Feeling despondent about the future

pinkjess · Nov 19, 2019

I'm not looking for advice. I just need to vent and talk. See if anyone else is going through the same. I know I am the one responsible for my happiness and I have to make changes if I want to see things turn around. I know I need to fix my eyes on God and pray and be patient. I'm trying to. But I feel the need to just sit down and write out what has been bothering me lately. I don't really know where else to go.

Today I had a lot of thoughts about where I am and where I wish I could be. When I was a teenager I had big plans for my life and it just seems I never made them reality. I guess I thought I would always have time, but it feels like I am running out of more and more time with each passing year.

I'm 26 years old and live by myself in a studio apartment making about $15,000 a year. It's not easy but I pay my own bills and make just enough to get by. Lately I have found myself feeling really envious of my sister's neighbors who are pretty much my age and already are married and have a big house in a well-off neighborhood. One of them recently had a baby and the other is expecting. I feel so far behind and left out because, I want those things too. It just doesn't feel fair.

I know it's all about making good choices in life and there were plenty of things I could have done when I was younger to put myself in a better circumstance, but I just can't help but focus too much on what other people are doing instead of what I am doing. It sucks to have your vision locked on other people's lives instead of your own "lane". It's like my focus is stuck and I can't get myself to see how good I do have it right now.

I think loneliness is a big culprit to my despondency, too. I was really sad last year about it and got myself into an online rendezvous with this guy I really really grew to like. We texted for a year and a half and I felt really eager to meet him. Sadly it never happened and I never had money to visit. Things got weird and he decided he couldn't lie to himself anymore trying to keep it going. I guess we drifted. It makes me really sad because I'm honestly scared I will never find anyone like him. There are still so many unanswered questions in my mind. I am not sure how to put it to rest.

I struggle with POTS and chronic illness and have lots of fatigue. It is hard for me to do things most people can do like walk for long distances or fun stuff that requires being on foot for more than 30 minutes. I am working on eating better and taking better care of myself but sometimes life gets hectic and stuff gets hard. I want to be a healthier version of myself and be ready if God does have someone special for me to meet. If not at least I will feel better than I do now.

I just am tired of feeling lonesome. I want a relationship. I want to be healthy. I want to have healthy connected friendships with others. I want to try new things. I want a family of my own someday. But I feel like there are so many obstacles standing in the way. Like money, anxiety, health issues, etc. it makes me scared to even try.

I picture a better version of myself and I want to be that so badly. I'm just scared time will run out before I can be her. Does anyone else ever feel the same?

Aquatic Waves · Nov 19, 2019

I know the feeling of being alone. But your still young and you have a lot of going for you. I'm sure you will meet your soulmate 1 day soon and start a family. In the meantime to keep yourself from being alone. Meet up with friends. Spend more time with your family. Or even do volunteer work to meet people. As for your health, I wish I knew what to say. Are taking any medication for your POTS and illness?

pinkjess · Nov 19, 2019

Aquatic Waves said:
I know the feeling of being alone. But your still young and you had a lot of going for you. I'm sure you will meet your soulmate 1 day soon and start a family. In the meantime to keep yourself from being alone. Meet up with friends. Spend more time with your family. Or even do volunteer work to meet people. As for your health, I wish I knew what to say. Are taking any medication for your POTS and illness?

Thanks for reading. Yeah I take a beta blocker which helps. I'm also trying to eat a plant based diet because I have heard so much good it can do for a body. I def plan on volunteering somewhere once I get my fatigue under control.

HisGraceAbounds · Nov 20, 2019

No advice, but believe me that I can empathize with you. I was in a very similar situation when I was around your age. That's when I got divorced and life spiraled down the drain for me.

You're not alone.

pinkjess · Nov 20, 2019

HisGraceAbounds said:
No advice, but believe me that I can empathize with you. I was in a very similar situation when I was around your age. That's when I got divorced and life spiraled down the drain for me.

You're not alone.

Thank you.❤

ReesePiece23 · Nov 20, 2019

Lay one piece of the mosaic down each day. Lay it down perfectly, and only focus on that one piece.

Eventually, you'll have a beautiful image. Then you'll look back and realise that the fun was actually in the creating - the end product tends to be for everyone else.

I know you didn't want advice, but there's literally be no point in me posting. I have nothing lovely or kind to say really.

pinkjess · Nov 20, 2019

ReesePiece23 said:
Lay one piece of the mosaic down each day. Lay it down perfectly, and only focus on that one piece.

Eventually, you'll have a beautiful image. Then you'll look back and realise that the fun was actually in the creating - the end product tends to be for everyone else.

I know you didn't want advice, but there's literally be no point in me posting. I have nothing lovely or kind to say really.

Hey I like this response.

You do have some lovely reply. Thanks bud.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) · Nov 20, 2019

I'm not giving you advice (because you said you weren't looking for it) but when I get in similar slumps, I take notice of Joel Osteen's Facebook posts. Those seem to give me short bursts of confidence and hope. I'm also reading a book by David J. Schwartz called "The Magic of Thinking Big". I've been putting the principles of that book into action as well. Eventually I expect them to pay off dividends too.

pinkjess · Nov 20, 2019

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) said:
I'm not giving you advice (because you said you weren't looking for it) but when I get in similar slumps, I take notice of Joel Osteen's Facebook posts. Those seem to give me short bursts of confidence and hope. I'm also reading a book by David J. Schwartz called "The Magic of Thinking Big". I've been putting the principles of that book into action as well. Eventually I expect them to pay off dividends too.

Thank you so much for the suggestions

VMaeLove · Nov 20, 2019

It is hard to find balance in learning from the past and not dwelling on it, and working for the future and not wishing away the present.

I need to spend more time simply do my best right now.. not worry, just be.. and accept that is all I can do. :hug:

pinkjess · Nov 20, 2019

VMaeLove said:
It is hard to find balance in learning from the past and not dwelling on it, and working for the future and not wishing away the present.

I need to spend more time simply do my best right now.. not worry, just be.. and accept that is all I can do.

This Is very true ❤

Willing-heart · Nov 20, 2019

Sometimes the way is lonely and steep and filled with pain. So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then Cry to Jesus...

B8t6 · Nov 20, 2019

I write poems to Jesus at times to express what I'm feeling. Your not alone

In the the midst of experiencing the things I do

Help me Lord Jesus through poems to you

Lord I feel afraid and lonely today

In a storm of confusion unable to pray

When I'm alone it seems I'm surrounded by shadows

Drowning in the deep wish i'd stayed in the shallows

At times it feels like I'm drowning in waves

Struggling to find my way through a maze

Inside I feel pain it hurts and it bleeds

Demons pick at my wounds and laugh while they feed

Feeling unwanted ignored and rejected

Wanting to be comforted and loved and accepted

My insecurities shout and scream for attention

God I need healing divine intervention

Depression is heavy even though it feels empty

In a selfish world its hard to find empathy

Time is perplexing and sin only vexing

Hopelessness and despair in loneliness is dejecting

God if this is the battle which for now I must face

I ask for mercy and call on your grace

Theirs a time to break down and a time to build up

My times of refreshing will come and then Satan's times up

bèlla · Jun 18, 2020

Perspective is important. We can lose our way by dwelling on the here and now and failing to see it in light of the years ahead. Comparison is short-sighted. Plenty doesn't always mean happiness.

Sickness taught me the value of living in the moment. How to focus on the little things I can do today. Not to overwhelm myself with the big stuff I didn't have the strength to tackle right now. I learned contentment in spite of the discomfort. I used what I had to help myself and others. That was the difference. It shifted my thoughts from what's wrong to what's working.

It's easy to fear you'll run out of time when you're ill. But it also teaches you to count the days and make the most of them. The longing for a companion is understandable. But it can consume you if you let it. I believe in serving where I am while I wait. That meant preparing for what's to come and helping others in that position. Singles and couples.

One day during my quiet time the Lord told me to write down everything I wanted. I included big and small things on the paper and covered both sides. I prayed over it for a long time. Last year I looked around and realized most had come to pass. In many cases He provided a better option.

But I was lackadaisical about marriage. I met men who loved God. They appealed to my spirit but not the rest. They couldn't touch my womanliness. The absence was glaring and I wouldn't settle. We had many rounds on this subject. I needed someone who required everything I had to give and more. Not someone who liked the ideal but would never make use of it. That was distressing.

There was a ram in the bush. The reality is still taking root. God honored my service and sacrifice. I didn't lose anything at all. I gained more than I imagined. I felt He was doing something big last winter. I sensed I was stepping into something more. I didn't have a name. But I felt it deeply.

When God answers prayers its humbling. You experience His grace up close. He's been faithful in my darkest moments. He didn't abandon me when I wandered from Him. I'm indebted to Him for bringing me home and planting me on a new path. I was headed in the wrong direction. But He delivered me.

I remind myself of Esther and how He works in the background without our knowledge. Moving things here and there to bring us to the next point. Learning to trust the process is part of journey. I don't have it down pat. I'm stronger in some places and less assured in other areas.

But He never failed me. That holds true for all of us.

~Bella

pinkjess · Jun 19, 2020

LaBèlla said:
Perspective is important. We can lose our way by dwelling on the here and now and failing to see it in light of the years ahead. Comparison is short-sighted. Plenty doesn't always mean happiness.

Sickness taught me the value of living in the moment. How to focus on the little things I can do today. Not to overwhelm myself with the big stuff I didn't have the strength to tackle right now. I learned contentment in spite of the discomfort. I used what I had to help myself and others. That was the difference. It shifted my thoughts from what's wrong to what's working.

It's easy to fear you'll run out of time when you're ill. But it also teaches you to count the days and make the most of them. The longing for a companion is understandable. But it can consume you if you let it. I believe in serving where I am while I wait. That meant preparing for what's to come and helping others in that position. Singles and couples.

One day during my quiet time the Lord told me to write down everything I wanted. I included big and small things on the paper and covered both sides. I prayed over it for a long time. Last year I looked around and realized most had come to pass. In many cases He provided a better option.

But I was lackadaisical about marriage. I met men who loved God. They appealed to my spirit but not the rest. They couldn't touch my womanliness. The absence was glaring and I wouldn't settle. We had many rounds on this subject. I needed someone who required everything I had to give and more. Not someone who liked the ideal but would never make use of it. That was distressing.

There was a ram in the bush. The reality is still taking root. God honored my service and sacrifice. I didn't lose anything at all. I gained more than I imagined. I felt He was doing something big last winter. I sensed I was stepping into something more. I didn't have a name. But I felt it deeply.

When God answers prayers its humbling. You experience His grace up close. He's been faithful in my darkest moments. He didn't abandon me when I wandered from Him. I'm indebted to Him for bringing me home and planting me on a new path. I was headed in the wrong direction. But He delivered me.

I remind myself of Esther and how He works in the background without our knowledge. Moving things here and there to bring us to the next point. Learning to trust the process is part of journey. I don't have it down pat. I'm stronger in some places and less assured in other areas.

But He never failed me. That holds true for all of us.

~Bella

This touched my soul. Thank you for sharing!!!❤❤❤

Broken Fence · Jun 19, 2020

pinkjess said:
I'm not looking for advice. I just need to vent and talk. See if anyone else is going through the same. I know I am the one responsible for my happiness and I have to make changes if I want to see things turn around. I know I need to fix my eyes on God and pray and be patient. I'm trying to. But I feel the need to just sit down and write out what has been bothering me lately. I don't really know where else to go.

Today I had a lot of thoughts about where I am and where I wish I could be. When I was a teenager I had big plans for my life and it just seems I never made them reality. I guess I thought I would always have time, but it feels like I am running out of more and more time with each passing year.

I'm 26 years old and live by myself in a studio apartment making about $15,000 a year. It's not easy but I pay my own bills and make just enough to get by. Lately I have found myself feeling really envious of my sister's neighbors who are pretty much my age and already are married and have a big house in a well-off neighborhood. One of them recently had a baby and the other is expecting. I feel so far behind and left out because, I want those things too. It just doesn't feel fair.

I know it's all about making good choices in life and there were plenty of things I could have done when I was younger to put myself in a better circumstance, but I just can't help but focus too much on what other people are doing instead of what I am doing. It sucks to have your vision locked on other people's lives instead of your own "lane". It's like my focus is stuck and I can't get myself to see how good I do have it right now.

I think loneliness is a big culprit to my despondency, too. I was really sad last year about it and got myself into an online rendezvous with this guy I really really grew to like. We texted for a year and a half and I felt really eager to meet him. Sadly it never happened and I never had money to visit. Things got weird and he decided he couldn't lie to himself anymore trying to keep it going. I guess we drifted. It makes me really sad because I'm honestly scared I will never find anyone like him. There are still so many unanswered questions in my mind. I am not sure how to put it to rest.

I struggle with POTS and chronic illness and have lots of fatigue. It is hard for me to do things most people can do like walk for long distances or fun stuff that requires being on foot for more than 30 minutes. I am working on eating better and taking better care of myself but sometimes life gets hectic and stuff gets hard. I want to be a healthier version of myself and be ready if God does have someone special for me to meet. If not at least I will feel better than I do now.

I just am tired of feeling lonesome. I want a relationship. I want to be healthy. I want to have healthy connected friendships with others. I want to try new things. I want a family of my own someday. But I feel like there are so many obstacles standing in the way. Like money, anxiety, health issues, etc. it makes me scared to even try.

I picture a better version of myself and I want to be that so badly. I'm just scared time will run out before I can be her. Does anyone else ever feel the same?

I understand your pain. I am 48 with a mental disability. Live with mom. Stuff just keeps piling on. I am blessed to have such a great mom, she really takes care of me. I thought I would accomplish so much more. I don't foresee a wife in my future. Who would want to marry a schizophrenic? God bless thanks for listening.

bèlla · Jun 19, 2020

pinkjess said:
This touched my soul. Thank you for sharing!!!❤❤❤

Thank you. There was a time when I couldn’t work. I couldn’t carry a lunch tray. It took 15 to 20 minutes to walk a block. And I could only sit for 5 minutes. But God...

I’ve been in the valley. I longed to go home. I know how you feel. But He is bigger than all of that. Hold on to Him. The way seems bleak. But morning is coming. The sun will rise and light the way.

~Bella

Feeling despondent about the future

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