- Apr 5, 2019
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I know that there are figures in the Bible who doubted and yet were saved. However, I suspect that my doubt goes well beyond their doubts, except maybe not Thomas' doubt, but perhaps he wasn't saved until after he received his evidence.
I've been a Christian for 15 years.
My situation is this: Lately, I've spent an incredible amount of time trying to prove to myself that I have a very strong foundation for believing in Christianity. Unfortunately, that pursuit has pretty consistently led me to evidence which is stronger against Christianity rather than for it. Right now, I'd say that I believe there's only about a 10-20% chance that Jesus is who he claimed to be.
But I'm still searching, because that answer is sickening; it's intolerable. I will be extremely unhappy if I must live without the Christian god; my life would be utterly pointless.
So I hope that as I gather more information, my 10-20% estimate will increase.
Strangely, I never realized until now that I am very sincere in my desire to have God. There is nothing I want more. What I've done is essentially this: I recognized that my mind is fragile; we all make errors in reasoning. I can't count on myself to come to the evidence that would make me believe the Christian claims are probable. Thus, I've pleaded with God, very very sincerely, that if he exists, he would lead me to the evidence I need. And I also acknowledged that I can't lose my salvation, and given that my heart longs for nothing more than for this God to be real, it seems that I certainly have had salvation. Thus he will surely draw me back, right? That is, if he exists at all?
My questions are these: First, am I already damned, because I think it's much more probable that his claims were false than I do that they were true? Note: I have not rejected him. I just have strong doubts. Second, my comments about sincerity and relying on God to bring me to the evidence -- am I correct? If God is real, will he draw me back?
Note: Please do not respond by telling me that I need to have faith. Blind faith is useless, and I don't see such an idea defended by scripture. Moreover, blind faith can be used to defend the claim of any religion. Muslims can say that I just need to have faith. Christians can say it. So how do I choose between them? You have to appeal to something more than only faith.
I've been a Christian for 15 years.
My situation is this: Lately, I've spent an incredible amount of time trying to prove to myself that I have a very strong foundation for believing in Christianity. Unfortunately, that pursuit has pretty consistently led me to evidence which is stronger against Christianity rather than for it. Right now, I'd say that I believe there's only about a 10-20% chance that Jesus is who he claimed to be.
But I'm still searching, because that answer is sickening; it's intolerable. I will be extremely unhappy if I must live without the Christian god; my life would be utterly pointless.
So I hope that as I gather more information, my 10-20% estimate will increase.
Strangely, I never realized until now that I am very sincere in my desire to have God. There is nothing I want more. What I've done is essentially this: I recognized that my mind is fragile; we all make errors in reasoning. I can't count on myself to come to the evidence that would make me believe the Christian claims are probable. Thus, I've pleaded with God, very very sincerely, that if he exists, he would lead me to the evidence I need. And I also acknowledged that I can't lose my salvation, and given that my heart longs for nothing more than for this God to be real, it seems that I certainly have had salvation. Thus he will surely draw me back, right? That is, if he exists at all?
My questions are these: First, am I already damned, because I think it's much more probable that his claims were false than I do that they were true? Note: I have not rejected him. I just have strong doubts. Second, my comments about sincerity and relying on God to bring me to the evidence -- am I correct? If God is real, will he draw me back?
Note: Please do not respond by telling me that I need to have faith. Blind faith is useless, and I don't see such an idea defended by scripture. Moreover, blind faith can be used to defend the claim of any religion. Muslims can say that I just need to have faith. Christians can say it. So how do I choose between them? You have to appeal to something more than only faith.
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