How do I keep my temper during an argument?

Jacob Black said:

I have a really short temper, and I find it very important to keep it because I know it's a horrible sin when I burst out in wrath. Another reason why I don't want to lose my temper is because I can get really - I mean really - violent once someone or something goes over my tipping point.

I'm asking this question because I got into an argument this evening with a relative of mine and it kept going on about how my opinion was inferior to that of my relative. I tried to keep my anger at bay but I eventually came at a point in which I actually wanted to physically attack my relative.

Fortunately the argument stopped before it came that far but I wanted to ask for some advice on how I can avoid such tipping points in future arguments or fights.

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Keep practicing 1 John 1:9

1 John 1:9 King James Version (KJV)
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

YOu keep confessing when you fail, He will keep forgiving and cleansing!

Jacob Black said:

I have a really short temper, and I find it very important to keep it because I know it's a horrible sin when I burst out in wrath. Another reason why I don't want to lose my temper is because I can get really - I mean really - violent once someone or something goes over my tipping point.

I'm asking this question because I got into an argument this evening with a relative of mine and it kept going on about how my opinion was inferior to that of my relative. I tried to keep my anger at bay but I eventually came at a point in which I actually wanted to physically attack my relative.

Fortunately the argument stopped before it came that far but I wanted to ask for some advice on how I can avoid such tipping points in future arguments or fights.

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You are young and you got that fire in your soul. Sometimes you just got to give things...well, some time.

Meanwhile, take some logic and critical thinking courses and maybe some other philosophy classes and you will receive training in being an objective observer and you will not take things so personally.

Also:

Romans 12
"…17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

Shalom my brother.

Glorytothefather2245 said:

I'm not someone that has a short temper. But I have had my fair share of anger outbursts. You won't be able to do it without God. Pray pray pray! Be slow to anger. Be patient it's not easy but it's doable.

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I can do all things through Christ Which strengtheneth me.
Phil.4

1. [13] I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

God tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. If we do it will internalize, fester, cause a terrible, destructive thought life, solidify, harden the heart, cause "acting out" or ventilating w/people totally unrelated to the "thorn" and causing more destruction and confusion, ...........

Temporarily walking away may be good IF you can soon return with a cool, collected head; some can not.

Managing anger essentially entails identifying EXACTLY WHY we become angry first. No one can offer you help, other than a lucky hit in the dark, w/o knowing that and the reasons for anger vary as much as personalities vary. You need to really know yourself, DEEPLY. You must examine those areas of your life which you may not want to. Your anger in an argument as you described has a lot more to do with those deep personality traits than the subject matter. Defensive feelings of being made to appear inferior or a need to project oneself as one who is always right or always in control or mature or smart or....... I have had to deal w/this coming from a terribly abusive childhood.

Remember that as Christians we have reached the apex of any hoped-for significance or actualization as humans; we are loved and adopted and protected and provided for by the Creator and Sustainer of the universe. There is no higher place to be as a human. We ARE already citizens of heaven as God's Word tells us. HUMILITY consequentially, should be very easy for us. We have absolutely nothing to prove. What God thinks about us TRUMPS anything ANY human thinks. We are here on earth for God to be His ambassadors now; emulating His character and offering sanctuary and asylum and "nationalization" to unbelievers. Our mission is to extend grace and peace. It is not about ourselves, but others and how we may influence them towards Christ. I fail in this mission in ways as I think we all do. But our Lord forgives, strengthens, and put us right back on the line or in the "office."

As another has been very quick and repetitive to suggest I would suggest that you find a professional to help you with anger management. What you have shared says that you have it under control, but just barely. I am not you but if I were in your position I would find a professional who I trusted and respected soon before "barely" becomes transgressed.

What I believe to be helpful links:
Understanding Anger | New Life
Anger Management Archives | Every Man's BattleEvery Man's Battle (How to "calm" your anger.)
David Goes To Anger Management |Every Man's Battle

New Life Christian Counseling has offices around the nation, USA and as provided in one of the above links many resources

Jacob Black said:

I have a really short temper, and I find it very important to keep it because I know it's a horrible sin when I burst out in wrath. Another reason why I don't want to lose my temper is because I can get really - I mean really - violent once someone or something goes over my tipping point.

I'm asking this question because I got into an argument this evening with a relative of mine and it kept going on about how my opinion was inferior to that of my relative. I tried to keep my anger at bay but I eventually came at a point in which I actually wanted to physically attack my relative.

Fortunately the argument stopped before it came that far but I wanted to ask for some advice on how I can avoid such tipping points in future arguments or fights.

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Please find a mental-health professional therapist, preferably a Christian, who will help you find out why your anger gets so strong. It often goes back to our childhoods and events that we may not even remember. Perhaps, you have let your anger build up to the boiling point after some childhood trauma that you can't even remember.

After you find out the source of your strong anger, express it in private, persistent prayer to God, the way Job (chaps. 3,7,10), David (Psalms 6,13,22,37,88), and Jeremiah (Lamentations 3) did. I know because I buried 43 years of anger and anxiety in my unconscious mind until God broke through to me with psychological help. Then, he taught me to lament to God, not to people, because he can take it, not people. After 8 1/2 months of lamenting to God, he gave his peace of Philippians 4:6,7. He decreased my strong anger to minor irritations and patience with people. You're on my prayer list.

Oseas said:

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It is my understanding that when one offers a video link on Christian Forums that they must also offer a summation or description of the content.

From the banner above on this page: "Please note there is a new rule regarding the posting of videos. It reads, "Post a summary of the videos you post . An exception can be made for music videos.". Unless you are simply sharing music, please post a summary, or the gist, of the video you wish to share."

Jacob Black said:

I have a really short temper, and I find it very important to keep it because I know it's a horrible sin when I burst out in wrath. Another reason why I don't want to lose my temper is because I can get really - I mean really - violent once someone or something goes over my tipping point.

I'm asking this question because I got into an argument this evening with a relative of mine and it kept going on about how my opinion was inferior to that of my relative. I tried to keep my anger at bay but I eventually came at a point in which I actually wanted to physically attack my relative.

Fortunately the argument stopped before it came that far but I wanted to ask for some advice on how I can avoid such tipping points in future arguments or fights.

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The bible calls "oubursts of wrath", a work of the flesh. Jesus told us that we should "pray that you enter not into temptation for the Spirit is willing and the flesh weak". and "live in the spirit and you will not give in to the desires of the flesh".

As we daily spend time with God, his Spirit's strength within us increases, it is a principal, pray move and be strengthened, pray less and the flesh dominates.

lsume said:

Only Christ can tame a man’s tongue.

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Glad you noticed.

crossnote said:

Glad you noticed.

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I can’t sing. I have thought for a long time that the human voice is a special gift for those whom God has gifted. There is no man made instrument that can compare. I’ve been playing classical guitar now for over 50 years and hope to have a tertiary career since I’m a retired engineer.

DamianWarS said:

Practise humility and don't argue points. If someone calls you stupid accept it and ask them how you can be a better person. If it's too frustrating leave it and walk away without a smart comment or rolling your eyes.

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Thank you so much! I don't think I've totally recovered from being called stupid, but I'm no longer angry. I've learned compassion.

Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

lsume said:

I can’t sing. I have thought for a long time that the human voice is a special gift for those whom God has gifted. There is no man made instrument that can compare. I’ve been playing classical guitar now for over 50 years and hope to have a tertiary career since I’m a retired engineer.

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I can't sing either, but it gives me something to look forward to on that Great Day in eternity.

Jacob Black said:

I have a really short temper, and I find it very important to keep it because I know it's a horrible sin when I burst out in wrath. Another reason why I don't want to lose my temper is because I can get really - I mean really - violent once someone or something goes over my tipping point.

I'm asking this question because I got into an argument this evening with a relative of mine and it kept going on about how my opinion was inferior to that of my relative. I tried to keep my anger at bay but I eventually came at a point in which I actually wanted to physically attack my relative.

Fortunately the argument stopped before it came that far but I wanted to ask for some advice on how I can avoid such tipping points in future arguments or fights.

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At some point in your Christian walk, you might want to seek God The Father with all that you have. I’ve not been much into prophesy but something that I believe The Good Lord has shared with me is that after Israel became a nation it ushered in more prophesy that could only make sense after becoming a nation surrounded by her enemies.

Jacob Black said:

I have a really short temper, and I find it very important to keep it because I know it's a horrible sin when I burst out in wrath. Another reason why I don't want to lose my temper is because I can get really - I mean really - violent once someone or something goes over my tipping point.

I'm asking this question because I got into an argument this evening with a relative of mine and it kept going on about how my opinion was inferior to that of my relative. I tried to keep my anger at bay but I eventually came at a point in which I actually wanted to physically attack my relative.

Fortunately the argument stopped before it came that far but I wanted to ask for some advice on how I can avoid such tipping points in future arguments or fights.

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Have you experienced God’s Perfect Love for yourself? Since He first Loved me, I was able to Love in return. I have prayed for my love in Christ to improve and It has.

Phoebe Ann said:

Thank you so much! I don't think I've totally recovered from being called stupid, but I'm no longer angry. I've learned compassion.

Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

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Calling someone stupid can be very damaging. This is especially true if a parent calls their child stupid. I believe that we are all gifted according to God’s Perfect Will. I pray that Christ heal you.
Matt.5

1. [22] But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

lsume said:

Calling someone stupid can be very damaging. This is especially true if a parent calls their child stupid. I believe that we are all gifted according to God’s Perfect Will. I pray that Christ heal you.
Matt.5

1. [22] But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

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I came from a non-Christian family, but God has pulled me through for His own purposes.

I don't know how he does it but my Christian wrestling(not the TV type) instructor doesn't even hit first or start a fight when it is clear he can prove he has more than enough wrestling skills when the other person belittles him or when he can also prove that the one arguing against him is wrong. Maybe you need some sort of figure in your life whose temperament you can emulate. I have tried to follow his character. It doesn't make me less argumentative but I can control my temper many many times much easier now. Of course it's just better to follow Jesus' of always being able to keep his calm during debates but if you find you cannot emulate the Son of God, someone else who is also a Christian can be another choice.

But if you really can't help arguing......
Honest question ;do you somehow feel within yourself that you cannot prove your points that's why you are angry? If your points are really valid then facts will speak for themselves and your relative would have been overwhelmed by them(facts). If your relative kept on insisting that your views are inferior just keep calm and keep on stating facts to counter your relative's views. Best of all, try turning it into a debate instead of an argument.

To sum it all up, it's better to be quiet and avoid all sorts of conflict. Only follow the second paragraph I wrote if you really can't help it.

Phoebe Ann said:

I came from a non-Christian family, but God has pulled me through for His own purposes.

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So very true and there have been a great many Muslim conversions. I’ve both read a seen that about 80% of the Muslim conversations involved direct visitation from Christ in either a vision or Spiritual dream.

The bible talks about meekness and self control. We need some of that.

Jacob Black said:

I have a really short temper,... advice on how I can avoid such tipping points in future arguments or fights.

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I've had a similar problem most of my life. It's not easy, but there are several strategies that have helped me.

First of all, such a reaction is purely physical, and frequently is the product of well-practiced habit. It involves the amygdala -- the part of the brain associated with fight or flight situations. It deals more with emotion than reason. And it is the part of the brain activated before reason. To break a bad habit takes work and lots of practice. Start with self-awareness. Examine, as often as possible, your exact feelings. Take full responsibility for them, much as Christ took immense responsibility on the cross. Realize that physical reactions are non-spiritual in nature. We need to cultivate being spirit -- the true child of God mentioned in Genesis 1:26, implied in Genesis 6:3, and reinforced by John 3.

While you are practicing your new habit of patience and loving responsibility for everything the other person does to you (turning the other cheek), it might prove helpful to eliminate all activities that favor the amygdala hair-trigger reaction. Avoid for awhile all caffeine, alcohol, alarming news media, emotionally upsetting movies, heated arguments, etc. The Globalist-Leftists (Pro-Death Cult) like to push people's buttons with bad news, enlarging the amygdala and consequently shrinking the prefrontal cortex, thus reducing intelligence and increasing hair-trigger emotionalism.

Practice faith in God -- not merely "belief" -- but the perfection of humble confidence in God that allows you to act as spirit and not a Homo sapiens body. A rock cannot pray, and neither can a physical body or ego. It takes spirit to communicate with the Heavenly Father, so we need to wake up as spirit (be reborn of the spirit, as Christ said).

Practice True Forgiveness. This involves, not forgetting as in losing a memory, but forgetting as in an assault being reduced to extreme unimportance. Love the other person as yourself. Be generous in allowing them to have their viewpoint and their assault (verbal or physical). Be grateful for the opportunity. Be responsible for their assault against you. Be humble to their needs. And be confident that God will take care of you no matter what happens.

I hope this helps.

Jacob, I'm so proud of you . You didnt attack your relative. Plus you're young and asking how to handle your temper. Pro 19'20, Judges 20:7 states for us to hear and receive counsel. There's Biblical responses being given here. Could have saved myself a lot of grieve if I had listened at your age.