• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

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I dont expect anyone to care but I feel neglected to ask.

Neostarwcc

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I hate making a multitude of threads but this time I have a REALLY odd prayer request. I dont expect anyone to have pity on her because of what she is and what she did, but I just found out that my ex girlfriend is in prison again until 2023 at the very least. This will be her second time spending time in prison. Her first arrest was because she slept with a 15 year old boy and a 17 year old boy (the 17 year old was a crime in New York the age of consent here is 18 so she was a level 1 sex offender at the time) she also got charged wuth endangering the welfare of the child that she was pregnant with while we were dating (it wasnt mine. It was her previous boyfriends, I was a virgin up until about a year after I met my wife) she served 2 years in prison for those crimes and got out early for good behavior and was probationed for idk how many years. When she got out in 2013 I was highly tempted to contact her and ask her out again. I didnt meet and fall in love with my wife until the year after. But for some reason? I stayed away from her. I cried my eyes out and I couldnt stop. It was one of the lowest moments of my life and I regretted it but I figured the best thing to do was to stay away from her. That November was when Christ called me and I welcomed him with open arms. 3 months later God answered my sorrows and introduced me to my wife.

Anyway, shes in prison again for sleeping with yet again another teenager a 16 year old this time she was 30 at the time which made me more creeped out than last time I heard tbch. The "couple" stole a car together afterwards and went on a joy ride. My ex then stole a gun and threatened the cops with it prior to her arrest but did not fire and eventually dropped the gun.

I just found all this out less than an hour ago by trying to look up her previous arrest because I was "curious" about it and wanted to read it again.

Tbch i have mixed feelings about this and I should hate her. I should stay away from her... especially now that I'm married but all I want to do is hug her again and tell her everything's going to be okay. I want to be her friend again. I dont want to go down the emotional rollercoaster that was our relationship again we did NOT break up on such good terms. It was such a horrible breakup that I tell most people who ask that i was glad that she ended our relationship. But Tbch? I was devastated. I wanted to keep dating her and I thought that I could improve her life.

She was friends with me for several years after. Until about 5 years before her first "incident".

I was going to link her arrest and trial so people could read it for themselves and maybe either feel disgust for her (she is sick but clearly she isnt going to stop and is going to keep sleeping with teenagers) or idk... pity. I feel nothing but pity for her because she was my friend and my companion for so long and I at one time, loved her so much and Tbch? Wanted to marry her. I wonder now, if I married her whether or not she would have had much of a better life. Because her entire life she was in and out of mental hospitals. That's how she spent her childhood. She suffered from the same mental health issues I developed later in life pretty much. She was schizophrenic, I'm schizophrenic. She had a really bad past, I did as well. I fell for that girl long and hard for several years before I got the courage to ask her out. If i fought for my relationship and told her i loved her and i wanted to stay together would she have listened? Can i improve her life now? Can i help her find Christ? I... want to know. I want to contact her.


But even if I become friends with her when shes incarcerated. That would only spell disaster wouldnt it? Wouldnt I be tempted to cheat on my wife with a woman I've almost always had romantic attraction for? A woman I loved so deeply for so long? Tbch before I met my wife I never really got over her. I didnt date for so many years because I secretly hoped we would get back together.

I know. Shes a rapist shes a pedophile in most persons standards (shes not theres a different title for her but nobody would care anyway so I'll just call her a pedo too like everyone else.)


So why am I asking for prayers on this? Idk God told me to would be the stupidest reason. But I guess I was also hoping people could pray for a better life for the woman who had no life. I wanted to be the guy who lead her to a better life but clearly God doesnt want that. So maybe someone else can pray with me. I want her to find Christ. I want her to be happy. I want her to find a man our age who can repair the broken parts of her life that I tried so hard to do myself and never could. I want her out of prison and mental hospitals and just... to have a life for crying out loud. Because prison? Ain't no life. I think she stole the gun because she didnt want to go back to prison. To me that's clear but idk what made her drop the gun. Maybe she is just a psychopath after all. Or maybe she was thinking about the small bits of happiness she had with me. Who knows.
 

Scottish Highlander

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Don't return to see her. The only one she needs to be seeing right now is Jesus in prayer and no underage boys. It would be devastating for you to return to her because she sounds committed to her ways. My best advice would be to offer her a Bible if she does not have one and then leave her alone. It is not up to you to make the seed of faith grow, that is up to God. If you can give her a Bible or at least tell her about Jesus if you haven't done that, then she may turn from her evil ways and be with Christ. If not then that is no fault of yours, nor is it God's. It is her fault because she won't listen and she continues to indulge in this behavior of evilness and sexual perversion.
 
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Neostarwcc

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You guys are right. God probably freed me from her years ago. It would only be disaster. Tbch i shared my feelings with wife because i was sobbing my butt off and had to explain why. I probably used the wrong words because she got angry and Jealous. Tbch? I dont blame her one bit. She knows just how obsessed I was with her.


Thank you for at least not judging her. She has a problem and unfortunately probably will never stop. She'll probably be in and out of prison her whole life until a judge says you're not getting out. I just wish I gave her the better life she wanted while were dating or after that. She probably got the idea that I didnt care about her like everyone else didnt.

Tbch? The only people that ever cared about her afaik was her step mom when we were dating and myself. She massively cared about her but I remember my ex didn't like her. Her step.mom thought the world of me and thought I was the best BF she could have ever had because I cared about her so much but I was fair/strict at the same time. So her step mom at the time really liked me.


I was probably the best friend she ever had, When she had a bad day at school I was always there. When she needed me I tried to be there. I was always a phone call away. We only stopped being friends because she stopped calling me for whatever reason and i lost her number. When she served 2 years i thought she made a mistake. Niw that shes in again its clear shes never going to stop.

Ill always pray for her. I'll always be her friend. I hope she finds Christ but, she probably never will. Thanks for praying/the advice. I know topics like this are sensitive among people.
 
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boxman144

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I think the best thing to do in this situation is to cut ties. It's only going to end up hurting you more in the future if you keep talking to her.

Know that you have my prayers, love, and support with you. I hope you're doing alright. Find something to do to keep you distracted from talking to her. Maybe watch a movie?

Message me if you want to talk further.:hug:
 
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musicalpilgrim

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Turn your eyes upon Jesus, love your wife and put all your energies into your marriage. Shut the door on the past.
Dear Father bless this marriage and draw them both together with strong ties of love and grant them the rich experience of knowing you with real certainty and clear understanding. :praying:
 
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turkle

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I am a chaplain in the jail system, and she absolutely has access to a Bible. You do not need to contact her to get her one. You should never, ever contact her. You need to make amends to your wife for making her feel so awful, and build her trust in you so that she will never doubt that this is completely behind you once and for all. I strongly advise that you get professional help, because your obsession is going to ruin your marriage, your wife and yourself. Please. Don't destroy all the good in your life and your wife over this. You seem to have a savior complex that will never be constructive. You are not this woman's hero or rescuer. Leave that to the Lord.

Edit to add: my apologies. I just realized this is the prayer forum, not advice. It still needs to be said though. Praying for all involved.
 
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Neostarwcc

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I think the best thing to do in this situation is to cut ties. It's only going to end up hurting you more in the future if you keep talking to her.

Know that you have my prayers, love, and support with you. I hope you're doing alright. Find something to do to keep you distracted from talking to her. Maybe watch a movie?

Message me if you want to talk further.:hug:

Yes, i'll message you. Sorry after my reply last night I went to bed and just thought about this for a while. It's extremely hard to get over somebody you had feelings for pretty much since you were 13ish until you were in your late 20's. It wasn't until I met my wife that I learned that I could love someone else again just as hard as I loved the first one. I love my wife very much even though she drives me crazy 99% of the time. But, that's marriage Lol.

When I was a kid I had tons of "girlfriends" but, I don't really count them. I count them as experimentation and mostly the girls wanted me but I didn't want them lol. I was interested in this second grade Asian girl and chased after her. No "relationship" ever happened between us. Darn. Lol! I didn't start officially dating until I dated this girl. I've had many crushes over the years though. Just never made anything of them because I wanted to be with her.
 
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Radagast

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Tbch i shared my feelings with wife because i was sobbing my butt off and had to explain why. I probably used the wrong words because she got angry and Jealous.

Praying that you don't throw your marriage away over this. :prayer:
 
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Neostarwcc

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I am a chaplain in the jail system, and she absolutely has access to a Bible. You do not need to contact her to get her one. You should never, ever contact her. You need to make amends to your wife for making her feel so awful, and build her trust in you so that she will never doubt that this is completely behind you once and for all. I strongly advise that you get professional help, because your obsession is going to ruin your marriage, your wife and yourself. Please. Don't destroy all the good in your life and your wife over this. You seem to have a savior complex that will never be constructive. You are not this woman's hero or rescuer. Leave that to the Lord.

Edit to add: my apologies. I just realized this is the prayer forum, not advice. It still needs to be said though. Praying for all involved.

Oh I knew she has access to a Bible. I just thought maybe I could evangelize to her like I evangelize to everyone else. It seemed like a good idea last night But, you're right. She's probably vulnerable and desperate right now since she's a level 3 sex offender and would probably want to get back together with me, married or not. I doubt when she gets out of Prison and has to do her 5 year probation anyone's going to talk to her or want to be around her. Maybe the fact that she's all alone will mean one day God will want to come to her like he did to me. I was virtually all alone when God came to me too. I fully agree with you guys that getting a hold of her would be disaster because my wife is massively jealous of her and always has been since the first time I started talking about her when we met. I also had conflicting feelings at the time about a black woman I had met a few months before and shared them with her as well. So, yeah. I do have the tendency to fall in love with women pretty easily. Throughout my life it wouldn't surprise me if I fell in love with over 100 women. So I knew from a very young age that I was straight lol.

I do have a therapist and a phone appointment sometime early next month. I'll tell her about this and probably ask my wife to go outside or something. I don't want to upset her, we did make up last night and she said it was because I accidently called her my girlfriend and she got jealous. My therapist is usually non judgmental and tries to understand the situation from a persons eyes and from a psychiatric standpoint. Because she has to try to treat me for my bipolar and schizophrenia as well.

My wife and I made up last night actually shortly before we went to bed. She explained why she got upset, apparently when talking to her I accidentally said that she was my girlfriend instead of my ex girlfriend. So yup, I understand the mistake and why she got upset. She apparently didn't take the word seriously and knew what I meant but got Jealous anyway.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Praying that you don't throw your marriage away over this. :prayer:

I won't, I just replied that we made up last night and why she got upset. But yeah this is just fuel for the fire and a super bad idea.

One of my friends I met here on CF advised me to stay away from her too. Apparently her marriage almost got torn apart for this same reason. Ex GF of her husband slept with an underage adult or is 16-17 a teenager? I'm not sure. I don't remember if this boy was 16 or 17 either. Either or he was underage and he wanted to get in contact with his ex GF too to give her support and yup, it made my friend super jealous and their marriage almost broke up because of it. Her husband later stood away from her and they made up. But, yeah when it comes to exes it's probably best to stay away from them. Regardless if they're sex offenders or not. I chose my wife, I married her, and she's the only woman I should be talking to unless it's someone here on CF. Then my wife doesn't care. She personally doesn't post on these forums anymore or stalk my posts (This was a big argument between us as well so she eventually stopped and let me have my own privacy. Some things you need to talk about to other people without your wife knowing (like this) or at least until you calm down enough to talk about it with her so she doesn't care who I make friends with or talk to on here. 99.9% of what I post on here I end up eventually telling my wife anyway.

I do try to avoid evangelizing with women though for this very reason.
 
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You have a real good heart brother. I understand where your coming from but i think it would be best to not see her or not involved (other then praying for her)

You still care deeply for her and you just want to see her doing better. I pray the Lord snatches her up and gives her a new heart. I pray she can heal from a life full of pain and that she can be forgiven for her sins including being sexually involved with underaged men

Were all messed up in some type of way so i dont look down on her. I just pray for her and for you. For some of us life can be very difficult and painful, i have alot of sympathy and compassion for those who go through alot

I have a woman in my life who has caused me a great deal of mental pain but ill always love her and care for her no matter what Gods plans are. I think its great you still care for your ex and you want to see her do better
 
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Neostarwcc

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Very wise.


Well I have a very wise leader (God). Plus it only makes sense. Let women Christians deal with that. Men are meant to help men. Dunno why this escaped my mind last night. Last night was just an emotional roller coaster, the whole day actually.

Heck the last 2 months haven't been the greatest. I almost have my machine back. They're saying my sleep apnea got significantly worse over the years and I have to be on a APAP machine now and oxygen at night. That's going to be fun trying to get my wife to sleep with the noise that oxygen makes. It's horribly loud (my grandfather was on oxygen before he passed but he was on it all day).

But, we'll manage. I'm just glad this 2 month ordeal is almost over.
 
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LoricaLady

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The first step is to stop thinking about her period. This will not be easy but can be done with consistent practice. Every time she comes into your mind pray for your wife and your marriage! I agree with all the posters who say she is bad news. People's lives have so often been shattered by trying to help those that only the Lord can help. I pray for your mind to be freed from her and filled with prayer and praise to Him.
 
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Neostarwcc

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You have a real good heart brother. I understand where your coming from but i think it would be best to not see her or not involved (other then praying for her)

You still care deeply for her and you just want to see her doing better. I pray the Lord snatches her up and gives her a new heart. I pray she can heal from a life full of pain and that she can be forgiven for her sins including being sexually involved with underaged men

Were all messed up in some type of way so i dont look down on her. I just pray for her and for you. For some of us life can be very difficult and painful, i have alot of sympathy and compassion for those who go through alot

I have a woman in my life who has caused me a great deal of mental pain but ill always love her and care for her no matter what Gods plans are. I think its great you still care for your ex and you want to see her do better

Amen brother. I'm pretty messed up too and have committed some big sins as well. Not rape ofc or I wouldn't be talking to you but, still some big sins. I wish more people were like you and I because, I don't judge people based on the sins that they commit. I see their need for Christ and forgiveness and I feel massive pity on them because I know the punishment that's awaiting them for commiting these crimes. It doesn't end at life in prison or several years in prison.

When I see a serial killer on the news that killed 15+ people I don't judge them because we all commit sins and to God all sin is equal yet to us, certain sins are more grotesque than others and we tend to judge people who commit sins like this and grow to hate them. That was the responses I expected to get when I posted this because people who sleep with underage teenagers (And children) are like the worst of the creme massively hated by almost all people. Especially when it comes to children (Thank God she didn't rape one of those).

I'll share something with you though because there is hope for humanity. Are you aware of the show America's Most Wanted hosted by John Walsh? You probably are it was a popular show and ran for over 30 years. John Walsh used to be my idol when I was growing up. Well anyway, several years ago he hosted his own talk show that only lasted for a few years. On his show one of the greatest episodes that ever aired in my opinion happened because he interviewed an actual pedophile who was arrested for having sexual contact with a child. They censored his face for obvious reasons and there was no audience so this guy's safety wasn't being put at risk. Walsh's son was raped and brutally murdered when he was only 6 years old so he had every right to hate pedophiles for life (You don't even want to know what the pedophile did to the kids he raped and murdered I don't even think I can talk about it on CF.). But yet, he showed compassion to a pedophile that he interviewed for his talk show and I heard somewhere that he even forgave his sons killer openly in court when he was finally caught and identified over 30 years after the crime. I can't find an article to prove it, I just remember hearing it on the news when it happened but anyway,

I was an Atheist when this show aired but I did have compassion for the worst of criminals back then this wasn't new to my Christian conversion so I had massive respect for Walsh at the time. Because he was showing compassion in places where it just plain doesn't exist.

Anyway, He treated the pedophile with kindness and respect and asked many of the hard questions many people want to know about these "beasts". like "why?" And "how can you sleep with a child?" The pedophile answered the questions to the best of his ability and there was a bondage between the two men. He gave the only answer he could. It's simply that like homosexuals tend to be attracted to the same sex, these people are attracted to children and teenagers and feel the urge and desire to carry out their acts. He also said not every person who is sexually attracted to these kinds of people actually rape them. Some of them have self control. But like a serial killer who goes on a rampage, some just cannot control their urges. I didn't make the connection that this was sin at work and neither did the pedophile he just gave his best answer and Walsh accepted it.

So yeah, that was my favorite episode of TV ever because it was the only time I saw on national television ANYONE showing compassion to these violent and brutal criminals and asking the really hard questions.

But, yeah I just feel massive pity for the worst of the worst sinners. I'm not saying I'm better than everyone else I'm just saying, everyone should be like that. Especially Christians. A vast majority of my protestant brothers and sisters claim that God loves everyone equally and that he doesn't judge sin the way humans do they can accept God's love no matter what they did in life.

To me, if you're claiming that, you better be imitating that God that you believe in. Because that's your entire gospel message. That's the way God wants you to be and commands you to be. Yet, you see it all the time. They judge people based on the sins they commit. It's... idk hypocritical and revolting to me. Always has been. God designed me to be a caring and compassionate person.

But, I'll be honest. For some reason homosexuals and the transgendered creep me out. I'm massively repulsed by them. So I'm a hypocrite too. But, you know what? A majority of those God gives me to evangelize to are actually homosexuals and trans people. So, God challenges me everyday to learn to love them too.

Anyway... I talk to much. I need to get off of my tablet before it dies. See ya guys later.
 
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Neostarwcc

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So I couldn't help it yesterday, I had to look her up on the sex offenders registry to see what prison she's incarcerated in. Shes incarcerated in a REALLY bad womens prison. I know the address of the prison and her inmate number so writing to her or even visiting her is a snap. I'm highly tempted to write to her to ask if shes okay...

Honestly the prison that shes in is one of the worst womens prisons In all of New York. Its maximum security of course because rapists have to do their time in maximum. So she's with violent criminals, murderers, other rapists, just... criminals who have nothing to lose. I'm really hoping she's serving her time in solitary because inmates like her are definitely at a risk of getting beaten, killed, or even worse.

I know she committed a crime, I know she has to be punished and serve her time but I'm a little mad at God. Couldnt they have stuck her in an easier prison? We have 2 maximums in the town we grew up in. One is pretty horrible and the other would have been a better fit for her. I'm just... angry.

When I knew her she was over 200 pounds but they posted a picture of her from when she was arrested the second time. She's not all that fat now (thats probably what prison does to you) so she might be able to fend for herself but honestly I'm just worried about her. Peopke get shanked, raped, beaten, and killed in maximum security prisons like this. She was once my best friend and I cared about her so much, I still do.

I know this is a test from God. Hes given me nothing BUT tests over the last 2 months but, why CAN'T I talk to her? If she's sleeping with teenagers odds are she isnt going to want to sleep with me. I'm a year older than her. I will admit that if we ever had the chance to get romantically involved I'd be definitely tempted by it. Shes a gorgeous woman now and not at all like the ugly girl I used to know. I loved her when she was fat and ugly (I got teased a lot for dating her but I didnt care because I loved and accepted her for who she was).

The chances of us getting romantically involved again are probably zero. Like I said, we didnt break up on good terms.

I know my wife is super jealous of her but Tbch my ex probably woildng even write back. We stopped being friends because SHE stopped calling me. So if she didnt want to be my friend then, she wouldn't want to be my friend now. But maybe my wife can see the letter before I send it? And see that theres nothing harmful in it? I just basically want to ask her why shes throwing her life away, that in my mind I'll always care about her and will always be her friend (because it's the truth), and basically I want to know if she is okay or if shes being hurt! I know still a bad idea... but this is just driving me crazy. Nobody else is going to care about her so why cant I at least be the one that cares about her? It's not fair.

I don't even know if I can trust God. If he placed her in a prison like this how can I trust him to protect her? My faith will never go away but, I'm having a really hard time trusting him right now.
 
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Michie

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So I couldn't help it yesterday, I had to look her up on the sex offenders registry to see what prison she's incarcerated in. Shes incarcerated in a REALLY bad womens prison. I know the address of the prison and her inmate number so writing to her or even visiting her is a snap. I'm highly tempted to write to her to ask if shes okay...

Honestly the prison that shes in is one of the worst womens prisons In all of New York. Its maximum security of course because rapists have to do their time in maximum. So she's with violent criminals, murderers, other rapists, just... criminals who have nothing to lose. I'm really hoping she's serving her time in solitary because inmates like her are definitely at a risk of getting beaten, killed, or even worse.

I know she committed a crime, I know she has to be punished and serve her time but I'm a little mad at God. Couldnt they have stuck her in an easier prison? We have 2 maximums in the town we grew up in. One is pretty horrible and the other would have been a better fit for her. I'm just... angry.

When I knew her she was over 200 pounds but they posted a picture of her from when she was arrested the second time. She's not all that fat now (thats probably what prison does to you) so she might be able to fend for herself but honestly I'm just worried about her. Peopke get shanked, raped, beaten, and killed in maximum security prisons like this. She was once my best friend and I cared about her so much, I still do.

I know this is a test from God. Hes given me nothing BUT tests over the last 2 months but, why CAN'T I talk to her? If she's sleeping with teenagers odds are she isnt going to want to sleep with me. I'm a year older than her. I will admit that if we ever had the chance to get romantically involved I'd be definitely tempted by it. Shes a gorgeous woman now and not at all like the ugly girl I used to know. I loved her when she was fat and ugly (I got teased a lot for dating her but I didnt care because I loved and accepted her for who she was).

The chances of us getting romantically involved again are probably zero. Like I said, we didnt break up on good terms.

I know my wife is super jealous of her but Tbch my ex probably woildng even write back. We stopped being friends because SHE stopped calling me. So if she didnt want to be my friend then, she wouldn't want to be my friend now. But maybe my wife can see the letter before I send it? And see that theres nothing harmful in it? I just basically want to ask her why shes throwing her life away, that in my mind I'll always care about her and will always be her friend (because it's the truth), and basically I want to know if she is okay or if shes being hurt! I know still a bad idea... but this is just driving me crazy. Nobody else is going to care about her so why cant I at least be the one that cares about her? It's not fair.

I don't even know if I can trust God. If he placed her in a prison like this how can I trust him to protect her? My faith will never go away but, I'm having a really hard time trusting him right now.
Your reasoning/thinking is bizarre. Maybe you need to discuss this with a professional. You are going to ruin your marriage if you don’t stop. This is not God’s fault. It’s her’s. And it’s going to be your fault as well if you don’t stop obsessing on this. Why in the world would you care if she would get romantically involved with you when you are married?
 
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