Hello everyone,
Recently, I've been struggling with the thought of going to a certain denomination. I've been to Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, etc. churches. I was even involved in the Amish anabaptist churches (though they have their church services in other member's front rooms, barns, etc instead of having church in a certain building. To them, church is anywhere which is true. That was a really unique take on 'church'.)
The issue is that I don't know which denomination to go to. I wanted to go to a Greek Orthodox church because God gave me a sign. I went into town the other day, scoped out a Catholic church for me to potentially go to so I would finally quit going from church to church (because God gave me a sign to go to a Catholic church), and lo' and behold, a Greek Orthodox priest came to me and pretty much convinced me to be in the Greek Orthodox church instead of a Catholic church. And who am I to disobey God's sign? So, I went and looked up the Greek Orthodox church, read what they are about, and now I have my sights set out to go to a Greek Orthodox church and to talk about getting involved with that.
This same thing actually happened to me when I was in another state (Ohio to be exact, which is my home state.) I went to the local Baptist church, and a nice Amish man came up to me and told me that being Amish was the way to go. That was fun to be honest. Working out, being Amish, dressing like them, plowing, etc. It was hard work! I moved though to NC so I had to pick another church.
The issue though with moving and picking another church is that I don't really know if what I am doing is right and if I act on things too quickly. I have Asperger's syndrome you see, so seeing God's signs is quite difficult for me. So when I see a sign I'm so excited because those are normally small things that I miss due to my autism and so I act on those right away! (This is why I have 8 different bibles in my house by the way. I go and buy a study bible on the Baptists then one on the Anabaptists and then one on this denomination, and then one and another one. It is because I think God wants me to know more about that certain denomination because he wants me to be in it! It is because he gave me a sign! If I have autism and it's hard for me to see signs then God shows me a sign instantly and I act on it! In those moments I feel so close to God but then he tells me to change and then I am away from God again
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In all honesty though, I'm actually sort of scared to choose a denomination because I'm afraid that I will miss God's signs because I will be blinded by that denomination's thought process, but at the same time I feel like God wants me to be in a denomination on purpose so I can get his message in the best way and so I can be even more closer to the church which means that I can be closer to God. Right now I'm struggling with the thought of being in the Greek Orthodox church and going to that church and having the right things done to officially be in that church. Yesterday, I was struggling with being in the Catholic church. It's all very confusing and God just keeps throwing signs at me and I have to weed it all out despite me being held back by my autism.
A secondary problem is that I can't really get "closer" to God unless I'm at a church (aka being involved in a denomination.) And you know that there are many denominations of churches so who is to say that the denomination that I'm in is one that God would not agree with? I obviously won't see God in a church that he would not agree with so I can't get "closer" to God so he can give me more direct answers instead of vague ones like I'm getting now. If I find that God wants me somewhere else then it's like a light switch and that church doesn't help me anymore, and I have to to go another church. It is a little sad. I guess I'm following the holy spirit??
I find though that if I am in church I get very VERY direct answers and my life goes well. But then when I am away or when God calls me somewhere else and I am in question and I cannot ask a pastor about something then I get lost because I don't know.
Could I have some advice on this? This has been a lifelong struggle with me and I am not sure how I can maneuver this life when I have issues trying to see God's signs clearly. I don't think he wants me to switch churches like you switch out a pair of socks but I'm just so confused and I don't know what to do. I pray a lot but I'm scared that if I ask God to slow down he will stop giving me signs all together and I will just end up in a church that does not show me any of Gods signs. Despite me going nearly nuts about this, I wouldn't want him to put me on the back burner and stop giving me his gifts because I don't want to sound ungrateful. I've had some great things happen to me under God! I'm just scared that I will be without God's gift again and I will fall into a deep state of depression without him like before.
Could anyone help me out on this? Thank you
(also, yes, you might say that I'm gullible but I can never tell if it's the person talking or if it is God speaking through the person. I find that if I reject what I am given then things do not go well for me [I get sad] so I just stay quiet and just go with it (least the alternative is being depressed again if I ignore God).)