Am I cursed or just born to be miserable?

raquellexxx said:

Hello. I am a girl in her 20's who feels completely alone, devastated, exhausted, and unwilling to fight anymore. Please, don't judge or insult me as this is the last thing I need since I try my best fight and heal my invisible wounds. I am a believer who lives neither in America, nor in England, nor in a country where there are Protestant churches. It's no secret where I live, but I just prefer not to go into such details. However, thanks to the Internet, I started following profiles of Christians and even Mormons on social media - people who inspire me with wisdom and their life. Unfortunately, due to many reasons and obstacles in my life, I will never be able to live abroad and experience such type of life. And this weighs on me too.

However, the reason I turned to you for valuable advice, even though I go to therapy, is because I always believed that you are a great source of support, lack of judgment, and a shoulder to lean on.
I know that no one has a perfect life and everyone has problems. But I feel like my problems are endless and I will never be truly happy. I had many problems with my appearance, health, and life in the past that I managed to overcome by myself. BUT my biggest problem that terrifies me is that I am 26 years old and I will never find the right person and true love. Boys always preferred someone else instead of me and they almost never been interested in me, although my friends say that I have a great character and I am beautiful. All my friends already have long and happy relationships, and so far, I've only had one. While looking in the profiles of Christians in social media, I often see how they define themselves ''blessed and happy people without big problems, to whom God often sends miracles'' They find the love of their lives in a unique way in their early 20s. They build big and happy religious families, which we often see in beautiful photo sessions. They have many amazing and loyal friends.

And although I know comparison is bad, I can't help but take a look at my life. I am 26 years old and so far, I have only had one relationship. There is no prospect of meeting the right person anymore, because the places where people meet their loved ones, are impossible for me. I graduated from college, there are no men in my work, and I have 2 girlfriends who also don't go out in big companies. I don't think I've done anything so bad in my life, nor am I a bad person, and I really don't know why nothing good happens in my life. I also pray to meet the love of my life, to have a strong and happy family, but unlike believers in social media, miracles don't happen to me. On the contrary - I'm alone and I don't think I ever have a chance to meet the right person. My parents are not interested in me, my dreams are shattered ...

All these years, I struggled with my problems and unhappiness all by myself, but now it really becomes too difficult and I can't stand it, I don't find meaning in life.... I even start thinking that I'm cursed or born to be alone and unhappy, while so many people around the world, especially my age ALREADY have wonderful families and a happy life full of miracles. Please, from the bottom of my heart, I go to therapy, but I would love for you to give me a piece of advice or just an opinion, because I really feel shattered, exhausted and I can't anymore ...

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Are there any societal activities in which you can participate with men ?

raquellexxx said:

my friends say that I have a great character and I am beautiful.

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raquellexxx said:

I graduated from college,

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You're a Christian and you have a lot going for you. God's timing is always best. When I met my wife I was 36 and she was 34. Praise God, He has blessed our marriage. You're very young. I understand that loneliness is difficult. But, in the meantime, enjoy Jesus' company.

hallo dear sister sorry to hear about your problems, it must be hard to be Christian all by yourself without having people around you in which you can confide.

One thing i have learned and that is to bring unhappy feelings in your heart to Jesus in prayer. Share all your thoughts and feelings with Him, in particular those who cause you to be come down. Please know that thinking and agreeing with negative thoughts harvest us misery. This is why thinking true thoughts, those based on the truths of Scripture build us our good life.

Happiness is not something that comes your way, we have to sow the happy seeds to grow a happy harvest. However sowing untrue seeds harvest us nothing but dirt, it is best to be well aware of that.

One thing i have learned i and like to share with you, is, in your mind do not speculate on the future. Please do understand that speculating on our future is the same as fortune telling and we give satan lots of chances to corrupt our thinking and feeling world.

Thoughts like - i will never be happy, or that will never happen to me, or i will never find a good husband, my life will always suck etc. etc. are all speculations about your future that make you unhappy and not trust in God.

So instead place your faith in God's love and ask Him to take care of you. With regards to your dreams it is best to give them to Jesus to take care of and to concentrate on developing a relationship with Jesus instead. Understand that Jesus can prepare you for a good marriage, be it soon , or be it later, He will find you a good partner if you surrender your need for a partner to Him. Give Him your desire for a partner and humbly ask Him to prepare you for the right person.

Indeed share Him your every desire and ask Him to shape them according to His loving truth, so you be ready for the moment that your love, good life, good chance walks into your life.

Please understand that finding a good partner is very difficult, also in The West, most marriages are not happy and fulfilling. For in the West people have real problems setting their big I aside. Selfishness in marriages is a very painful reality. i know Jesus had to teach me how to be a good husband and father, it was not something i could do in my own ability.

If you have sown many thoughts that will harvest misery a marriage is not going to stop that from happening. Rather you take your harvest into your marriage. This is why it is so important to build our life on Jesus' truth, not this world's sinful reality.

To get into contact with Jesus read the bible in love for God and neighbour. Whenever you read the bible in any other 'spirit' it will not speak true and not lead you to His good life. Jesus is behind the love for God and neighbour in your heart, seek Him out. You know when He speaks for He always speaks in love for God and neighbour and He always speaks the truth in love. The Living Word to be. So please make sure His word dwells in your heart and let you be guided by it. For His word is a lamp unto our feet!

So please place your trust in Jesus' love and place all your heart desires into His Kingdom as well. Deny yourself the right to have anything outside of Christ and you will be happy with anything you get from His Fatherly Hand with Him.

To love and trust Jesus brings the God of miracles down from heaven, nothing and nobody else does or can.

Jesus does not promise us an easy ride, as a matter of fact the opposite, but He does promise us a safe arrival into His Kingdom. Make this your dream. In His Kingdom to be. Surrounded by His good life within is a wonderful reality. Then even depressive thoughts loose their power to hurt. For with Jesus we can always find good things to build on and with.

Peace.

Below is the reality you will find placing your faith in God's love. Be of good courage.

Isaiah 61
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.


They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.


Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.


“For I, the Lord, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”


I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.

All I would add is that around 26 was the worst year of my life mainly because of the issues you describe. All I can say, is that it got far better. I would bet your better days are ahead. As to churches in your country, I am quite ignorant but from an internet search I was able to find some churches like this one that I would try. Zoe Sofia — Zoe Church: Europe God bless

You're not cursed.

When we start to have societal and existential struggles, or even struggles just about ourselves, that's how we often grow. We easily go overboard and start to despair, but there are growing pains for adults too.

I believe "shiny happy people" are in the minority, no matter how many of them you might see in social media on in real life. There will be struggles, there will be disappointment, there will be heartbreak, there will be divorces behind the scenes. I trust the quietness of people more, what they do and how they are inside, instead of what they say.

To me, real happiness isn't about miracles, it's not about success or about touting our blessings in front of everyone. It's about getting secure in God, trusting in His gracious will, searching for His Kingdom and being content with what we have at the moment. Patience is a thing we need, but we don't value it enough. Sometimes we have to learn that. It's easy to feel secure when every good thing seems to go my way, and it's easy to say "I am blessed" when I have good things, visibly, abundantly. But it's a whole another thing when I have to rely on God alone, instead of the things I get or don't get. That's when our faith and our "inner person" is actually strengthened, and God has His ways of teaching us to depend on Him more than the external gifts He might give us. We have a bad habit of appreciating what we are given more than the Giver Himself. Because what we are given, we can waste it or it can be taken away, but what God is for us, that can never be taken away. We can learn to be secure in God first and foremost, regardless of what we get. Then, when we get there, whatever we get will be so much sweeter, and we can appreciate His gifts so much more, and we start to see we had so much more than what we thought we had in the first place. We had so much and we didn't even know it.

If I think of the last woman I loved, she often didn't get her way in life. She had a lot of troubles growing up and in her young adulthood as well. Nothing came easy for her. But she was humbled. She didn't value superficial things, she wasn't vain, she wasn't entitled, she wasn't loud or proud. She wasn't wealthy or popular. She was insecure about herself, but I thought she was very cute and what's best: she was very, very kind. Not just kind on the surface, she never boasted about her own kindness, but she was actually kind, with a gentle, caring and non-judgemental heart. Very easy to be with once we both lowered our guard, we could both just be ourselves. And the fact that she had only one or two partners before me wasn't a negative. It's really not a negative. I don't think men in general care too much about that, and if we do, the lower the number the better. It's the people themselves who care about their own "numbers", they start to obsess about it when they shouldn't. People so easily reduce themselves into numbers. But the point was this: she had a lot of troubles, she was insecure about herself, she didn't seem to get much in this world, didn't think much of herself, the world probably doesn't think much of her either since it doesn't know she exists, but she is by far the best and the sweetest woman I have ever met, she had a profound impact on me and there is nobody who isn't blessed when dealing with her.

Keep going to therapy. Depression is a weird thing, it takes our insecurities and fears and twists them into one big lie. Yours is a good example, you're just insecure about yourself and you fuel that insecurity by comparing yourself to others. Depression takes that, magnifies it by 100, and throws it back at you, telling you you're "cursed". But you're not cursed at all. You're just an ordinary human being, struggling with your self-esteem. There are countless people who feel like you do, both men and women, young and old. It can take time for us to see how our own mind can work against us, but in time we'll see how that "machinery" works. We can learn not to believe the lies that depression, the world, our minds, and whatever devils throw at us.

No fear. You'll be stronger in time. You're not cursed, and you aren't born to be miserable. God has a great ability to turn our afflictions into good things, into pillars of strength. I hope I didn't confuse you or hurt you, such was not my intention. I tend to ramble a lot. Christ be with you sister.


"And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

raquellexxx said:

Hello. I am a girl in her 20's who feels completely alone, devastated, exhausted, and unwilling to fight anymore. Please, don't judge or insult me as this is the last thing I need since I try my best fight and heal my invisible wounds. I am a believer who lives neither in America, nor in England, nor in a country where there are Protestant churches. It's no secret where I live, but I just prefer not to go into such details. However, thanks to the Internet, I started following profiles of Christians and even Mormons on social media - people who inspire me with wisdom and their life. Unfortunately, due to many reasons and obstacles in my life, I will never be able to live abroad and experience such type of life. And this weighs on me too.

However, the reason I turned to you for valuable advice, even though I go to therapy, is because I always believed that you are a great source of support, lack of judgment, and a shoulder to lean on.
I know that no one has a perfect life and everyone has problems. But I feel like my problems are endless and I will never be truly happy. I had many problems with my appearance, health, and life in the past that I managed to overcome by myself. BUT my biggest problem that terrifies me is that I am 26 years old and I will never find the right person and true love. Boys always preferred someone else instead of me and they almost never been interested in me, although my friends say that I have a great character and I am beautiful. All my friends already have long and happy relationships, and so far, I've only had one. While looking in the profiles of Christians in social media, I often see how they define themselves ''blessed and happy people without big problems, to whom God often sends miracles'' They find the love of their lives in a unique way in their early 20s. They build big and happy religious families, which we often see in beautiful photo sessions. They have many amazing and loyal friends.

And although I know comparison is bad, I can't help but take a look at my life. I am 26 years old and so far, I have only had one relationship. There is no prospect of meeting the right person anymore, because the places where people meet their loved ones, are impossible for me. I graduated from college, there are no men in my work, and I have 2 girlfriends who also don't go out in big companies. I don't think I've done anything so bad in my life, nor am I a bad person, and I really don't know why nothing good happens in my life. I also pray to meet the love of my life, to have a strong and happy family, but unlike believers in social media, miracles don't happen to me. On the contrary - I'm alone and I don't think I ever have a chance to meet the right person. My parents are not interested in me, my dreams are shattered ...

All these years, I struggled with my problems and unhappiness all by myself, but now it really becomes too difficult and I can't stand it, I don't find meaning in life.... I even start thinking that I'm cursed or born to be alone and unhappy, while so many people around the world, especially my age ALREADY have wonderful families and a happy life full of miracles. Please, from the bottom of my heart, I go to therapy, but I would love for you to give me a piece of advice or just an opinion, because I really feel shattered, exhausted and I can't anymore ...

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Hello raquel, you have my complete sympathy and love and understanding I feel the same way at times (28 years old here)