Wanted to say sorry to an ex

Vendetta99

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Had an ex of 6 years and our relationship was on-and-off, I was increasingly toxic and mentally abusive towards her. (if you are curious, see past post links of me)

PAS THREADS:
being a spoiled brat has become the end of a relationship
on the verge of killing myself.
Am I right to feel hate towards my ex-girlfriend?

We broke up because I didn't treat her as a priority and the spark just wasn't there anymore. I was bitter during the breakup. Because of the bitterness, I did a revenge thing where I show my ex and her new bf our past intimate texts. We had a really bad text fight with her and her new bf and calling me out as a pretender Christian and parted ways bitterly.

What I took note was how I was a pretending Christian and it made me live with extreme depression for 4 years. I left church (ghosted friends and family in the church) and ended badly since they needed a church youth leader (which was formerly me) to replace my position.

I went from moving on, self-reflection, discovering more of myself, accept I was toxic, abusive etc. (all my bad traits). I enrolled to self-improvement/productivity courses , books etc. and even public speaking and you name everything! just in the name of improving myself (these were in a span of 3 years) which hopefully did give me an open mind, my toxic traits slowly gone, and having a better mindset in all.

I tried to not be a pretender Christian so I had to do some meditating and rekindling my relationship with God. After all of that, I went back to church knowing all of these in mind and constantly improving myself and my mindset.

-I finally had the courage to say sorry to them finally after 4 plus years of doing a "finding myself" kind of thing. Because of COVID-19, I just sent them a letter of apology on a second facebook account that I have but in the end they blocked my account and not sure why.

When I went back to church, her husband kept having those angry stares at me (which he never does). each time I would cuddle with their baby in church, he would have that angry stares too. I think it might have to do with me sending an apology letter and he might be the one who read the letter and not her or that they both saw it.

Not sure if I did my part correctly, if I should have apologized in person or if I should just have leave them be and never apologize.

Let me know your thoughts.
 

Tolworth John

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if I should have apologized in person or if I should just have leave them be and never apologize.

You offended them and have realised it and apologized. You don't need to do anymore.
It is upto them to accept your apology.

Now it is how often do you see them in church or around town as to whether they can see you have changed. You don't need to do any thing else.
 
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Vendetta99

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You offended them and have realised it and apologized. You don't need to do anymore.
It is upto them to accept your apology.

Now it is how often do you see them in church or around town as to whether they can see you have changed. You don't need to do anything else.
We meet at church every wednesday (prayer meetings), saturday and sunday
 
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DebbieJ

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You humbled yourself and apologized. That's more than enough. If she can't accept it, move on. People have flaws. I have a toxic friend as well and he admits that he has a problem and had gone to a psychiatrist for help on his anti-social behavior. He gets angry a lot for the smallest things and gets offended on small petty things. Even jokes are taken seriously and he gets slighted by it. He belittles and shout at people when he can't get what he wants and the way he wants it. All his friends avoid him except one. But, he says sorry every time. He's struggling with it as he can't help it.

Anyway, I have to go and have a nice day!
 
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thecolorsblend

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Let me know your thoughts.
Sounds like it's over for you two. And under the circumstances, I think that's probably for the best. With all due respect, you've done enough damage already.

When an ex reappears out of nowhere, most people assume it's because they want to get back. And it sounds like she's married. Honestly, all my sympathies are with your ex's husband right now.

I think it would be best if you left them alone, for sure leave their baby alone and stay out of their lives completely.

You've learned some lessons tho. That's good. You can apply those lessons in a future relationship. There's a sense in which a healthy level of regret is a positive thing to live with. Your remorse for your actions in the past will hopefully steer you in more positive directions in the future.

If you sent an apology letter then you've already said your piece. Time to move on, bro. Good luck!
 
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Vendetta99

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Sounds like it's over for you two. And under the circumstances, I think that's probably for the best. With all due respect, you've done enough damage already.

When an ex reappears out of nowhere, most people assume it's because they want to get back. And it sounds like she's married. Honestly, all my sympathies are with your ex's husband right now.

I think it would be best if you left them alone, for sure leave their baby alone and stay out of their lives completely.

You've learned some lessons tho. That's good. You can apply those lessons in a future relationship. There's a sense in which a healthy level of regret is a positive thing to live with. Your remorse for your actions in the past will hopefully steer you in more positive directions in the future.

If you sent an apology letter then you've already said your piece. Time to move on, bro. Good luck!
I don't know about the leaving alone part as my ex is part of our church band and basically meets every week. I only ever talk to her if she has questions related to church stuff but other than that, zip.
 
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