I think this is probably it for me

I don't think so. No one makes mistakes that are beyond forgiveness. We all make mistakes but Jesus takes us back time and time again. If I was Jesus I would get tired of it but Jesus is a lot better of a person than that. We are only human and Jesus is God so that makes him a better person than I ever will be. For that I will always thank him each and every time I make mistakes and sin. Jesus was always perfect and we strive to live a sinless life and we fail a lot, but if we ask Jesus to help us and forgive us then he will indeed do that. He does not want anyone to go to hell and it brings him joy when we say that we are truly sorry and that we would want to do better.

Perhaps God is doing this as a lesson or perhaps you are just overthinking it. God sometimes does things for a reason and it is up to us to silently pray to him or read our Bibles until there is more information that he can bring to us to fill in the pieces. Perhaps he has already told us what he wanted us to know, perhaps he still has us waiting, perhaps we have not learned our lesson yet, it could be many things. But, that makes God unique and wonderful and that is why he is the greatest person of them all. Do not worry, all will make sense in due time, you are not forgotten by him. He never forgets anybody, and he never will. He understood you before you made this post and he understood you even before you realized that you had had to make this post, he knows all and everything, and how merciful he is and how joyful he is to help us. We just have to release our sinful desires and show him that we truly care about him and his word. It's quite hard to those who are not accustomed to such thinking but it can be done. God is Good and God is pure, and God is always there to help.

You haven't done anything wrong, but maybe God is giving you a test, who knows. He has a plan for everyone, so it's hard to say. Perhaps say that you are sorry for sinning and move on and he'll continue to give you spiritual advice, who knows. It's hard to say honestly. Just keep with the faith and brush off the evil thoughts and ask God to build you up.

I'm not a preacher and I can't even say that I am a good Christian but I hope this has helped. I know just enough about the Bible but I wish that I knew more. I just hope that this has helped because I know how you feel because I feel it a lot myself when I pray and I feel like God is not answering. I just have to keep God in mind.

I do not recall any examples in the Bible or Church Fathers of praying to the Holy Spirit. When you are not sure how to pray, the Holy Spirit prays for you as does Jesus according to Romans 8.

explore what is known as false guilt

Job405 said:

So I was talking with the Holy Spirit and felt His presence and He was comforting me with tears. It was a decent time considering the bad thoughts I had today.

But then another bad thought popped into my mind and I thought it by accident. It was "I hate the Holy Spirit" and I immediately felt this bad feeling physically. Now He is not answering my prayers anymore and it feels like I am praying to a brick wall. Idk if I just blasphemed Him in my mind by accident, I didn't mean to do it and obviously I do not hate Him at all, on the contrary I love Him a lot. He was just being so nice to me and I go and do this I hate myself.

I feel terrible right now, but I should feel worse not sure why I am not.

Is this it for me? Did I finally mess up beyond redemption?

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This kind of thing happens to everyone. It's not about what's in your head, but what's in your heart.

Job405 said:

Is this it for me? Did I finally mess up beyond redemption?

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Absolutely not. you would not care at all if you blasphemed the Holy Spirit and God knows you suffer from OCD or the like which He will not hold against you. God is not there to say your bad every time you slip up, He is there to help you and hold you when needed. Be at peace

Have you considered that you’ve already been forgiven for the blasphemous thought before you come to the forums and someone confirms that you are forgiven for it? Is forgiveness itself the feeling, or does the feeling come because you’ve been assured that you are forgiven? Maybe instead of coming on the forums next time you think you couldn’t be forgiven, you should just trust that you are? I have trouble with this too.

Job405 said:

I am being oppressed by a demon, it is injecting bad thoughts into my brain all the time and most of the time I just ignore them or reject and rebuke them in Jesus name. But sometimes I accidentally think one of these thoughts myself and that's when I can physically feel that the Holy Spirit is grieved. For some reason I am very sensitive to how He feels.

I am not sure if we really have eternal security so I am always having doubts if I am still saved, especially after these horrible thoughts.

But now I have mounting evidence of the incredible mercy and grace of God, this is helping me to be more steadfast in my beliefs. I just thought I had crossed the line this time because it was the worst physical reaction I had in a long time and He just wasn't answering my prayers for a while. But then I believe He saw that I was truly repentant and didn't mean that bad thought, so He graced me with His Holy presence and I had tears running down my cheeks and just a feeling of joy and relief. He is truly amazing, more believers need to get to know Him, He is really a person and not a "force" of somekind.

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Why are you praying to the Holy Spirit. His job is to point you to Jesus and if this is not happening you are either not listening to the Spirit or or be decieved by a demon.

We worship and pray to God the Father and to Jesus, God the Son.

A lot of your problem stems from your reliance on how you 'feel ' . Tell me how do you ' feel ' your Finish cityzenship. Do you know that you are a cityzen or do you have to ' feel ' that you are a cityzen.
It is the same with being a Christian, we do not feel that we areChristian, we know we are Christian either because of an emotional event or because of the dawning of understanding.

As for your bad thoughts, if they are caused by a mental illness, God is not going to condemn you for an effect of your illness. Anymore than he is going to condemn you for speaking Finnish.

Please talk to a qualified medical professional about intrusive thoughts and how to cope with them.

Job405 said:

So I was talking with the Holy Spirit and felt His presence and He was comforting me with tears. It was a decent time considering the bad thoughts I had today.

But then another bad thought popped into my mind and I thought it by accident. It was "I hate the Holy Spirit" and I immediately felt this bad feeling physically. Now He is not answering my prayers anymore and it feels like I am praying to a brick wall. Idk if I just blasphemed Him in my mind by accident, I didn't mean to do it and obviously I do not hate Him at all, on the contrary I love Him a lot. He was just being so nice to me and I go and do this I hate myself.

I feel terrible right now, but I should feel worse not sure why I am not.

Is this it for me? Did I finally mess up beyond redemption?

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I have these thoughts, too. What you really have to understand, is that these thoughts are not from you. You are not willing these thoughts, and are therefore not culpable for them.

You don’t have to beat yourself up so bad. Ask Christ for mercy and help, for grace, patience, and protection.

Many, many Christians mistake their own feelings for the presence of the Holy Spirit. He is God. He is not a feeling or emotion. A person can experience great interior dryness and longing and yet be very, very close to God.

Ask God for help and pardon, don’t dwell too much on these intrusive thoughts, and keep going.