Lost, alone and crossed with God.

Cecelia

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I have so many feelings right now. I feel numb, depressed and angry. Angry at myself, god and my stupid boyfriend.

First, I'll address myself-- I'm mad at myself because I lost my way and who I used to be. I never had friends and was very lonely and I always attracted guys so I tried love. I tried to obtain it-- I stopped waiting bc I thought Id never find anyone by holding out. I did it my way and I have a kid now and extra baggage I dont want to discuss.

I hate myself for falling down this slippery slope.

Now my boyfriend. I thought he was a decent guy. I thought I knew him but he showed me who he was and how bad he was struggling when he decided to do something illegal ( not saying what)
But it broke my heart bc he put me in danger of messing up my record ( I have nothing on there)

Last my issue with God- I just feel alone in life. I asked so many times to be guided and led by him and I never seemed to happen. I just felt like I was just left to my own devices even with God and according to other christians who have morning coffee with God. My relationship with God was one sided. But I cant make God reapond back to me or consistently.

I just HATE he mad me. I didnt ask to be born.. At the very least let me know youre with me. I dont feel that. I just feel so alone. Even more so now that churches are shut down due to the quarantine.

I feel let down by God, I feel I let myself down and mostly my child.

I also feel God most likely left bc I kept sinning sexually despite being a christian


Now I'm truly on my own and I cant handle it.
 

NW82

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I have so many feelings right now. I feel numb, depressed and angry. Angry at myself, god and my stupid boyfriend.

First, I'll address myself-- I'm mad at myself because I lost my way and who I used to be. I never had friends and was very lonely and I always attracted guys so I tried love. I tried to obtain it-- I stopped waiting bc I thought Id never find anyone by holding out. I did it my way and I have a kid now and extra baggage I dont want to discuss.

I hate myself for falling down this slippery slope.

Now my boyfriend. I thought he was a decent guy. I thought I knew him but he showed me who he was and how bad he was struggling when he decided to do something illegal ( not saying what)
But it broke my heart bc he put me in danger of messing up my record ( I have nothing on there)

Last my issue with God- I just feel alone in life. I asked so many times to be guided and led by him and I never seemed to happen. I just felt like I was just left to my own devices even with God and according to other christians who have morning coffee with God. My relationship with God was one sided. But I cant make God reapond back to me or consistently.

I just HATE he mad me. I didnt ask to be born.. At the very least let me know youre with me. I dont feel that. I just feel so alone. Even more so now that churches are shut down due to the quarantine.

I feel let down by God, I feel I let myself down and mostly my child.

I also feel God most likely left bc I kept sinning sexually despite being a christian


Now I'm truly on my own and I cant handle it.

I don't have a solution, but you're not alone in your feeling. I've been begging, pleading, praying, crying and just exhausted for so long, that I'm just done. I can't say God isn't there or isn't omnipresent, because scripture says He is. But I heard a preacher, I think, say it best...I know God loves me I just think He doesn't like me very much; and by best there I mean explaining what I feel. All we can do is wait on God, and that's not easy, doesn't make it easier either.

As far as your situation, without knowing anything about it, I'd suggest that maybe you're in a toxic relationship, and I'm also assuming your BF isn't a believer; scripture does tell us to not be unequally yoked.
 
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Cecelia

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I don't have a solution, but you're not alone in your feeling. I've been begging, pleading, praying, crying and just exhausted for so long, that I'm just done. I can't say God isn't there or isn't omnipresent, because scripture says He is. But I heard a preacher, I think, say it best...I know God loves me I just think He doesn't like me very much; and by best there I mean explaining what I feel. All we can do is wait on God, and that's not easy, doesn't make it easier either.

As far as your situation, without knowing anything about it, I'd suggest that maybe you're in a toxic relationship, and I'm also assuming your BF isn't a believer; scripture does tell us to not be unequally yoked.

I dont think he likes me much either. It's depressing but when I see other christians talk to God continually and have prayer answered and find the loves of their lives, get homes and jobs bc they prayed. I just feel God cant like me much at all. I also feel he probably left me and is tired of me.
 
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NW82

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I dont think he likes me much either. It's depressing but when I see other christians talk to God continually and have prayer answered and find the loves of their lives, get homes and jobs bc they prayed. I just feel God cant like me much at all.
I know that exact feeling. The hard reality is that we most likely aren't seeing that in our own lives is that we aren't in God's will for our lives. Now, that said, it's much easier said than done, but it is simple. I have days one after the other with that feeling. I simply feel lost in what I should do to resolve whatever I am missing. On other days, which are fewer in number (like today), I feel ok and have an understanding of what the need is to change.
 
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God is good

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I dont think he likes me much either. It's depressing but when I see other christians talk to God continually and have prayer answered and find the loves of their lives, get homes and jobs bc they prayed. I just feel God cant like me much at all. I also feel he probably left me and is tired of me.
God really loves you. Yes, God probably gets disappointed with us when we sin. Jesus loves you so much and He died for you. We can't rely on our feelings because they change but God never changes, He is the same yesterday, today and forever. My advice to you would be to repent of your sins to God and try to stop living in sin, try reading the Bible once a day or more. God really loves you and Jesus can save anyone no matter what they have done in their lives.
 
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Cecelia

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I know that exact feeling. The hard reality is that we most likely aren't seeing that in our own lives is that we aren't in God's will for our lives. Now, that said, it's much easier said than done, but it is simple. I have days one after the other with that feeling. I simply feel lost in what I should do to resolve whatever I am missing. On other days, which are fewer in number (like today), I feel ok and have an understanding of what the need is to change.

I know I'm not in God's will. But even when I was following God i felt lonely and lost. I feel like I'm gonna lose it now. I want to break down.
 
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paul1149

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I think at times like this, when everything is confusing and frustrating and nothing has worked out, you have to leave your feelings aside and go to the Word. You can keep cycling those feelings for a long time, and only dig a deeper rut harder to get out of. But the Word will lift you up.

Jesus says He will never leave or forsake. He says the Father loves us with an everlasting love. He also warns there will be hardship and affliction, and that the discipline of the Lord is grievous for a season, until it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

So rather than feel that God has rejected you, why not take Him at His word and believe He is with you. Here is a rock-solid promise you can stand on:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1jn 1.9​

So He's with you, but you're going through it at the moment. Now's the time to draw near in faith and make God your best friend. Lay hold of your inheritance, which is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Pray for His power to work in you, and for wisdom to know how to cooperate with it. Give it time because it's a process.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Matt 11:28-30​
 
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Cecelia

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I think at times like this, when everything is confusing and frustrating and nothing has worked out, you have to leave your feelings aside and go to the Word. You can keep cycling those feelings for a long time, and only dig a deeper rut harder to get out of. But the Word will lift you up.

Jesus says He will never leave or forsake. He says the Father loves us with an everlasting love. He also warns there will be hardship and affliction, and that the discipline of the Lord is grievous for a season, until it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

So rather than feel that God has rejected you, why not take Him at His word and believe He is with you. Here is a rock-solid promise you can stand on:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1jn 1.9​

So He's with you, but you're going through it at the moment. Now's the time to draw near in faith and make God your best friend. Lay hold of your inheritance, which is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Pray for His power to work in you, and for wisdom to know how to cooperate with it. Give it time because it's a process.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Matt 11:28-30​
If I go to god now. The first thinf ill say is that I hate him. Im Angry at him and where is he in my freaking life.
 
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God is good

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If I go to god now. The first thinf ill say is that I hate him. Im Angry at him and where is he in my freaking life.
If He feels distant from us it's our fault, not His. We can't sin against God and then blame Him for the consequences. God is a God of love. You need to seriously repent of your sins of sexual immorality and turn to Jesus who can set you free and forgive you for everything
 
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paul1149

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If I go to god now. The first thinf ill say is that I hate him. Im Angry at him and where is he in my freaking life.
I would say do your best, but you've got to go to Him. You can't carry this any longer. I pray He turns the other cheek, as He told us to do.
 
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Andrewn

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Last my issue with God- I just feel alone in life. I asked so many times to be guided and led by him and I never seemed to happen. I just felt like I was just left to my own devices even with God and according to other christians who have morning coffee with God.

It's depressing but when I see other christians talk to God continually and have prayer answered and find the loves of their lives, get homes and jobs bc they prayed. I just feel God cant like me much at all. I also feel he probably left me and is tired of me.
It seems that you know other Christians and are in fellowship with them. This is a positive step bec they can help you in prayer and in approaching God's word. God's word (both read and heard) is the sword to attack Satan. This is how it is described in the Bible.

If you're not baptized, you need to get baptized. Martin Luther said “there is on earth no greater comfort than baptism” and he proved this in his personal life and experience. Luther admitted that when he was in the distress of affliction and anxiety he comforted himself by repeating, “I am baptized! I am baptized!”

You also need to get out of your relationship. This is not easy bec you love your bf and he is father of your child. It may take time, but God will bless you for the effort.
 
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