Do all men cheat?

Bacey92 said:

Hi there,

My question is, do all men eventually cheat on their wives? A life time is a very long time and I often wonder if my husband will be able to be faithful to me for our entire marriage. Do all men eventually cheat whether its physically or emotionally? Is it possible for husbands to be fully committed a whole life time?

It's one of my greatest fears and I feel I need a guarantee but I know that's not possible.

Will God ever allow cheating? If I pray for my husband to be faithful for the rest of his life, will God allow that?

Thank you

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No. There are those who have medical problems that prevent them from having sex at all, and those who are truly to old and nothing works anymore, and there are those that have no sexual urge at all or very low.
Seriously, though, there are a few men who are like Joseph and will not cheat. They are few. @ of my 3 brothers were like that. The 3rd did cheat once (wife doesn't know), and he had so much guilt, he never did it again. My oldest was always very handsome, women after him from the time he was 12--He married 3 times, never cheated on any if them. Has been married to the 3rd for over 50 years. How do I know? I listen very closely when men get together! The one that cheated doesn't know I know, I was pretending to be asleep when him and his best friend were talking! I was on another line when my oldest brother was yakking to his buddy, who was trying to talk him into going out with him and some chicks---he said no way, I will never cheat on my wife. I also overheard my own husband on the phone with a buddy refusing to join him on his trysts. He told him if you're going to cheat, then don't get married. I was a dialysis tech for 20 years, you're stuck with a patient for 3-4 hours (in the hospitals) and they can do a lot of talking sometimes. Several said they never cheated, a few said once or twice, more of them said several times. But I was actually impressed with the numbers who said they never did, though they did say they were sorely tempted a few times. A nd I don't think they were lying. And now that they were sick and dying, they are so very glad they did not. At least that was one sin they did not have to confess to God about!
I always loved the Paul Newman remark, "I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?"

Bacey92 said:

Hi there,

My question is, do all men eventually cheat on their wives? A life time is a very long time and I often wonder if my husband will be able to be faithful to me for our entire marriage. Do all men eventually cheat whether its physically or emotionally? Is it possible for husbands to be fully committed a whole life time?

It's one of my greatest fears and I feel I need a guarantee but I know that's not possible.

Will God ever allow cheating? If I pray for my husband to be faithful for the rest of his life, will God allow that?

Thank you

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God never allows for unfaithfulness, whether of body, mind, or heart.

I don't think it's inevitable that all husbands will cheat in some fashion. But neither can anyone guarantee you anything about your own husband. His choice to be faithful to you must be his choice.

Bacey92 said:

I hear you when you say everyone has free will and it wouldn't be God's fault but God is sovereign and he has the power to prevent it or stop it, so why wouldn't He?

Thank you for your message BTW.

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If God forced us all to be completely obedient, we would be little more than robotic slaves.

Bacey92 said:

May I ask, then how should one pray for a partners weakness and have it answered?
Is there a point in praying at all then? So I have to accept that my husband might cheat and praying won't change it?

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You can't bend your husband to your will with prayers. That's not the point of praying. You do realize that all people have free will to do right or wrong, no matter how much someone might be praying for them? Any person "might" do just about anything, given a particular set of circumstances.

The best safeguard against cheating, in my humble opinion, is to keep open and constant communication with him, be generous with your affections, selfless in the way you love him, and pray for God to bless him and your marriage. Not praying for God to "force" him to be faithful to you.

Darkhorse said:

No!

My wife and I have been married 30 years. No cheating - not even close.
I've had opportunities and I'm sure she has too, but...why would you trade a diamond for glass?

We've had some rough years (finances, not relationship), and for many of those years, she was the one bright spot in my life. How do you replace that? Why would you want to try?

Ask God for help, pick a good partner, and be the best spouse you can.
If your marriage is good, the years fly by. It seems like yesterday when I met her...

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This is soooo sweet. Your wife is so lucky to be so loved by you!

Bacey92 said:

Hi there,

My question is, do all men eventually cheat on their wives? A life time is a very long time and I often wonder if my husband will be able to be faithful to me for our entire marriage. Do all men eventually cheat whether its physically or emotionally? Is it possible for husbands to be fully committed a whole life time?

It's one of my greatest fears and I feel I need a guarantee but I know that's not possible.

Will God ever allow cheating? If I pray for my husband to be faithful for the rest of his life, will God allow that?

Thank you

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You really need to take this matter to God. As others have answered, God does not support cheating - in fact, He wants us to be faithful to Him. Yes, temptation is strong if we allow it around us, which is why we should pray to be kept away from it. Give to God your cares and worries: 1 Peter 5:7

NerdGirl123 said:

This is soooo sweet. Your wife is so lucky to be so loved by you!

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Believe me, that works both ways. God has blessed me greatly with her.

NerdGirl123 said:

If God forced us all to be completely obedient, we would be little more than robotic slaves.

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Yes, Borg. Resistance is futile.

Bacey92 said:

That is very sad, hopefully we won't be one of those couples.

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It is also incorrect. The University of Virginia runs a program where universities around the country pool their research data on marriage and publish it every ten years. It is called The Marriage Project. They have several decades of data. As a consequence we, the public, have decades of data. The ten year summary is free of charge and available to all. The data is also routinely published by the various polling firms like Pew.

The incidence rate of extramarital affairs has remained relatively unchanged over the last twenty years at 17-15% for all ever-married individuals. What has changed is both the numbers of behaviors considers as "cheating," and the tolerance of those behaviors. The rise of social media and online inappropriate contentography has prompted an increase in both measures. The incidence of actual sexual adultery (vaginal, anal, or oral sex) has remained unchanged but attitudes of tolerance have increased.

Some of the behaviors correlated to adultery and divorce? Prior sexual partners, sex with partner prior to marriage, cohabitation, and prior divorce. These things have not been proven to be causal but they are highly correlated, and those stats have remained unchanged for as long as we've been keeping such metrics (about 80 years). Conditions shown to increase the likelihood of fidelity? Good communication (affirmation, validation, repair attempts, and avoiding the "4 horsemen"), commitment and maintaining the exclusivity aspects of the marriage, shared goals and pooled resources, shared religious and political views, etc. It's not rocket science. It is hard work.

Look at the testimonies of those who've stated they've never "cheated." I doubt any of them had or have a perfect marriage. That would require two perfect people perfectly maintaining a perfect relationship and that is simply impossible this side of the grave. Every one of the men (and women) who've weighed in will tll you a successful marriage is work and if you catch them in a quiet moment without witnesses some day when they're willing to share they'll tell of really stupid stuff they've done that made things worse, not better. Many if not most have come close a time or two to separating.

But they didn't.

They worked it out.

That is what makes a marriage successful; staying committed through thick and thin, your foolishness and your spouse's, all the way through until one of you dies. Then, if you're young enough and have enough energy you start over again . Or you remain humby grateful one person saw fit to love you in spite of yourself and let you do the same in return.

Read those books I recommended. Apply what you learn. Do it collaboratively wherever willingness makes it possible. A successful marriage does not happen by chance or accident. Doing nothing is a good way to find cheating happening. You go to school to grow your intellect. You go to the gym to grow your body. You go to church and read your Bible to grow your spirit. The idea a marriage can be great without work is foolishness.

One of the several sermons I listen to on Sunday morn was about male and female sex roles. It might be interesting to you as you consider marriage. Many people today even in the Christian arena claim that what was written in the Bible back in Christ's time about this is inapplicable due to the cultural differentiations of time's progression. The fact of the matter is that these people, and SADLY believing Christians, ignore what radical position God's Word has ALWAYS said regarding equality of the sexes. The fallacy is NOT in God's timeless Word but rather with, as usual, man's understanding and/or application (or misapplication) of it. Here is the link. It is Leading the Way w/Dr. Michael Youssef: Healthy Living in a Sick World (Part 15) Someone started a thread earlier this week which was very quickly shut down over equality of the sexes due misunderstandings and inappropriate responses, I think. This is some of the type of material I was going to enter there but no chance and going by the hay this topic is evolving I thought that it might be interesting, esp to one looking to marry.

Bacey92 said:

Thank you for your in depth response, I'll be sure to have a look at those books as well.

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The word "engage" means to join. The word "wed" means to join. The word "marriage" means to join!

Have you ever been perfect the first time you tried something? Were you perfect the first time you tried to tie your shoe? Were you perfect the first time you tried to ride a bike, swim, hit a baseball, or play tennis? Were you perfect the first time you kissed or had sex? Very few people are perfect at anything, especially the first time they try.

The problem with marriage is you're only supposed to get one try .

Whose idea was it any way to take two alien species (males and females ), who come from completely different families of origin, raised in different subcultures with differing values, and place them in close geographic proximity (the four walls of a home), and demand that they come to some form of consensus on some of the most demanding concerns known to humanity (sex, religion, money, parenting, which car to buy and the color of the drapes, etc.) for the rest of their lives!?!?! Whose idea was that?

Well, if the Bible is to be believed it was God's idea.

So relax a little (just a little ), trust God that He knows what He's doing and has the welfare of you and your husband at heart (Rom. 8:28), and get to work.... faithfully.


Said by one of the many wives whose marriages have been saved from adultery. It's best to avoid that problem entirely but even that need not be fatal. Many of the couples with whom I have worked report to being more in love than ever before, feeling foolish they once thought they knew what love was when clearly they did not.

It takes a lifetime to do love right. Get busy.

John 3:21
"But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God."

Monksailor said:

One of the several sermons I listen to on Sunday morn was about male and female sex roles. It might be interesting to you as you consider marriage. Many people today even in the Christian arena claim that what was written in the Bible back in Christ's time about this is inapplicable due to the cultural differentiations of time's progression. The fact of the matter is that these people, and SADLY believing Christians, ignore what radical position God's Word has ALWAYS said regarding equality of the sexes. The fallacy is NOT in God's timeless Word but rather with, as usual, man's understanding and/or application (or misapplication) of it. Here is the link. It is Leading the Way w/Dr. Michael Youssef: Healthy Living in a Sick World (Part 15) Someone started a thread earlier this week which was very quickly shut down over equality of the sexes due misunderstandings and inappropriate responses, I think. This is some of the type of material I was going to enter there but no chance and going by the hay this topic is evolving I thought that it might be interesting, esp to one looking to marry.

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I watched the video. I know you don't want to derail this thread, so all I'll say is that I didn't get anything out of it. He just kept repeating "men's roles and women's roles" without ever daring to try and specify what those are. Also the "PLEASE SEND US MONEY" graphic popping up every thirty seconds was not exactly something to encourage my respect.

NerdGirl123 said:

I watched the video. I know you don't want to derail this thread, so all I'll say is that I didn't get anything out of it. He just kept repeating "men's roles and women's roles" without ever daring to try and specify what those are. Also the "PLEASE SEND US MONEY" graphic popping up every thirty seconds was not exactly something to encourage my respect.

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Sorry you did not like it. It had good substantiation for his position which is not just his but other renowned Pastor's, Every 30 sec is a very gross exaggeration. I take it you are not used to or do not like media ministries. That is OK. They have a high overhead and a lot of them do a lot more in national and international ministry than a local church can which also costs money.

The part which he substantially verified was what I said,"Many people today even in the Christian arena claim that what was written in the Bible back in Christ's time about this is inapplicable due to the cultural differentiations of time's progression. The fact of the matter is that these people, and SADLY believing Christians, ignore what radical position God's Word has ALWAYS said regarding equality of the sexes. The fallacy is NOT in God's timeless Word but rather with, as usual, man's understanding and/or application (or misapplication) of it." Young Christian people contemplating marriage especially in countries in which the males may tend to be culturally chauvinistic need to hear that such is NOT what the Gospel has/NT has ever said. As the USA clearly shows,extremely well, the non-Christian culture surrounding the church, sadly, CAN and DOES influence Christian understanding and application/misapplication of God's Word. If one understands the truth about how God/Jesus thinks about the sexes and how God designed them to harmonize and complement each other in their differences (another topic discussed by this Dr. Michael Youssef) BEFORE they marry this understanding can go a far ways in enabling such a person to hopefully make a better selection for a mate and in becoming one themselves which IS what people ARE discussing on this thread.

No, not all men cheat. I'm divorced because my ex-wife cheated on me even after I had forgiven her for cheating...

My advice, if it is worth anything, is this: go to marriage counselling. Get help early enough and it can make a difference. Sadly, in my case, it was too late.

Marriage is hard. Some people's marriages are harder than others, because while some people marry their kindred spirit, others (like me) marry their complement. (Opposites attract). So every marriage needs different types and levels of support.

If you and your husband agree and feel comfortable enlisting the help of your pastor, or elders, or another married couple, then maybe that could work. But I would strongly recommend getting help from a qualified Christian marriage counsellor.

God bless you both!