I'm so sorry, I know those crossroads are hard, especially when we feel completely alone in them. Praying for wisdom for you in your decisions and for peace and even joy in this hard time! Reaching out is good, so I'm glad you got on here. Reach out to others you know, thru phone and seek advice from trusted loved ones or counsel. Many churches offer it free, and are a great resource for you! Also, support groups in person when we can start that up again will be good. Many blessing for you in this new walk of life, I pray! Also, keep taking care of yourself, take your vitamins, esp. magnesium since it calms the mind body and spirit and ginseng is great to get rid of loopy sticky negative thoughts. Walks in the sun are very helpful too. Another way to find fulfillment is in volunteering, it helps you as you help others. <3