I think I’m in hell. Please help me get to the bottom of this.

friend of · May 6, 2020

I don't think you've committed the unpardonable sin, judging by your testimony, you clearly do desire God and He would never turn a child like you down. Remember Jesus told Peter to forgive 70 x 7 in a single day. Jesus holds this same attitude towards us when we sin against Him. So dont be afraid. I know it's hard when schizophrenia is involved because it's so unpredictable the trains of thought it leads us into. But trust God is good and will deliver you of you hold on to the cross with all your mind heart strength and soul.

Annner · May 6, 2020

meggy said:
People prayed for deliverance for me in the past and not a thing happens, makes me think I did the unforgivable sin because the power of God can’t come on me and cast demons out.

Sweet Meggy,

The Power of God cant come on you? Thats not what Gods word says! I am glad you are getting help. You know God is sooooo so good. He doesnt scare you making you think you are in hell. He doesnt lie to you. He does not torment, making your legs burn etc. Those thoughts are not from Him at all. When those things happen, KNOW its not coming from Him. Stand your ground, you KNOW the truth.

If you call on the Name of Jesus, there is POWER and SALVATION in his name. If all you can get out is....Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Say it! You know he died for your sins, so you can have eternal life. He assured you and promised whoever believed in Him would have LIFE. HE FORGAVE YOUR SINS AT THE CROSS. Past tense, he already did it! KNOW IT, dont budge from it, no matter what comes at you. Ask God to FILL you with the Holy Spirit, and then thank him whether you feel it or not. The Holy Spirit IS the power of God, and he will come into your heart and NEVER LEAVE YOU.

i went through years and years of awful hurt and pain. I too, had kept “begging and praying” God to deliver me. Over and over, there was no answer until a few months ago, i saw the scripture in Colossians 1.....HE HAS DELIVERED US FROM THE “POWER” OF DARKNESS AND TRANSLATED US INTO THE KINGDOM OF HIS SON. Yet i kept praying for him to do it.....like it was something he would do in the future. According to that scripture, he ALREADY delivered us when he died and rose! It was SO powerful what he did at the cross, it included our deliverance. He has already done it!

THEN, he showed me 2 Timothy 1.7.....
God has NOT given us a spirit of fear, but he HAS GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF POWER, of love, and a SOUND MIND. I said WHOA. I HAVE A SPIRIT OF POWERRRRRRRRRR! Right now! When i realized that it was I that had the power.....what was hurting me could no longer function, because i realized GOD HAS GIVEN MEEEEEE A SPIRIT OF POWERRRRRRRR.

When you believe and KNOW you have the Holy Spirit, you have POWER....and that power trumps ALL OTHER POWER! The moment i believed i had a Spirit of Power is when the pain and fear completely stopped once and for all.

You have eternal life in Jesus,,,,believe it, know it, praise God for it. I dont care if all hell breaks loose. Do not listen to those fearful thoughts. They lie. Gods word says, he has not given you a spirit of fear,,,,,he is saying its not coming from him. Speak the TRUTH and PRAISE the Name of Jesus.....THANK him he has GIVEN YOU a SPIRIT OF POWER! Of love and a SOUND MIND! The Holy Spirit will manifest in power!

Radagast · May 6, 2020

Tolworth John said:
Basically you need to stop taking drugs and follow the instructions of your doctor.

And stop hanging out with "friends" who give you drugs.

the one and only zero · May 6, 2020

meggy said:
I want to explain this well but I don’t know if I can for you all to see what it was like. It’s a long read.

I remember I sang this song called satan is your master when I was 14. I didn’t think it was bad or anything. It was catchy.

When I was about 15 or 16 I got obsessed with climate change and grew an excessive fear for the world and everything dying and getting hotter and I remember reading a climate change book I got so scared and I remembered Jesus so I prayed to Him.

I remember my mom took me to this therapist. Me and my mom both went to this therapist. I would have episodes (what my mom calls them) I would scream and cry and I would get violent at times. The therapist said she didn’t know what it was and she advised me to take me to a psychiatrist. So my mom brought me to the psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with schizophrenia. They put me on meds right away.

Then as I was getting more obsessed with Christianity I would read the Bible starting Genesis and I would watch Todd White videos and I wanted to start praying for people for healing everywhere like he did so I tried it out I would pray for people. Then as I was reading the Bible in Mathew 12 I read about the unforgivable sin and I also watched a video on it and I got so scared thinking I did it and I couldn’t function. I thought I was going to hell. I remember one night I could feel that bad horrendous blasphemous thoughts were coming then boom they were there. Jesus is Lord but instead my thoughts put Satan there. I got so scared my heart was burning and so were my legs. And I had other thoughts that were against the Holy Spirit. It got so bad my mom decided to take me to the ER (I would go to the ER lots of times before with my episodes but was never hospitalized) they decided to have me go to the hospital my parents drove me down state.

I just turned 17. I was at the mental hospital for like 24 or something days. My thoughts got worse and worse anything could trigger it. I couldn’t read the Bible. If I saw the word healing. I’d get a thought that’d say healing is of the devil. I don’t remember all my thoughts but they were the worst thoughts in the world. I remember crying and having panic attacks calling my mom why did God create me to send me to hell. They increased my antipsychotics. I found no relief. The thoughts would always be there. I would pray to God in my journal and it didn’t help none. Then I went home and didn’t go to school for months. Then I was taking 10 pills a day. I hated it so much. My mom and doctor would force me to take them. As time went on the thoughts got less and I stopped being so afraid and got focused on other things like trying to get a boyfriend. I went to hospitals throughout my life and I got put on a court order when I was 18 so they could continue forcing me to take meds. I didn’t think I was mentally ill.

When I was 18 I did sexual things with boys even though I didn’t have sexual feelings because of my meds and I remember thinking of the Holy Spirit during it but felt no conviction or anything.

Then in December of 2018 I went to my friend’s boyfriend’s house with her. And his friends were all there. We decided to go on a ride. My friend’s boyfriend wanted to drive (he didn’t have a license) but I let him drive. As we were driving around his friend was rolling weed up and I took two hits. And I didn’t think anything would happen but they all started laughing I got quiet then boom it hit me. I was thinking of my eternity. And I thought God’s not gonna forgive me after this, then I started to panic. My heart hurt like hell. It was on fire. I felt hell, I was in torment. I started telling them about how I don’t think I’m okay and I said I’m really scared of hell fire right now and the guy just laughed and then I started screaming and raised my body up. They told me you’re fine! You could literally tell they were lying to me. And I looked into their eyes and there was no love in them whatsoever. In my mind I said oh my gosh I’ll never find any love or comfort again. Oh my gosh, my worst fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. Now all they can do is give me drugs and I’ll die and go to hell. Then my friend and the guy switched spots. I tried telling them listen this is serious there’s still hope for you to go to heaven and I tried telling them the gospel but they just laughed and mocked me even my friend. And she was restraining me and I didn’t want her to touch me. I looked at the sky. It was a pretty sky but I knew I was already in torment. It was really bad. my mouth got dry and had a bad taste in it. I thought they couldn’t hear me cuz I was spiritually dead. I don’t know how to explain the feeling. But just know it was worse than fear and death itself. And you knew inside that you are going to suffer horribly forever on and on and you won’t be able to escape. I cried and screamed. Then all I wanted was my mom. I said I want my mom. I want my mom. They drove me back and we called my mom and I thought I was already in hell and that I’ll never see my mom again. My mom answered and I tried talking but she said what? and I thought I’m dead she can’t hear me but my friend took the phone and talked, my mom told her to bring me to the ER so I went and the lady there asked me questions my mom works the hospital so she called my mom to come to the ER and I got so excited to see my mom but I didn’t know if the lady was lying or not saying my mom was coming. I thought God must love me if this is hell. Since I was going to see my mom. Then my mom came and I was crying and said I’m so happy to see her but all she kept asking me is if I talked to my therapist today. Then I realized all I wanted was love. Then all I said was Jesus is so beautiful He’s the truth. And finally a nurse said something true about Jesus and I was so happy to hear the truth. I was trying to tell my mom about hell and Jesus and all that matters is love but she just kept telling me to watch Netflix on her phone. Then they gave me some drugs and the hell faded and I went home.

I moved in with my best friend from freshman year against my parents wishes.I knew the Bible said obey your parents but my friend said it’s okay and it’s time to move out. The first night there she drank so much alcohol she got black out drunk with her boyfriend and her other friend and I was the only one sober. It got so bad and crazy. So many crazy and horrible things happened as I lived there.

I moved out. As time went on I got scared of hell some more and I went to more hospitals and had more satanic thoughts and I never changed. A girl out of the blue said I’m not going to heaven. My niece said I’m not going to heaven. A pastor at a mental hospital was trying to get the Holy Spirit inside of me. He asked if I felt anything like peace or warmth in my heart I said no. He told me I was on the devil’s side before I repented (he had me repent and I cried but I knew it didn’t work) so I emailed a prophet who I messaged in the past first about the unforgivable sin and he said I’m not going to hell that I didn’t do it then I messaged him again after my hell experience and he said hell is for those who don’t believe in Jesus clearly you do. He said more. So I emailed him and he said he’d call me so I thought it was confirmation that God was still in me. Then I did more sexual things with guys. There was this one guy who claimed he was Christian and he told me all these crazy weird stories and he told me he thought God told him I was his wife. I thought maybe God wanted me to be with him even though I didn’t want to but we did things and it’s nasty and I did a lot more sexual things with other guys too then it all led to this.....

smoking weed. Again. (I’m 20 now) In December 2019. With that one friend I lived with. I didn’t think anything would happen. I was at her house and I took two big hits. I didn’t notice a change but then boom it hit me. I knew I was in hell. I thought it’s a cycle. My whole life is a cycle. Her and her friend had no love in their eyes and they were saying are you okay? And they were all over me. You could tell I was with demons now. But you could tell they don’t care and I was in torment. I felt hell again. If you experienced what I experienced you would know without a doubt you were in hell. My hands began to sweat and I started to get gassy and I tried to hold it in. My heart dropped. I asked God did I commit the unforgivable sin? No answer. they brought me to her room and they forced me to lay down they took my phone away they kept telling me to lay down and I thought they were going to have sex with me and I didn’t want that in my mind I thought oh my gosh this is what it’s like to pick sin over Jesus. And without God there is no love, no compassion, no comfort. Just horrible torment and suffering. It’s the worst thing in the world. It’s hell. I looked up to see if I could see heaven. I wanted to call my mentor but they wouldn’t let me have my phone and I said momma? Daddy? I said out loud God is good. He’s good. And I thought I deserve this. My only comfort is that I deserve this. But it didn't help none. My friend asked if I wanted to read the Bible. I said yes and we opened to 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter as I read it said without love you are a clanging cymbal and nothing. And it terrified me cuz I knew I never loved. I didn’t sleep that night. They wouldn’t bring me to my mom’s. They didn’t wanna get in trouble. It went on for months, the pain of hell. The surreal reality. Nothing seemed real. I was so confused. My heart would burn.

I could go on and on more about that I thought I was in hell. I would pray and pray and it wouldn’t help. I know all those verses in Hebrews like 10:26 I watched a video about that verse and this guy who went to “hell” like I did, he gave his life story and when he was talking about his hell experience. (he said he was in a house and there was a bible in there and he saw a picture of his family and he said I love you guys but he had no love and he didn’t cry. And he said you think you can pray your way out of this, you can’t) hell began to manifest again as I was watching it. I couldn’t continue watching it. I had to think to myself I’m not in hell, I’m not in hell, then it went away. But it never truly goes away.

Then I would pace around the hallway and yell and scream out to God to forgive me but I found no relief. He wasn’t there. I had many dreams of being separated from Jesus. One dream was I was with this Christian fellowship group and we were talking about what Jesus was doing in our lives but they all said Jesus is nowhere to be found and they don’t know where He is. I said what? Didn’t anyone have a good day? And they said no. Then I went out and I knew God was not here. This was not a dream but I went with my dad to his garage and I knew I was in hell. He was in the basement trying to drain the flood. He was in the same position for hours and I would run and call my Christian friends but they didn’t help me. I went back inside and prayed but God wasn’t there. My dad was still leaning over with the hose and the water was still up his legs. His friends were there. One said you’re forgiven Megan. But I looked at his face and you could tell that he was completely lying.

It was during Christmas time, my heart was burning and I watched this scary video on the scripture Hebrews 10:26 and 6:4-6 and the pastor was yelling at the people who sent in a letter saying they knew the truth and went back to their sin. He rebuked them. And it sounded like there was no hope. Fear drained from me. But my heart was still burning.

Later I was at my dad’s house. I was trying to go to his room. I didn’t wanna be left alone. I haven’t slept in days I couldn’t sleep and I was scared if I fell asleep I’d end up in hell. And he yelled angrily at me and pushed me to get out as I pushed the door with as much force as possible I said please daddy please and he said NO get out. It was like an image of me trying to get to the Father in heaven without wedding clothes and the Father shut the door on me.

I remember me and my mom were watching Gilmore Girls during the time I was feeling hell in my heart and surroundings strongly and a song came on on the show and it said “I’m sorry to say you’re in hell. It’s not gonna get better. It’s not gonna get worse, you're in hell.” And I felt like it was true.

As I would lay on my mom’s bed I thought hours passed by but it was only two minutes that went by. This is what eternity is like it goes on forever. I remember laying next to my mom and I was reading what she had on her kindle. It was a bunch of horrible and bad things. And when she looked at the news. The news was so weird. It was so dark. The sky in a city.

I had a girl who was a strong Christian who was helping me. She lived in the UK but she soon gave up because nothing improved and she said she can’t help anymore and I need to see professional help.

I just had a dream last night. I was in a classroom and everything was saying this thing where they said they found Jesus and were saved from hell and I told them how all I experienced was hell and I started to get upset but I didn’t cry and they looked at me and I knew I was in hell they said are you okay Are you okay. They weren’t really humans, they didn’t have compassion. And the look in their eyes. I was in hell, it was torment going on forever. Then I was in my dad’s kitchen and I don’t remember but all I heard was very angry footsteps and and my dad walked in face very red and so angry. Nothing was clear. I don’t remember well. I can’t explain it well. I can’t describe it right. You probably won’t understand that all this was indeed hell and what it was like. I’m not good at explaining but just know it was hell. It repeats and it goes on forever. There’s no love or compassion. I pray and it doesn’t help. I don’t know what’s real. I don’t know if this is hell. My parents never showed me the real Jesus. I don’t see any fruit in their lives. And nothing is improving and I can sense Jesus is not here with me. I get so confused. I don’t know what’s real. I think this is hell and it’s gonna go on forever. But I might go to the hell where there’s actual unquenchable fire, no water, demons ripping open your flesh, demons torturing you, no rest, maggots and worms never did out, suffocating, screaming, horrible smells. This might be hell and it might be a cycle or I committed the unforgivable sin and so it’s like I’m living in hell already and I’ll go to the actual place someday. I don’t really have fear anymore or anything and all I do is eat food and when I pray I get confused and nothing works. What is this life? Where’s Jesus? Where’s God? Is He good?

You are suffering from a form of OCD called "scrupulosity" -- look it up. It will give you some insight into what is going on with you.

Consolation · May 7, 2020

Hi meggy,

Still praying for you as others are here too I'm sure. Hope you're feeling better and hang in there as things will get better. Christ will return and the sufferings of this world will be a distant memory.

a-lily-of-peace · May 7, 2020

For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;

And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God,
Whom I shall see for myself,
And my eyes shall behold, and not another.

How my heart yearns within me!

(Job 19:25-27, NKJV)

Tolworth John · May 7, 2020

meggy said:
yes I am taking medication for schizophrenia and OCD and I see a psychiatrist. But it’s like I’m separated from God. How can I live how God wants me to live? Is it too late for me? I think I did the unforgivable sin. I pray and it doesn’t help.

First of all those who have committed the unforgivable sin are not worried about it, they have rejected God.
You are worried about it so have not done it.

May I suggest that rather than pray to God about something to have not done.
Thank him and praise him for what he has done.
He has forgiven you, he has adopted you into his family and you are an heir with Christ, a royal priest, precious to God.

Tolworth John · May 7, 2020

Radagast said:
And stop hanging out with "friends" who give you drugs.

You need to reply to the poster not to those telling to the poster!

Consolation · May 7, 2020

Hi meggy,

Whilst praying for you these Scriptures came to mind. Hope they are of value to you.

Present Suffering and Future Glory
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed…

Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved…

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:18-29 (NIV)

Tempura · May 7, 2020

Dear sister, I know it's hard, very hard for anyone with mental illnesses and very hard for young people, but please don't look to your feelings and fears for any kind of confirmation. They come and go, they're like the wind, and for mentally ill people feelings and fears, even their minds are so often against them. The kind of fears you're feeling, they are not to be trusted.

You need rest, you need care. You need to give yourself time and allow yourself to recover and hope. You don't need to raise your fears and thoughts of hell on a pedestal to terrify you even more. You are not in hell nor are you going to be. Christ died for you too.

People who feel terrifying fear about these things, often want to have the reassuring faith of a 100-year old right now, or even better, they want perfect faith. I understand, who wouldn't want that, and who wouldn't want to feel at peace after so much fear? But we all grow, we all learn, our faith is molded and strengthened, and we all fail too. We fail often. We sin, we err, we stumble, we go astray. But we shouldn't despair. It's what we are, very imperfect. We can think of God as a loving father who knows all of this, and has prepared a way through His means. He will get you home, all of us. Many of us pray for you here. Didn't Jesus Christ promise to be there wherever two, three or more come together in His name, and didn't He promise that everybody who knocks will be opened, and didn't He promise that whatever good we ask in His name will be done, and didn't He promise that He would be with us until the end? I know your feelings would suggest that this isn't the case, but we don't believe in our feelings. Some of us have no hope in our feelings, and we have to trust our worries to God instead, through it all, like children, like everyone else, and carry on.

I pray and hope you get the best care, and that you would have more peace and healing, and for the people around you to be compassionate and encouraging. Just hang on, try not to believe your fears, and allow the thought "God loves even me, and no matter what happens, I don't have to live in fear" to sow its seeds. When fear rules over us, it's the hardest thing to believe: "God loves even me". One day at a time. No rush sister. Hang on in there sister, and in time you will see things so much better. But now is the time to heal, to step back, to stop worshiping your fears, to allow yourself to be as you are, to allow yourself to be a child. No matter how ill you are. God doesn't use people's illnesses against them.

-------------------------

I don't wish to burden you with anything, and it could be good for you to step out of theological labyrinths for a while to allow yourself to recover better, but I'll include a few Martin Luther quotes here, he had a way of comforting people who suffered from fear and terrified conscience. In case you find some comfort from these. Here:

“It is enough to have sinned; let the sin now vanish, and let sadness, which is a much greater sin, depart. Consequently one ought to be disposed to say, ‘It is true. I have sinned. But I will not despair on this account.’

“Labor diligently when your conscience is thoroughly afraid with the remembrance of your sins past, and the devil assails you with great violence, going about to overwhelm you with heaps, floods, and whole seas of sins, to terrify you and to drive you to despair; that then I say, you may be able to say with sure confidence: Christ the Son of God was given, not for the righteous and holy, but for the unrighteous and sinners.”

“You say that the sins which we commit every day offend God, and therefore we are not saints. To this I reply: Mother love is stronger than the filth and scabbiness on a child, and so the love of God toward us is stronger than the dirt that clings to us. Accordingly, although we are sinners, we do not lose our filial relation on account of our filthiness, nor do we fall from grace on account of our sin.”

“The conscience, spurred by the devil, the flesh, and the fallen world; says, ‘God is your enemy. Give up in despair.’ God, in His own Fatherly love and through His Son’s grace and through His Word and through the witness of His people; says, ‘I have no wrath. You are accepted in the beloved. I am not angry with you. We are reconciled!’”

Praying for you with all these people. Christ is with you, even if you couldn't feel any of it. No fear, hang on, one day at a time.

Zao is life · May 7, 2020

meggy said:
I think I'm in hell. please help me get to the bottom of this.

Meggy, IT'S A LIE. Those thoughts you get in your mind ARE LIES, AND ARE A LIE. They are lying to you.

Firstly, you MUST understand that WE ALL deserve hell (that's what the Bible says: We ALL deserve hell). It's not you, and you only:

Rom 3:23-25 for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God,

Then you MUST understand the rest of the verse AND BELIEVE IT - BECAUSE IT IS TRUE:

being justified freely by His grace (GRACE = UNEARNED, UNDESERVED, UNMERITED FAVOR) through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus; whom God has set forth to be a propitiation through faith in His blood, to declare His righteousness through the passing by of the sins that had taken place before, in the forbearance of God;

What does this mean? It means Jesus was cursed for you and for us all when HE took ALL our sin upon Himself. HE was cursed on your behalf:

2 Cor 5:21 For He has made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin, to be (our) sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

2 Pet 2:14 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, being made a curse for us (for it is written, "Cursed is everyone having been hanged on a tree");

Meggy, because of Jesus becoming YOUR representative before God, YOU are PERMITTED by God to be present with Love and Peace and Joy in Jesus. You are PERMITTED by God to be present in your heart and mind with Love and Peace and Joy. The devil is lying to you when you believe otherwise - IT'S A LIE - just like he lied to Eve in the Garden of Eden. The devil is a LIAR and the father of lies (Jesus said so). REMEMBER this every single time you start feeling like you are cursed and are in hell - you are being LIED TO. GOD is 10,0000 x 10,000 to the power of infinity more powerful than HELL, and GOD PERMITS YOU, MEGGY to be in His presence if you come to Jesus and acknowledge to Him you are a sinner and ask HIM to become your Lord.

Titus 3:5 not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,

It's according to God's MERCY - NOT according to anything right or wrong you have done:

2 Cor 5:21 For He has made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin, to be (our) sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Jesus was cursed. HE was cursed on your behalf:

2 Pet 2:14 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, being made a curse for us (for it is written, "Cursed is everyone having been hanged on a tree");

REMEMBER when you get those thoughts again that they are A LIE. REMEMBER that because of Jesus, God PERMITS you to be in the presence of God where there is love, and peace, and joy - IN CHRIST.

Get on your knees again and speak to Jesus. All you have to say is, "Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner. THANK YOU for taking ALL my sin from me when ALL my sin was credited to your account in the day you bore ALL of it IN YOUR OWN BODY WHEN YOU DIED ON THE CROSS. THANK you that you died in my place. Jesus I give myself TO YOU. Keep me.

Then every time you get those LIES coming back into your mind LYING to you, REMEMBER that they are LIES and that God PERMITS you to be in his presence in Jesus, and you are PERMITTED by God through believing in Jesus to be with Him in Love, and Peace, and Joy.

Call out to Him: JESUS, JESUS, JESUS every single time those thoughts come into your mind - then pick up your Bible.

Start memorizing the scripture references of ALL the verses that tell you that you are forgiven like all of us NOT because of anything right or wrong you or we have done, but because JESUS is 100% righteous and HE represents YOU before God and HE paid the price for ALL your sins. Memorize those verses in the Bible and read them over and over and over again. Then REMEMBER them every time those feelings of being in hell and those thoughts come back into your mind and REMEMBER that GOD is not lying to you about the fact that your sins were taken away from you and put onto Jesus when He died - but those thoughts you get, and the sense you get of being in hell ARE LIES and are LYING to you.

JESUS is 10,0000 x 10,000 to the power of infinity more powerful than HELL, and He has DELIVERED YOU FROM IT.

God bless you Meggy

Zao is life · May 7, 2020

meggy said:
It was during Christmas time, my heart was burning and I watched this scary video on the scripture Hebrews 10:26 and 6:4-6 and the pastor was yelling at the people who sent in a letter saying they knew the truth and went back to their sin. He rebuked them. And it sounded like there was no hope. Fear drained from me. But my heart was still burning.

I replied to your post already but I just want you to understand something about Hebrews 10:26: It's talking about those who continue to sin willfully and never repent. Elsewhere Hebrews also talks about those who turn away completely from following Jesus and from faith in Him.

ALWAYS balance scripture with scripture:

1 John 1:8-10 "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us."

All you have done in your post is to tell us that you have sinned.

Now look at what else John says to you about this:

1 John 2:1-2 "My little children, I write these things to you so that you do not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. And He is the propitiation concerning our sins, and not concerning ours only, but also concerning the sins of all the world."

John is telling us that we don't have "a license" to continually sin (willfully), but if we slip up through our own human frailty, and we confess our sins to God, then we should remember that Jesus is our representative (advocate) before God - and HE is our righteousness, because He represents us.

In my last post I said to you you should memorize all the places in the Bible (scripture references) that tell you about salvation through YOUR BELIEVING IN JESUS. HE is your Savior - you are just like us and we (you and we) cannot save ourselves. Only Jesus saves us - and He has ALREADY paid the penalty for ALL your sins.

Trust in Jesus, and ask God continuously, on a daily basis, to keep you from falling into temptation when you are tempted. We are all tempted, not only from time to time, but often - and the world we live in is not conducive to encouraging a good life - but the Bible is conducive, and the Spirit of Jesus in you, is condicive.

God bless you Meggy

Cis.jd · May 7, 2020

meggy said:
I want to explain this well but I don’t know if I can for you all to see what it was like. It’s a long read.

I remember I sang this song called satan is your master when I was 14. I didn’t think it was bad or anything. It was catchy.

When I was about 15 or 16 I got obsessed with climate change and grew an excessive fear for the world and everything dying and getting hotter and I remember reading a climate change book I got so scared and I remembered Jesus so I prayed to Him.

First Todd White is a fraud and a scammer.

You are not in hell but you do need to consult a professional.

Longeen · May 7, 2020

meggy said:
I want to explain this well but I don’t know if I can for you all to see what it was like. It’s a long read.

I remember I sang this song called satan is your master when I was 14. I didn’t think it was bad or anything. It was catchy.

When I was about 15 or 16 I got obsessed with climate change and grew an excessive fear for the world and everything dying and getting hotter and I remember reading a climate change book I got so scared and I remembered Jesus so I prayed to Him.

I remember my mom took me to this therapist. Me and my mom both went to this therapist. I would have episodes (what my mom calls them) I would scream and cry and I would get violent at times. The therapist said she didn’t know what it was and she advised me to take me to a psychiatrist. So my mom brought me to the psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with schizophrenia. They put me on meds right away.

Then as I was getting more obsessed with Christianity I would read the Bible starting Genesis and I would watch Todd White videos and I wanted to start praying for people for healing everywhere like he did so I tried it out I would pray for people. Then as I was reading the Bible in Mathew 12 I read about the unforgivable sin and I also watched a video on it and I got so scared thinking I did it and I couldn’t function. I thought I was going to hell. I remember one night I could feel that bad horrendous blasphemous thoughts were coming then boom they were there. Jesus is Lord but instead my thoughts put Satan there. I got so scared my heart was burning and so were my legs. And I had other thoughts that were against the Holy Spirit. It got so bad my mom decided to take me to the ER (I would go to the ER lots of times before with my episodes but was never hospitalized) they decided to have me go to the hospital my parents drove me down state.

I just turned 17. I was at the mental hospital for like 24 or something days. My thoughts got worse and worse anything could trigger it. I couldn’t read the Bible. If I saw the word healing. I’d get a thought that’d say healing is of the devil. I don’t remember all my thoughts but they were the worst thoughts in the world. I remember crying and having panic attacks calling my mom why did God create me to send me to hell. They increased my antipsychotics. I found no relief. The thoughts would always be there. I would pray to God in my journal and it didn’t help none. Then I went home and didn’t go to school for months. Then I was taking 10 pills a day. I hated it so much. My mom and doctor would force me to take them. As time went on the thoughts got less and I stopped being so afraid and got focused on other things like trying to get a boyfriend. I went to hospitals throughout my life and I got put on a court order when I was 18 so they could continue forcing me to take meds. I didn’t think I was mentally ill.

When I was 18 I did sexual things with boys even though I didn’t have sexual feelings because of my meds and I remember thinking of the Holy Spirit during it but felt no conviction or anything.

Then in December of 2018 I went to my friend’s boyfriend’s house with her. And his friends were all there. We decided to go on a ride. My friend’s boyfriend wanted to drive (he didn’t have a license) but I let him drive. As we were driving around his friend was rolling weed up and I took two hits. And I didn’t think anything would happen but they all started laughing I got quiet then boom it hit me. I was thinking of my eternity. And I thought God’s not gonna forgive me after this, then I started to panic. My heart hurt like hell. It was on fire. I felt hell, I was in torment. I started telling them about how I don’t think I’m okay and I said I’m really scared of hell fire right now and the guy just laughed and then I started screaming and raised my body up. They told me you’re fine! You could literally tell they were lying to me. And I looked into their eyes and there was no love in them whatsoever. In my mind I said oh my gosh I’ll never find any love or comfort again. Oh my gosh, my worst fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. Now all they can do is give me drugs and I’ll die and go to hell. Then my friend and the guy switched spots. I tried telling them listen this is serious there’s still hope for you to go to heaven and I tried telling them the gospel but they just laughed and mocked me even my friend. And she was restraining me and I didn’t want her to touch me. I looked at the sky. It was a pretty sky but I knew I was already in torment. It was really bad. my mouth got dry and had a bad taste in it. I thought they couldn’t hear me cuz I was spiritually dead. I don’t know how to explain the feeling. But just know it was worse than fear and death itself. And you knew inside that you are going to suffer horribly forever on and on and you won’t be able to escape. I cried and screamed. Then all I wanted was my mom. I said I want my mom. I want my mom. They drove me back and we called my mom and I thought I was already in hell and that I’ll never see my mom again. My mom answered and I tried talking but she said what? and I thought I’m dead she can’t hear me but my friend took the phone and talked, my mom told her to bring me to the ER so I went and the lady there asked me questions my mom works the hospital so she called my mom to come to the ER and I got so excited to see my mom but I didn’t know if the lady was lying or not saying my mom was coming. I thought God must love me if this is hell. Since I was going to see my mom. Then my mom came and I was crying and said I’m so happy to see her but all she kept asking me is if I talked to my therapist today. Then I realized all I wanted was love. Then all I said was Jesus is so beautiful He’s the truth. And finally a nurse said something true about Jesus and I was so happy to hear the truth. I was trying to tell my mom about hell and Jesus and all that matters is love but she just kept telling me to watch Netflix on her phone. Then they gave me some drugs and the hell faded and I went home.

I moved in with my best friend from freshman year against my parents wishes.I knew the Bible said obey your parents but my friend said it’s okay and it’s time to move out. The first night there she drank so much alcohol she got black out drunk with her boyfriend and her other friend and I was the only one sober. It got so bad and crazy. So many crazy and horrible things happened as I lived there.

I moved out. As time went on I got scared of hell some more and I went to more hospitals and had more satanic thoughts and I never changed. A girl out of the blue said I’m not going to heaven. My niece said I’m not going to heaven. A pastor at a mental hospital was trying to get the Holy Spirit inside of me. He asked if I felt anything like peace or warmth in my heart I said no. He told me I was on the devil’s side before I repented (he had me repent and I cried but I knew it didn’t work) so I emailed a prophet who I messaged in the past first about the unforgivable sin and he said I’m not going to hell that I didn’t do it then I messaged him again after my hell experience and he said hell is for those who don’t believe in Jesus clearly you do. He said more. So I emailed him and he said he’d call me so I thought it was confirmation that God was still in me. Then I did more sexual things with guys. There was this one guy who claimed he was Christian and he told me all these crazy weird stories and he told me he thought God told him I was his wife. I thought maybe God wanted me to be with him even though I didn’t want to but we did things and it’s nasty and I did a lot more sexual things with other guys too then it all led to this.....

smoking weed. Again. (I’m 20 now) In December 2019. With that one friend I lived with. I didn’t think anything would happen. I was at her house and I took two big hits. I didn’t notice a change but then boom it hit me. I knew I was in hell. I thought it’s a cycle. My whole life is a cycle. Her and her friend had no love in their eyes and they were saying are you okay? And they were all over me. You could tell I was with demons now. But you could tell they don’t care and I was in torment. I felt hell again. If you experienced what I experienced you would know without a doubt you were in hell. My hands began to sweat and I started to get gassy and I tried to hold it in. My heart dropped. I asked God did I commit the unforgivable sin? No answer. they brought me to her room and they forced me to lay down they took my phone away they kept telling me to lay down and I thought they were going to have sex with me and I didn’t want that in my mind I thought oh my gosh this is what it’s like to pick sin over Jesus. And without God there is no love, no compassion, no comfort. Just horrible torment and suffering. It’s the worst thing in the world. It’s hell. I looked up to see if I could see heaven. I wanted to call my mentor but they wouldn’t let me have my phone and I said momma? Daddy? I said out loud God is good. He’s good. And I thought I deserve this. My only comfort is that I deserve this. But it didn't help none. My friend asked if I wanted to read the Bible. I said yes and we opened to 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter as I read it said without love you are a clanging cymbal and nothing. And it terrified me cuz I knew I never loved. I didn’t sleep that night. They wouldn’t bring me to my mom’s. They didn’t wanna get in trouble. It went on for months, the pain of hell. The surreal reality. Nothing seemed real. I was so confused. My heart would burn.

I could go on and on more about that I thought I was in hell. I would pray and pray and it wouldn’t help. I know all those verses in Hebrews like 10:26 I watched a video about that verse and this guy who went to “hell” like I did, he gave his life story and when he was talking about his hell experience. (he said he was in a house and there was a bible in there and he saw a picture of his family and he said I love you guys but he had no love and he didn’t cry. And he said you think you can pray your way out of this, you can’t) hell began to manifest again as I was watching it. I couldn’t continue watching it. I had to think to myself I’m not in hell, I’m not in hell, then it went away. But it never truly goes away.

Then I would pace around the hallway and yell and scream out to God to forgive me but I found no relief. He wasn’t there. I had many dreams of being separated from Jesus. One dream was I was with this Christian fellowship group and we were talking about what Jesus was doing in our lives but they all said Jesus is nowhere to be found and they don’t know where He is. I said what? Didn’t anyone have a good day? And they said no. Then I went out and I knew God was not here. This was not a dream but I went with my dad to his garage and I knew I was in hell. He was in the basement trying to drain the flood. He was in the same position for hours and I would run and call my Christian friends but they didn’t help me. I went back inside and prayed but God wasn’t there. My dad was still leaning over with the hose and the water was still up his legs. His friends were there. One said you’re forgiven Megan. But I looked at his face and you could tell that he was completely lying.

It was during Christmas time, my heart was burning and I watched this scary video on the scripture Hebrews 10:26 and 6:4-6 and the pastor was yelling at the people who sent in a letter saying they knew the truth and went back to their sin. He rebuked them. And it sounded like there was no hope. Fear drained from me. But my heart was still burning.

Later I was at my dad’s house. I was trying to go to his room. I didn’t wanna be left alone. I haven’t slept in days I couldn’t sleep and I was scared if I fell asleep I’d end up in hell. And he yelled angrily at me and pushed me to get out as I pushed the door with as much force as possible I said please daddy please and he said NO get out. It was like an image of me trying to get to the Father in heaven without wedding clothes and the Father shut the door on me.

I remember me and my mom were watching Gilmore Girls during the time I was feeling hell in my heart and surroundings strongly and a song came on on the show and it said “I’m sorry to say you’re in hell. It’s not gonna get better. It’s not gonna get worse, you're in hell.” And I felt like it was true.

As I would lay on my mom’s bed I thought hours passed by but it was only two minutes that went by. This is what eternity is like it goes on forever. I remember laying next to my mom and I was reading what she had on her kindle. It was a bunch of horrible and bad things. And when she looked at the news. The news was so weird. It was so dark. The sky in a city.

I had a girl who was a strong Christian who was helping me. She lived in the UK but she soon gave up because nothing improved and she said she can’t help anymore and I need to see professional help.

I just had a dream last night. I was in a classroom and everything was saying this thing where they said they found Jesus and were saved from hell and I told them how all I experienced was hell and I started to get upset but I didn’t cry and they looked at me and I knew I was in hell they said are you okay Are you okay. They weren’t really humans, they didn’t have compassion. And the look in their eyes. I was in hell, it was torment going on forever. Then I was in my dad’s kitchen and I don’t remember but all I heard was very angry footsteps and and my dad walked in face very red and so angry. Nothing was clear. I don’t remember well. I can’t explain it well. I can’t describe it right. You probably won’t understand that all this was indeed hell and what it was like. I’m not good at explaining but just know it was hell. It repeats and it goes on forever. There’s no love or compassion. I pray and it doesn’t help. I don’t know what’s real. I don’t know if this is hell. My parents never showed me the real Jesus. I don’t see any fruit in their lives. And nothing is improving and I can sense Jesus is not here with me. I get so confused. I don’t know what’s real. I think this is hell and it’s gonna go on forever. But I might go to the hell where there’s actual unquenchable fire, no water, demons ripping open your flesh, demons torturing you, no rest, maggots and worms never did out, suffocating, screaming, horrible smells. This might be hell and it might be a cycle or I committed the unforgivable sin and so it’s like I’m living in hell already and I’ll go to the actual place someday. I don’t really have fear anymore or anything and all I do is eat food and when I pray I get confused and nothing works. What is this life? Where’s Jesus? Where’s God? Is He good?

Go to visit Israel. Yoshua Hamassiah will heal your heart.

1watchman · May 7, 2020

meggy said:
Okay thank you, but I do try and pray but it doesn’t help and I try to worship to but I don’t sense God’s presence. And I do like the scriptures but a lot of it has stuff in there that says I can’t be forgiven. I hope that verse still applies to me or if it’s too late. That’s why idk if I’m in hell. And I don’t really know what’s real.

Hello Meggy. I can certainly appreciate what you are going through, and it may be a psychosis as the doctors have been saying, but God is greater than any disease. You spoke of praying and trying to worship and then don't sense God's presence. That may be the confusion in your mind; and know too that Satan is the enemy of our soul, and he may be tormenting you. Worship and praying by themselves is NOT the salvation and new life of God, and we all need a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, not just believing about God, for the Bible says that even Devils believe in God ---and there won't be any Devils in Heaven. God says: "he that has the Son (of God) has eternal life, and he that has not the Son has NOT that life" (see John 14 and note especially verse 6, and all such verses in the Gospel by John). The Word of God is the best remedy for our sick soul. Keep looking up, friend, and I will be praying for you.
- 1watchman

Marumorose · May 9, 2020

meggy said:
I want to explain this well but I don’t know if I can for you all to see what it was like. It’s a long read.

I remember I sang this song called satan is your master when I was 14. I didn’t think it was bad or anything. It was catchy.

When I was about 15 or 16 I got obsessed with climate change and grew an excessive fear for the world and everything dying and getting hotter and I remember reading a climate change book I got so scared and I remembered Jesus so I prayed to Him.

I remember my mom took me to this therapist. Me and my mom both went to this therapist. I would have episodes (what my mom calls them) I would scream and cry and I would get violent at times. The therapist said she didn’t know what it was and she advised me to take me to a psychiatrist. So my mom brought me to the psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with schizophrenia. They put me on meds right away.

Then as I was getting more obsessed with Christianity I would read the Bible starting Genesis and I would watch Todd White videos and I wanted to start praying for people for healing everywhere like he did so I tried it out I would pray for people. Then as I was reading the Bible in Mathew 12 I read about the unforgivable sin and I also watched a video on it and I got so scared thinking I did it and I couldn’t function. I thought I was going to hell. I remember one night I could feel that bad horrendous blasphemous thoughts were coming then boom they were there. Jesus is Lord but instead my thoughts put Satan there. I got so scared my heart was burning and so were my legs. And I had other thoughts that were against the Holy Spirit. It got so bad my mom decided to take me to the ER (I would go to the ER lots of times before with my episodes but was never hospitalized) they decided to have me go to the hospital my parents drove me down state.

I just turned 17. I was at the mental hospital for like 24 or something days. My thoughts got worse and worse anything could trigger it. I couldn’t read the Bible. If I saw the word healing. I’d get a thought that’d say healing is of the devil. I don’t remember all my thoughts but they were the worst thoughts in the world. I remember crying and having panic attacks calling my mom why did God create me to send me to hell. They increased my antipsychotics. I found no relief. The thoughts would always be there. I would pray to God in my journal and it didn’t help none. Then I went home and didn’t go to school for months. Then I was taking 10 pills a day. I hated it so much. My mom and doctor would force me to take them. As time went on the thoughts got less and I stopped being so afraid and got focused on other things like trying to get a boyfriend. I went to hospitals throughout my life and I got put on a court order when I was 18 so they could continue forcing me to take meds. I didn’t think I was mentally ill.

When I was 18 I did sexual things with boys even though I didn’t have sexual feelings because of my meds and I remember thinking of the Holy Spirit during it but felt no conviction or anything.

Then in December of 2018 I went to my friend’s boyfriend’s house with her. And his friends were all there. We decided to go on a ride. My friend’s boyfriend wanted to drive (he didn’t have a license) but I let him drive. As we were driving around his friend was rolling weed up and I took two hits. And I didn’t think anything would happen but they all started laughing I got quiet then boom it hit me. I was thinking of my eternity. And I thought God’s not gonna forgive me after this, then I started to panic. My heart hurt like hell. It was on fire. I felt hell, I was in torment. I started telling them about how I don’t think I’m okay and I said I’m really scared of hell fire right now and the guy just laughed and then I started screaming and raised my body up. They told me you’re fine! You could literally tell they were lying to me. And I looked into their eyes and there was no love in them whatsoever. In my mind I said oh my gosh I’ll never find any love or comfort again. Oh my gosh, my worst fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. Now all they can do is give me drugs and I’ll die and go to hell. Then my friend and the guy switched spots. I tried telling them listen this is serious there’s still hope for you to go to heaven and I tried telling them the gospel but they just laughed and mocked me even my friend. And she was restraining me and I didn’t want her to touch me. I looked at the sky. It was a pretty sky but I knew I was already in torment. It was really bad. my mouth got dry and had a bad taste in it. I thought they couldn’t hear me cuz I was spiritually dead. I don’t know how to explain the feeling. But just know it was worse than fear and death itself. And you knew inside that you are going to suffer horribly forever on and on and you won’t be able to escape. I cried and screamed. Then all I wanted was my mom. I said I want my mom. I want my mom. They drove me back and we called my mom and I thought I was already in hell and that I’ll never see my mom again. My mom answered and I tried talking but she said what? and I thought I’m dead she can’t hear me but my friend took the phone and talked, my mom told her to bring me to the ER so I went and the lady there asked me questions my mom works the hospital so she called my mom to come to the ER and I got so excited to see my mom but I didn’t know if the lady was lying or not saying my mom was coming. I thought God must love me if this is hell. Since I was going to see my mom. Then my mom came and I was crying and said I’m so happy to see her but all she kept asking me is if I talked to my therapist today. Then I realized all I wanted was love. Then all I said was Jesus is so beautiful He’s the truth. And finally a nurse said something true about Jesus and I was so happy to hear the truth. I was trying to tell my mom about hell and Jesus and all that matters is love but she just kept telling me to watch Netflix on her phone. Then they gave me some drugs and the hell faded and I went home.

I moved in with my best friend from freshman year against my parents wishes.I knew the Bible said obey your parents but my friend said it’s okay and it’s time to move out. The first night there she drank so much alcohol she got black out drunk with her boyfriend and her other friend and I was the only one sober. It got so bad and crazy. So many crazy and horrible things happened as I lived there.

I moved out. As time went on I got scared of hell some more and I went to more hospitals and had more satanic thoughts and I never changed. A girl out of the blue said I’m not going to heaven. My niece said I’m not going to heaven. A pastor at a mental hospital was trying to get the Holy Spirit inside of me. He asked if I felt anything like peace or warmth in my heart I said no. He told me I was on the devil’s side before I repented (he had me repent and I cried but I knew it didn’t work) so I emailed a prophet who I messaged in the past first about the unforgivable sin and he said I’m not going to hell that I didn’t do it then I messaged him again after my hell experience and he said hell is for those who don’t believe in Jesus clearly you do. He said more. So I emailed him and he said he’d call me so I thought it was confirmation that God was still in me. Then I did more sexual things with guys. There was this one guy who claimed he was Christian and he told me all these crazy weird stories and he told me he thought God told him I was his wife. I thought maybe God wanted me to be with him even though I didn’t want to but we did things and it’s nasty and I did a lot more sexual things with other guys too then it all led to this.....

smoking weed. Again. (I’m 20 now) In December 2019. With that one friend I lived with. I didn’t think anything would happen. I was at her house and I took two big hits. I didn’t notice a change but then boom it hit me. I knew I was in hell. I thought it’s a cycle. My whole life is a cycle. Her and her friend had no love in their eyes and they were saying are you okay? And they were all over me. You could tell I was with demons now. But you could tell they don’t care and I was in torment. I felt hell again. If you experienced what I experienced you would know without a doubt you were in hell. My hands began to sweat and I started to get gassy and I tried to hold it in. My heart dropped. I asked God did I commit the unforgivable sin? No answer. they brought me to her room and they forced me to lay down they took my phone away they kept telling me to lay down and I thought they were going to have sex with me and I didn’t want that in my mind I thought oh my gosh this is what it’s like to pick sin over Jesus. And without God there is no love, no compassion, no comfort. Just horrible torment and suffering. It’s the worst thing in the world. It’s hell. I looked up to see if I could see heaven. I wanted to call my mentor but they wouldn’t let me have my phone and I said momma? Daddy? I said out loud God is good. He’s good. And I thought I deserve this. My only comfort is that I deserve this. But it didn't help none. My friend asked if I wanted to read the Bible. I said yes and we opened to 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter as I read it said without love you are a clanging cymbal and nothing. And it terrified me cuz I knew I never loved. I didn’t sleep that night. They wouldn’t bring me to my mom’s. They didn’t wanna get in trouble. It went on for months, the pain of hell. The surreal reality. Nothing seemed real. I was so confused. My heart would burn.

I could go on and on more about that I thought I was in hell. I would pray and pray and it wouldn’t help. I know all those verses in Hebrews like 10:26 I watched a video about that verse and this guy who went to “hell” like I did, he gave his life story and when he was talking about his hell experience. (he said he was in a house and there was a bible in there and he saw a picture of his family and he said I love you guys but he had no love and he didn’t cry. And he said you think you can pray your way out of this, you can’t) hell began to manifest again as I was watching it. I couldn’t continue watching it. I had to think to myself I’m not in hell, I’m not in hell, then it went away. But it never truly goes away.

Then I would pace around the hallway and yell and scream out to God to forgive me but I found no relief. He wasn’t there. I had many dreams of being separated from Jesus. One dream was I was with this Christian fellowship group and we were talking about what Jesus was doing in our lives but they all said Jesus is nowhere to be found and they don’t know where He is. I said what? Didn’t anyone have a good day? And they said no. Then I went out and I knew God was not here. This was not a dream but I went with my dad to his garage and I knew I was in hell. He was in the basement trying to drain the flood. He was in the same position for hours and I would run and call my Christian friends but they didn’t help me. I went back inside and prayed but God wasn’t there. My dad was still leaning over with the hose and the water was still up his legs. His friends were there. One said you’re forgiven Megan. But I looked at his face and you could tell that he was completely lying.

It was during Christmas time, my heart was burning and I watched this scary video on the scripture Hebrews 10:26 and 6:4-6 and the pastor was yelling at the people who sent in a letter saying they knew the truth and went back to their sin. He rebuked them. And it sounded like there was no hope. Fear drained from me. But my heart was still burning.

Later I was at my dad’s house. I was trying to go to his room. I didn’t wanna be left alone. I haven’t slept in days I couldn’t sleep and I was scared if I fell asleep I’d end up in hell. And he yelled angrily at me and pushed me to get out as I pushed the door with as much force as possible I said please daddy please and he said NO get out. It was like an image of me trying to get to the Father in heaven without wedding clothes and the Father shut the door on me.

I remember me and my mom were watching Gilmore Girls during the time I was feeling hell in my heart and surroundings strongly and a song came on on the show and it said “I’m sorry to say you’re in hell. It’s not gonna get better. It’s not gonna get worse, you're in hell.” And I felt like it was true.

As I would lay on my mom’s bed I thought hours passed by but it was only two minutes that went by. This is what eternity is like it goes on forever. I remember laying next to my mom and I was reading what she had on her kindle. It was a bunch of horrible and bad things. And when she looked at the news. The news was so weird. It was so dark. The sky in a city.

I had a girl who was a strong Christian who was helping me. She lived in the UK but she soon gave up because nothing improved and she said she can’t help anymore and I need to see professional help.

I just had a dream last night. I was in a classroom and everything was saying this thing where they said they found Jesus and were saved from hell and I told them how all I experienced was hell and I started to get upset but I didn’t cry and they looked at me and I knew I was in hell they said are you okay Are you okay. They weren’t really humans, they didn’t have compassion. And the look in their eyes. I was in hell, it was torment going on forever. Then I was in my dad’s kitchen and I don’t remember but all I heard was very angry footsteps and and my dad walked in face very red and so angry. Nothing was clear. I don’t remember well. I can’t explain it well. I can’t describe it right. You probably won’t understand that all this was indeed hell and what it was like. I’m not good at explaining but just know it was hell. It repeats and it goes on forever. There’s no love or compassion. I pray and it doesn’t help. I don’t know what’s real. I don’t know if this is hell. My parents never showed me the real Jesus. I don’t see any fruit in their lives. And nothing is improving and I can sense Jesus is not here with me. I get so confused. I don’t know what’s real. I think this is hell and it’s gonna go on forever. But I might go to the hell where there’s actual unquenchable fire, no water, demons ripping open your flesh, demons torturing you, no rest, maggots and worms never did out, suffocating, screaming, horrible smells. This might be hell and it might be a cycle or I committed the unforgivable sin and so it’s like I’m living in hell already and I’ll go to the actual place someday. I don’t really have fear anymore or anything and all I do is eat food and when I pray I get confused and nothing works. What is this life? Where’s Jesus? Where’s God? Is He good?

Proverbs 18:21 says "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Songs and lyrics can invite evil spirits in your life. Please pray this prayer
JESUS, I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE SON OF GOD
JESUS, I KNOW THAT YOU DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME
I KNOW THAT YOU CAME TO DESTROY THE WORKS OF THE DEVIL
LORD JESUS I COME TO YOU AND
ASK YOU TO COME INTO MY HEART
AND SET ME FREE FROM SATANIC BONDAGE
FORGIVE ME LORD FOR ALL MY SINS
AND I FORGIVE EVERYONE WHO HAS WRONGED ME
I ASK FOR FREEDOM AND TAKE YOU AS MY LORD AND SAVIOUR AND FILL ME WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT
AT THIS MOMENT I RENOUNCE EVERYTHING
THANK YOU GOD FOR HEARING MY PRAYER
AMEN

May God Bless You

meggy · May 9, 2020

AnthonyLim said:
About the unforgivable sin:

The language and grammar of that part means "continually blaspheme the Holy Spirit". When you read it in modern versions it is translated to present tense. But you should understand that in the original greek language, which is what the new testament was written in, present tense verbs in greek can mean continually doing that action, and is what Jesus meant by blaspheme. Blasphemy in those parts then means continual blasphemy.

If you repent now, that means you didn't commit the unforgivable sin, because when you repent, you do not continually blaspheme.

The Holy Spirit showed me this and has confirmed this word to me through miracles, and the God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit has told me that you, Meggy, will never, and you have never committed the unforgivable sin.

He has also told me that I will see you in heaven and that God will not let you go to hell.

I hear the Holy Spirit audibly like a person speaking to me, much like how he spoke to Moses.

The Holy Spirit says you are going to heaven and that you will never and have never committed the unforgivable sin, because God wont let you commit the unforgivable sin.

I know the audible voice I hear is the Holy Spirit because he confirms with the Word of God, and has let me experience, do, and see miracles of the Holy Spirit.

I used to be blind and mute for a season, but God healed me supernaturally.

The Holy Spirit also tells me prophetic things about people that come true or is already true, supernaturally ; much like how he told me you have never and WILL NEVER commit the unforgivable sin.

I have ministered shared healing using Jesus' name and people were healed of acute and chronic pain, pre-liver failure, psoriasis, cancer, and other diseases.

I tell you these things to help you understand, I hear God and it is confirmed true, and he tells me you will be okay and are okay.

Just do your best to repent from illegal drugs, sexual immorality, and God will forgive you immediately.

If you would like to hear God regularly I am doing this class about hearing God. It also has a guarantee that in 3 months time you will hear God regularly or I will buy you a new bible of your choice for your effort and troubles. So you have nothing to lose, you either hear God or win a new bible of your favorite choice.

May the Peace and grace of the Father be with you.

Hi, thank you. That’d be pretty cool if it’s true. what is the class?

Annner · May 9, 2020

Meggy,

I have been SO SO blessed by this scripture in times of great need where the HOLY SPIRIT manifest and came in POWER. I would repeat it with all my heart over and over. One time, after speaking it aloud the third time, it was no longer just words coming out of my mouth, but the Word of God actually turned into the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, the Words I speak to you are SPIRIT and THEY ARE LIFE. This is the scripture;

2 Timothy 1.7 I have NOT given you a spirit of fear, but I have GIVEN YOU A SPIRIT OF POWER....OF LOVE.....AND A SOUND MIND. It says.....

I HAVE GIVEN YOU A SPIRIT OF POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I HAVE GIVEN YOU A SPIRIT OF LOVE
I HAVE GIVEN YOU A SPIRIT OF A SOUNDDDDDDD MIND!

PAST TENSE,,,,,,,I HAVE GIVEN YOU..,,,,..!!! If you have repented of your sins and believed on Jesus Christ to save you and asked God to FILL you with His Holy Spirit......You HAVE what he says he has given you! BELIEVE IT!

Before, I had felt So hopeless, as I kept praying and praying and whining for God to help me and I wasn’t getting any answers. You see I kept begging Him to do something, NOT REALIZING HE ALREADY DID IT. He gave me everything I needed when he died on the cross and rose again in power. i think my biggest problem was not understanding what he had ALREADY done for me. So I kept begging him for it and wondering WHY I wasn’t getting it!
If you’re a Christian, the moment you believe the gospel, the book of Ephesians says YOU ARE SEATED IN HEAVENLY PLACES IN CHRIST. He forgave us and seated us UP IN HEAVEN, not in hell. You can even repeat,,,,I am seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus! I even taped the scripture on my nightstand, and on bathrooms mirrors and when I need his power, I praise Him that he HAS given it to me, when he gave me the Holy Spirit!

I began to stand firm and say that verse with all my heart, and that’s when he has shown up in real power for me. I would say aloud......

GOD HAS GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Over and over
GOD HAS GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
GOD HAS GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

And guess what happened? The POWER OF GOD came to rescue me, the HOLY SPIRIT showed up in power. I’ve never experienced anything like that. I just loveeee it!
The God of Israel who SPLIT the Red Sea wants to do BIG and MIGHTY things for us.
It’s who He is!

meggy · May 9, 2020

a-lily-in-the-valley said:
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

(1 Peter 5:8-11, NKJV)

He already devoured me pretty much.

Annner · May 9, 2020

meggy said:
He already devoured me pretty much.

Nope he didn’t. Remember Jesus words....Behold, I give you POWER OVER ALL the power of the enemy.

I think I’m in hell. Please help me get to the bottom of this.

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