I don't know what to do.

Keep knocking. Keep asking. Meditate on the scriptures. Thank and worship without ceasing. He shall surely come and your testimony shall be great.

Mitchschaeffer92 said:

Where do I start?
I was raised in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday. I've said the sinners prayer (many times) I decided to be baptized around the age of of 9 if I remember correctly . I beleived I was saved. Maybe i used that as an excuse to do whatever i want. I struggled with sex and lust and lying from a young age. Since I've been 12 its ruled over my life. I've lived continuously in sin.

Around the age of 19 I started questioning christianity. Whether or not it made sense. I dont know exactly when it happened but I did eventually lose my faith. Doubted there even is a God. Depended on my own understanding. Believing in science and not faith.

Well lately I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality. I've been depressed and scared and anxious. I asked God to reveal truth to me. I felt convicted of the truth of the bible. I got so scared of being damned to hell. I asked the Holy Spirit to comfort me.

Then, to make things worse I found verses in the bible (mostly in hebrews) warning about falling away and things like that. Believe me, I have read every interpretation and watched so many videos about these verses and it's really left me unsettled.

I have not been able to eat or sleep or function for the last 10 days. I beg God to reveal comfort me, To soften my heart, to help me find a place of repentance, to let me rest in him. I want to the Holy spirit to bring me peace and joy. I want to believe in Christ's sacrifice and resurrection. But I'm stuck in a place of fear and unrest.

Granted this is coming from a place of self preservation but I don't know how else to be. I do feel badly about all the garbage in my life, I have even as a non-believer.

I have felt up and stop trying to believe in the Bible, but then that would prove it correct.


I've done everything I can think of. I've sat down with a pastor. Prayed with my parents laying hands on me. Emailed another pastor. Chatted with other Christians online. And I'm stuck in the same spot.

Am I too far gone? I want to know I'm saved.

I don't know what to do.

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My friend I’ve been paralyzed the same way, you need to fight these feelings. The fact of your guilt and shame shows you truly want to see God, it is not to late. You are under the new covenant of Christ and through Him you shall live. Love God. Serve God. Deny yourself. Put Him first, and the feeling of righteousness will come over you. May the Holy Spirit be with you.

God forgave and restored Peter and King David but you are beyond hope? That's a lie of the Devil. At some point you have to decide if Gods word is the truth or your feelings are. The negative thoughts you are having is the Devil engaging in spiritual warfare.

The story of the prodigal son is in the Bible for a reason my friend. God bless you.

Mitchschaeffer92 said:

don't know what to do

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What do you want to do?

Do you want to live without God in your life or do you want to live with God in your life?

For some people there is a flash of light and everything changes.
For most people it is on ok let's pick myself up and start the hard boring task of changing how I live.

You haven't had a flash of light etc so if you want God in your life, start chucking the inappropriate content, sex, drink, drugs, theft, cheating, swearing etc etc etc etc etc out

Start reading your Bible, try writing down what struck you about that chapter and why and praying about it.
Start attending church.. etc

You have put on a different suit of cloths and it will take getting use to.

Trust in Jesus no matter what happens in your life.

Offer up your suffering to God.

Remember that, as you carry your cross in life, Jesus is carrying you!

Keep praying. Never give up on God. God is mercy and love.

God bless you friend

Thank you for coming and letting us know about you and "partner' with you. I will pray for you.
Find some place where you can really start helping others without expecting anything in return. It can be as simple as washing the dishes, helping at the food bank or mowing the lawn for the widow down the street. Get your mind off yourself and on to others needing help.

i feel like i'm late to this plea for help. i will say first, that i have been exactly where you are. and i will express to you the things that God used in my situation to help me.

first, if you are seeking God, i don't think you are too far gone:
1Co 12:3 Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus is accursed"; and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.
the caveat here is that you are seeking redemption in submission and obedience to the King, and not just seeking to escape the punishment.

the second thing that God used to help me is 2 peter 1:
2 Peter 1:2-12 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, (which is what you are seeking, right?)

(3) as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, (4) by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

(5) But also for this very reason (verses 3 and 4), giving all diligence,
(i formatted it this way to make it easier to take in)
add to your faith virtue,
to virtue knowledge,
(6) to knowledge self-control,
to self-control perseverance,
to perseverance godliness,
(7) to godliness brotherly kindness, and
to brotherly kindness, love.

(now here is the promise)
(8) For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (9) For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. (sound familiar?)

(10) Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; (11) for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (12) For this reason I will not be negligent to remind you always of these things, though you know and are established in the present truth.

i feel that the text really speaks for itself, but i will point out some things that God revealed to me as i studied this passage in response to the same conviction that you are feeling now.

there are 8 things here

1. faith
2. virtue
3. knowledge
4. self control
5. perseverance
6. godliness
7. phileo (brotherly love)
8. agape (altruistic love)

1 - 6 have to do with getting you right with God.
7 and 8 are outreach.

the application of 3 (knowledge) is self control (4). 4 has to do with the struggle with your flesh:
Luke 9:23 And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.

5 (perseverance) has to do with the struggle against the world:
John 15:18-19 "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. (19) "If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.
as your self control shines as a light to the world, you will be persecuted and as scripture teaches us:
James 1:3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. (the greek work for endurance here is hupomonē which is the same word used in 2 peter 1:6 for perseverance)

6 (godliness) is the key to ministry!! godliness is simply reverence to God ...for everything!! recognizing God's sovereignty and thanking Him for it.
Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
technically, all things work together for good, the context of this passage is encouragement and understanding in the life of a believer, but God uses "bad things" that happen to glorify Himself further. the very notion of mercy, if you never did anything bad, God wouldn't have the opportunity to have mercy on you. not that He made you do bad things, you are clearly responsible for your sin, but He is glorified in the fact that He is a merciful God.
Romans 5:20 The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,

there is actually a lot more to unpack here, but i will wrap up with this last nugget that i gleaned from this beautiful and powerful passage... well 2 things, but one is really short. the short thing is for your own personal study.

John 15:5 "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

2 Peter 1:8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

these are times where the bible specifically references "[if you do this], you will produce fruit" while i don't want to detract from the work of the Holy Spirit's power in you life (because as you take the whole council of scripture i think you'll find that the mechanical process is achieved by the Spirit through your obedience) i would venture to say that this passage in 2 peter 1 gives us a higher resolution picture of how to apply the first part of john 15. so pray about it, read both, and see where the Spirit leads in your life.

the other nugget that i wanted to mention is about church.
Hebrews 10:23-27 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; (24) and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, (25) not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. (26) For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, (27) but a terrifying expectation of judgment and THE FURY OF A FIRE WHICH WILL CONSUME THE ADVERSARIES.

find a good bible believing church and get into a sunday school class and make time to fellowship with the saints. i know this is one of the passages that you referenced (which is why i included the latter half). when scripture convicts me, i sometimes tend to want to shy away from what is uncomfortable, but i have found that is the opposite of what i should do. i think that sin in your life is putting a wedge between you and God and i believe, from scripture, that the church is one of the primary ways that God uses to help us keep sin in check. there are people there that have been through things with God that He wants to use in your life to bless you.

however, church is not primary source of your relationship with God. when you go back to that list of 8 things, 4, 5, and 6 are all between you and God. the church has the opportunity to facilitate, faith, virtue, knowledge, and even phileo, and agape, but the church has no opportunity to facilitate self control, perseverance, or godliness in your life. that falls on you and it sounds like, from your testimony above, that it is what caused you to stray in the first place. i did the same thing.

so practical application:
repent
repent means to change. change your mind about what you want. focus on the promises of scripture, and not so much in what this could mean, or that could mean. the undeniable truths of scripture, if you believe them, will be your strength. and i say this as a sinner who is trusting in the grace and mercy of God for my sanctification.

thank you for opening up and admitting your sins to your brethren.
James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

i think that God has you right where he wants you, you just need to commit to repentance of sin in your life. and remember this too:
Proverbs 24:16 For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.

the righteous fall. the fall doesn't make them righteous, it's the getting back up that does. don't give up, and know that God is a gentle loving compassionate merciful God, who wants to be gracious and kind. read psalm 6

glory be to God.