I can sympathise with you on this one, and I don't live with mine.How do you honor and love a parent who doesn't love you, honor you, respect you, or even treat you like a human being? How do you do things in love and respect them as your parent, and yet also not let yourself get bullied?
I genuinely don't know how to biblically handle this because I've coped all my life by just getting extremely angry with him internally and never saying anything (but imagining all the things I'd love to shout at him...) and now I'm getting to a point where, at any second, I feel I'm going to come unglued and unleash 20+ years of frustration and anger.
No I cannot move out right now, that's not an option and I'm asking that you please don't suggest it because it really truly is NOT an option for me right now. I need to find a way to handle this while being in the house. Thank you all.
Pray for God's help and guidance in the situation ... and for a way to get out on your own.How do you honor and love a parent who doesn't love you, honor you, respect you, or even treat you like a human being? How do you do things in love and respect them as your parent, and yet also not let yourself get bullied?
I genuinely don't know how to biblically handle this because I've coped all my life by just getting extremely angry with him internally and never saying anything (but imagining all the things I'd love to shout at him...) and now I'm getting to a point where, at any second, I feel I'm going to come unglued and unleash 20+ years of frustration and anger.
No I cannot move out right now, that's not an option and I'm asking that you please don't suggest it because it really truly is NOT an option for me right now. I need to find a way to handle this while being in the house. Thank you all.
How do you honor and love a parent who doesn't love you, honor you, respect you, or even treat you like a human being? How do you do things in love and respect them as your parent, and yet also not let yourself get bullied?
I genuinely don't know how to biblically handle this because I've coped all my life by just getting extremely angry with him internally and never saying anything (but imagining all the things I'd love to shout at him...) and now I'm getting to a point where, at any second, I feel I'm going to come unglued and unleash 20+ years of frustration and anger.
No I cannot move out right now, that's not an option and I'm asking that you please don't suggest it because it really truly is NOT an option for me right now. I need to find a way to handle this while being in the house. Thank you all.
Right now you would be surprised how much like your father you probably are. But I wager that right now you are horribly repulsed to even consider that and whole-heartedly deny it. Normal. Opposites attract and likes repel in many cases. It is extremely stressful and difficult to become your own individual when there is one already in your midst just like you, which is actually the other way around, but one newly aspiring to their own individuality "must" preclude the idea that they are emulating another. Hence, much of the stress of adolescence.
There ARE many other things which could be manifested here but adolescent characteristics first come to my mind, not to place fault on you or the other at all. But this a stage in human development which necessitates a certain amount of rebellion and NOT necessarily occurring at psychology text book age categories any more. Believe me, your father is probably stressing just as much, if not more, than you through all of this.
Please, I beg of you, be mindful of the fact that today we are in a society in the USA (and many other countries) where it is erroneously believed that loving one's children is measured in how many toys/PCs/game boxes/cars/dresses/jewelry/etc. and "helps" and allowances and excuses and substitutionary sacrifices a parent makes for their children. According to God's Word that is not love. Actually, those kind of things are called ENABLING and prevents and/or cripples a child from growing up and creates dysfunctional relationships in the family. Such parental behavior, in my opinion, is hateful, not loving, as it sets their child up for all kinds of frustration, disillusionment, depression, and so much more, including failure after failure. The alternative is EMPOWERING parental or other relationships. Many see this type as cruel, mean, and destructive because they do not understand and are so much into thinking that loving is making it easy on your children. If interested further info can be found:
- what is enabling in contrast to loving: Practicing Boundaries: Love vs Enabling
- am I enabling or really helping (empowering): How do I know if I’m helping or enabling?
- helpful hints: https://www.positivediscipline.com/sites/default/files/empowering_vs_enabling.pdf
- "Empowerment" poster (Ann Landers): Don't enable your kids by doing everything for them. They need to learn to fail to learn how to succeed. I can only pray my s… | Inspirational quotes, Words, Quotes
- Enabling poster: Pin on Quotes
How do you honor and love a parent who doesn't love you, honor you, respect you, or even treat you like a human being? How do you do things in love and respect them as your parent, and yet also not let yourself get bullied?
I genuinely don't know how to biblically handle this because I've coped all my life by just getting extremely angry with him internally and never saying anything (but imagining all the things I'd love to shout at him...) and now I'm getting to a point where, at any second, I feel I'm going to come unglued and unleash 20+ years of frustration and anger.
No I cannot move out right now, that's not an option and I'm asking that you please don't suggest it because it really truly is NOT an option for me right now. I need to find a way to handle this while being in the house. Thank you all.
How do you honor and love a parent who doesn't love you, honor you, respect you, or even treat you like a human being? How do you do things in love and respect them as your parent, and yet also not let yourself get bullied?
I genuinely don't know how to biblically handle this because I've coped all my life by just getting extremely angry with him internally and never saying anything (but imagining all the things I'd love to shout at him...) and now I'm getting to a point where, at any second, I feel I'm going to come unglued and unleash 20+ years of frustration and anger.
No I cannot move out right now, that's not an option and I'm asking that you please don't suggest it because it really truly is NOT an option for me right now. I need to find a way to handle this while being in the house. Thank you all.
I think this sermon can help you. It's on forgiveness and the mistaken notion that true Christian forgiveness equals "forgetting" abusive treatment and other kinds of wounds from the past.
My answer to the OP is simply "to do your best". I would not try to sweep any kind of abuse or neglect etc. under the carpet, but hopefully there are a few things your parent has done right and maybe for those things be thankful. The fact that you are able to live with her or him for example is one plus.
I'm actually rewatching the video which is something I typically do when I recommend a video online. If you are actually having anger issues towards your parent this might actually be a good thing; because it can potentially lead to his or her repentance.
But that being said, I've run a cross a number of people in recent years in dysfunctional relationships, like abuse from narcissistic personalities etc. And well if that is you then, were back to "do your best" for the time being, pray for grace etc. And there are some psychological techniques you can learn to manage the relationship so it is bearable.
Pray for God's help and guidance in the situation ... and for a way to get out on your own.
We had the opposite situation in our home ... an adult child who caused trouble inside the home and out of it. We continued to pray that God would resolve this issue for us ... and, after some time, God began to work a miracle in his heart. We now get along pretty well.
We'll be praying for you for God to touch your situation similarly ...
How do you honor and love a parent who doesn't love you, honor you, respect you, or even treat you like a human being? How do you do things in love and respect them as your parent, and yet also not let yourself get bullied?
I genuinely don't know how to biblically handle this because I've coped all my life by just getting extremely angry with him internally and never saying anything (but imagining all the things I'd love to shout at him...) and now I'm getting to a point where, at any second, I feel I'm going to come unglued and unleash 20+ years of frustration and anger.
No I cannot move out right now, that's not an option and I'm asking that you please don't suggest it because it really truly is NOT an option for me right now. I need to find a way to handle this while being in the house. Thank you all.
I am truly sorry for your apparent situation. I will pray. There is such a thing as reconciliation counseling if both parties would be willing.Thank you for your response! For the record, I am in my early twenties and am no longer going through my "teenage angst" phase. So I'm past the era of rebellion and anger. But in my teenage years, my dad switched from being generally unpleasant to downright emotionally abusive. Now, I know many people like the throw those words around so they mean very little, but I can assure you that he fits the bill. Belittling, manipulating, gaslighting, as well as a host of narcissistic behaviors. He also isn't a believer, though he would tell you he is. It's not a simple case of us misunderstanding the other, he genuinely treats me poorly and has never made any effort to have a relationship with me, nor does he want to. It's the same for everyone in his life.
As for me being more like my father than I think, I'm well aware of the areas where I'm disposed to be like him. The mental illness that he allows to run his life is one that has been passed down through my family and I was (un)lucky enough to be the one to get it. However, by His infinite goodness and love, God healed me and gave me a new mind, and I no longer suffer as I used to or as my father does.
How has he been bullying you?How do you honor and love a parent who doesn't love you, honor you, respect you, or even treat you like a human being? How do you do things in love and respect them as your parent, and yet also not let yourself get bullied?