I Hate My Body

brandynicole said:

I don't remember when it started, but I hate my body and any sexual parts of it.

I've had visions of literally cutting these parts out of me so that I could be pure. Showering and getting dressed is hard, so I get dressed in the dark and shower in hottest water possible. I hate seeing my skin as well, so I wear completely covered clothing even in the FL summer.

The sexual sins I committed were not safe, and I hardly remember what happened. But I'm still dealing with panic attacks and nightmares over a year later. Most nights I wake up screaming as my mind replays those incidents.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why those men hurt me, and I don't know why I even put myself in that situation. Why would God abandon me right now when I need help the most. My prayers feel rejected.

I'm really scared.

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You state you sinned. If you have confessed your sin to the Lord and asked for forgiveness then you need to receive that forgiveness within yourself. He has forgiven you ... so begin anew ... let the old go.

He forgives quickly ... receive it ... believe it ... because it is so.

Hating your body will not resolve your unrest .... receiving His forgiveness will.

He understands ... and forgives .... and what does He say?

Go .... and sin no more.

May you accept His gracious loving forgiveness and begin anew. Amen.

Hi, Brandy Nicole . . . God bless you; and I see you might be newer here; so welcome to Christian Forums.

I myself can have horrible things going on inside me, about what people could do to me. But you have had actual things happen to you! So, I can see that this is very scary and hurting.

So, only God can change us to His peace. This does not depend on us. Trust Him, no matter what is telling you otherwise. That negative nasty stuff is not trustworthy, but it can seem convincing.

And those men did not know how to love. They were having intimacy with feelings of pleasure > only with God can we enjoy true intimacy. Sex can be blessed, but with God we can have intimacy while doing anything that is good, and be family with one another.

So, don't accept any way you might feel isolated. With Jesus, we are family . . . all the time So, don't let horrible things trick you into thinking you are on your own.

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

And I'm a guy, by the way . . . 72 years old; so I am offering what I can. Surely you can do well to share with mature Christian ladies you know personally, and I find we have various kind and compassionate people who write to us, here.

brandynicole said:

I don't remember when it started, but I hate my body and any sexual parts of it.

I've had visions of literally cutting these parts out of me so that I could be pure. Showering and getting dressed is hard, so I get dressed in the dark and shower in hottest water possible. I hate seeing my skin as well, so I wear completely covered clothing even in the FL summer.

The sexual sins I committed were not safe, and I hardly remember what happened. But I'm still dealing with panic attacks and nightmares over a year later. Most nights I wake up screaming as my mind replays those incidents.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why those men hurt me, and I don't know why I even put myself in that situation. Why would God abandon me right now when I need help the most. My prayers feel rejected.

I'm really scared.

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God has not abandoned you. You are under accusation and condemnation. You also need to forgive yourself. The following two articles will help you. I know a number of women who have been through similar experiences and they are totally free now.

Are you under condemnation? - Christian Life Frankston
Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

If you're having panic attacks and nightmares, it doesn't sound like consensual sex to me; it sounds like you may have been assaulted.

Have you talked to a professional counsellor or psychologist about this? They have training that may help you to heal from what has happened to you, and to heal from how you feel about your body.

God will not abandon you. It may seem that way when our emotions are in upheaval, but He will not abandon us.

First off stop thinking of yourself as sinning if you were forced . That’s rape and you’re not responsible for an abusers behavior. Even if you consented it sounds like it was still against your will or that you actually didn’t want to but felt you were unable to say no. Understand that you’re reacting to severe trauma and you need to focus on being whole and safe rather than harming yourself further . Therapy can help . And forget that nonsense about purity, that’s just misogynistic control of women’s behavior

It sounds like you need some serious therapy.

A Christian counselor (not just a pastor), or a psychologist trained in sexual trauma would be good.

Maybe your doctor can offer good recommendations.

God created you - every part of you - and God does not create junk Brandy. I hope you can have the faith to believe that and know it for the truth it is. God is merciful and has great plans for you. I will pray for you to have peace of mind and rest in Gods love and mercy.

Those parts aren't bad. Have you received professional counseling about this?

You really need to see an in-person counselor about that. Every part of your body was created for a healthful purpose.

And find a church that is familiar with inner healing, too, like

• Vineyard,
• Assembly of God,
• Foursquare Church

Reject evil thoughts and only accept good things. Evil comes from evil spirits and good comes from angels and God.

Dear Heavenly Father
You have blessed her with a healthy body, which has been abused and now her mind is suffering. Lord, cleanser her both mentally, physically and spiritually. Let her know your healing hand is upon her heart, mind, and soul. Restore her, Lord. Give her peace that passes all understanding. Help her understand that looking inward, backwards, and sideways is not where she will find that peace. Help her to look forward to a walk with you that will also bring her happiness, peace and comfort. May the demons that torment her soul be gone in your name we pray, Amen

focus on Christ . Here is a free online commentary on the Life of Christ - the most detailed one in the entire world. Free -- just click on each chapter.

With your mind fixed on Christ.. the Holy Spirit will cause healing to your mind as you do it.

The book about Christ is called "The Desire of Ages"
The Desire of Ages — Ellen G. White Writings

Monksailor said:

If you find your body repulsive

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And Brandy Nicole you said:

.

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Perhaps this means you got the point?

Now I think of this > maybe you dearly love someone who looks very old or not attractive; perhaps the person feels like he or she is not nice looking, and this is a problem for the person. But because you so love him or her, you don't want this person to suffer about what he or she looks like, but you want the person to know you love him or her and this is enough, isn't it??

My lady friend, about 83 years old, can make a major thing about me taking her picture. I love her; I delight in how sweet and beautiful she looks while she is loving and smiling; but if she catches me trying to photograph that . . . she can turn her face to looking the most nasty I have ever seen a face . . . in an instant.

And there is no negotiating; I have taken her to a mirror, gotten her smiling with love, turned her right away to see how she looks in the mirror, and still she denies. But I point out how she looks so different while loving; so if she looks at herself while at a mirror and she is worrying and critical, of course that ugly worry and ugly criticizing spirit will make her look horrible.

At least, while she is loving and caring with people, and delighting to be with ones she loves, she at such times is not thinking about what she looks like.

But may be you are not feeling you look ugly, but you could be concerned that you look too nice and this is attracting the wrong kind of love and approval . . . so you can't get into genuine relationships. This can happen, too.

But no matter how we look, then, there can be a problem . . . and we can learn how to love, in spite of whatever. And we can discover who else is finding out how to love, and bless and help each other.

And, by the way . . . whatever your problems might be . . . any of us, being human, can feel like we are the only ones with issues. I can get isolated with my particular problems. So we need, then, to get with people and learn to love.

com7fy8, I do not think that your friend's problem is akin in cause, yes, in effect, but not in cause with what the OP is addressing here. The OP is discussing hating their sex and sex organs and such.

Yes, our appearance does have influence upon others in this world. God wants us to take care of our bodies and look our best, I think. But that is OUR best NOT compared to ANYONE else! If a person can not get over comparing themselves to others about anything they will never get over themselves or become the beautiful flower or powerful stallion and such, which God has planned for them.

brandynicole said:

It has nothing to do with how I look. It's about how others see and treat me: like I have no value. Everywhere I go I am a nuisance, not wanted, and in the way.

Day and night I'm constantly tormented by these thoughts. No doctor has helped me. I believe this is God's way of confirming things

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Oh Brandy Nicole you Have so much Value! Jesus died for you.
I understand how you feel. Coming from trauma myself. It took years of counseling. I finally found the right one. A Christian and she helped me work it out biblically.
Some times you just need a Pro to talk to.
I can't tell you how talking to the Christian counselor helped show me the way to give those awkward heavy backpacks (Spiritual) and give it to God. I needed guidance on how to give the pain to my Father in Heaven. After 11 years I did. I'm sorry it took so long for me. I pray this is not so for you.
Sometimes you needs to talk, hash out the past, and weep.
God loves you so much. You are his child and If you are a believer, you are apart of the Bride of Christ! He is holding his hands out to help you Brandy.
Take hold of His nail scarred hands (Wrists) and receive his love and cleansing for your agony. If you give it all to Him he will give you Beauty for Ashes.
He has with me
God Bless you and I will be praying for you.
Ronit