Crushed dreams

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

Yes.

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OK. Is school A near a high-crime area?

You are young. Maybe join FutureLearn (a online course provider) or Coursera to improve your skills and knowledge too. And write down some goals for the future as well. Is English your first language or not? Talk to your family and see if they can help you out.

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

I believe Social Science, history would fit me the best

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In that case, there's a lot of obvious reading you could do.

I would suggest mixing books that tell an overall story (at a high level) with reading primary source material (much of which can be found online).

And, if you are wrestling with a choice of major, a season of time spent reading at home might be a very good idea.

You might even consider some personal study of church history, combining a book telling the overall story with readings from the church fathers of the relevant time period.

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

Ehh.
The city is somewhat high crime (mostly downtown) but where the school is located is generally in a safe area.

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OK. Do your parents want you to live with them while you go to college, no matter what?

I do believe your parents wants whats best for you, even though this may not be easy to see sometimes. God wants us to honor our parents, and since you are still living in their house, you will need to respect them, and keeping to their rules.

Our dreams aren't always aligned with what God has in mind for us, so sometimes it may look like it gets crushed, when we don't get what we want. If this would be a part of what God wants for you, then it will work out at some point later on.

Right now if you want to do wisely; You listen to your parents and just obey them.

Proverbs 1:8

"Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching."

And pray to God for wisdom in this, asking for Him to put this all together as He sees it best fit for you at this time. As nothing will go against what God has planned, and in His timing everything will be put together for good for those who love God!

I once heard that you could basically learn almost anything they teach at college on your own, but it was the discipline attached to the school and professor that made it better to learn at college, than alone. Since you have been homeschooled, you should have that discipline. Even if you had no internet access, even a library could teach you most anything. Thus, your dream might be altered, by a year or two, or by which school you attend but I would not consider it crushed.
Most colleges now have all the courses and syllabi online. From there you can find the textbook (s) and usually an outline of the course. Most textbooks also have online resources. Here is what Pearson one of the largest has "Pearson’s MyLab and Mastering products with eText are online homework, tutorial, and assessment programs that truly engage students in learning." Textbooks and eTextbooks from Pearson
See too if maybe you can follow with a friend that might be taking a course. Anyway, I do hope you will succeed in your dreams yet be open to allow God to change them as he sees fit. Remember, God is for you, not against you. I am sure the same can be said of your parents.

I've read through this entire thread and have no idea about what's really going on. How old are you? What grade are you in? When do you envision entering college? What are you interested in studying, and at what schools? Why those schools? What are your parent's specific objections, and what's their specific reasoning for those objections? Do they think that there's no way to make a living in that field? Is your preferred shool in a dangerous or hedonistic town? Maybe they just want to keep you under their roof because they're afraid of the choices you'll make when you start gaining some independence? What??

You're spending a lot of time here answering questions without really letting us in.

You can’t choose a career or major based on parental wants. They don’t put in the work or deal with the challenges. That’s your domain. If I recall, the school you wanted to attend is the one where your brothers go. They’ve said no. So let’s think outside the box.

Answer these questions please:

• How old are you?
• What were your favorite subjects in school?
• What have you enjoyed doing since your youth or teens?
• Do you want to marry and have a family? If yes, do you want to be home full-time or work part-time while they’re young?
  
• Do you want to homeschool your children?

Once you answer I’ll have a clearer idea what to suggest.

~Bella

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

My parents (mostly my mother) wants me to double major, which is why I’m wrestling with my major(s).

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The best way to decide is probably to do your best to give yourself a taste of various options.

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

And yes, they’re probably afraid of me abusing my independence

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You might say something like "Mom, dad - you've raised me well and given me a strong sense of right and wrong. In order for me to grow into adulthood I'm gonna have to step out into that, and you'll need to entrust me into God's care."

Your decision to not be more forthcoming is preventing us from being able to share our own experiences with you. That's an effective way to maintain a state of isolation. I wish you luck.

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

well, I was right.
My parents said no.

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Then maybe some heed should be given to your parents and some other parent-honoring means of achieving your goals should be pursued.

Are we talking about college or university, or are you still in high school?

First, God gave you the parents he gave you and their responsibility is to provide covering, guidance, counsel, and modeling for you. One of their chief responsibilities as parents is to move you from childhood to adulthood and girlhood into womanhood and to the degree they have done so they should be held with respect in gratitude. Parenting is an extraordinarily difficult endeavor; a marathon of years, patience, and fortitude.

If they have supported previously then their current lack thereof has context. Do you know their reasons? If class is the issue then either adjust your expectations and goals to meet theirs or find alternative adult means of achieving your preferences. You might, for example, as what schools your parents do consider "class appropriate." I suspect this is just an excuse but they may have some serious and legitimate concerns. My grandfather was a share-cropper. My father turned down a scholarship to a state university to join the Navy and then went to work in the telecom industry. I dropped out of high school! and in my twenties got my GED and then went on to college. I am not only now one of only three men in three generations on both sides of my family to have a college degree but I have several of them! My father's father was poor white trash (womanizer and alcoholic) and my mother's mother was Irish Catholic (the lowest form of white folks back in her day). I am not rich but my socio-economic position is far above either of my grandparents'. Money doesn't make a person a decent human being. But neither does it usually hurt.

So give heed to your parents because they are your parents and the Bible instructs to honor our mother and father so that all may go well with us. It is the first command with a promise.

Do you believe God's word?

Now, if you're an adult your job is to start making and learn how to better make adult decisions and not just accept but embrace the consequences of those decisions and learn from them knowing God works all things for good in the lives of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.


I'm a professional counselor now with a modest list of letters after my name but that's not how my adult years started. I sold drugs when I left high school. I eventually got into trouble with the law for my criminal activity and into further trouble with my drug dependencies. I straightened out and learned carpentry and built a successfully/profitable home improvement company. Not haveing any clue whatsoever how to run a business (no longer a carpenter, now a businessman - that's one of the changes that occurs with success) so at the age of 24 I started college studying Business Administration. A year later God laid claim to my life salvifically. What a joyous inconvenience! I ended up changing my major more than once.

On my dime.

As you now probably realize, a college education is expensive. I paid my way through college. It was hard. I got up each morning, put my tools over my back and thumbed to the job. Worked it all day, hitch-hiked home, ate supper, showered, and took the bus to class. Studied three hours each night, went to bed, and started the whole thing over then next day. Day in, day out every day. When I got enough money saved for a car (hard to do while paying for school) I was able to cut a few minutes off my travel time and carve out a quick nap between work and school.

It eventually got easier.

My parents weren't particularly supportive of my pursuing a college degree (mom more so than dad). My father thought it was foolishness. When I went to family reunions I was teased for being the "college kid." If it weren't for tattoo providing some redneck credibility I'd have found no respite.



So my advice to you is to get a job and save every penny you can. In the interim go down to the college admissions department and take the free aptitude and interests assessments all colleges off and figure out what you want too study (even if it's only General Studies). Solicit the advisors help for grants (not loans). My son's schooling was almost $40k per year but we paid $8k! How? He managed to qualify for, apply for, and win a series of grants that when pieced together paid for more than four-fifths of the cost. Lastly, and I read the reluctance to do so, look around for alternatives. I have degrees from both state and private universities and I discovered there are some significant differences in costs, especially now that online degrees are possible (not an option in my day). Just make sure the program in the school you choose is accredited.

So understand me correctly. I am not telling you, "Grow up!" I am telling you you are growing up and this is what life looks like when differences between adult parents and their adult children occur. My son has graduated and is back home looking for a job. In his years away at college he developed into his own person. Sometimes that guy just aggravates the bejeebers out of me and I'd like to knock him out (because that's what rednecks do, even ejumicated ones ). Blessedly, by the grace of God I'm a patient man.

One other option for you to consider: join the military. The military will train you, educate you, give you a job to do and provide a surrogate family for you to support you in the endeavor.

Next to last: This is America. Despite the daily headlines to the contrary it is still a land of infinite opportunity for those willing to work toward and for those opportunities. Massachusetts is still in America .

Lastly, Give it all to God. He's in charge not your parents. He is in charge, not you. His word says it is He who plans our course; it is He who causes us to find favor with others. So you put it all at the foot of Calvary and ask Him what you might do to win the consideration and favor of your parents, and the same of the grant committees, and admissions committees. You ask Him to work in your heart because when your heart and your plans align with God's.... well that's just too cool . A life lived that way is amazing.

I know.


(my apologies for the length)

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

I suggested online. They say I will never learn a thing that way and it’s best to wait.
As for a specific qualification, not really.

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I learned a lot through online classes but they do require a great deal of writing and perseverance, at least the History and English classes do. That being said, sometimes a parent's first answer is not always their last, after they have had time to think on it. They are simply trying to protect you from negative peer pressure which may be harmful. So, just show your parents you can make good decisions and they may eventually relent. Tell them you will not be alone, that the Lord will guide and protect you, then believe it!

SeekingGloryOnThisJourney said:

#1. I cannot answer my age, I like to keep it private for a few reasons, hope that’s alright.

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I get the sense you’ve been very sheltered and don’t have a lot of autonomy. Given your previous posts I’d gather your parents (especially your mother) have very defined ideas about your behavior and how you should live your life. With the expectation you’ll adhere to them. Control is an issue and it won’t get easier.

If you experience heavy handedness in your choice of clothing, college and major. You should expect the same while dating. When parents map out their children’s life it leaves little room for self-expression and personal growth. OCD may be a result of repression. Something to consider when it occurs.

Paint me a picture. What does your mother want you to study? What are her thoughts on marriage and family? It would be better to view your situation in light of their influence. You’ll know what they’ll embrace and veto beforehand. If they have a certain end in mind, they’ll steer you towards it. You have to operate within that sphere to get them on board.

That doesn’t mean you set aside your hopes and dreams. There are many paths to the goal. What would do with a degree in history or science? What kind of art do you enjoy? Did your mother work outside the home?

Don’t let my questions scare you. I have something in mind to help.

~Bella