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I can't do this anymore

brandynicole

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Thank you all for your support. This afternoon, I made a photo in the Bible app to help encourage me. I will look at it when I feel low

1594070755618.png
 
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Brightmoon

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This is a kintsugi . A broken bowl that was repaired with gold . To use a metaphor you can repair yourself with gold .
34DFAA75-F09A-4CE3-94B7-4242D209DFE3.jpeg
The point being that you don’t see yourself as being worth the gold that fixes you . The brokenness is always going to be there but you can heal it so that you are better . This feeling of worthlessness is what you need to untangle from your head
 
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brandynicole

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This is a kintsugi . A broken bowl that was repaired with gold . To use a metaphor you can repair yourself with gold . View attachment 280476 The point being that you don’t see yourself as being worth the gold that fixes you . The brokenness is always going to be there but you can heal it so that you are better . This feeling of worthlessness is what you need to untangle from your head

Thank you, Brightmoon. That was very helpful
 
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brandynicole

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I still feel incomplete though.

My doctor thinks I may have been dealing with psychotic episodes (there are days I don't remember). I did awful things to myself (scars and paper trails) and unknown things with others. So, I can never repent for everything and that makes me fall short of righteousness.
 
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Brightmoon

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And the whole time you were out of it you don’t remember anything. The only personal question I’ll ask you is ,do you take medication and does it actually help? If it doesn’t you need to have a long talk with your doctor. Righteous? Well worry about that later when you’re healthier and able to think about it honestly ( without dumping on yourself)
 
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brandynicole

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And the whole time you were out of it you don’t remember anything. The only personal question I’ll ask you is ,do you take medication and does it actually help? If it doesn’t you need to have a long talk with your doctor. Righteous? Well worry about that later when you’re healthier and able to think about it honestly ( without dumping on yourself)

Back then I was taking natural medicine like homeopathic herbs and used Chinese medicine practices. I thought Western medication was poison. Obviously, I was wrong.

But now I see a real MD, and she has helped me a lot. I feel more normal now than I have in years. However, I still have the nightmares and panic attacks where I hurt myself. She said those should get better as I continue treatment.
 
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Jason441

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I am confused. You are all saying nice things to me.

If we were sitting face-to-face, you wouldn't be so nice. I know that I am difficult to look at for people.

God doesn't make mistakes, so why would He make me so badly?
Hi Brandy, I hope you can reject these lies. They are absolute lies. I can assure you that almost everyone here would not judge on the way you look.
Although you can get some support from a message board, you might be better served by seeing a counsellor face to face.
 
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coffee4u

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I am confused. You are all saying nice things to me.

If we were sitting face-to-face, you wouldn't be so nice. I know that I am difficult to look at for people.

God doesn't make mistakes, so why would He make me so badly?

You are wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.


If people react negatively to how you look that says something about them, not you.

We were are all wicked but God loves us anyway.
Romans 5:8

8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

1 Corinthians 6:11

11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

We are washed and sanctified not because we feel like we are, not because we deserve it, but because God says that we are.
 
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Veteran1990

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Everywhere I look there's disgust and nasty expressions. People hate me. I'm not paranoid. It's actually happening.

How can I worship a God who created such a monstrous thing like me? I hate Him, but I hate who I am even more. Being positive and nice isn't enough. People don't like any part of me.

I don't want to live like this anymore. It's torture.
Things suck and thats a reality. However, if things are bad you need to try to make your effort about something you want out of life and stop blaming God.
I personally am the biggest idiot when it comes to doing blaming God. I do a lot of bad things. If your sad, or feel like no one loves you there are a lot of hours in the day to feel lonely, however there are a lot of hours in the day to try to make a friend, try to improve your situation and how you feel. Life can leave you bruised if you carry your wounds, let them go and start Trust God Loves you. You can make it! And cheer up, a lot of people are rude and inconsiderate but they aren't living your life and instead of viewing your body as a prison, view it as your own personal mobile transport. Thenk goodness you don't have to stay around those people forever. And forgive yourself for whatever you did. We all do bad things and our conscience can really beat us down. You don't have to be perfect to ask Hod for help of to start taking baby steps towards a solution. A lot of people are tired and bitter. Life is hard, just try to make it by taking time to do things for yourself and making friends that improve how you feel.
 
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Veteran1990

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Everywhere I look there's disgust and nasty expressions. People hate me. I'm not paranoid. It's actually happening.

How can I worship a God who created such a monstrous thing like me? I hate Him, but I hate who I am even more. Being positive and nice isn't enough. People don't like any part of me.

I don't want to live like this anymore. It's torture.
Also, if you don't let things out you'll internalize them. The stress effects you after awhile even if you've repressed your emotions.what I suggest doing is vent what you can and write down what you could never talk to people about whether what you say is right or wrong. Then burn the piece of paper.

Life is difficult when you don't have emotional support also. Get a dog. Best decision of your life.
 
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