First time here

I'm not preaching at you, but have you considered that it might be God's will for you to think it over and make the decision yourself?

Welcome to the forum! I truly believe I understand what you're dealing with. I'm not saying that the Holy Spirit isn't speaking to you concerning this relationship (and if you truly have ocd, then you probably wouldn't whole-heartedly believe me even if I said it wasn't God's Spirit because you wouldn't still be 100% sure) but it sure does sound like how ocd operates. That's the nature of ocd. Anyway, I understand so well your concern over fearing that what you want is not God's will for your life. I've struggled a huge part of my life with feeling that if I do what I want when I think I may be going against God's will, then I'm putting my will before His and, thus, am being disobedient and am exalting myself above God.

I was engaged to a young man whom I strongly felt God didn't want me to marry. We both actually ended up breaking off the engagement and, now that I look back, I'm so glad we did. I could see other issues that were a real problem which I didn't want to address, which probably actually intensified my fear that this wasn't God's will for my life. I'm not telling you this to scare you that you are out of God's will for your life. I knew there were real problematic issues in our relationship that would be genuine issues in the both of us living our lives together in a God-honoring way. I just unwisely didn't want to confront them and was temporarily content to kind of "brush them under the rug". But, get this, when I met my future husband, the same thing happened again as far as feeling I was out of God's will. I felt I should break away from our relationship, but I didn't want to and married him anyway. For years, I lived in fear that I was out of God's will and if I had just listened my life would be more of what God wanted it to be. This kind of thinking has only done damage to my marriage and my life as a mom. The guilt that I've disobeyed and wondering about the consequences I've brought on myself and my family for "being out of God's will for my life", in a big way, has overshadowed my life and has actually left me under a load of fear that has hindered me from being the wife and mother God has actuallycalled me to be. Feelings of fear and guilt have often taken over my life so much that I've been "absent" from my family in my thoughts and behaviors, and even sometimes in my abilities to perform daily life functions.

Okay, so I said all of that to give a little background information on how I've dealt with what I think are similar issues in wanting to please God, enjoy life, and be in His will too. Now, I want to tell you what a very wise pastor friend said to me since he knows how I struggle. He pretty much told me not to be so concerned with "am I in God's will or if this or that is God's will" because I have a tendency to sabotage anything I want to do "in the name of God." He told me to do my best to be the kind of wife and mother that God wants me to be, as His Word says, because I KNOW that is His will. My friend's wise words, along with what others on this site have helped me to see, is that if His Word says it, then it's safe to go by His Word instead of what I FEEL He's wanting me to do. OCD thrives on making us FEEL this way or that, but God's Word can be trusted over our feelings. I'm not talking about about when ocd takes certain scriptures, such as "blasphemy against God can't be forgiven" and uses them to beat us over the head and make us feel condemned. That's ocd taking God's Word out of context and mixing it with fear to make us feel unpardonable. What I mean is like in your situation, His Word says that we are not to be unequally joined or yoked together, meaning a Christian should marry another Christian and not be yoked with an unbeliever. As long as you and your fiance are living for God and are encouraging one another in living for Him, and if there aren't warning flags that need to be addressed, as there were with me and my first relationship, then according to God's Word, you're not being unequally joined together.

If you do have ocd, please don't allow it to pretend to be God in your life. It sounds to me as if you have a real heart for God and a fiance who loves you and desires to live His life for God as well. I believe that the Bible says that a cord isn't easily broken. Two Christians marrying with Christ as the center of their relationship is a strong cord. Don't allow ocd to rob you of a relationship that is actually God-honoring. Again, if there are things in your relationship that you are just not wanting to address, I would encourage you both to go to a Godly counselor because you don't want to take that into a marriage, but it still doesn't mean that you're out of God's will because no relationship is perfect. We just trust in the One who is perfect.

Actually, someone else posted on this site about a month or so ago that she was concerned God was telling her that she shouldn't be in the relationship she was in either. I actually think it's a more common ocd theme than we may realize.

Blessings to you!

This is a very common OCD theme indeed. OCD often tells us some supposed reason why it is wrong to have or do something which is important to us. As Beccalynn said, if it is unscriptural that's one thing but as she also observed, OCD will also distort and stretch scripture in a way that it shouldn't be interpreted too. Great wisdom in your post, Beccalynn!

Hi! I'm glad you can talk to your fiance openly instead of bottling things inside. My husband knows now that I have ocd, but I didn't confide in him about fearing we weren't supposed to be together and haven't really talked to him about it at all because I've not felt as if he would understand. In fact, just until recently, I still felt as if I had gone against God's will for my life and wasn't associating it with ocd at all. Maye that's why I didn't feel I could share it, because I didn't realize it was just another facet of this disorder. He is an understanding person, but there are certain things I just don't seem to know how to talk about with people who don't have a real grasp of or personal experience with ocd. He probably would have been truly compassionate, even if he didn't realize I had ocd. I do wish I'd been more transparent.

It says a lot that you can confide these types of issues with the man you are engaged to without the fear that he'll be "scared away." Remember to always do that. Of course, using wisdom as you do so. Starting out and continuing to be open and honest is a real positive in any relationship.

Blessings to you both!

Actually, I remember one time in particular when I cried out to God because I felt so hopeless and lost. I told God something along the lines of feeling that I was in a deep ocean and was going under. Upon opening my Bible, I came across the verses in Romans 8:36 - 39. The particular Bible I picked up was one that a minister had recommended I purchase. I think it was because of the way it put God's Word into layman's terms. It says it like this:

"For I am convinced that nothing can separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels won't, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God's love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, or where we are - high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean - nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us."
(The Way - The Living Bible Illustrated)

Well, there was God right with me in my "deep ocean" experience. I'm sure there are so many verses that I could use to replace the lying thoughts with God's truth, such as, "no weapon formed against me shall prosper", but I tend to run from memorizing a lot. I think it's because I'm lazy about it, but also because I don't want to make it an obsession to memorize this and that and compulse about using them to "counteract" my thoughts, and actually feeding those thoughts by giving them too much attention or trying to believe and speak God's words enough until I feel they've made an impact. I struggle with having balance in my life. I'm definitely not saying to not memorize scripture, just that it's one of my weaknesses. Anyway, I think that the previous verses cover a lot of my fears and the things the enemy using ocd can throw at me anyway. God's love covers it all, and nothing I'm dealing with from the past, in the present, or in the future will change it.

followJesus1811 said:

Hi everyone. This is my first time on this forum. I thought I had some kind of OCD but only recently has it been bugging me all the time. I started reading about OCD and I saw that I started having symptoms of it as a kid- like checking stuff all the time. I also had it in college and then it stopped. Now I have obsessive thoughts ALL the time. It is so hard. It is like I never have peace.

I started dating this amazing godly guy who I really love. He is everything I ever wanted and now we are engaged. During our relationship, i was always worried if our relationship was an idol. I obsessed over it. Then the Lord delivered me from that and now I obsess whether this is God's will for my life ALL the time.

The issue is that when I start obsessing I start to think- what if this is the Holy Spirit convicting me?

Any thoughts? I am so scared that I will lose him because of my OCD and i just want to marry him with my whole heart in it, not thinking, what if this is not God's will?

I am praying for you all!

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Did you end up getting married?

followJesus1811 said:

Hi everyone. This is my first time on this forum. I thought I had some kind of OCD but only recently has it been bugging me all the time. I started reading about OCD and I saw that I started having symptoms of it as a kid- like checking stuff all the time. I also had it in college and then it stopped. Now I have obsessive thoughts ALL the time. It is so hard. It is like I never have peace.

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It sounds like you could benefit from professional help. I struggle more with obsessions than compulsive behavior and have found great relief from SSRI anti-depressants as prescribed by my psychiatrist; mine med really keeps my OCD manageable. This classification of meds addresses the chemical imbalance of the brain which helps cause OCD; it's been found that a disturbance in the neurotransmitter serotonin definitely correlates to OCD. In addition I have read that seeing a therapist who uses cognitive behavior therapy can benefit OCD sufferers as well.