No, not all
husbands commit adultery. In fact, according to the statistics only about a quarter of all married men will commit adultery, It' about 5-7% less for wives.
Thank you for your in depth response, I'll be sure to have a look at those books as well.
Call it what it is. It is
adultery, not "cheating" and not an "
affair." Adultery is a horrendous act for both the offended spouse and the offending spouse (and the paramour) so let's not minimize it or romanticize it. For this reason it is also important to correctly discriminate between
infidelity and
adultery. Although Jesus drew direct connections and parallels bewteen a person's thought life and a persons behaviors - and he did so explicitly pertaining to adultery, the fact is thinking lustfully for a moment is much different - measurably different - than stripping naked and putting a penis in a vagina and having sexual intercourse, getting dressed, and pretending it never happened.
Do all men eventually cheat on their wives? No. Not even close to all men.
A life time is a very long time... Yes, it is a long time but marriage done well insulates two people from committing adultery, not the other way around.
Do all men eventually cheat whether its physically? No, all men do not cheat physically.
Do all men eventually cheat whether its physically or emotionally? No, not all men cheat emotionally. The incidence of emotional infidelity among men is probably higher than that of physical adultery
but women, not men, are much more likely to become emotionally unfaithful! At least that's what the stats show (along with my professional practice).
Is it possible for husbands to be fully committed a whole life time? Sure. I would venture to say most of the married men in this forum stand as an example of lifetime commitment to both Christ and wife. Although we may have made mistakes, like becoming overly communicative with a female friend on Facebook or using inappropriate contentography, we have been committed and learned to become increasingly committed to both God and spouse - and to do so out of love, not the ignorant selfishness in which we most likely began the relationship.
It's one of my greatest fears and I feel I need a guarantee... And
that is the crux of the issue. It's not your husband, it's you. While it is possible for you to benefit from the insights and/or counsel folks here will post the reality is this is likely to take more than an internet forum for you to overcome. I suggest you begin with 2 Peter 1:3-11 and pick up a copy of Timothy Keller's "
The Meaning of Marriage," and Willard Harley's two books, "
His Needs Her Needs," and "
Love Busters." Keller's book is possible the single best book on marriage I've ever read but it's not specifically a book on practice (more theologically minded). Harley's books are a bit antiquated but they are explicitly intended to prevent adultery and infidelity. John Gottman's books are also very informative (but secular).
Will God ever allow cheating? "Allow" it? God is quite vocal with His contempt and disdain for adultery. However, God "allows" sin to happen. Adultery is a sin, one of many. He, therefore, "allows" adultery to happen. God also forgives sin. God, therefore, also forgives adultery. He not only forgives, but He directs and empowers us to forgive AND to heal and be reconciled with those who sin, even with those who sin in adultery. I see it happen regularly.
If I pray for my husband to be faithful for the rest of his life, will God allow that? Yep. In fact I think He recommends and commends it.
You are God's agent of His affection for your husband.
You are God's agent of His love in your husband's life. Sex is not the most intimate thing two people can do together;
prayer is! So pray with and for each other. I can assure you if and when you disclose your fear to God
with your husband he will instantly be placed in a point of affection, love, and value for you. He will have to rise to the occasion and love you. He is directed to love you like Christ loved the church: to lay aside his life and present you as if you are holy and blameless - when you both know you are not. And if you, Bacey92, can live a life together wherein your husband has covered you and presented you to all others as if you were holy and blameless when you know you are not, then you will not only have lived an extraordinary life together but you will know you have been loved by one man in ways very few women know. The question then will be whether or not you have loved him in submission (not subjugation) as scripture directs the wife to do. There is no end to the ways we can find ourselves living in guilt and shame. Nobility is possible only in Christ.
Real love wears out the knees, not (just) the genitals
.
I suspect you will also benefit from reading "
Life Together" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, "
Free of Charge" by Miroslav Volf, "
Boundaries in Marriage," by Henry Cloud, "
Created for Connection," by Sue Johnson and Kenneth Sanderfer, and possibly "
Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glas
s.
I also highly recommend this opening post and my response be shared with 1) your husband and 2) a same-sex confidante (such as a female prayer partner or older married mentor) and you and your husband begin a collaborative reading and discussion ritual into your marriage and you maintain it until one of you dies
. If he's amenable then start with Charlie Shedd's "
Letters to Philip." You and you girlfriend can try Lisa TerKeurst's "
Unglued."
A lifetime is a very long time. What are
you doing to make sure you endure? What are you doing to make sure y'all endure together?
Ecclesiastes 4:8-12
"There was a certain man without a dependent, having neither a son nor a brother, yet there was no end to all his labor. Indeed, his eyes were not satisfied with riches and he never asked, "And for whom am I laboring and depriving myself of pleasure?" This too is vanity and it is a grievous task. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."
