You write very well. I give you that. It's just that it is all wrong. I don't honestly think you understand men, because you don't have testosterone.
Thank you for the compliment.
No, I don’t have testosterone. It is equally true that you are not a lady. But if you look beyond the obvious and consider what’s driving us. You’ll see many similarities. You are trying to help younger men by utilizing your knowledge and experiences to serve them. I have done the same and taken many under my wing.
If we’re going to address the subject biblically, we must see the subject from their perspective. They aren’t privy to our knowledge or experiences. Their concept of dating will be deeply influenced by cultural and religious ideals. Until they develop their own.
But anyway, if you can find a verse that supports dating. I would love to hear it. Until then I guess it's an argument from silence.
In the bible, women had little say in their choice of suitors. We’re given examples of a servant or prospective spouse choosing her themselves. If you were dealing with a pair willing to consider an arranged marriage that’s the ideal approach.
The Biblical Model
But in modern times, he is required to win her hand. It won’t be secured expectantly because he wants her. Nevertheless, the biblical examples illustrate an important element. A secondary person, usually a relative, who wields great influence on the individual. In each instance we see a pattern of response and obedience. The prospective spouse is told to do something and they comply.
Thus, the biblical model requires a strong family unit or influential person whose character and trustworthiness earned their respect. The second criteria is humility. If the individual is non compliant they won’t adhere to the counsel they’ve been given.
God’s Plan
We’re addressing humble men and women with teachable spirits who desire to marry. How do you bring them to the point of man and wife? More importantly, how does God want both to proceed?
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” —Genesis 2:18
“The man” is not the same as “a man.” We can infer that God fashioned the helper with ‘him’ in mind. Therefore, a man mustn’t seek a companion solely from his perspective. He should begin with God’s at the forefront. But he must be certain marriage is His intention.
Because...
Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the purpose of the LORD will prevail. —Proverbs 19:21
In other words, what we desire may not support the Lord’s purpose for our lives. That is foremost. What kind of wife does He provide?
A prudent wife is from the LORD. —Proverbs 19:14
Prudence is defined as:
Derives from the Latin prudentia meaning "foresight, sagacity.” It is the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason. It is often associated with wisdom, insight, and knowledge. In this case, the virtue is the ability to judge between virtuous and vicious actions, not only in a general sense, but with regard to appropriate actions at a given time and place.
The function of prudence is to point out which course of action is to be taken in any concrete circumstances. It has nothing to do with directly willing the good it discerns. Prudence has a directive capacity with regard to the other virtues. It lights the way and measures the arena for their exercise.
Therefore, a prudent wife will be
knowledgeable, discriminating and wise. Using your position, he is welcome to
befriend believers of the opposite sex. But his considerations for companions should be restricted to those whose character and countenance reflects the qualities God described.
The second criteria is fit. But there’s a caveat. This is the issue you’re referencing.
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. —Proverbs 4:23
This is a reminder about the necessity of restraint. We can’t get carried away. Temperance is required.
Temperance in its modern use is defined as moderation or voluntary self-restraint. It is typically described in terms of what an individual voluntarily refrains from doing.
Where to Begin
This is the starting point and appropriate mindset. It isn’t steeped in longing or loneliness. Or influenced by negative experiences and fear. Its wholly grounded and expectant. We’re broaching the subject from God’s perspective. Not our own. And we’re willing to act when He presents viable candidates.
But if we inhibit His movement or permit fears and biases to impede our judgment. We may be subject to unpleasant experiences and disappointment. The first rule for each is aligning themselves with God and exercising restraint over their flesh.
Personal Experience
How might this look today? I’ll share my experience.
I met my companion on a forum two years ago. He messaged me regarding a post he saw in an etiquette group offering advice for lady’s desiring gentlemen. I provided practical and behavioral helps for their edification.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. —Titus 2:3-5
When he encountered me I was busy serving others and offering instruction and support. He had much to glean from which provoked the note. But he didn’t present himself. He asked a question instead.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. —Proverbs 31:10
He wanted to know how he could find the woman I described in my posts. He acknowledged a desire to marry and the difficulty he’d experienced in meeting someone with the qualities and disposition I spoke of. I was happy to help.
We exchanged several messages. He provided additional feedback and I responded in kind. Our discourse was engaging. We realized we’d found what we sought in the other. Devoid of propositions and scrutiny. Or pictures at the moment. The connection was genuine without pretense.
But the stumbling block was my calling and its demands. It contradicted the life he sought. In the two years that followed, God sloughed away the impediments within each that would prohibit us from accepting His will without argument. Letting Him choose is harder than it sounds.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. —Proverbs 31:12
Our reconciliation was unexpected. The pandemic threw us together. I reached out to see how he was doing. He lived in a hotspot and I was concerned. But the Lord moved him elsewhere in our time apart. He was safe.
Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. —Titus 2:6-8
The pandemic was challenging for most. I lost my grandmother as the shutdown began; not to the virus. We couldn’t have a service. I was grappling with grief, stress, and business concerns for myself and my daughter. He was a continued source of support and encouragement. His steadiness made a difference. We weren’t dating or thinking along those lines.
Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. —Proverbs 15:22
He began to acknowledge how well we worked together and our missions complemented one another. I didn’t think anything of it. My mother, aunt, and best friend broached the subject. They asked me to consider if the Lord was leading me towards him. They provide examples of his character and behavior which might suggest personal interest. I pondered their comments and prayed for insight. I thought I’d go in a different direction. Then the riots hit.
Holy Alignment
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. —Philippians 2:3-4
My welfare was his primary concern. He stayed abreast of the developments in my area. Our neighborhood was under siege and greatly damaged. The violence and gunshots were unsettling. But he remained with me through it all and continued to do so each day since it began.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. — 1 Corinthians 13:7-8
As the calamity unfolded around me, I was struck with a clarity and knowing that resounded within my spirit. I saw him through different eyes. His care and concern and attentiveness didn’t escape my notice. He asked for nothing in return. There was a mutual acknowledgment of what existed between us. No heartfelt declarations or Hallmark moments. “It is” and that was enough. We understood.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. —1 Peter 4:8
In the course of our connection we’ve served one another unselfishly. Seeing the other bettered is a source of joy. It doesn’t hinge on togetherness. Meeting his needs is fulfilling and I’m discovering new ways to do so as he’s done on my behalf.
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. —Song of Solomon 8:4
We don’t behave romantically. In spite of our attraction. It isn’t the focal point of our relationship. Nor is physicality. We desire something greater. Permanency is our goal.
Some might say we’re dating. Others would call it courtship. But I prefer the third option in their place. Two people honoring God and one another within our companionship. That’s my story.
~Bella