Can my mother find a man if she was divorced?

nolidad · Jul 17, 2020

Bruce Leiter said:
Yes, Jesus said that he permitted remarriage after a person's spouse has committed adultery. However, adultery and remarriage are not the unforgivable sins. According to my understanding of Scripture, the unforgivable sin is a whole lifetime of rebellion against God. At some point, God says, "Have it your own way."

Whether someone remarries depends on that person's levels of repentance and sincere sorrow about his/her responsibility in the previous marriage's failure. There is usually mutual responsibility in any marriage's failure. A person may get drunk and threaten a spouse, but the spouse may have nagged and tried to control the first spouse, which is unloving too.

I suggest that your mother think and pray to God many confessions about any contributions she made to her previous marriage's failure until God gives her his peace of Philippians 4:6,7. Then, she will be ready to go into a new relationship without the previous baggage and with God's blessing of the power of Jesus' victory to overcome her failings.

This is terrible and faulty advice to give to a believer!

The Bible is absolutely clear and unambiguous as to the grounds for remarriage for a believer.

Death of the spouse, infidelity of the other spouse, or the other spouse leaves because of the faith of the believing spouse! Any other remarriage is adultery!

It is not an unfogiveable sin, but God cannot and will not bless a remarriage done outside of the Word!

nolidad · Jul 17, 2020

JohnDB said:
But men were allowed and in some instances mandated to take more than one wife.
So men can marry another but women cannot marry another man?
Morality is now different for men and women?

Well I care not what morality is in vogue today or what happened prior to the birth of teh Church!

For a follower of Jesus Christ, a man can only have one wife and vice versa. God called polygamy sin, even though He overlooked it in times past.

If a person is divorced and not for the reasons laid out in the bible for remarriage, it is sin in Gods eyes (doesn't matter whether it is wrong in a cultures eyes).

This is hard, but Jesus laid down many things that are hard! I have counseled many who were stuck in these kind of seeming unfair circumstances. My heaert breaks for one who wishes to find a good relationship, but until the offending spouse dies or commits adultery (and if the believing spouse divorced the unbeliever, there adultery does not allow the believer to remarry).

It hurts for a season, but God is faithful to those intent on doing all they can to follow and obey HIm.

nolidad · Jul 17, 2020

Joined2krist said:
Nice try . If believers are not to take disputes to civil courts, we ought to also not get married in same courts but if this happens we ought to obey the rules of such courts. If it permits divorce then it's allowed for a couple who got married in court. Remember, we are to obey civil laws. However if the marriage was done by a religious the rules of the biblical law states 'what God has joined together let no man put asunder'. Meaning only God can permit divorce. It's possible in certain cases where there is adultery as is written in the Bible.

Well unless a government allows churches to grant divorce- then churches are not allowed to grant divorce! And yes we are to obey civil authorities unless the laws violate Gods written Word! So I care not if a society allows multiple marriages and divorces- God allows remarriage only for certain prescribed situations in HIs Word!

A couple who marries with a JP is just as married in the eyes of God as if they had a huge church wedding! The ceremony does not make the marriage By the way. It only authorizes the couple to be married. The marriage covenant is consummated in the act of marriage or intercourse! That is when the two become one flesh! The ceremony only authorizes the couple to have the act of marriage!

That is why premarital sex is a sin and why Paul said that if a man has sex with a prostitute He becomes one flesh with the prostitute!

mama2one · Jul 17, 2020

@ovis90

see that you're Catholic so guessing your mom is also RC
did she have her marriage annulled?

Isilwen · Jul 17, 2020

nolidad said:
It is not an unfogiveable sin, but God cannot and will not bless a remarriage done outside of the Word!

Yet, I have seen the exact opposite of what you say.

Let me ask you this... Say a wife divorces her husband because he just cannot make her happy after the divorce she goes and has sex with her new boyfriend, would that constitute adultery towards the previous marriage since if there is still a marriage, any sex outside of that marriage is adultery, cannot the divorced husband now remarry as adultery has been committed?

Joined2krist · Jul 17, 2020

nolidad said:
Well unless a government allows churches to grant divorce- then churches are not allowed to grant divorce! And yes we are to obey civil authorities unless the laws violate Gods written Word! So I care not if a society allows multiple marriages and divorces- God allows remarriage only for certain prescribed situations in HIs Word!

A couple who marries with a JP is just as married in the eyes of God as if they had a huge church wedding! The ceremony does not make the marriage By the way. It only authorizes the couple to be married. The marriage covenant is consummated in the act of marriage or intercourse! That is when the two become one flesh! The ceremony only authorizes the couple to have the act of marriage!

That is why premarital sex is a sin and why Paul said that if a man has sex with a prostitute He becomes one flesh with the prostitute!

You should quote bible passages to support your stance. Let's not forget that Jesus didn't condemn the woman caught in adultery, also the Samaritan woman who had married five times was still used by him to evangelize Samaritans, she wasn't condemned.

Read up 1 Cor 6:1-3. If we are advised not to take our disputes to civil courts, what do you suppose will be the advice we shall get on court marriages among Christians. Were they any civil marriages in the Bible, yet it's clear that courts existed in the NT.

nolidad · Jul 17, 2020

Isilwen said:
Yet, I have seen the exact opposite of what you say.

Let me ask you this... Say a wife divorces her husband because he just cannot make her happy after the divorce she goes and has sex with her new boyfriend, would that constitute adultery towards the previous marriage since if there is still a marriage, any sex outside of that marriage is adultery, cannot the divorced husband now remarry as adultery has been committed?

Thanks for weaving a complicated web!!! ^_^

The simple answer is yes!

Isilwen · Jul 17, 2020

nolidad said:
Thanks for weaving a complicated web!!!

I can be quite adept at that!!

nolidad · Jul 17, 2020

Joined2krist said:
You should quote bible passages to support your stance. Let's not forget that Jesus didn't condemn the woman caught in adultery, also the Samaritan woman who had married five times was still used by him to evangelize Samaritans, she wasn't condemned.

Read up 1 Cor 6:1-3. If we are advised not to take our disputes to civil courts, what do you suppose will be the advice we shall get on court marriages among Christians. Were they any civil marriages in the Bible, yet it's clear that courts existed in the NT.

I would like to know what is behind your line of questioning!

there is a difference between condemning and forgiving. But sin still has its consequences unless God shows complete mercy and wipes the consequences away! That is up to God though!

As for the Samaritan woman- she was not a believer and thus it didn't matter. she was still in her trespasses and sins. We are talking about people who havwe been born again and what the Bible teaches about remarriage for us!

A person divorced before they got saved, even if not for adultery, once saved can remarry in the Lord for they are a new creature! Th eold person has been erased and all dsone in the past is gone in heavens eyes!

But as for remarriage?

Matthew 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

1 Corinthians 7:39
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

1 Cor. 7: 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

When an unbeliever leaves because of the faith, the believer is not bound any more to the marriage covenant.

JohnDB · Jul 17, 2020

nolidad said:
Well I care not what morality is in vogue today or what happened prior to the birth of teh Church!

For a follower of Jesus Christ, a man can only have one wife and vice versa. God called polygamy sin, even though He overlooked it in times past.

Ok but polygamy was mandated in times past.
Even Moses himself had two wives. Everyone gave him grief over his "barbarian" second wife.

So...

Since people claim that God never changes
AND
The Old Covenant's ceremonial laws were done away with/completed and the Moral Laws are still viable for today...

Then what you are proposing is not logical.

Unless God does change
Morality is unequal for men and women
And where Jesus had been destroying the minutia of laws created by the Pharisees (even to the point of measuring the water used in hand washing ceremonies)
Jesus all of a sudden makes a radical switch and institutes a whole slew of life altering mandates of legalism surrounding marriage.
Up to the point that now marrying a divorced woman is now an unforgivable sin.

I'm having a really difficult time believing in this.

nolidad · Jul 17, 2020

JohnDB said:
Ok but polygamy was mandated in times past.
Even Moses himself had two wives. Everyone gave him grief over his "barbarian" second wife.

So...

Since people claim that God never changes
AND
The Old Covenant's ceremonial laws were done away with/completed and the Moral Laws are still viable for today...

Then what you are proposing is not logical.

Unless God does change
Morality is unequal for men and women
And where Jesus had been destroying the minutia of laws created by the Pharisees (even to the point of measuring the water used in hand washing ceremonies)
Jesus all of a sudden makes a radical switch and institutes a whole slew of life altering mandates of legalism surrounding marriage.
Up to the point that now marrying a divorced woman is now an unforgivable sin.

I'm having a really difficult time believing in this.

Bigamy and Polygamy was never mandated, only allowed!

God never changes! Jesus reiterated the standard god established in Genesis 1

Well you can read Jesus and the Apostles words for yourself in Gods Word! Multiplying wives ended long before Jesus came to earth!

Marrying a dovorced woman is not an unfogivable sin. I already said that is a wrong concept! But marrying the woman (or the man) thoughGod may forgive the sin judicially, the consequences of that sin will most likely still be experienced.

Just like if one goes to a prostitute loaded with Aids and you contract it! God will forgive you for fornication, but odds are you will still die!

Palmfever · Jul 17, 2020

Dave L said:
That was Jesus commenting on the Old Testament. It was replaced by the New Covenant that does not make that provision.

1Cor 7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

GenemZ · Jul 17, 2020

Dave L said:
Show where God provides for divorce or remarriage in the New Covenant.

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who
marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Mat 5:32

Adultery allows the innocent party to remarry.

Cis.jd · Jul 18, 2020

ovis90 said:
I have a question can my mother find a man if she was married, but she have divorced because my father used to drink and was threatening her. Now they are divorced for 20 years and she was in another relationship with another man she was married but not in church and he passed away. Now she is alone can she find another man that it wouldn't be a sin ?

sure. 20 years ago. Only Christians who don't like being reasonable will claim it is but they also think they "know" God more than anybody.

It's time to move on. You never ask life advice for yourself or anybody on CF. Some of them think that even a wife getting beaten to a pulp shouldn't be leaving her husband, so you can i kinda see how this is not the right place.

mindlight · Jul 18, 2020

ovis90 said:
I have a question can my mother find a man if she was married, but she have divorced because my father used to drink and was threatening her. Now they are divorced for 20 years and she was in another relationship with another man she was married but not in church and he passed away. Now she is alone can she find another man that it wouldn't be a sin ?

Technically no cause she is still married to your father, although that relationship was broken by her adultery with the second man who is now dead. God is merciful and can wash our sins away but I guess the first question is why she would consider a man a solution to the loneliness and heartbreak that she may suffer. Some men clearly do not help and she has already made two bad choices with a violent drinker and a non Christian.

But if she is just configured that way there is still the question of why she would go out looking for a relationship as a solution for her perceived problems. Sometimes a better policy is to simply get on with living a full life and see what happens. If you are involved with a church, doing a job and perhaps a member of a few hobby groups then you will have a set of friendships in which feelings can be discussed and pains diluted.

In principle I think that the church can be harsh and self righteous on the issue of remarriage. Where there is genuine repentance for previous sins and Gods mercy and forgiveness has been recieived then in principle a person is free to remarry. But if you have truly received such mercy and forgiveness the likelihood is that you will not need that and will be content with your relationship with God and the wider community. It is better to hope in God than man.

Word and Spirit · Jul 18, 2020

JacksBratt said:
Sure it does.. In the NT days... you could divorce for fornication.. Doesn't mention abuse... cause... abuse would end up with the husband dead.... "till death do us part".. No more problem.

I'm not seeing in scripture where an abusive husband was sentenced to death. Show me please.

Rest · Jul 18, 2020

JohnDB said:
Apparently you are not understanding my question.

How can God change his mind about what constitutes morality when changing covenants?
Divorce is largely a result that centers around morality in how people treat each other.

So I was wanting an explanation on your views on this.

It's not that God changed his mind. God is ALWAYS on the side of forgiveness and not divorcing.

It was Moses who permitted it due to hardened hearts but like Jesus said, in the beginning it was not so. It was never his intention for there to ever be a certificate of divorce. If the modern day catholic church for example started changing up rules that are contrary to Gods principles, it doesn't mean that its God changing his mind

Philip_B · Jul 18, 2020

Rest said:
It's not that God changed his mind. God is ALWAYS on the side of forgiveness and not divorcing.

It was Moses who permitted it due to hardened hearts but like Jesus said, in the beginning it was not so. It was never his intention for there to ever be a certificate of divorce. If the modern day catholic church for example started changing up rules that are contrary to Gods principles, it doesn't mean that its God changing his mind

Before being too harsh on God or Church, it may well be worth reflecting on changes in the way we understand marriage. A wife is no longer considered (in the main) by reasonable persons as the property of her husband, and they don't (in the main) come with dowries, and marriage contracts (in the main) are not negotiated between parents. Genesis 2 accounts for Eve as a partner, and of course Genesis 1 speaks of the plurality of the creation of humankind in the image and likeness, male and female. The notion of the marriage in this circumstance is of the two growing together as one. It is in a post fall world we begin to see the division between man and woman the loss of unity and a sense of the loss of the individual personhood of the woman. This represents a failing on humanity's part to value God's creation properly.

I find it really interesting reading the account of the encounter with the Samaritan Woman in chapter 4 of John's Gospel. The discussion is not about marriage and divorce, though it easily have been, but rather Jesus does the unthinkable, he treats her as a whole person and has a profoundly deep theological conversation with her, resulting in her bring people to Jesus. I believe this demonstrates that Jesus has a much more gracious attitude to divorced people than has been suggested by some in this thread.

Palmfever · Jul 18, 2020

Philip_B said:
Before being too harsh on God or Church, it may well be worth reflecting on changes in the way we understand marriage. A wife is no longer considered (in the main) by reasonable persons as the property of her husband, and they don't (in the main) come with dowries, and marriage contracts (in the main) are not negotiated between parents. Genesis 2 accounts for Eve as a partner, and of course Genesis 1 speaks of the plurality of the creation of humankind in the image and likeness, male and female. The notion of the marriage in this circumstance is of the two growing together as one. It is in a post fall world we begin to see the division between man and woman the loss of unity and a sense of the loss of the individual personhood of the woman. This represents a failing on humanity's part to value God's creation properly.

I find it really interesting reading the account of the encounter with the Samaritan Woman in chapter 4 of John's Gospel. The discussion is not about marriage and divorce, though it easily have been, but rather Jesus does the unthinkable, he treats her as a whole person and has a profoundly deep theological conversation with her, resulting in her bring people to Jesus. I believe this demonstrates that Jesus has a much more gracious attitude to divorced people than has been suggested by some in this thread.

Treats here as a whole person? He treats her with respect yes, but as a sinner. Verse 10, Then Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, Lord,” she answered. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Now go and sin no more.” Some people mistakenly leave his admonition out. Some will go as far as to say when he speaks of divorce it is old testament. Perhaps, but He is God and what would these people do? Throw out all of His words? Unless we are prepared to burn the bible and condemn it as fiction we cannot dismiss any words of Christ because they don't fit our narrative.

Philip_B · Jul 18, 2020

Palmfever said:
Treats here as a whole person? He treats her with respect yes, but as a sinner. Verse 10, Then Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, Lord,” she answered. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Now go and sin no more.” Some people mistakenly leave his admonition out. Some will go as far as to say when he speaks of divorce it is old testament. Perhaps, but He is God and what would these people do? Throw out all of His words? Unless we are prepared to burn the bible and condemn it as fiction we cannot dismiss any words of Christ because they don't fit our narrative.

That is not John 4.

Can my mother find a man if she was divorced?

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