Hi, I'm new here. I have been having a really hard time lately. I want to explain my story. I don't know where to post this so I chose here.
I used to read, pray, and write down scriptures. I felt connected to God and I just desired and longed for his word. I never once had a doubt or question regarding my faith or salvation. I ended up going on a trip and I didn't stick to my reading, prayers, or memorization. I have struggled with a certain sin for so long and I fell into it again. I felt awful and scared because I knew it was wrong yet I still did it. I repented but came across a verse in Hebrews about willful sin. It scared me. I kept praying and praying that God will help me find Him again but I felt disconnected. Here and there I would feel His presence but it wasn't like before. I went through a month of difficulty and was separated from my church and other things. I held anger and bitterness in my heart and it was just bad. I found it hard to pray and read the bible in that month. The next month I saw how awful I was and I repented for the way I was. I kept repenting and I had apologized to everyone I had hurt.
Then I was just sitting down when an awful thought entered my mind about Jesus. It scared me and I went into complete panic mode. I remember there is an unpardonable sin and I was so scared I had committed it. Anytime I tried to keep it from popping up again it would just keep doing so. I lost a lot of sleep and lost my appetite too.
Last night I was talking with my friend about how Heaven will be peaceful and pain just wouldn't exist. Then an even more terrifying thought popped into my head saying "What if you commit that unpardonable sin in Heaven" "What if you did the same thing the Pharisee's did."
Now I am scared I committed the unpardonable sin because of that thought and image in my head. I feel awful. I feel like I'm an evil person. I don't want to be evil. I don't ever want to commit the unpardonable sin especially not in Heaven. I have even been questioning my salvation which has NEVER happened before. Please, someone, help me. I don't want to be separated from God. I'm so scared that I can't be forgiven now. I have asked for forgiveness but my mind keeps telling me that this is different because my mind asked me what if I did that in Heaven. I'm terrified. Please, someone, help me
Hi.
Weclome to the family, and to the forums.
1-- if you had genuinely committed the unpardonable sin.... you could care less about it. You'd have just wandered off, and lived out your days without a thought for the eternal.
2- the first thing we learn in the bible about the serpent/devil is that he's the most subtle creature God had created. Genesis 3
Subtlety is something that allows us to hide deceptiveness under the guise of truth.
3- the devil's goal is to separate you from Jesus, no matter what. I often use the picture of a teenage boy trying to separate a teenage girl from her panties. While there's a certain crassness to this idea, it's deliberate to make the point of how crass the serpent is, and how subtle he can be in going about it.
So..... since you're here asking about it, I'm going to say that you have definitely NOT committed the unpardonable sin.
You have however just been introduced to spiritual warfare.
As such, I'd like to introduce you to the weapons of our warfare.....
Meaning--- you are now a soldier in training.
Ephesians 6:
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints
So.... let's start here.... We stand in the strength of God, not in our own strength. God created the cosmos by speaking it- Psalms 33:9. So, he's plenty strong enough to handle our weakness- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. In fact, it appears the weaker we are, the stronger his strength becomes in us.
Putting on the whole armor of God is really critical here.... it really is the only way we can withstand the assaults of the wicked one, and his minions.
And while our fellow humans may indeed appear to be our enemies.... they are not. Our enemies are the devil, his principalities, his minions....
Now, people may indeed be used by the wicked one, but they are still people Jesus died for.
So.....
Loins girt about with truth.
Truth is Jesus, God's Word. John 17:20, Psalms 119:142, Psalms 138:2
breastplate of righteousness.....
God has given us HIS righteousness. Isaiah 54:17, Jeremiah 23:6, 2 Corinthians 5:21.
Preparation of the gospel of peace on our feet. Isaiah 52:7, Romans 10:14-21
I.e, reading, praying, learning to tell others of Jesus, and God's salvation from sin, and judgment on our sin.
Shield of faith..... this shield is to help us stave off the fiery darts (thoughts that seem to be our own, thoughts that come out of nowhere, and make us wonder--- how on earth did I come up with that one?!). These are really important--- your reason for posting this is a perfect example. A thought came to you, and made you terrified.
Helmet of salvation... The helmet is a device which protects our head/mind/thoughts/brain. Isaiah 59:17
God's Word is what does this. We use it like what Jesus did when the devil tempted him in Matthew 4.
Sword of the Spirit, God's Word. If you've ever seen body armor, either from today, or from ancient times.... the sword is the only offensive weapon. All the other parts of the armor are defensive.
They deflect, stop, or prevent attacks.
the sword.... it's an offensive weapon. With it was slash/strike/stab our enemy.... remember.... the devil and his minions are our enemy. People are not the enemy. People can be used by the enemy, but we are here to reclaim those who are taken captive by the enemy. I say this because it's all too easy to conflate, and misunderstand .
So, the sword of the Spirit. Hebrews 4:12. It's the sharpest sword ever created. It can separate all the way to the dividing of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Mary was told this when Jesus was dedicated on the 8th day.
33 And Joseph and His mother marveled at those things which were spoken of Him. 34 Then Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary His mother, “Behold, this
Child is destined for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign which will be spoken against 35 (yes, a sword will pierce through your own soul also), that
the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”
So..... please.... learn to use this. You don't have to be perfect at it. God will in fact teach you how to use these. He's the great teacher. Isaiah 54:13, John 16:12-15, Titus 2:11-14.
And, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
We use God's Word, because God's Word is a sword of the finest and strongest material ever... God's Word. It can never be broken, cracked or shattered.
Peter tells us in 2 Peter 1:4 that we are made partakers of God's divine nature, through many exceedingly great and precious promises, making it possible for us to escape the corruption that is in this world because of lust (our thoughts/desires).
So.... by quoting/reciting God's Word back you yourself, out loud or in your thoughts, this is how we cast down arguments, and every high thing which exalts itself against the knowledge of God. This is how we bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Jesus.
According to Isaiah 55:8-11, God's word will never return without accomplishing the purposes God has designed. It will ALWAYS achieve the goals of God.
We all go through this. I promise you that you are not alone.....
Next is 1 Corinthians 10:
12 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
I.e., God will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able....
not what we believe we can withstand. But what God knows we can withstand.
We cannot withstand on our own strength. We can only withstand on the strength of God's Word.
So..... here's what I want to emphasize here....
1- the bible is the tool we use to fight against the devil, just like Jesus did in the temptation he experienced- Matthew 4.
2- God has provided us with everything we need to live a godly lifestyle. 2 Peter 1:3.
3- Because you have placed your trust in Jesus, you are no longer condemned by God, and are in fact now his adopted child. Romans 8:1-4, Ephesians 1:13-14, 2 Corinthians 1:21-22, 2 Corinthians 5:5,
Genesis 1:1 (NKJV)
So..... the sum of all this is.... 90% or more of following Jesus is our thought life. Our worries, our anxieties, our fears, our doubts, are all answered in Jesus.
Focus your thinking on Jesus, on God, God's Word, and learning how to follow Jesus, and you will find success in your eternal walk.
Please read all the above referenced passages, as well as the following.
And before, during, and after your reading---- ask God to remind you when you need them.
John 14:26,
Isaiah 26:3-4, 30:15, 40:28-41:1,
Philippians 1:6, 2:12-14, 3:15, 4:6-9, 13, 19
Colossians 2:6-10, 3:1-4
1 John 1:5-2:2
2 Peter 1:2-13, with emphasis on vss 4-11
God will continue to build your armory.
God will continue to build you.
God is with you. Even when you don't feel him, he's there. Psalm 139.
So, start reading, and praying again.....
Keep trusting Jesus. He's far more than you can imagine.
He is our I AM.