I'm not looking for advice. I just need to vent and talk. See if anyone else is going through the same. I know I am the one responsible for my happiness and I have to make changes if I want to see things turn around. I know I need to fix my eyes on God and pray and be patient. I'm trying to. But I feel the need to just sit down and write out what has been bothering me lately. I don't really know where else to go.
Today I had a lot of thoughts about where I am and where I wish I could be. When I was a teenager I had big plans for my life and it just seems I never made them reality. I guess I thought I would always have time, but it feels like I am running out of more and more time with each passing year.
I'm 26 years old and live by myself in a studio apartment making about $15,000 a year. It's not easy but I pay my own bills and make just enough to get by. Lately I have found myself feeling really envious of my sister's neighbors who are pretty much my age and already are married and have a big house in a well-off neighborhood. One of them recently had a baby and the other is expecting. I feel so far behind and left out because, I want those things too. It just doesn't feel fair.
I know it's all about making good choices in life and there were plenty of things I could have done when I was younger to put myself in a better circumstance, but I just can't help but focus too much on what other people are doing instead of what I am doing. It sucks to have your vision locked on other people's lives instead of your own "lane". It's like my focus is stuck and I can't get myself to see how good I do have it right now.
I think loneliness is a big culprit to my despondency, too. I was really sad last year about it and got myself into an online rendezvous with this guy I really really grew to like. We texted for a year and a half and I felt really eager to meet him. Sadly it never happened and I never had money to visit. Things got weird and he decided he couldn't lie to himself anymore trying to keep it going. I guess we drifted. It makes me really sad because I'm honestly scared I will never find anyone like him. There are still so many unanswered questions in my mind. I am not sure how to put it to rest.
I struggle with POTS and chronic illness and have lots of fatigue. It is hard for me to do things most people can do like walk for long distances or fun stuff that requires being on foot for more than 30 minutes. I am working on eating better and taking better care of myself but sometimes life gets hectic and stuff gets hard. I want to be a healthier version of myself and be ready if God does have someone special for me to meet. If not at least I will feel better than I do now.
I just am tired of feeling lonesome. I want a relationship. I want to be healthy. I want to have healthy connected friendships with others. I want to try new things. I want a family of my own someday. But I feel like there are so many obstacles standing in the way. Like money, anxiety, health issues, etc. it makes me scared to even try.
I picture a better version of myself and I want to be that so badly. I'm just scared time will run out before I can be her. Does anyone else ever feel the same?
Today I had a lot of thoughts about where I am and where I wish I could be. When I was a teenager I had big plans for my life and it just seems I never made them reality. I guess I thought I would always have time, but it feels like I am running out of more and more time with each passing year.
I'm 26 years old and live by myself in a studio apartment making about $15,000 a year. It's not easy but I pay my own bills and make just enough to get by. Lately I have found myself feeling really envious of my sister's neighbors who are pretty much my age and already are married and have a big house in a well-off neighborhood. One of them recently had a baby and the other is expecting. I feel so far behind and left out because, I want those things too. It just doesn't feel fair.
I know it's all about making good choices in life and there were plenty of things I could have done when I was younger to put myself in a better circumstance, but I just can't help but focus too much on what other people are doing instead of what I am doing. It sucks to have your vision locked on other people's lives instead of your own "lane". It's like my focus is stuck and I can't get myself to see how good I do have it right now.
I think loneliness is a big culprit to my despondency, too. I was really sad last year about it and got myself into an online rendezvous with this guy I really really grew to like. We texted for a year and a half and I felt really eager to meet him. Sadly it never happened and I never had money to visit. Things got weird and he decided he couldn't lie to himself anymore trying to keep it going. I guess we drifted. It makes me really sad because I'm honestly scared I will never find anyone like him. There are still so many unanswered questions in my mind. I am not sure how to put it to rest.
I struggle with POTS and chronic illness and have lots of fatigue. It is hard for me to do things most people can do like walk for long distances or fun stuff that requires being on foot for more than 30 minutes. I am working on eating better and taking better care of myself but sometimes life gets hectic and stuff gets hard. I want to be a healthier version of myself and be ready if God does have someone special for me to meet. If not at least I will feel better than I do now.
I just am tired of feeling lonesome. I want a relationship. I want to be healthy. I want to have healthy connected friendships with others. I want to try new things. I want a family of my own someday. But I feel like there are so many obstacles standing in the way. Like money, anxiety, health issues, etc. it makes me scared to even try.
I picture a better version of myself and I want to be that so badly. I'm just scared time will run out before I can be her. Does anyone else ever feel the same?