God and singleness

God is in every stage of life that you allow Him to be in. I agree that singleness does provide the space to be closer to God, whereas your attention gets divided with the care of another.

I would argue though that its with relationship with others that i see even more of God's glory through fellowship. Its a difference between enjoying a song by yourself and being in a concert, both have their place.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

It seems to me that being single is a great way to grow closer to God. I know when I was in a relationship God would constantly be lowered on my priority list. I am even willing to go as far to say that you don't need a relationship you need God. I feel fulfilled and satisfied and all of the relational benefits I received from being in a romantic relationship I can get pretty much every time with God. So if you are single don't feel bad but seek a better and closer relationship with God instead.

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God is the best companion a person could ask for. Nice to have other sources of information too. There are some groups on the Internet. Plenty of articles and videos too.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

You can't serve two masters. God is better. All other relationships are subservient to God. If not then you will suffer loss. This doesn't mean that a romantic relationship has no value but chasing one can lead to depression which is related to desire which binds people into a path of unnecessary suffering.

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Who said anything about chasing relationships?

And fellowship is not serving two masters. Jesus called us to love God and love one another as we love ourselves, not just to love God. My point is that in every relationship whether romantic or not, or non-existence serves its purpose in season, and that as long as Jesus is in it, its always an opportunity to grow. If God calls one to be in marriage, then the person will grow there, if God calls one to singleness, then the person will grow there. If God is in it, the person will grow. Relationships are not the enemy of God, only if it causes you to fall off the will of God. Same goes for singlehood. That should be highlighted, every season is an opportunity to grow in God.

One can be single and walking out of will of God if God calls them to fellowship with others and they reject it, just as much as one can be chasing relationship and walking out of the will of God, if they were called to stay in singleness. Being single alone does not make someone automatically more closer to God than someone with a companion.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

You can't serve two masters. God is better. All other relationships are subservient to God. If not then you will suffer loss. This doesn't mean that a romantic relationship has no value but chasing one can lead to depression which is related to desire which binds people into a path of unnecessary suffering.

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And not pursuing one generally means you don't get one if you're a guy. Which can lead to depression and regret as well.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

You can't serve two masters. God is better. All other relationships are subservient to God. If not then you will suffer loss. This doesn't mean that a romantic relationship has no value but chasing one can lead to depression which is related to desire which binds people into a path of unnecessary suffering.

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God gave Adam Eve, right?

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

It seems to me that being single is a great way to grow closer to God. I know when I was in a relationship God would constantly be lowered on my priority list. I am even willing to go as far to say that you don't need a relationship you need God. I feel fulfilled and satisfied and all of the relational benefits I received from being in a romantic relationship I can get pretty much every time with God. So if you are single don't feel bad but seek a better and closer relationship with God instead.

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True.
I do want to get married- there is no wrong in that.
Some people say, God first, then everything else.
But why not God first, and then God in everything? Of course, romantic relationships is NOT our salvation.
I’m happy with God now, if He never gives me a partner, that’s fine too.

Singleness is preferred because of the closeness with our Father. Even Paul in the NT stated such.
However, a life of being alone is NOT for everybody. We each have to rate ourselves (and be honest) and act accordingly. But that also includes pets. If we claim to be alone in order to get close to God, and have that 4 legged child as our ball and chain, then we are deceiving ourselves. We are merely exchanging a relationship with a real person with an animal. After all, that animal won't let us down, nor leave us. We need to learn to be honest with ourselves, after all, the One who made us already sees our motives.
And there is nothing wrong with having a help mate. But we are commanded to give him/her the attention that they need.

I have a feeling my current condition would not work well in a romantic relationship.

I'm satisfied alone with God. I've had relationships, good and bad. The passion is a double edged sword. At my age, and having had relationships, contentment and peace rate much higher than what many relationshps have on offer. God doesn't harsh my mellow.

My relationship with God is very different from my connection with the opposite sex or a friend. Human interactions allow us to live out our values and beliefs in imperfect circumstances.

God alone is simple. He doesn’t ruffle my feathers or hurt my feelings. He’s always kind, loving and supportive. But when that’s absent we discover the depth of our love and forgiveness. We understand the meaning of patience and long suffering when bearing with another.

Relationships are not a byproduct for spiritual neglect or deification of your partner. If you’re putting God last due to a relationship, He was never first at all. He was a placeholder until the desire of your heart arrived.

~Bella

If God had wanted us to be single he would not have made us male and female. As for getting closer to God as a single, it is true but also having a mate that loves God too can get you even closer to him as when they are drawn to God when you are struggling they can bring you with them. Having a mate means there are two of you and the Bible says if 2 or 3 are gathered in my name I am there.

I have never been in relationship before and I am doing fine.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

Can everyone here say they would be okay and live a prosperous life if they never were in a relationship again? Can you say that? I'm putting this out there because I believe it's vital for this to be true.

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Our very existence was dependent on two people that decided otherwise.

Yes I can say that, but we're not gonna live like hermits til we die. The desire to have a companion or community to converse and grow with will still be there, and we are very creative people. I know people like to use Paul as an example, but remember, he was in jail and still found time to communicate with the various churches, and visited one of them once he was out.The desire to fellowship is in our core and is never discouraged. So it would lying to myself to say that I'm above that desire. In my view, relationships are not only romantic, but friendships, kinships, and business partnerships are also forms of relationships for me. What I lack in one area, I'm pretty sure we would up the numbers in other forms.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat said:

Can everyone here say they would be okay and live a prosperous life if they never were in a relationship again? Can you say that? I'm putting this out there because I believe it's vital for this to be true.

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In my opinion most people are not programmed to completely give up on trying to find a romantic relationship. That is not a weakness, it's a reflection of the fact that God created humans so that most people desire it. Without that desire, the human race would die out. Although the seed of hope may be very small, most people have it embedded in them. Within the small proportion of people who don't have that seed, some join convents or monasteries, or dedicate their lives to some cause or pursuit.

I've experienced things in life that were several hundred times better than a relationship - honestly, I've had so much fun as a single man you'd never believe it. 22 to 29 were the most experimental, interesting and just downright wacky years of my life, particularly 25 onwards.

The problem is that most single people dwell on being alone. The idea is empower yourself as an individual by actively engaging with the world around you. Find who you are from a creative standpoint, go to the far east and order food like you're playing a game of roulette, carve out a hobby, get good at it and immerse yourself within a tightly-knit subculture - basically, just level up. So that when you DO enter a relationship, you enter into it as an evolved character.

I get the sense that my single status is due to go supernova - I don't think that there's much left for me to do as an individual. I've more than less done it. I wouldn't be surprised if I marry in the next few years. It's starting to feel like the next natural progression.

I can carry on being everyone's mate if i want, or I can have a go at being a very good husband. (Or both, but that's a bit too hipsterish...)

ReesePiece23 said:

I've experienced things in life that were several hundred times better than a relationship - honestly, I've had so much fun as a single man you'd never believe it. 22 to 29 were the most experimental, interesting and just downright wacky years of my life, particularly 25 onwards.

The problem is that most single people dwell on being alone. The idea is empower yourself as an individual by actively engaging with the world around you. Find who you are from a creative standpoint, go to the far east and order food like you're playing a game of roulette, carve out a hobby, get good at it and immerse yourself within a tightly-knit subculture - basically, just level up. So that when you DO enter a relationship, you enter into it as an evolved character.

I get the sense that my single status is due to go supernova - I don't think that there's much left for me to do as an individual. I've more than less done it. I wouldn't be surprised if I marry in the next few years. It's starting to feel like the next natural progression.

I can carry on being everyone's mate if i want, or I can have a go at being a very good husband. (Or both, but that's a bit too hipsterish...)

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I share this story, of course not speaking as one as someone that was married or even in a long-term relationship, but observing my living situation with my sister who've been a widow for a few years now with my background who have been single (status wise) for quite a long time now.

Note: I do realize that its a little lengthy but bare with me lol!

Beside the times where she does think about her late husband, she became more and more comfortable with the idea of being single.As in I don't feel the need of dating. Not worrying about another person, being able to make her own decisions, more time with God, etc. But at the same time, subconsciously, in order for her to walk through the house in peace, I basically have to take on roles that I found her late husband did. Maybe because I'm also much younger that she have a mental expectation of how I should be, but I digress.

For example, she hates dishes. The expectation is that, and this was said, that I should have a love language for her, or that she has PTSD that she did Thanksgiving dinner 25 years ago that was alot and now she can't do it, or that she have arthritis, anything to tell me that she does not like dishes. So expectation is that I make fish, throw out trash, do the dishes, place is clean, etc. These are things that her husband had to do to make her happy. These are things expected that will make her happy.

At the same time, she is not married, so the responsibility to take care of things aren't there. So often times, it creates a situation where dishes are dirty, but she doesn't wash them. Maybe there a full garbage, but she wouldn't look to do it. Maybe she got fish, but doesn't tell me to fry them, or I tell her to make sure to take it out. Doesn't get done, but there's still an expectation that it should be done. Often said, passive agressively. Calling it out its hard, because those expectations are so hard place that the thought of compromise deconstructs the very nature of what a connection between her and someone else should be like. In result it becomes that if I did not do any of those things, then I'm void of purpose, I'm more of a burden or obstacle. Because a loving sister who follows Jesus, should always be loving. A loving sister loves doing dishes, making fish all the time, and always wants to throw out garbage. If she is not happy, then I am not loving. That is the expectation.

Ultimately, that's not how God wants us to see people, nor ourselves, for in every season, no matter their role, everyone have their purpose.

Sounds like a rant, it is lol, but I do have a point.

What was revealed to me though, is that before I came in things the same way, always butting heads. But I realize that there is not butting heads. Its more so butting heads with ourselves. I will always know that we both are desperately wicked in our hearts, and both of us are made righteous through Jesus. What she does today and tomorrow, or how she is being, I don't expect her any other way than where she's at with Jesus, and the same for me. In the end, I don't hold grudges anymore, I lacked the fear to communicate more, or not communicate more, because growing in God give me more of the freedom to not see situations as my expectations, but what the bigger picture is for all of us. Do I still get in arguments? Of course lol. But peace I walk away with. That my expectations and reality are two different things. I don't get fluster if it keeps happening, I don't say that my sister is not loving because she made me mad, that doesn't make sense. Because despite how I feel, my sister is my sister, love and cherished by God, and therefore I love and cherish her, just as I am loved and cherished. I correct when correction is needed in that spirit, and same with her. Sometimes that doesn't look like how I even expect it. But when I did have expectations, or she had expectations, that how clashes come.

Singlehood have that environment that lacks the sense of haste to being responsible to our own actions, that relationship calls for. We tend to think to empower our own selves, but to be binding to someone else, especially a child who is your own flesh and blood, or even adopted, it calls to a responsibility. If you forget, the response is very quick, which push us to thus react just as hastely. It caters our flesh not needing to be something to someone but ourselves, we can tell the truth or lie to ourselves and on the surface its consequence free. At times though, when we transition to that whether single to relationship or vice versa, we come in with expectations on how that should look like. We tend to make those expectations a priority. Some people expectations completely ignore the actual nature of the connection, and the thought of it being compromise becomes a fight or flight for people. It gets to the point where we end up not being at peace. In result, we put priority on things that we see have purpose and wrap our expectations that everyone in accordance with us justify why we should be responsible with our own actions. If its not meant, we justify the freedom to be apathetic since it bears no immediate consequences.

We give expectations especially with those we have legal contracts, to be consistent. And even if we're not, we expect those around us to serve us in that matter since we are fulfilled in that manner (i.g. I don't have a mate, my expectation is that the friends around me should fulfill me, or that I need to be better in order to fulfill my expectations of myself). We don't say that out loud, because it sounds bad. But I would challenge all of us to step back and see if we enter alliances with expectations like that, even ourselves.

Its not wrong to expect that people do what they say they are going to do. Same for ourselves. That's the responsibility that we can control. We expect of God on what He said that He's going to do. But to be what we want them to be, or have a situation be what it should have been, or say that when I'm single it should be this, or going into that because it will be that, is setting a tone that's void of God and not open to how God moves through our lives. And that travels throughout every encounter.

Whichever environment shouldn't matter though, with God there should be peace. Not in fulfillment of expectation. So if you're thinking about transitioning from singlehood to romantic relationship because nature, or because you worn out your time of being singlehood, that expectation of how your connection should be with that person is gonna carry into marriage. The only thing is that you may end up with someone who's expectations clashes somewhere with yours and you're butting ends on who should compromise.

But if both come in with Jesus being their driving force, then it wouldn't even matter what expectations you got. Jesus will be your expectation, it gives space to then worry about taking responsibility in our place in things. And with godly people around you, there is no fear either on being called out, whether in singledom or marriage, because everyone in your life serve their purpose in the will of God, and not of our own expectations.

So if you read this far, thanks lol! But I hope I've encourage you that in any stage, to make Jesus a driving force, and make it that much your priority and how you address both yourself and with others.Yes not feeling alone, is an expectation. But reality, there are times that I do feel alone. That happens in friendships, relationships,etc.People can never eradicate that. Expectations will never fully eradicate that. And its not a bad thing, it just brings us to remind ourselves of the love of Jesus that we all have as His children.So there's peace, despite how I feel or what I expect. Seeking the Kingdom and His righteousness first, will set the stage,tone, and foundation on every season, that will bring true peace in all situations no matter if you have a person with you or not. That is how someone is empower, through Jesus' blood and righteousness, and everything else is added on. That means no matter who comes in and out, all will serve their purpose, which will make any ones expectations on how others or situation should be obsolete.

It always breaks down whenever we get in the way of that and put our expectations there in the forefront, no relationship status will change that, it just furthers complicates it.

God hasn't called me to singleness. Echoing that statement is meaningless. That isn't His will for me. The point of surrendering to His will is seeing things from His perspective and embracing His desires above my own.

It wouldn't matter if I could do it. His preference trumps my feelings. My thoughts are moot.

~Bella