringing and how I didn't have Christian parents who told me about Christianity and I had to figure it out myself.
Even now, I'm doubting the denomination I chose. I was Southern Baptist going to a Southern Baptist church but now I'm Eastern Orthodox and I don't really know what to think. Is God dead? Has he died? If he's alive then I don't feel him. I think the last time I actually felt God was when I was little in 3rd grade maybe. I'm starting a job now and I am in my teens so that has been many years. I'd love to feel God again but it is a slim chance. I might as well just give my Bibles away and get used to how life is. It's as a friend of mine said "You can't fix life with 3 letters. That is G, O, D. It doesn't work because life is too complicated. There is no simplifying it."
Sadly, I'm starting to believe him... My depression is my evidence and God sure doesn't care.
This might sound funny as a next statement because all hope has been lost on my end, but...
...can anyone give me some advice...?
Maybe there is a slim chance that God or Jesus or one of the saints or Darth Vader or who knows what can reach out and please help me. Maybe he's listening to me type this? Maybe God has read this already and he knows? I'm so desperate it's not even funny. I'm almost to the point of a mental breakdown to be honest. It's not fun being me. Depression sucks... Like really, it does...
Thanks.
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